Jump to content
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

hi there.. this is a bit long, so ill understand if i get a few tl;dr's

 

Monday night my girlfriend decided to end things. we had gone out for 4 and a half years and was convinced that she was the one, now it isnt certain what is going to happen and it is killing me. for those interested i am a little bit shy of 25 years old

 

since then i have blown up, broke down, leaned on friends and family and done alot of soul searching and writing. I came to a realization that while i do love her very much, we had grown apart. i had been thinking to myself for quite some time that i didnt know if i loved her or not, however whenever i would see her again the feeling would go away.

 

heres a breakdown of how ive been doing

 

monday: complete meltdown. desperation, extreme pain. called my two best friends and they took me out for a couple hours to cheer me up a little bit. came home and stayed awake until about 5am. wrote a blog that only she could see

 

tuesday: woke up abnormally early because i could not sleep. appetite was not there and was very numb. talked to he and said that we deserve to talk to each other face to face again soon. she would not put a timer on when that would be, but it gave me hope. throughout the day i started telling other friends about what happened, and started trying to contact her. i tried going to school to put it off my mind but it only lasted for a little while. i ducked out of class early and had a meltdown while driving. pulled over into a parking lot and tried talking to her again and begging her to meet me there. she said that she couldnt and that's when i lost it. i blew up her phone, again. sent way too many text messages. ended up forcing myself to eat and hung out with another close friend to talk about it. went home and couldnt sleep and wrote and thought more. i also came up with a plan to try and get her to see me this week. it involved trying not to talk to her and blowing up her phone and then talking to her thursday afternoon.

 

wednesday: started feeling a little bit better but was still pretty hurt and torn. broke down during the day and asked her if she wanted to meet for coffee on thursday. reluctant at first, i managed to convince her to meet me thursday night. ducked out of school again and went to a friends house to talk to her about it and just spent time with my friends. eventually i started thinking and dwelling to myself. broke down and started texting her. didnt blow up her phone, but i did text her a few times and then tried calling. tried talking to her on facebook messenger but no response. more writing and sleeplessness

 

thursday: woke up early and talked to my parents about everything. came to some realizations and did a lot of talking and thinking. made the mistake of trying to get through to her again and angering her. she told me that tuesday night had pretty much solidified the breakup and i lost it. she eventually ignored me and said she'd see me at 645 at starbucks.

 

went to a different starbucks to talk to a good friend and ask advice and vent about things. eventually went to the other one and waited for her. i thought she wouldnt show up, but she did.

 

i eased into the conversation by asking her how her weekend was and what she had been doing this week and what she's doing this weekend. told her whats been going on with me and what ill be doing this weekend. before we talked, i said to agree with me that this talk was going to take as longa s possible and to put our cell phones in the car to avoid any interuptions. i let her talk first, with her saying she has grown apart from me and did alot of thiunking over the last few months and had decide dthat it's how it supposed to be. after i let her finish i poured my heart out to her, but in good taste. i didnt act in desperation and explained how ive felt and what i intend to do to make myself a better person. i said that i didnt need her in my life, but that instead i wanted her. i agreed with what she had to say and i made her promise not to completely rule me out and not to put any odds or percentages of us getting back together. i said that we do not know what tomorrow holds and that we have to look at it with open eyes and open hearts. we hugged and kissed. before she left i gave her a cd of songs that pretty much summed up how i had been feeling, and asked her to just listen to it once. she put it in as soon as she got in the car. as i pulled away i made her roll down the window and i said that id see her soon and that i love her.

 

 

i guess my question is, where do i go from here? i have to get her back in my life, but i need to better myself in the process not only for her but for me first. we agreed not to see each other for a few weeks and i am giving myself a litltle bit under a month to not talk to her or contact her, and then email her asking if she wanted to catch up either by seeing a movie together or just getting coffee and seeing how it goes. im determined to get her back and i just cant see myself with anyone else at the moment

Posted

Hi there, I am in a very similar situation to yourself. I'm 24 turning 25, nearly 4 months broken up from a 5.5 year relationship and 2 months NC. My advice is to go NC straight away. I did what you did and ended up acting very desperate and needy. Looking back now, if theres one thing that I could have done to increase my chances of getting back with her, it would have been to go NC straightaway and let her make the contact. I'm not saying to use NC as a way to get her back, I just mean that you should go NC to get a hold of yourself and if its meant to be, she will contact you. For me, keeping in contact hurt so much and made me do crazy things (and seem crazy) and ended up damaging my chances of getting her back more than anything. I won't lie though, it still hurts like hell 4 months later. I still hurt as much as I ever did, only now I am able to control and hide my emotions better. But saying all that, if I did go back in time, I would most likely has done everything the same way again as NC is easier said than done, especially given the frame of mine I was in (which you are now in) so I guess you just gotta do what you gotta do to get that $hit out of your system.

  • Author
Posted

yeah.. for someone who is all about constant contact it is going to be REALLY hard not to try and get in touch with her. im just going to surround myself with my friends and family and after a fun weekend to let my mind go im getting myself back on track and will hopefully have some progress by the next time i try and contact her. if she doesnt abide, then ill just have to wait and then try again. im not going out easily, to say the least

Posted

OP, she said she has grown apart from you. That is almost always a lost cause. You don't seem to want to accept what is happening is all and you need to brace the fact that you wanting her back 100 percent,w ill never make up for the fact that she doesn't want to be back with you at all. She said she has been thinking about this for months, which makes the case even worse, it sounds like she waited until eventually all her feelings for you were done with when it would be as painless as possible for her and then ended things. You haven't expressed anything here that shows any willingness to work things out with you whatsoever.

  • Author
Posted
OP, she said she has grown apart from you. That is almost always a lost cause. You don't seem to want to accept what is happening is all and you need to brace the fact that you wanting her back 100 percent,w ill never make up for the fact that she doesn't want to be back with you at all. She said she has been thinking about this for months, which makes the case even worse, it sounds like she waited until eventually all her feelings for you were done with when it would be as painless as possible for her and then ended things. You haven't expressed anything here that shows any willingness to work things out with you whatsoever.

i am slowly accepting what has happened and am willing to do anything. i am expecting the best and prepared for the worst. i know i cant get back what was once lost, but i believe, with time something new is going to come out of this, whether it is friendship or starting anew

Posted

Going NC is not going out easily. But I guess I said the same thing when I was fresh with my breakup so going back to what I said earlier, you do what you have to do. Basically the way I think of things now (the way I should of thought about things back then) was that I have said what I need to say and if there is any love left, she will come back and make the contact. I mean, its not like its a new or young relationships where you are still getting to know each other. Mine was a 5.5 year relationship (4.5 years for you) and if over that time, she has not developed enough love for you to make the contact, then the relationship is doomed to fail even if you managed to convince her to get back with you. Good luck anyways, just post on the board if you need to. LS has helped me heaps.

Posted
i am slowly accepting what has happened and am willing to do anything. i am expecting the best and prepared for the worst. i know i cant get back what was once lost, but i believe, with time something new is going to come out of this, whether it is friendship or starting anew

 

The very fact that you say this is showing you don't accept any of it. You are determined you can just get this back, it doesn't work like that. You are setting yourself up for some major dissapointments not realising that, however sometimes that can be the best lesson learned. Being just friends with someone you're in love with does not work, for many reasons. You would be gutted the moment she has some new man she's all goo goo ga ga for.

  • Author
Posted
The very fact that you say this is showing you don't accept any of it. You are determined you can just get this back, it doesn't work like that. You are setting yourself up for some major dissapointments not realising that, however sometimes that can be the best lesson learned. Being just friends with someone you're in love with does not work, for many reasons. You would be gutted the moment she has some new man she's all goo goo ga ga for.

good point, but i still can't lose sight. at least yet. only time will tell what will happen to me, to her, to everything.

Posted

You can get her back and you have a good chance at that but you'll manage to do that only when you're completely over her. It sounds crazy but thats the only way. But then again, when you think of it, you won't need her then so you may well kiss the whole thing goodbye. Women are ruled by emotions so don't believe anything they say during relationship cause they can change it in the matter of days. I speak from experience. That's why i lost respect for the majority of women. My ex was telling me how we are gonna live together happily ever after and then 2 weeks later she left with another man. We were together for 2 years. It took me 2 full months to get over her but sometimes i still think of her.

 

I mean, if you're saying something that serious you can't run from it in the matter of days, otherwise dont say it. If you break your word, which was in my case very serious, you simply don't deserve to be with me. Better to be alone than with that kind of woman.

 

So, they don't know what are they saying. From now on i've decided to use their emotions as leverage. To my next gf i wont be attached emotionally, so i won't be devastated when she goes away.

 

Their emotions are like some kind of act. They are acting(i love you, kiss, want to be with you) and then all of a sudden they drop their act and leave. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO BELIEVE THEIR WORDS WTHASOEVER. period

Posted
You can get her back and you have a good chance at that but you'll manage to do that only when you're completely over her. It sounds crazy but thats the only way. But then again, when you think of it, you won't need her then so you may well kiss the whole thing goodbye. Women are ruled by emotions so don't believe anything they say during relationship cause they can change it in the matter of days. I speak from experience. That's why i lost respect for the majority of women. My ex was telling me how we are gonna live together happily ever after and then 2 weeks later she left with another man. We were together for 2 years. It took me 2 full months to get over her but sometimes i still think of her.

 

I mean, if you're saying something that serious you can't run from it in the matter of days, otherwise dont say it. If you break your word, which was in my case very serious, you simply don't deserve to be with me. Better to be alone than with that kind of woman.

 

So, they don't know what are they saying. From now on i've decided to use their emotions as leverage. To my next gf i wont be attached emotionally, so i won't be devastated when she goes away.

 

Their emotions are like some kind of act. They are acting(i love you, kiss, want to be with you) and then all of a sudden they drop their act and leave. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO BELIEVE THEIR WORDS WTHASOEVER. period

 

A female friend of mine told me something very similar to this :(

 

The only person you can rely on is yourself.

Posted
The very fact that you say this is showing you don't accept any of it. You are determined you can just get this back, it doesn't work like that. You are setting yourself up for some major dissapointments not realising that, however sometimes that can be the best lesson learned. Being just friends with someone you're in love with does not work, for many reasons. You would be gutted the moment she has some new man she's all goo goo ga ga for.

 

The above is the best advice that you can listen to. I did all the things that you did, worse actually. Anyways thats basically what happened to me and it hurts so much more to see the girl you love loving another guy

×
×
  • Create New...