littlewhiterose Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Three years ago, I hung out with this guy. We talked on the phone for about two weeks then hung out a total of two ‘dates’ - two days in a row (Nothing sexual at all.) He was not really my type to begin with but I figured, why not give it a shot. It didn’t go well. By the second date he told me he loved me, he was $xx,xxx in debt because of an ex and would never work a day job. He was trying to start up a self-employed computer gig. No biggie on the day job thing, some people like the graveyard shift, but if you’re that deeply in debt, you probably need some sort of (strong) course of action til you sort yourself out, no? Maybe it was just me but something just didn’t seem right. It was all just too much so I told him I was flattered by his feelings but was most definitely NOT feeling the same way. I didn’t want him to think that there would be a chance in the future because honestly I didn’t see one. I said we could be friends only and have responded only when he initiates contact hoping he'd get the picture. A couple of months ago he sent me an email letting me know he was on facebook. I didn’t even respond to that. I hadn’t had a facebook page until literally just the other day and today, I see he has just added me as a friend. I haven't added any friends in common, we don't have any. So that means he was actively looking for me. OMG, WTF? Why is he not getting it?
New Again Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I think he's not getting it because you said that you two could be friends. Even though you're only responding when he initiates contact, you're still responding. I used to do that too, but it never worked out - I don't really understand why, since I'm not a guy, but not only do they not "get the hint," for some reason saying that you can be friends to them means, "I have a shot!" (Either that, or he really is trying to be your friend, who knows.) This has contributed to my belief that men and woman cannot "just" be friends in like 96% of cases, but that's a different discussion. So, what would I do? What I do now, which is: either start ignoring this guy (and I mean IGNORE! Don't respond to his messages/calls ever in any way, ignore his emails and fb friend request...), OR just send him a message letting him you would like him to stop contacting you. Then, for future reference, I would never suggest being friends with a guy (that you've dated), unless you're looking for him to a) actually try to be your friend or b) keep trying to date/get with you. If you're not interested, just end it for good (by telling him, not by hinting or ignoring him). Good luck with this! And as a side note, I'm curious, do you or don't you want to be friends with this guy? It doesn't seem like he's being anything but friendly?
Author littlewhiterose Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 Yeah I still have not responded to his request. I think it's my fault because I threw the line of "let's be friends". I get a little nervous when it comes to turning people down. I have had two guys who (when I was direct and said "no-see ya") became borderline stalkers and that freaked me out tremendously. As a result, I try to be really cautious but I guess sometimes that comes out as indifference. I definitely don't want to be friends with this guy though.
Odyssey Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 ...I said we could be friends... Why is he not getting it? You've made a mistake and gave him hope You can be polite, but clearer!
Author littlewhiterose Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 haha, UM, clearly I now see the massive error in that but THREE YEARS AGO?! Can someone hold out hope for a change for that long?!!
Odyssey Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 No, i didn't mean he was hanging on in hope for 3 years. lol. But it sounds like he wants to re-connect again. But if you're not interested, then just ignore him. No big deal, right?
boogieboy Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 This is SO EASY. Its on the net. This is what you do.... send him a message... "Im not interested in talking to you, please do not request me again". Thats it. You cant throw hints at guys, guys to speak Hint. You have to be straight yup. He cant stalk you physically on the net.
Author littlewhiterose Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 No, i didn't mean he was hanging on in hope for 3 years. lol. LOL oh, ok. Good...but you know, sometimes people can be strange. You never know. And if my experiences have anything to do with it... LOL This is SO EASY. Its on the net. This is what you do.... send him a message... "Im not interested in talking to you, please do not request me again". Thats it. You cant throw hints at guys, guys to speak Hint. You have to be straight yup. He cant stalk you physically on the net. Good point. Ok, welp!?! Time to grow some...ahem,*cough* balls *cough*.
You'reasian Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 haha, UM, clearly I now see the massive error in that but THREE YEARS AGO?! Can someone hold out hope for a change for that long?!! Tell him to piss off if you're not interested.
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