Girlfriend lied about virginity

[lamaman3]

Well OP I'll reiterate my advice from earlier. Your original question was about the initial lie. If her lying at the beginning of your relationship is a deal breaker then dump her. No one wants to be with a liar. I doubt many people would be on your case if she lied about drug use or something else along those lines. What it really comes down to is what's important to you. Don't listen to the assclowns that say what you believe is stupid. However, you should confront her face to face and not rely on a rumor.!

 

I guess you have an issue with Reading Comp. His original question was NOT about the initial lie. In fact, not once in the OP did he say that what bothered him was the lie. He said that "I know it is in the past and I should just let it go... but now everytime we sleep together I can't stop picturing him and her together...It's killing me... I never get jealous like this, but she's the first girl I've ever truly loved and to know another guy had her before me is devastating."

 

Its not the lie that bothered him, its the picturing his gf having sex with another guy...all these guys telling him to confront his gf over this "lie" because shes a horrible "liar" are just obscuring the issue. His issue is the acceptance that she wasnt a virgin. If he cant get over that then 1000x discussions arent going to help. And the reason she lied in the first place is obvious - because so many guys have retroactive jealousy, madonna/whore complexes etc. which the OP obviously has also. And yea, if the drug use was something like "I barely smoked weed before I met you," I dont think anyone would really care let alone anguish over whether to confront their gf's about it and consider ruining a relationship with someone you "love" over it.

 

The girl probably had a situation like this: Her ex-bf had sex with her. He was probably inexperienced and lasted a minute. She thought it sucked and "barely" counted as sex. The relationship soured and they broke up. And now she wants to FEEL like her new bf who she loves is her real "first" and is special.

 

And because of that you want to destroy her relationship with her best friend, make her feel uncomfortable, accuse her of being a liar, possibly damaging the relationship, and basically driving the point home that what you have wasnt special? Why? Because the OP is insecure that another man's penis was in his gf's vagina at some point? Thats love?

 

I knew a girl who was raped when she was 13 by a relative. Later on when she was 17 she had her first real bf who she was in love with and she had sex with him. When I asked her about losing her virginity she told me about the rape and her first real bf. She said she wanted her virginity to have been lossed to her first bf who she was in love with, and not to a rapist. I said "then you lost your virginity when you were 17 and in love" and she smiled wide.

 

Only an idiot who dosent understand women at all would have said something like, "wait, you are a liar, you said it was 13, so it wasnt whe you were 17, why are you lying, technically you werent a virgin blah blah blah my gf lied about her past yada yada should I confront her yada yada." Its only when you really get over your own insecurities that you can truly love a woman and have her feel free to open up to you like this beautiful girl did with me.

 

Finally I will state something that I've read on retroactive jealousy. A lot of people say that sex with someone that you love and care about is better in that you give more of yourself in that situation. I suppose you can take solace in the fact that maybe you are getting all of her and the other dude did not. I can't substantiate this as I've never had sex with someone I love, just flings. I'm eager to find out though.

 

Or how about when you love someone, truly accepting them for who they are, their past and all, even if that past included someone they loved deeply or had amazing sex with. I guess thats only for those with strong egos while others with weak ones will need to rationalize to themselves how "I better be the best she ever had or else im going to cry"

 

Hows that for a rant?

[lkjh]

lamaman3,

Where did you get your advice, from a Oprah book? Telling the kid that he is mad simply because of his imbedded male jealousy is a joke. Whether you are a guy or girl you will be pissed if your SO lied to you on such a big scale. This scenario is way different from a girl who said she had 3 partners when in reality its 7. Also the guy has been with the girl for 6 months so its a little early to tell him that he needs to base his decision on of love. This isn't about accepting her for who she is, because right now he has no idea who she is. They have been dating for only 6 months and she lies, how the heck is he suppose to know who she is?

 

 

This isn't a made for lifetime movie, in real life you just don't close your eyes and believe everything people tell you. Way to make this a gender issue.

[stace79]

And all of you are still, again, assuming that she DID lie...

[lamaman3]

And all of you are still, again, assuming that she DID lie...

 

I think its a pretty safe assumption to make since its a very common thing for women to lie about and her friend would have no other obvious motive for making up something like that.

[stace79]

I think its a pretty safe assumption to make since its a very common thing for women to lie about and her friend would have no other obvious motive for making up something like that.

 

You can read all my other posts, but if you automatically assume women lie about their previous sexual experiences, you can also safely assume women are manipulative enough to lie to break up someone else's relationship. I see that far more often among females I know than lying about sexual past.

[lamaman3]

lamaman3,

Where did you get your advice, from a Oprah book? Telling the kid that he is mad simply because of his imbedded male jealousy is a joke..

 

Hahaha you must be joking. The OP is the one going on and on about his virginity and the one special virginal girl who can only have sex when she is super duper in love because they are going to get married etc.

 

I tell him to treat her like a real life human being and YOURE the one saying Im coming from the Oprah book???!?

 

Whether you are a guy or girl you will be pissed if your SO lied to you on such a big scale. ..

 

UM - READ THE OP AGAIN. HE IS NOT PISSED THAT SHE LIED. HE IS PISSED THAT HE WASNT HER FIRST!! READ HIS OWN WORDS!

 

This scenario is way different from a girl who said she had 3 partners when in reality its 7.

 

No its not. Its not different at all because both instances are MEANINGLESS. Girls lie about their previous sexual experiences all the time. Do a search for retroactive jealousy on here and youll find hundreds of posts of men whose relationships are ruined because a girl was honest with them about some previous sexual encounter she had before he even knew her. Thats why girls lie about it all the time.

 

VIRGINITY MEANS NOTHING. Its a social construct. It is literally meaningless. If you think this is some ZOMG HUGE ISSUE then you really need to get a life.

 

Also the guy has been with the girl for 6 months so its a little early to tell him that he needs to base his decision on of love..

 

Ok - right here I know you didnt read the OP. Not love? He is totally madly in love with her. If he wasnt he wouldnt be so obsessed with being her first. Go reread it and then come back.

 

This isn't about accepting her for who she is, because right now he has no idea who she is. They have been dating for only 6 months and she lies, how the heck is he suppose to know who she is?

 

Reread the OP - it wasnt the lie that bothered him - its thinking about his gf having sex with another guy. I think badgering his gf and breaking up with her when he is in love and describes his relationship as great b/c she had some inconsequential sexual contact with an ex-bf b4 he met her is ridiculous. Most of the men posters here telling him otherwise really dont understand women. Their bitterness, insecurity, and suspicion drips with their posts. If you think hes going to be happy badgering some girl that loves him because she wanted to make him feel special and didnt want to be judged by saying she was a virgin then thats your perogative. Im offering him a different path. To be a leader, not some beta male p*ssy who cries because his gf said she was a virgin and she might not have been. Which man do you think women find more attractive??

 

 

This isn't a made for lifetime movie, in real life you just don't close your eyes and believe everything people tell you. Way to make this a gender issue.

 

Haha no this is real life son with real people. Its obsession with virginity and being so insecure that you have to know the truth about every last sexual detail that should be in the lifetime movie.

[lamaman3]

You can read all my other posts, but if you automatically assume women lie about their previous sexual experiences, you can also safely assume women are manipulative enough to lie to break up someone else's relationship. I see that far more often among females I know than lying about sexual past.

 

Well I'm definitly going to disagree with you here. But its besides the point. My point is - it shouldnt matter to the OP whether she was or wasnt a virgin. Its completely meaningless. Lots of women lie about this to please their current bf. Its like if I meet an Indian girl I love and I tell her Ive always loved Indian food to share something with her. Would anyone freak the hell out about that?

 

OP - trust me on this, be a leader for your gf. Step up to the plate and be a MAN - the best man you can be to enjoy and have a great relationship with her. You are young - your relationships need to be based on enjoyment and good feelings - not jealousy, insecurity, and accusations.

[AAlike]

 

No its not. Its not different at all because both instances are MEANINGLESS. Girls lie about their previous sexual experiences all the time. Do a search for retroactive jealousy on here and youll find hundreds of posts of men whose relationships are ruined because a girl was honest with them about some previous sexual encounter she had before he even knew her. Thats why girls lie about it all the time.

 

 

stace, first of all, before you jump on me, I am only assuming that she lied because if she didn't, there is no problem to solve and the whole thread becomes irrlelevant! and as lamaman has pointed out, I think OP has also made that assumption, because he's not asking "how do I find out the truth", he's asking how do I get over it.

 

anyway - obviously, all "lying" is bad - but in an instance like this, when lying is withholding information that will only cause OP heartache, I would put it in a different category than pure full-on deception.

 

Like I said before, I'm not sure how the subject was originally broke when she claimed to be a virgin, but if it was anything along the lines of suggesting that he would break up with her if she wasn't a virgin, then why WOULDN'T she lie? The way I see it, she had two options at that point: 1) she could tell the truth and the guy that she loves would all of a sudden see her as a "whore" and feel like he was "less special" for something that she probably barely remembers or thinks about. or 2) she could fib in hopes that he either never finds out, or maybe disclose to him sometime down the line in hopes that he won't be willing to throw away the relationship over it after some time has passed and sex has become less sensationalized.

 

I mean, if I were in that situation, knowing how insignficant and lame my first sexual experience was, and if I thought that telling my girlfriend that it had happened would make her feel less special - I don't know, I might do the same thing...I'm not condoning it, but I certainly understand the logic!

 

One more thing - I've never had sex with a virgin (maybe it's NEVER been special then!) but for those that have - aren't there like...physical ways to tell when it happened the first time?

[JohnP82]

I guess you have an issue with Reading Comp. His original question was NOT about the initial lie. In fact, not once in the OP did he say that what bothered him was the lie. He said that "I know it is in the past and I should just let it go... but now everytime we sleep together I can't stop picturing him and her together...It's killing me... I never get jealous like this, but she's the first girl I've ever truly loved and to know another guy had her before me is devastating."

 

That's my fault I should have paid closer attention. However she lied and he should dump her if it's a deal breaker. You keep spouting off that what she lied about wasn't important but you keep leaving off the "to you." She lied about something important to him. Maybe he wanted to lose his virginity to someone he loved and was also a virgin. The lie took that option from him. You can see this when he wrote, "I confessed that I was a virgin. She told me she was, as well. This made me feel extremely happy, as I thought she wouldn't judge my lack of experience the first time we had sex. Plus, we would have a special connection by both being each others' firsts." He shouldn't give a rat's ass if you or anyone else thinks this is ridiculous. His opinion is all that matters.

 

The girl probably had a situation like this: Her ex-bf had sex with her. He was probably inexperienced and lasted a minute. She thought it sucked and "barely" counted as sex. The relationship soured and they broke up. And now she wants to FEEL like her new bf who she loves is her real "first" and is special.

 

You have to be kidding me. Where the hell are you getting your information about women? Cosmopolitan? I've never met a single girl that has lied about her sexual past for the purpose of sparing someone's feelings. Actually all of the women I've met have been adamant about being truthful.

 

I knew a girl who was raped when she was 13 by a relative. Later on when she was 17 she had her first real bf who she was in love with and she had sex with him. When I asked her about losing her virginity she told me about the rape and her first real bf. She said she wanted her virginity to have been lossed to her first bf who she was in love with, and not to a rapist. I said "then you lost your virginity when you were 17 and in love" and she smiled wide.

 

Just so we're clear you're comparing this guy's girlfriend, that potentially lied about being a virgin and wasn't raped, to a girl that was actually raped? You're comparing someone who willfully had sex with her boyfriend to another girl that had that choice taken from her? Outstanding!

 

Or how about when you love someone, truly accepting them for who they are, their past and all, even if that past included someone they loved deeply or had amazing sex with. I guess thats only for those with strong egos while others with weak ones will need to rationalize to themselves how "I better be the best she ever had or else im going to cry"

 

That's nice and lovey dovey. However that's not the real world. Unconditional love is very rare. Does your acceptance of someones past extend to all things? Something tells me that you may have cried about this is the past. Out of curiosity are you a girl?

 

Hows that for a rant?

 

Sounds a bit holier than thou and a very preachy, but I think you stuck the landing. However in my opinion you sound like someone who has retroactive jealousy or was on the receiving end of it because you seem to be projecting pretty hard and slightly bitter. Nevertheless you have a right to your opinion. However I think one thing in my original paragraph holds true particularly for you. The part about assclowns telling him how he should feel and act seems very on point with regards to your schpiel.

[stace79]

That's my fault I should have paid closer attention. However she lied and he should dump her if it's a deal breaker. You keep spouting off that what she lied about wasn't important but you keep leaving off the "to you." She lied about something important to him. Maybe he wanted to lose his virginity to someone he loved and was also a virgin. The lie took that option from him. You can see this when he wrote, "I confessed that I was a virgin. She told me she was, as well. This made me feel extremely happy, as I thought she wouldn't judge my lack of experience the first time we had sex. Plus, we would have a special connection by both being each others' firsts." He shouldn't give a rat's ass if you or anyone else thinks this is ridiculous. His opinion is all that matters.

 

 

 

You have to be kidding me. Where the hell are you getting your information about women? Cosmopolitan? I've never met a single girl that has lied about her sexual past for the purpose of sparing someone's feelings. Actually all of the women I've met have been adamant about being truthful.

 

 

 

Just so we're clear you're comparing this guy's girlfriend, that potentially lied about being a virgin and wasn't raped, to a girl that was actually raped? You're comparing someone who willfully had sex with her boyfriend to another girl that had that choice taken from her? Outstanding!

 

 

 

That's nice and lovey dovey. However that's not the real world. Unconditional love is very rare. Does your acceptance of someones past extend to all things? Something tells me that you may have cried about this is the past. Out of curiosity are you a girl?

 

 

 

Sounds a bit holier than thou and a very preachy, but I think you stuck the landing. However in my opinion you sound like someone who has retroactive jealousy or was on the receiving end of it because you seem to be projecting pretty hard and slightly bitter. Nevertheless you have a right to your opinion. However I think one thing in my original paragraph holds true particularly for you. The part about assclowns telling him how he should feel and act seems very on point with regards to your schpiel.

 

Okay, first off, unconditional love is NOT rare. I see it a lot. And if you don't buy it, then you have a very poor existence ahead of you. Do you think you're perfect? You're not. So if you're in a relationship, that's unconditional love.

 

Second of all, yes, women DO lie about their sexual past. Did you ever stop to think for two seconds that women are so adamant and defensive to you about being truthful because they ARE in fact lying? Haven't you ever heard "methinks the lad dost protest too much"??

 

You are seriously naive and need some more experience. Your experience sounds like that of a high schooler.

[AAlike]

That's my fault I should have paid closer attention. However she lied and he should dump her if it's a deal breaker. You keep spouting off that what she lied about wasn't important but you keep leaving off the "to you." She lied about something important to him. Maybe he wanted to lose his virginity to someone he loved and was also a virgin. The lie took that option from him. You can see this when he wrote, "I confessed that I was a virgin. She told me she was, as well. This made me feel extremely happy, as I thought she wouldn't judge my lack of experience the first time we had sex. Plus, we would have a special connection by both being each others' firsts." He shouldn't give a rat's ass if you or anyone else thinks this is ridiculous. His opinion is all that matters.

 

There seems to be a huge conflict as to what OP's intent was with his post.

 

I cite the following quote:

 

"I know it is in the past and I should just let it go... but now everytime we sleep together I can't stop picturing him and her together."

 

I interpret this as such - logically he REALIZES that this something that he should be getting over, but he is having trouble doing so EMOTIONALLY. so basically I think he wrote his post hoping that people are gonna say "hey, if you love her, it shouldn't be a big deal" (which is true in my opinion).

[lamaman3]

That's my fault I should have paid closer attention. However she lied and he should dump her if it's a deal breaker. You keep spouting off that what she lied about wasn't important but you keep leaving off the "to you." She lied about something important to him. Maybe he wanted to lose his virginity to someone he loved and was also a virgin. The lie took that option from him. You can see this when he wrote, "I confessed that I was a virgin. She told me she was, as well. This made me feel extremely happy, as I thought she wouldn't judge my lack of experience the first time we had sex. Plus, we would have a special connection by both being each others' firsts." He shouldn't give a rat's ass if you or anyone else thinks this is ridiculous. His opinion is all that matters. .

 

He obviously does want to know what we think because he came on here asking for peoples opinions so I gave mine. He is inexperienced and I'm giving him the perspective of a very experienced man which he can take or leave. Youll notice its most of the older and more experience posters on here that seem to think this isnt a big deal and many of the younger less experienced men who make a big deal out of something like a womans virginity. Thats what happens when you grow up - you start appreciating a woman for who she is instead of placing the utmost importance on her sex life that occured before she met you. Thats my opinion and the OP can take it or leave it. If he takes it, he might not have to sacrifice an otherwise excellent relationship. Your advice to simply act on his present emotions is simple and impulsive and will result in a less active dating life and dosent take into account a broader life view that I am communicating to him with regards to women.

 

 

You have to be kidding me. Where the hell are you getting your information about women? Cosmopolitan? I've never met a single girl that has lied about her sexual past for the purpose of sparing someone's feelings. Actually all of the women I've met have been adamant about being truthful.

LOLOL!!! That is one of the funniest things Ive read in a LONG TIME. Either you are extremely inexperienced with women, or you really just don't understand them. And thanks to some women for backing me up here

 

BTW - why are you having conversations with women about their sexual pasts and why do you even care if they tell the truth??? OP - your love life will become so much better if you can get past this somewhat natural inclination - I dont think anyone here will disagree with me on that. Retroactive jealousy is a handicap - the sooner you can get over it the better off you will be my friend!

 

 

Just so we're clear you're comparing this guy's girlfriend, that potentially lied about being a virgin and wasn't raped, to a girl that was actually raped? You're comparing someone who willfully had sex with her boyfriend to another girl that had that choice taken from her? Outstanding!

 

I'm comparing two girls who lose their virginity under circumstances that they didn't like or regretted and now want to make their present relationship/bf feel special by imagining a different reality for themselves. I think what is really outstanding is that you seem to be implying that a girl *gasp* willfully choosing to have sex with a bf is somehow worse than being raped!??! As if the OP's gf was raped then you could understand her lying but because she was soo terrible as to CHOOSE to have sex with a bf WILLFULLY - that the OP shouldnt forgive this?!?! Outstanding and Ridiculous!

 

That's nice and lovey dovey. However that's not the real world. Unconditional love is very rare. Does your acceptance of someones past extend to all things? Something tells me that you may have cried about this is the past. Out of curiosity are you a girl?

 

WTF? Youve got it so completely backwards my man that its not even funny. I'm advocating the OP see his gf and women as regular human beings, with imperfect pasts and imperfect choices. You are advocating that he project an image of a pure innocent virginal princess who never has any sexual thoughts, urges, or history about any other man other than him. And then you claim that what I say is LOVEY DOVEY?!?!? Tell me which attitude is more lovey dovey? Out of curiosity, are you a virgin? Did you get your view of relationships from Snow White, Cinderella?

 

 

However I think one thing in my original paragraph holds true particularly for you. The part about assclowns telling him how he should feel and act seems very on point with regards to your schpiel.

 

And your advice wasnt telling him how to act? The difference is my advice leads to a good relationship with his gf and with women in general. Your advice leads to unrealistic expectations, destroying his gf's relationship with her best friend, and making you gf feel bad. He can choose whichever path he wants.

[JohnP82]

Okay, first off, unconditional love is NOT rare. I see it a lot. And if you don't buy it, then you have a very poor existence ahead of you.

 

Oh I believe that it is certainly around. I believe that it's most prevalent with a parent-child relationship. I think it's much rarer in a relationship between two adults.

 

Do you think you're perfect? You're not.

 

Well I know I wrote that I was perfect somewhere. I can't find the post...perhaps you can quote me where I said that.

 

So if you're in a relationship, that's unconditional love.

 

Huh? I believe that you may be thinking of love in that you accept what someone has done and who they are. However with unconditional love comes the belief that no matter what they do, it will not sway your feelings. Do you actually believe that someone can do anything to you inside of a relationship and it will not sway your feelings?

 

Second of all, yes, women DO lie about their sexual past. Did you ever stop to think for two seconds that women are so adamant and defensive to you about being truthful because they ARE in fact lying? Haven't you ever heard "methinks the lad dost protest too much"??

 

Are you saying that you lie? Perhaps I should have said some women may, not all women don't. I've never asked for nor demanded to know anything. It was offered I guess in an attempt to find out about mine. I really don't care. Perhaps my worldview of women is a little skewed because well I deal with women. Don't project your ****ty experiences and encounters onto me. I'm sorry if you don't believe me but be sure that I don't care if you do or don't.

 

You are seriously naive and need some more experience. Your experience sounds like that of a high schooler.

 

As for this one I'll let you answer it yourself.

 

Just find it amusing that someone in Internet Land thinks he/she knows so much about me so as to assume you have "more experience" dealing with women. And also as if that has anything to do with the thread's original topic...

[lamaman3]

Okay, first off, unconditional love is NOT rare. I see it a lot. And if you don't buy it, then you have a very poor existence ahead of you. Do you think you're perfect? You're not. So if you're in a relationship, that's unconditional love.

 

Second of all, yes, women DO lie about their sexual past. Did you ever stop to think for two seconds that women are so adamant and defensive to you about being truthful because they ARE in fact lying? Haven't you ever heard "methinks the lad dost protest too much"??

 

You are seriously naive and need some more experience. Your experience sounds like that of a high schooler.

 

Don't worry - any guy that cares about a woman's sexual past is gonna get lied to about it. This guy is oblivious if he thinks women don't lie about their sexual past so let him think that *my sweet innocent gf would never ever do xyz* lol.

[stace79]

Don't worry - any guy that cares about a woman's sexual past is gonna get lied to about it. This guy is oblivious if he thinks women don't lie about their sexual past so let him think that *my sweet innocent gf would never ever do xyz* lol.

 

Isn't there a song relevant to this guy -- something about his angel being the centerfold???

[JohnP82]

He obviously does want to know what we think because he came on here asking for peoples opinions so I gave mine. He is inexperienced and I'm giving him the perspective of a very experienced man which he can take or leave. Youll notice its most of the older and more experience posters on here that seem to think this isnt a big deal and many of the younger less experienced men who make a big deal out of something like a womans virginity. Thats what happens when you grow up - you start appreciating a woman for who she is instead of placing the utmost importance on her sex life that occured before she met you. Thats my opinion and the OP can take it or leave it. If he takes it, he might not have to sacrifice an otherwise excellent relationship. Your advice to simply act on his present emotions is simple and impulsive and will result in a less active dating life and dosent take into account a broader life view that I am communicating to him with regards to women.

 

My advice is for him to do what's best for him. If he can't get over her past then move on. You're absolutely right, my advice is to act on his current feelings. I'm not 19, I can only give advice from the perspective of a 25 year old guy. You or me telling him to suck it up means ****. It's a bit like my brother telling me when he was 24 and I was 19 and had my heart broken that everything will work out. Looking back it's good advice but in the moment there was way too much fog.

 

LOLOL!!! That is one of the funniest things Ive read in a LONG TIME. Either you are extremely inexperienced with women, or you really just don't understand them. And thanks to some women for backing me up here

 

You're dealing with some very low quality women if they lie to you over something like that. Mature and confident women wouldn't lie about that. They would just as quickly kick you to the curb if you didn't like it.

 

BTW - why are you having conversations with women about their sexual pasts and why do you even care if they tell the truth???

 

It has always been offered, I've never asked. I don't care about the past.

 

I'm comparing two girls who lose their virginity under circumstances that they didn't like or regretted and now want to make their present relationship/bf feel special by imagining a different reality for themselves. I think what is really outstanding is that you seem to be implying that a girl *gasp* willfully choosing to have sex with a bf is somehow worse than being raped!??! As if the OP's gf was raped then you could understand her lying but because she was soo terrible as to CHOOSE to have sex with a bf WILLFULLY - that the OP shouldnt forgive this?!?! Outstanding and Ridiculous!

 

I think what's outstanding is you not being able to grasp that these are two different situations.

 

WTF? Youve got it so completely backwards my man that its not even funny. I'm advocating the OP see his gf and women as regular human beings, with imperfect pasts and imperfect choices. You are advocating that he project an image of a pure innocent virginal princess who never has any sexual thoughts, urges, or history about any other man other than him. And then you claim that what I say is LOVEY DOVEY?!?!? Tell me which attitude is more lovey dovey? Out of curiosity, are you a virgin? Did you get your view of relationships from Snow White, Cinderella?

 

The v-card is long gone. I think you have some serious issues that you should address. You're projections in this thread along with that unnecessarily long post that you originally cited scream of some type of insecurity or damaged past. Do you only post about retroactive jealousy or something related. You remind me of that Hizzle guy that rants on about things in an attempt to come off as being some type expert. Also you never answered if you're a female.

 

And your advice wasnt telling him how to act? The difference is my advice leads to a good relationship with his gf and with women in general. Your advice leads to unrealistic expectations, destroying his gf's relationship with her best friend, and making you gf feel bad. He can choose whichever path he wants.

 

I'm telling him to act on his own feelings. You're telling him to act on your feelings.

Edited October 15, 2009 by JohnP82

[Spectre]

If this chick can't even be honest about being a virgin, she isn't anywhere near ready for sex. So since she isn't actually ready for sex, chances are she's probably had a number of partners before you..for some reason many chicks seem to roll that way.

 

Also, I've had a number of girls lie to me about how experienced they were. In the end, it just makes me wonder if they are sluts or something, since I start thinking "just how much is she hiding" and so on and so on. Conclusion? Ladies, don't do **** with some guy if in the future you don't think you can fess up to doing it. Guys? This day and age when a girl tells you she is a virgin and she is older than 16, it's usually a lie.

Edited October 18, 2009 by Spectre

[lamaman3]

If this chick can't even be honest about being a virgin, she isn't anywhere near ready for sex. So since she isn't actually ready for sex, chances are she's probably had a number of partners.

 

lol what??

[lamaman3]

If this chick can't even be honest about being a virgin, she isn't anywhere near ready for sex. So since she isn't actually ready for sex, chances are she's probably had a number of partners before you..for some reason many chicks seem to roll that way.

 

Also, I've had a number of girls lie to me about how experienced they were. In the end, it just makes me wonder if they are sluts or something, since I start thinking "just how much is she hiding" and so on and so on.

 

Of course they are going to lie to you because otherwise you would think they are "sluts." They know its none of your business how "much they are hiding" so youll always, or most of the time, be lied to.

 

Conclusion? Ladies, don't do **** with some guy if in the future you don't think you can fess up to doing it. Guys? This day and age when a girl tells you she is a virgin and she is older than 16, it's usually a lie.

 

Nope. The conclusion is theyll keep having fun sexual experiences with men like me, and keep lying to insecure men like you. Enjoy!

[lamaman3]

 

 

I'm telling him to act on his own feelings. You're telling him to act on your feelings.

 

Your advice was to confront her about this or dump her. Lets see the consequences of your advice:

 

She says she lied - guy is still upset shes not a virgin - problem still exists

She says she told the truth - he is still suspicious that she lied and the problem still exists

He dumps her for not being a virgin and not getting over the fact that another man had her before him - he just cut out 90% of the female dating pool - problem for him still exists.

 

Obviously hes going to dump her if he cant get over this - he dosent need you to tell him that - thatl happen automatically. Your advice however still perpetuates the problem - you tell him to act on his irrational feelings which will cause him to have this problem over and over again while I tell him that acting on logic will reduce the instance of this problem in his future and make his life alot better.

[Spectre]

lol what??

 

In lamens terms: people usually tend to have sex before they are ready. The more un-ready they are, the more they seem to have it.

 

Of course they are going to lie to you because otherwise you would think they are "sluts." They know its none of your business how "much they are hiding" so youll always, or most of the time, be lied to.

 

I never said a woman is a slut for simply having sex, so your first line is, well, wrong. In this day and age, people are having sex earlier and earlier, and it's becoming less and less taboo. So, if a chick is lying to me about her sexual past? I'm going to assume it's something BAD, as in this day in age it would be silly to lie about having sex with one guy. So that is where the whole "this chick must be hiding something slutty" thing comes from.

 

Oh and about them hiding stuff, you're acting as if I was grilling them about their sexual past. This all happened in open discussions about both our pasts, sometimes in which the girl initiated. Yet she STILL lied, and this was while we were in a relationship. Any excuses for that one?

 

Nope. The conclusion is theyll keep having fun sexual experiences with men like me, and keep lying to insecure men like you. Enjoy!

 

Hey, if the experiences were so fun, etc. why lie about it then? Am I saying tell a dude on a random street corner? No, but why lie to your bf about it?

[lamaman3]

I never said a woman is a slut for simply having sex, so your first line is, well, wrong.

 

Slut only has one meaning. It means you judge a woman for her sexual behavior. You cant have it both ways - you either judge a woman for it or you dont. If you think its ok to "simply have sex" then what would be slutty? Are you going to go through all the circumstances of the sex - was it on the 2nd date? was it in a public place? did you use a toy? - to decide whether it was "slutty" or not? You either judge a woman's sexual behavior or you don't.

In this day and age, people are having sex earlier and earlier, and it's becoming less and less taboo. So, if a chick is lying to me about her sexual past? I'm going to assume it's something BAD, as in this day in age it would be silly to lie about having sex with one guy. So that is where the whole "this chick must be hiding something slutty" thing comes from.

 

What in the world could be bad about an aspect of having sex? Did she cut off his dick while he was sleeping? That would be bad. Giving a guy she found attractive a blowjob while she was single has no bearing on anything related to you. As long as you will judge women for it - they will lie to you about it. If you think something could be "slutty" - then youll never really get to enjoy a woman's sexuality to her fullest. She will become puren to please you, even though she did the things you masturbated to with another guy. Your attitude is at fault if thats the case.

Oh and about them hiding stuff, you're acting as if I was grilling them about their sexual past. This all happened in open discussions about both our pasts, sometimes in which the girl initiated. Yet she STILL lied, and this was while we were in a relationship. Any excuses for that one?

 

You either care or you don't care. Dosent make a difference if you were grilling or not. And the excuse is - you would judge her for her behavior and think she was a slut. Of course shes going to lie to you about it then. Better off getting over your M/W complex and enjoying women for the horny passionate creatures that they are instead of thinking they should be "proper" and repress their sexuality.

 

Hey, if the experiences were so fun, etc. why lie about it then? Am I saying tell a dude on a random street corner? No, but why lie to your bf about it?

 

Already covered that one.

[JohnP82]

Your advice was to confront her about this or dump her. Lets see the consequences of your advice:

 

She says she lied - guy is still upset shes not a virgin - problem still exists

She says she told the truth - he is still suspicious that she lied and the problem still exists

He dumps her for not being a virgin and not getting over the fact that another man had her before him - he just cut out 90% of the female dating pool - problem for him still exists.

 

Obviously hes going to dump her if he cant get over this - he dosent need you to tell him that - thatl happen automatically. Your advice however still perpetuates the problem - you tell him to act on his irrational feelings which will cause him to have this problem over and over again while I tell him that acting on logic will reduce the instance of this problem in his future and make his life alot better.

 

Dude I'm done engaging you in conversation. I really don't care what you or anyone else thinks. He asked for our opinions and I gave him mine. He can take it or leave it.

Edited October 19, 2009 by JohnP82

[Blindsidedagainalive]

I am man, 45.

 

Of course it's common to be jealous, it's actually instinctual.

Verification of offspring.

Cavemen did not want to risk their life hunting and providing for a child that may not be his.

 

Anyway, we are so much more evolved now aren't we.

 

I disagree that this man should consider the would be virgin's lying acceptable.....no way.

I understand the societal reasons WHY some woman lie and minimize their past.....but I also understand why some people steal.....doesn't make it right.

She is using deceipt to protect her image....AGAIN, many woman (men brag) do this, but it is not a good start.....I will explain why.

 

If this man was NOT a virgin, it would not be a sticking point (lol) for him.

However, she bull****ed him about the specialness....on and on.

So, there were many lies to substantiate her virginity.

Doesn't matter if her previous sex was poor, she had sex.

 

So, if this woman really loves this man, admitting to ONE previous partner would hardly make her look like a tramp.

 

Although the lying isn't the worst part for him (the jealosy is), the lying is the worst part.

 

It will be a pattern of behaviour that will be unhealthy eg. I will lie if I am judged.

 

This is the same woman who would conceal feelings so she doesn't upset the applecart. The same that would build up anger over non expressed feelings.

 

It is quite likely that she has has other sex partners...who knows?

 

Some may say...who cares......HE CARES AND SHE'S A LIAR.

 

Lastly, many men have issues with a partner with more experience than he. Not good, but a reality. If he is one of these men (sounds it), he will always feel like he is pure and she is tainted.

 

If this man wanted a virgin, and he was not, he'd be a hypocrite.

 

BUT, he is a virgin.

 

There is no reason she needed to lie.

She could have said, let's not discuss this.

 

I have been though this. I did not want to know my wife's history. She wanted to know mine. I told her the truth, she lied.

 

She turned out to be a liar in many other regards because she is afraid of people judging her.

[cubbiefan84]

UPDATE:

 

I still haven't brought it up. She's going through personal issues with her family right now, and she really needs me. I love her too much to put her through any kind of stress in regards to this.

 

But, more information... the topic was initially brought up during the first few weeks while we were just hanging out at my apartment. She just flat out asked me how many girls I'd been with. She had this pre-conceived notion that I was some sort of "player" from the way I behaved on our first date. In all honesty, I was just playing a character in hopes of impressing her. When I admitted that it was 0, she didn't believe me. I asked her and she said the same. I even prodded her about her ex-boyfriend (they dated for a year), and she claimed nothing happened. So, she wasn't scared that I was obsessive about her virginity. She was just ashamed and didn't feel comfortable confessing something she regretted. And I don't blame her.

 

I'm just going to do my best to forget about it and move on. Lying to me was wrong, but part of loving someone is learning to forgive them. She hasn't lied to me since and has been the best girlfriend I've ever had (I've actually dated plenty of girls, believe it or not, just never went all the way until now). Plus, it's not worth the drama that will ensue between me/her/our friend...

 

Thanks for the advice, everyone. You can continue debating if you'd like, but I just want to forget about all of this.