firehawk_1 Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 in my life I have never had a relationship really.... a very short one but she cheated and that was the end of that. I am not an attractive person physically, but are deep, successful, genuine, kind, caring, warm, passionate and affectionate and have had so much love to give even though alot of people dont give me a chance or be judgemental. I met the woman of my dreams. Older, supposidly mature, a MILF some would say. We got on so well, SO WELL, and even wanted to get married and maybe have a child of our own (she has 2 of her own from her ex husband) we both felt the same way, being lost, cold, alone, lonely, hurt etc.... and we helped each other, become very close and intimate. it was hard for me to open up, and to be intimate but she always supported me, always told me she loved me, I believed in her and supported her through difficult times. everytime we look at each other, we would smile and see the twinkle etc.... never felt this way about anyone, but only in my dreams which came to reality. Then... big breakup, traumatic and dramatic. she put me in ALOT of trouble with the law for no reason. I have that to deal with as well as the break up and all I Can keep seeing and saying is "why?" she must be with someone else already, all our unconditional and pure love to be thrown in the gutter and having it on with someone...so sick. she has been cheated on before in the past a few times but believed I am never the type (nor do I do that) in addition to talking about how I feel about things/people in general, whats wrong and right in this world and that also brought us even more closer. Now.... every day, night and weekend for the past month since this has happened, all I can think about is her being with someone else and just... forgetting me. I could NEVER EVER imagine her doing what she did to me, and she even said she isnt the type to do this at all and for some reason, I believed in that. I dont know what to do. Sure, I would love to be with her again but cannot. Further more, I cannot even get a date with anyone who wants a relationship. No one is as beautiful as her, even attractive as her. I get one chance and proved ALOT in that and I know that I have been good and right all along, as I always asked and she reassured that everything is well and I always said if she isnt happy about anything, to talk with me to which she always said that she is happy and has never felt so in love ever in her life and that I am her soulmate now.... cold, alone, in alot of trouble - I cannot eat or sleep. I want her but cannot. I would like someone else too but that isnt possible either, she was open minded and mature, sensible - or so I thought. I am scared about what is going to happen to me. such a cruel thing. cruel thing to do.
Maoky Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 You loved her, but do NOT place her up on a pedestal. Yes she is gone, and yes it hurts, and you need to realise she might not be the person you imagined her to be. Keep your head up, and work on yourself instead of focusing on her
Author firehawk_1 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 thanks. I know what you mean. thing is I am always a positive person, a different view of life etc... which is another reason why she fell for me and that is genuine love. just wish she would contact me in some way but I know that isnt going to happen, especially since its been over a month. her friends just feeding her junk which she falls for easily and cant see it. I dont know how to get on, or how to at least get another woman. its so difficult these days, but with her was simple as we both agreed on this and know what it all meant.
Maoky Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Don't worry about getting another woman for now:) If you haven't cut off all contact with her, then do so. And I mean blocking her number, blocking her msn, etc. I was struggling with NC for about a month, and broke it once or twice, until I decided to completely cut off any hope that when my phone vibrated, it would be her. Blocking her number and knowing that she's definitely not going to be able to contact you helps you move on faster just a suggestion that worked for me.
Author firehawk_1 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 that was done immediately... especially since I have a bail condition not to contact her directly/indirectly. I am not stupid at all.... but very drastic measures for what she had done for no reason but her own guilt which caused everything to be blown way out of propertion. I would like another woman..... but i know it isnt possible. I just have 2 things to deal with. this breakup (she must be happy with another person now after everything I had done for her and us and what we said to each other, the feelings etc....which were totally genuine)....but also a court case coming up
Author firehawk_1 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 well its friday night, weekend is here. gee i wonder what she is up to. probably partying/celebrating and getting with other men even though she always said she is committed/devoted to me and that there wont be anyone else and that she isnt "like that". yeh, hard to believe after what she did to me. i know i know. just need to vent every now and again but i am still very scared about the way things are heading right now. further more, im alone!
gavinus Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 You are not alone!!! there are people on this forum from all over the planet feeling the pain, continue to post, sometimes strangers care more than the people who hurt us
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