costablanca Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All i can think is that i must have got over my ex while we were together. To recap im in the uk after 12 years in spain, 10 days after my better half told me it was over (not the first time). Usual no spark thing. Going on my feelings last time we split i was expecting the worst. No contact for 10 days, except a text to say im flying over tomorrow to collect the last of my stuff. I am dreaming about my ex every night, i don’t remember if that happened the last time we had a major breakdown.....four years is a long time ago. In the dreams, sometimes we are happy, sometimes we are not. Sometimes my ex is forgiving me for something i have done wrong, or what my ex thinks i have done wrong and we get back together. i wake up with that warm calm feeling......But within the first few moments of reality , i feel down. Sometimes i can shake it off after a few cups of tea, and have an ok day. sometimes it takes longer. Believe it or not, this is the only thing about the breakup that im having trouble with really, although i do carry a slight emptiness in my chest constantly. I haven’t shed a tear yet. Even tried to force it, purposely listening to our songs and... nothing. Last time i cried rivers. The last time we split i thought about my ex all the time, this time im still thinking, but it doesn’t hurt like before and its easier to get distracted. Before just the sight of a car like my ex had or seeing the costa blanca on tv would be enough to make me feel dreadful for the rest of the day. Now even if i notice, i just feel the emptiness a little stronger which lasts minutes and then it passes. Im not drinking like i did when we were together, or even worse...getting totally drunk every night like i did the last time we parted. Im still having a drink on an evening but not to blot everything out, but because im enjoying it. I miss my ex a lot. I feel lonely, but thats normal after 12 years of sharing life with someone. Ive got a feeling i miss my ex phisically more than anything, i miss the cuddles, holding hands, body contact, the goodnight kisses, spooning up and so on. Just having someone there....human touch basically. i still associate all those things with my ex. Last time it was emotional too and that was very hard to deal with. This time round im eating a little, still not cooking....takeaways. listening to my friends problems, not just talking about myself. The tv is not just a noise in the background, im listening. Showering and cleaning my teeth, doing my laundry. Im even laughing on occasion. i have deleted my ex from everywhere online. Last time i spent every day and night checking checking checking following following following for eight months until we got back together. I did have one look on face book when i first got back noticing that my ex had started to add new and attractive faces. that urged me to delete everything straight way. Sometimes i check my spanish sim to see if there is a message or a missed call, there never is. Sometimes i feel a flutter of sadness, most times i think...oh well. Most days i think if i had more things to concentrate on, more friends, more to do, i would be even better. Im working on that. Last time i didnt even wash my bedding for months. if the weather was better i would feel more alive. It can get pretty dull here, but its not as dull as the last time we broke up. Ive even been asked out on a date and although i didn’t get that nervous excited feeling, i actually found myself saying yes. Why not, what have i got to lose.
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 You may just be de-sensitized to the feeling of loss for him, in terms of the breakup blues. I don't think this is a bad thing or a good thing, it just is. After all, when you've gone through it more than once, especially with the same person, you can't help but be 'over it' quicker. At the same time, are you sure you're taking it seriously? Maybe in the back of your mind you assume it's going to work it'self out again? It's also possible that your genuinely over it all. Maybe you're just sick of everything and want out for good? (this would be my guess ) There's lots of possibilities, you can explore them or let them go. Only time will tell. Enjoy singledom for a while!
aloneinseattle Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Your situation sounds much like mine, I dreamt about my ex as well and miss the same things you do. But no need to rush into anything yet until your mind is clear just relax live life watch funny movies and spend time with people who care about you. And soon hopefully you will be over her/him. My ex and I were together for 4 years she broke up with me once and I wanted her back, this time I have not called or even attempted to contact her. I am sad but not as sad as the first time so, just give it time.
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