Thackery Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Been dating this chick for a couple of years now. We are both late 30s and things have been going great up until the last few weeks. Affection has dropped off (hand holding, etc), less compliments and basically less communication. Before she was very affectionate. The funny thing is, she is still inviting me to family events with her and her kids and continues to have fun with me. Even planning things in advance (ie. vacations next year, etc.). Unfortunately, I can't deal with the way the relationship is in its current state. So. . .I am going to bring it up tonight...my question is: what is the best way to address these issues without "attacking". I definitely don't want to come across in this manner, but want her to understand that this is a very important aspect to the relationship for me. I have accepted the fact that whatever happens I can deal with...but, I would very much like to get things worked out. I know that there is not another person involved, and am thinking that she may be concerned about me wanting to get married. . .which I have explained to her that I am not ready to do. . .nor is she. Any advice from the females out there, that can give me insight on how they would want to be approached with this, would be fantastic. Thanks in advance!
freestyle Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I think there is a possibilty that it IS the marriage issue. Given your ages, and the fact that you guys have already been together for a few years, she may be asking herself, "where is this going?" "Does he still not know if I'm 'the one'........" "Should I continue to invest my heart in someone who might not be in it for the long haul?" Could very well be that this is what's running through her mind, and she's pulling back a little bit to reevaluate things. It's a normal and understandable thing to do, after a couple years of dating. She may be wondering if the two of you are just spinning your wheels. Of course, I'm only speculating here, but you are getting a mature woman's point of view. The only way to be certain is...................to ask her.
quankanne Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I think you should start by asking if everything is okay with her, that she seems a bit 'off' lately. that's my advice, too! while it *might* be the marriage thing, it could also very well be something you said that was interpreted as mean or hateful or rude, and her cooling of affection is a result. I know this is often what is the cause in strained relations in my marriage ... and when we get to talking about it, we realize it's all a big misunderstanding. the best thing you can do is to keep an open line of communication so that your relationship runs smoothly. Sometimes that means telling your honey, "I love you, but you're being a jerk/pain in the butt/pendejo right now and I'm trying not to let that get to me," then explaining why you feel this way.
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