Girlfriend lied about virginity

[WiseOne1]

Because it's very juvenile to say "oh i heard...." but not tell who said that. Maybe the girl wants to be anonymous because she knows SHE is a liar and she just wants to break up their relationship.

 

For the last time, if you don't trust your partner above everyone else, you shouldn't be in the relationship.

 

I agree with you 100%, sometimes people want to be unknown because they lie.

 

Agreed

[lkjh]

ok Stacey we all get it.....if a girl lies we should just suck it up and believe her. Thats your defention of equality, now let it go. For his sake we are going to assume that the story is true and try to give him advice based off that. Now for your sake and all the other lifetime watching super feminist we will just make him feel like he somehow did something wrong.

[WiseOne1]

ok Stacey we all get it.....if a girl lies we should just suck it up and believe her. Thats your defention of equality, now let it go. For his sake we are going to assume that the story is true and try to give him advice based off that. Now for your sake and all the other lifetime watching super feminist we will just make him feel like he somehow did something wrong.

 

Agreed, he defintely by no means should approach this sistuation with caution, like I said 90% of the times the friends are telling the truth.

[D-Lish]

You've taken the word of your gf's friend over your gf.

What's that all about?

 

Girls are nasty and vindictive- sometimes for no reason at all- and they like it. If you're a straight man, that is just a reality you just have to get used to. Chicks operate on a totally different level than men do- don't ever think that you can wrap your head around the female psyche and qualify why they do things. They can be evil, so never discount that.

 

Having said that- what's going on here that is clearly wrong- is that you have a "secret" between you and your gf's best friend. **** that!!! You go to your gf right now and talk to her about this.

 

Talk to your gf and find out the truth first before you condemn her on someone else's word.

 

She may have lied- that's something you have to face- but find out first...then come back and we'll talk about it further.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Hey guys. First time poster here with what might be a minor issue compared to other stuff on here.

 

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost six months. I'm 19, she's 18. About a month into our relationship, I confessed that I was a virgin. She told me she was, as well. This made me feel extremely happy, as I thought she wouldn't judge my lack of experience the first time we had sex. Plus, we would have a special connection by both being each others' firsts.

 

We had sex about a month later. It was great, and we've been doing it about 4-5 times a week ever since (using protection, of course).

 

A few weeks ago, I hosted a party at my house. Her best friend was there and drunkenly told me that my girlfriend had slept with her previous boyfriend. I was obviously extremely upset and asked her again the next morning when she was sober. She confirmed what she had told me the night before but swore me to secrecy.

 

I haven't said anything to my girlfriend but it is eating me up inside. I know it is in the past and I should just let it go... but now everytime we sleep together I can't stop picturing him and her together.

 

It's killing me... I never get jealous like this, but she's the first girl I've ever truly loved and to know another guy had her before me is devastating.

 

I can't ask her about it because then her best friend will be furious at me and they would likely stop talking to each other. But my girlfriend is noticing a change in my behavior and it's hard to hide it.

 

What do I do?

 

Dude what the F are you whining about?! She probably lied to make you feel better about it! out of all the small things to be worried about, men in this day and age shouldnt be picky when it comes to finding women who are virgins and women who arent. Trust me I thought it was so cool to devirginize a woman but seriously she annoyed the living crap outta me. All she did was whine and complain, we didnt even have sex

 

BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO SCARED!!! AWW YOUR GONNA HURT ME, YOUR SO BIG! OF COURSE IT'S GONNA HURT! IT'S SUPPOSED TO IF YOUR A VIRGIN!

 

Dude from that day forward. As long as she's feeling me I dont care if she isnt.

 

Listen realize this, that alot of women out here are not VIRGINS, expect they've had more experience than you, expect they slept with alot of people starting at a young age. The best thing you could hope for is if you got her off!!!

 

That's it. I'm sorry to break this little falsehood you got in your head thinking that it's gonna be a magical moment.

 

It's not...

 

I lost my virginity to a girl who screwed me over and I screwed her back! pun intended! and you know what's the sickest part after I did it. I didnt even get off, she did though.

 

Bottom line is dont have too many expectations, you let yourself down if you do.

[norajane]

and to think that some other ******* took what was supposed to be mine is heartbreaking to me... sorry.

When you do talk to her about this, don't say stuff like this, k? Because you don't own her, she doesn't owe you her virginity, and being her first sexual partner is not your due. Being her first sexual partner was not "supposed to be" your role.

 

Also, some other ******* didn't take anything from her. If she did choose to have sex with her ex while they were in a relationship, all she did was choose to have sex with him. He didn't take it from her, and her virginity wasn't supposed to be his, yours, or anyone's but her own.

 

Virginity is a lack of sexual experience - that's all. What you experience with your girlfriend in sexual and emotional intimacy is completely different than what she may have experienced with anyone else, and what you may experience with someone in the future. It's always different, every time. People bring out different things in each other, it always feels different.

 

If you both feel connected to each other, that hasn't changed just because she may have had some sex with someone else before she met you. Your connection with her, and hers with you, is unique and it's real and it's not dependent on whether you were her first lover or not.

 

The guy I first had sex with was a bf I ended up dating for maybe 9 months total. We were infatuated and maybe thought we were in love, but who knows. We just liked each other and I was ready to try it for the first time. It was ok. It got better as we went along. But nothing particularly special. My next bf, I was with for 6 years, and that relationship and that sexual experience is what I remember because that was really meaningful and that's when I really was able to explore sex fully. It was also when I learned about emotional intimacy and how much that impacts sexual intimacy.

 

Just because you may not have been her first, doesn't necessarily mean nearly as much to her as it seems to mean to you. Women care about the man who makes her feel like a woman, not the first guy she experimented with.

[WiseOne1]

All you people's post are find and dandy blah blah. However if he does...... IF HE DOES FIND OUT SHE LIED......He has 100% reason to be mad or upset, everyone has diffrent things that there willing to put up with in a relationship, maybe lieing is just not one of his.

 

Like I say most of you are being hypocritical, and have to see it as what if that happened to me? What if that happened to YOUR younger sister or YOUR younger brother, you'd guys would be acting like a volcanoe.

 

Doesn't matter rather it's a man's virginity or a women's virginity, someone lied in this situation, maybe he would have not gotten that involved with her if she told the truth and said she was not a virgin....maybe he's a very religious guy....

 

This case is not different from someone that lies about loving someone just to get them in the bed to take there virginity "as many guys do".

Either way he has 100% fact and reason to be mad, we can only wait until the results comeback rather she admitted it or not.

[Chrome Barracuda]

All you people's post are find and dandy blah blah. However if he does...... IF HE DOES FIND OUT SHE LIED......He has 100% reason to be mad or upset, everyone has diffrent things that there willing to put up with in a relationship, maybe lieing is just not one of his.

 

Like I say most of you are being hypocritical, and have to see it as what if that happened to me? What if that happened to YOUR younger sister or YOUR younger brother, you'd guys would be acting like a volcanoe.

 

Doesn't matter rather it's a man's virginity or a women's virginity, someone lied in this situation, maybe he would have not gotten that involved with her if she told the truth and said she was not a virgin....maybe he's a very religious guy....

 

This case is not different from someone that lies about loving someone just to get them in the bed to take there virginity "as many guys do".

Either way he has 100% fact and reason to be mad, we can only wait until the results comeback rather she admitted it or not.

 

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Many guys do not lie to get girls in bed...

 

You have to ask yourself is it the men who lie or the women who know the truth and yet they believe the lies anyways.

 

Chew on that.

 

Also the girl lied about her virginity! HER VIRGINITY, out of all the miniscule things for him to get upset about. Yes she lied but in this scenario it's nothing to get mad over, whether he's religious or not. As I said not every women out here is gonna be pure as the driven snow. He needs to accept that.

[norajane]

If he's pissed about her lying and that's a deal-breaker for him, he's entitled to feel that way. I don't think anyone is saying he shouldn't be angry about that, if it's true that she lied. People are saying he should take the time to find out if she did lie before getting angry about that, instead of just taking someone else's word for it.

 

However, if that's a minor secondary issue compared to his jealousy that she had sex with someone else...if he doesn't care about the lying but cannot handle that he wasn't her first...that's a different issue altogether. That could be a deal-breaker for him as well, but that's something he should give a lot of thought to before he discards a relationship that seems very meaningful to them both.

[WiseOne1]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Many guys do not lie to get girls in bed...

 

You have to ask yourself is it the men who lie or the women who know the truth and yet they believe the lies anyways.

 

Chew on that.

 

Also the girl lied about her virginity! HER VIRGINITY, out of all the miniscule things for him to get upset about. Yes she lied but in this scenario it's nothing to get mad over, whether he's religious or not. As I said not every women out here is gonna be pure as the driven snow. He needs to accept that.

 

Ummmm NO, you chew on that.

 

Simple fact is you can't force anyone to feel a certain way, he has a right to be mad about whatever he wants! Lately he hasn't been posting so we don't know what's going on rather it was a lie or the truth.

 

Just because you don't take some stuff serious, doesn't mean he can't.

 

So choke on that.

[WiseOne1]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Many guys do not lie to get girls in bed...

 

You have to ask yourself is it the men who lie or the women who know the truth and yet they believe the lies anyways.

 

Chew on that.

 

Also the girl lied about her virginity! HER VIRGINITY, out of all the miniscule things for him to get upset about. Yes she lied but in this scenario it's nothing to get mad over, whether he's religious or not. As I said not every women out here is gonna be pure as the driven snow. He needs to accept that.

 

 

Also he does need to know that not every women is a virgin, and that in these days it's rare to find a women that's a virgin, so he doesn't need to set that expectation.

 

Either way a lie is a lie, doesn't matter how small it is.

[JohnP82]

Also the girl lied about her virginity! HER VIRGINITY, out of all the miniscule things for him to get upset about. Yes she lied but in this scenario it's nothing to get mad over, whether he's religious or not. As I said not every women out here is gonna be pure as the driven snow. He needs to accept that.

 

 

This is retarded. You think it's minuscule, he doesn't. To dismiss it as minuscule is a reflection of your own beliefs not his. He has the right to be angry about whatever he wants when it impacts his relationships.

[Island Girl]

If he's pissed about her lying and that's a deal-breaker for him, he's entitled to feel that way. I don't think anyone is saying he shouldn't be angry about that, if it's true that she lied. People are saying he should take the time to find out if she did lie before getting angry about that, instead of just taking someone else's word for it.

 

However, if that's a minor secondary issue compared to his jealousy that she had sex with someone else...if he doesn't care about the lying but cannot handle that he wasn't her first...that's a different issue altogether. That could be a deal-breaker for him as well, but that's something he should give a lot of thought to before he discards a relationship that seems very meaningful to them both.

 

NJ has it dead on.

 

The lying needs to be dealt with between the two of them in an honest conversation.

 

I'm quite sure he isn't with her only because he thought she was a virgin so I would also caution the OP to really think and evaluate what he has in this relationship.

 

Virginity is gone once. They have had sex multiple times and she wasn't a virgin as far as he knew every single time except the first time.

There is obviously caring on both sides.

 

So OP, really figure out if this is really a deal breaker. You don't want to be the guy that breaks it off and then thinks back on this with regret because the older you get the harder it will be to find a virgin - and then one that is compatible in all of the other ways will be like searching for a real unicorn. Pointless and utterly futile.

[stace79]

I will say it one last time for the immature in this group: unless he FINDS OUT FOR SURE that she lied, he has no reason to be mad.

 

For all he knows, the female friend lied because she isn't really a good friend, because she wants the OP for herself, or because she's just a vindictive b*tch. Any of those or other scenarios are entirely possible.

 

1. You must trust your partner's word over most other people, unless you have been given reason to believe they are not trustworthy. And that means you actually catch them in a lie -- not just because someone said that someone said that they saw your SO doing this... no stupid high school, juvenile rumor crap.

 

2. If you do not trust your partner, then why are you climbing in bed with them anyway, virgin or otherwise?

 

3. If you do not have the open communication with your partner to ASK if there's something you heard that's bothering you, then your R sucks.

 

4. If you do not get the three things I posted above, you are probably too immature and irrational to have a LTR.

[lkjh]

Chrome just because you think something is minor doesn't mean he does and he has a right to feel certain ways. Another thing, I highly doubt she lied to make him feel better. It is more likely that she lied to make herself look better.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Chrome just because you think something is minor doesn't mean he does and he has a right to feel certain ways. Another thing, I highly doubt she lied to make him feel better. It is more likely that she lied to make herself look better.

 

Oh yeah there's no doubt in my mind, she lied to make herself look better. she might have been ashamed at her ways before she met him, that's probably a reason why she lied.

 

And im not fully discounting the OP's pain about her lying. I'm just saying to look at the bigger picture. in the grand scheme of things lying about your virginity is something truly minor because in reality isnt it true that women do lie about how many men they slept with? Or how old they are and how much they weigh?

 

I mean c'mon allow her a little leeway. If she lied about her sexual past fine, but I think the more important thing for him to find out is why. that's all...

 

I myself couldnt really care unless she was witholding information from me that was detrimental to my health... That's probably more important to me.

 

But hey everyone's different.

[AAlike]

Oh yeah there's no doubt in my mind, she lied to make herself look better. she might have been ashamed at her ways before she met him, that's probably a reason why she lied.

 

Eh, I dunno...one thing we don't know is the manner in which he brought it up. If he pulled that "I hope no one has taken what is mine" line when bringing it up then, in all honesty, I don't blame her for lying - and that is not indicative of her "being ashamed" of anything, it's probably a knee-jerk reaction to avoid a scenario in which she knows that she will be judged for something that is essentially of no relevance to their situation. I mean, if she loves the guy and knows that he will forever view her differently because of something that is over and done with...justified? no. understandable? sure.

 

So we need to figure out what is really concerning OP here - is it:

 

A) the fact that she lied

B) the fact that she's not a virgin

 

If it's A - of course I agree that lying is not permissable in a relationship, nor is it a good sign that she will do it in the early stages like this. However, keep in mind that what we have here is an 18-year old girl that's probably in love for the first time and is scared of losing that based on something that she most likely feels is completely and utterly unimportant. Is it still a lie? sure - but I would differentiate between it and lying about things in the present. Plus, I think that if she is really his soulmate that he should at least give her the opportunity to explain herself.

 

However, if the problem is B - then there's really no need to discuss further with her. OP needs to make the determination himself. I agree with most posters that the friend is probably telling the truth - if for no other reason than most 16-year olds in relationships have sex - but in all honesty I think he needs to decide if it is an absolute dealbreaker before he goes and plays detective. If it is, then it is - the posters that have said that he has a right to feel that this is a big deal are absolutely correct - however, keep in mind that love is a LOT rarer than sex and that as you get older the number of virgins will continue to decrease while the number of potential "soulmates" probably isn't going to change. Are you willing to sacrifice this? do you really feel that whatever you have with this girl will be altered by whether or not what her friend told you is true?

[norajane]

A) the fact that she lied

B) the fact that she's not a virgin

Objection, counselor. Hearsay. These facts are not in evidence.

 

Oh yeah there's no doubt in my mind, she lied to make herself look better. she might have been ashamed at her ways before she met him, that's probably a reason why she lied.

 

Her ways? IF she had sex with her previous bf, that is not at all something she should be ashamed of. Why do you classify that as "her ways", implying she was the class slut? That's precisely why women might want to keep ANY information about their sexual history to themselves - clearly, even 1 bf by the age of 18 is automatic grounds for sluthood and "her ways".

[Island Girl]

Her ways? IF she had sex with her previous bf, that is not at all something she should be ashamed of. Why do you classify that as "her ways", implying she was the class slut? That's precisely why women might want to keep ANY information about their sexual history to themselves - clearly, even 1 bf by the age of 18 is automatic grounds for sluthood and "her ways".

 

Great response NJ. You are dead on.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Objection, counselor. Hearsay. These facts are not in evidence.

 

 

 

Her ways? IF she had sex with her previous bf, that is not at all something she should be ashamed of. Why do you classify that as "her ways", implying she was the class slut? That's precisely why women might want to keep ANY information about their sexual history to themselves - clearly, even 1 bf by the age of 18 is automatic grounds for sluthood and "her ways".

 

I meant in her ways like if she has to lie about her virginity to him than maybe she's ashamed that she has probably done many dudes and didnt want to tell him that information because it might hurt her chances with him, knowing how he is and all that's a possibility why she lied. I told the op myself that it should'nt matter unless she withheld sexual history that could impede your health.

 

Now I dont think she's a slut but maybe she knows she had alot and if she told him HE'D might think that too. many men are like that,

 

oh more than 10 guys whatever, but more than 50 and your only 18 than damn you get around. lol.

 

It's a double standard that's what I was alluding to. Dont get on me for pointing things out. it is what it is.

[norajane]

It's a double standard that's what I was alluding to. Dont get on me for pointing things out. it is what it is.

 

The double standard does exist, and always will if we perpetuate it. In order to change that double standard, we have to start changing our perspectives and how we discuss a woman's sexual activity, even if that change happens one person at a time. And we have to be careful not to promote the double standard with the way we speak of women who are sexually active.

[JohnP82]

It's not a double standard if the guy holds himself to the same level. If he doesn't bang everything that moves then he just has standards.

[Chrome Barracuda]

The double standard does exist, and always will if we perpetuate it. In order to change that double standard, we have to start changing our perspectives and how we discuss a woman's sexual activity, even if that change happens one person at a time. And we have to be careful not to promote the double standard with the way we speak of women who are sexually active.

 

yes your right... We both are, sadly. I just want the OP to find out why she lied. And why is he so adamant on her being a virgin???

[AAlike]

Objection, counselor. Hearsay. These facts are not in evidence.

 

ok, yeah, "fact" was a misnomer there - but my point was to establish if he was upset that she lied or upset that she was not a virgin.

[Trialbyfire]

You've taken the word of your gf's friend over your gf.

What's that all about?

 

Girls are nasty and vindictive- sometimes for no reason at all- and they like it. If you're a straight man, that is just a reality you just have to get used to. Chicks operate on a totally different level than men do- don't ever think that you can wrap your head around the female psyche and qualify why they do things. They can be evil, so never discount that.

 

Having said that- what's going on here that is clearly wrong- is that you have a "secret" between you and your gf's best friend. **** that!!! You go to your gf right now and talk to her about this.

 

Talk to your gf and find out the truth first before you condemn her on someone else's word.

 

She may have lied- that's something you have to face- but find out first...then come back and we'll talk about it further.

Not all chicks are evil, just like not all guys only think with their dicks.

 

Beyond that, I would agree that there should be a discussion between the two of them, in an honest and open way.

 

Having said that, the lying isn't acceptable and is a major concern. What else has she lied to you about, in order to position herself in a way that's attractive to you?