SoulSearch_CO Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 I would like to be educated on how one "barely" has sex with somebody, please. Thanks.
xoxo Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 I know it can be hard for you, for what it constitutes - lying. But look at the other side, may be she told you that so you don't feel bad, so that you don't feel that you are not up to the par? Have you considered that?
dreamergrl Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 I would like to be educated on how one "barely" has sex with somebody, please. Thanks. I'd like to be educated on why someone should feel ashamed of having sex with one person.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I'd like to be educated on why someone should feel ashamed of having sex with one person. Because her virginity should have been HIS, dammit. LOL "All your virginity are belong to us." Sounds so primitive...oh, wait - it is.
dreamergrl Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Because her virginity should have been HIS, dammit. LOL "All your virginity are belong to us." Sounds so primitive...oh, wait - it is. I've heard of taking someone's virginity, but never owning it Maybe her virginity can be resold to the next user? In all seriousness though.. I've never had a guy be all worried that he wasn't the one who took my virginity. I've never told someone they took it when they didn't. Not saying I think the gf is lying, because I do think there's a good chance the friend made some drunk crap up.... Although I just remembered the second guy I was with sexually. He asked if I was a virgin. I said no, I had lost my virginity already. I've had one partner. He told me he was a virgin. And then he goes "I'm sorry". I asked for what.. he came back with... "I'm sorry that you are not a virgin." Ummm okay
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I've heard of taking someone's virginity, but never owning it Maybe her virginity can be resold to the next user? Probably not - now that it's been taken twice. "I'm sorry that you are not a virgin." Ummm okay OMG. This made me and then laugh really hard. WTF?
dreamergrl Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Probably not - now that it's been taken twice. Resale people... resale. OMG. This made me and then laugh really hard. WTF? I know, at first I was thought maybe he was saying sorry because he thought he wouldn't be good (we never ended up having sex though). Then he said that... and I was like "Well I'm not sorry." Grant it, it wasn't fun. More like funny, as he couldn't keep the condom on, it was too big for him, and it was just all funny and awkward, it was still my experience, and I refused to feel bad because he wanted a virgin. Next.
lkjh Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Well, of you overlook this now just get use to the lies.
boundaryproblem Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 It is none of your business whether she was a virgin or not. People always assume that girls "volunteered" for their first sexual experience. People think that just because they are dating they are entitled to know their partner's sexual past, and then the person is judged on it. Judge her based on the person she is today. Who knows what really happened in the past. And if she doesn't want to talk about what really happened, I can easily see the most reasonable and honest person lying - to just keep a lid on the situation. Leave it alone. Have some compassion and sensitivity.
lkjh Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 It is none of your business whether she was a virgin or not. People always assume that girls "volunteered" for their first sexual experience. People think that just because they are dating they are entitled to know their partner's sexual past, and then the person is judged on it. Judge her based on the person she is today. Who knows what really happened in the past. And if she doesn't want to talk about what really happened, I can easily see the most reasonable and honest person lying - to just keep a lid on the situation. Leave it alone. Have some compassion and sensitivity. Award for dumbest advice ever. Only a complete idiot would ignore the past and lying. Everyone talks to their bf/gf about their past.
Boundary Problem Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Award for dumbest advice ever. Only a complete idiot would ignore the past and lying. Everyone talks to their bf/gf about their past. We're talking the specifics of loss of her virginity. If she offers the information - fine. But it is putting pressure on her to know what happened and what the situation is - that creates the environment for the lying. What if her first time was date rape by a boyfriend? Still feel entitled to know just because you've been dating her for a while? I can see her lying to cover that up and just move forward with her life. Life isn't always black and white.
lkjh Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 We're talking the specifics of loss of her virginity. If she offers the information - fine. But it is putting pressure on her to know what happened and what the situation is - that creates the environment for the lying. What if her first time was date rape by a boyfriend? Still feel entitled to know just because you've been dating her for a while? I can see her lying to cover that up and just move forward with her life. Life isn't always black and white. Do you think before you post? Do not create an hypothetical that is unlikely, just to justify lying. We can only post on what we know and general situations. There isn't a single place in this post that indicates that the girl was rapped. She told her friend that she had sex with her ex and it was quick, she never said he rapped her. People have the right to ask about their SO past, it really is plain and simple Post like yours are flat out disgusting ignorant. There are actually women who get rapped and people don't believe them because people like you try to use the rape card to curve a discussion and gain sympathy.
Boundary Problem Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 There isn't a single place in this post that indicates that the girl was rapped. People have the right to ask about their SO past, it really is plain and simple I agree with you that you aren't going to date someone unless you know their general sexual history. Where you and I diverge in opinion is that I do not think someone is entitled to know about loss of virginity, unless I choose to tell them. Date rape is more common than you might think - even by boyfriends. Which is why I think sensitivity and compassion are a must. And then perhaps the woman will volunteer what happened. But trying to pry the information out of her is what creates the pressure. The pressure leads to the lying, in my opinion.
dreamergrl Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Everyone talks to their bf/gf about their past. Careful with generalizing.
tami-chan Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Cubbie, you need to CHOOSE, DECIDE--hallmarks in the process of maturing, apparently ! -your GF told you she was a virgin, and told you al kinds of things that made you feel like "wow, I am THe man"...and you have, until now, a good relationship, right? -her friend (? ) drunkenly told you (ok fine, so she reiterated the same when sober), your GF lied and that indeed, she slept with her ex-bf ( who happens to be the friend's bf now-sheesh). things to ask yourself: -why does the friend deserve YOUR loyalty? because what she told you favors you? Think about it. She lied to your GF-betrayed their friendship. So she does NOT deserve loyalty(at least, not in this sense) -if she lied, then what will you do with the new information? Decide now, so you do not come back to LS asking..."My GF admitted to lying about her virgnity, what do I do? I love her so much, but brokenhearted about this".. My opinion: -Choose. Decide. If you want your relationship with your gf unmarred by some secret, talk to your GF and yes, mention the "friend". Do you want a better relationship with her or continue to protect her friend and make her believe that her friend is a "true friend" if so, then suffer in silence , or get over it or better yet, end the relationship. However, before you confront your GF, tell the so-called "friend" you are going to have "the talk" with the GF. That way she has a running chance of concocting a story (or another story?) should your GF confront her . I understand that this is not about "virginity" itself but the "lying"...so make a decision and learn how to navigate the sometimes perilous voyage of being in a relationship....and caring about what other people say about your personal life.
cas114 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 dude are you actually so stupid ? i mean all i see is . she lied , she lied again and again and again ... even more so she told her friend she will never ever tell you about it ... look this is just the type of girl who will cheat on you then think to herself that it was just a one time thing and never tell you lol srly.... my best friend is going through something like this... look> come clean tell her what you think , break up with her ,stay friends and if in a year or so you still love her then go for it. the thing is that you may have lost your physical virginity but as of now mentally you are still a virgin. why ? cause in your mind the way you see it shes got one more under the belt than you LOL i mean im sorry girls but is the truth is like someone tells you she is selling you a new car then u find out is used .. again im srry girls out there but is the truth
dreamergrl Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 dude are you actually so stupid ? i mean all i see is . she lied , she lied again and again and again ... even more so she told her friend she will never ever tell you about it ... look this is just the type of girl who will cheat on you then think to herself that it was just a one time thing and never tell you lol srly.... my best friend is going through something like this... look> come clean tell her what you think , break up with her ,stay friends and if in a year or so you still love her then go for it. the thing is that you may have lost your physical virginity but as of now mentally you are still a virgin. why ? cause in your mind the way you see it shes got one more under the belt than you LOL i mean im sorry girls but is the truth is like someone tells you she is selling you a new car then u find out is used .. again im srry girls out there but is the truth You are assuming the friend was telling the truth.
AAlike Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 i mean im sorry girls but is the truth is like someone tells you she is selling you a new car then u find out is used .. again im srry girls out there but is the truth oh yeah? that's what it's like? Statements like this are why I completely understand why girls lie. Do I condone it? No, but do I understand it? Sure.
lkjh Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 oh yeah? that's what it's like? Statements like this are why I completely understand why girls lie. Do I condone it? No, but do I understand it? Sure. right, so its justified for girls to lie
AAlike Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 right, so its justified for girls to lie ummm...no, I said that I DON'T condone the lying - but I can see why a teenage mind finds it easier to lie than be subjected to ridiculous mentalities that think that a girl that is over the age at which most girls lose their virginity and had sex with one boyfriend is a "used car."
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 It is none of your business whether she was a virgin or not. People always assume that girls "volunteered" for their first sexual experience. People think that just because they are dating they are entitled to know their partner's sexual past, and then the person is judged on it. Judge her based on the person she is today. Who knows what really happened in the past. And if she doesn't want to talk about what really happened, I can easily see the most reasonable and honest person lying - to just keep a lid on the situation. Leave it alone. Have some compassion and sensitivity. Yeah, because nobody has a right to know how many miles are on a car before you buy it. Sorry, but if I'm going to make any kind of physical or emotional investment in a SO, I have a right to know what kind of relationships they have had in the past. I don't give a crap for minute details... but I want a picture of their past. Your suggesting that you buy the car, and have no right to complain when you find the seats are torn up, it smells like puke, it barely runs, and some other dudes baggage is super glued to the trunk. Um... nope. I get to date whoever I want, for whatever reasons I want. Sorry if you don't like that.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 ummm...no, I said that I DON'T condone the lying - but I can see why a teenage mind finds it easier to lie than be subjected to ridiculous mentalities that think that a girl that is over the age at which most girls lose their virginity and had sex with one boyfriend is a "used car." But I like the used car analogy. It fits so well.
AAlike Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 But I like the used car analogy. It fits so well. well it, like most other analogies, is fairly context-dependent. The other guy that used the analogy used it to state that when OP found out that his GF was no longer a virgin, that she went from a "new car" to a "used car" - i.e. was "less valuable." That, frankly, is ridiculous. Obviously I agree with you that a person's past should not be taboo to discuss...and you said it perfectly when you said that the minute details shouldn't matter, but the nature of past relationships should. and yes, I do believe that whether or not someone is a virgin should probably be disclosed (although at my age it would be more of a cause for concern than something to celebrate!). I think that the crux of what I'm saying is this - if I really believed that OP had some sort of underlying moral incompatibility with his GF if it was proven that she really was not a virgin, then I'd be the first to agree that he should simply confront her matter-of-factly and if she admits it, then break up with her. However, I believe that in most cases, men that are seeking out a virgin are not doing so because of moral reasons, but because of an egotistical, archaic, and dare I say it, inherently sexist need to "have her first." and the stuff that OP said in the beginning of the thread is evidence of that - he never once said that he was against premarital sex, and had no problems having sex with his GF knowing full well that he could be "tainting" her for the next guy that thought like him (I mean, think about that - he wouldn't date his own GF...hahahaha) - what he said what "I can't stand the thought of some ***** taking what's mine."
cas114 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 well it, like most other analogies, is fairly context-dependent. The other guy that used the analogy used it to state that when OP found out that his GF was no longer a virgin, that she went from a "new car" to a "used car" - i.e. was "less valuable." That, frankly, is ridiculous. Obviously I agree with you that a person's past should not be taboo to discuss...and you said it perfectly when you said that the minute details shouldn't matter, but the nature of past relationships should. and yes, I do believe that whether or not someone is a virgin should probably be disclosed (although at my age it would be more of a cause for concern than something to celebrate!). I think that the crux of what I'm saying is this - if I really believed that OP had some sort of underlying moral incompatibility with his GF if it was proven that she really was not a virgin, then I'd be the first to agree that he should simply confront her matter-of-factly and if she admits it, then break up with her. However, I believe that in most cases, men that are seeking out a virgin are not doing so because of moral reasons, but because of an egotistical, archaic, and dare I say it, inherently sexist need to "have her first." and the stuff that OP said in the beginning of the thread is evidence of that - he never once said that he was against premarital sex, and had no problems having sex with his GF knowing full well that he could be "tainting" her for the next guy that thought like him (I mean, think about that - he wouldn't date his own GF...hahahaha) - what he said what "I can't stand the thought of some ***** taking what's mine." wow !.... hey sorry srry but you got it wrong i mean yeah i was a little rash with the car analogies but i didnt mean to say that some girl who is not a virgin is no good or something... what i mean is that ,this guy was a virgin right ? and well he told his gf and when he asked her if she was she lied.. and thats an impact on the guy ok ? not only cause of the lie but he was also a virgin .an example -- well the guy probably didnt do well the first time right ,who does ? but he didnt even thoughtabout it because they were supposed to be 2 virgins at the time..... thenbang ! he found out she wasnt and the poor guy must have thought back or something and well.... ( the thing is a guys mind works that way and im pretty sure girls have their own way of seeing things but is basically the same in the end ) so you see, after something like that happens to someone ( in this case, the guy ) how can he be sure she wont lie again ? if hasnt lied over something else ? i mean for all he knows she might have done a freaking porn movie or something
Dexter Morgan Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 What do I do? its not the virginity thing that would bother me. it would have been the fact she lied. tell her, "someone told me you slept with such and such....why did you lie to me?"
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