UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 My ex and I have been broken up for a while now, a year and a half. We were together about 8 months (not that long), and lived together shortly. I still think of her a fair amount and miss her, though my actual feelings for her are gone. The breakup was kind of ****ty, she decided she didn't want to be with me any more and moved away- I was heartbroken but told her not to call me or text me anymore. It took a while to get over her but it happened, and I've been with girls that are better for me since then. I still somewhat care about her but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her again. So here's my issue: why didn't she ever send me my things, even though she made it a point that she was going to? They are not little things that are easily replaceable or forgettable like cd's or movies. It's a few items that are important to me (a sentimental hat, a nice jacket, a book ect.) and she knows I want them back. When she moved away I let her take them, since we were still together at the time. But when she broke it off shortly after, she asked me if I wanted them back. I said yes and to mail them to me, gave her the address. The items never came. We've had very brief and sporadic communication since then, always initiated by her for some reason or another. A year went by and I found some stuff of hers that had been in my closet, so I returned it to a family member of hers still in the area. She contacted me shortly after, said thanks and said she still wanted to return my stuff because she didn't want them but didn't have an address for me, and knew they were important to me. I replied basically saying yes send them to me, gave her an address. A few weeks went by, never recieved them. I contacted her, asking why she hadn't sent them, offered to pay for shipping, and gave her the address again. She said she'd been busy and shed try to send it out soon. The stuff never came and we haven't spoken since. The conversations were always friendly and brief. I just gave up and tried to forget about it, I wasn't going to let her use it to make me get in touch with her a second time. My gut tells me she kept them to mess with me, or try to annoy/hurt me. Three different occasions she offered but never followed through with it, and to this day I wouldn't mind having the stuff back. Another part of me thinks she got rid of or destroyed them (for whatever reason) and didn't want to tell me, so she just hoped I'd forget about it. Anyway, what are your thoughts? I joined this place just to ask this question, because it still bugs me. Thanks!
deux ex machina Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 It's a little Occam's razor, but I think she's just flaky or lazy.
New Again Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Or possibly incredibly indifferent, and just doesn't care enough to go to the effort.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Umm, I guess that's a possibility.. but to put it off for over 18 months? Really...
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Or possibly incredibly indifferent, and just doesn't care enough to go to the effort. Hmm or maybe me still wondering about it like I am after all this time is exactly what she wanted. A mind **** of sorts.
New Again Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Hmm or maybe me still wondering about it like I am after all this time is exactly what she wanted. A mind **** of sorts. Well you know her and I don't. But I doubt it. I think she just doesn't care and she forgot about it, or didn't care to go to the effort. You're probably thinking about this/her way more than she is (which I bet is not at all). But like I said, you know her and what happened, I don't. She probably intended to return your things when you two talked about it, but she just really doesn't care enough to actually get her butt in gear and do it - it's a very low priority for her. Either way, this is the second time you've mentioned this scenario (first in the OP), and I disputed that statement offering another (more likely, IMO) opinion, so it sounds like you really want to believe that she's actually putting effort into NOT sending you your things, and that she's thinking enough about you to f*ck with you. If it makes you feel better to think that, and if you really think she's that kind of person and that she hates you, then sure. Dude she's just f*ckin' with you. Definitely.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Lol you do make a valid point, and I'd definitely go with it- if it weren't for the tone and conditions of our convos. It just doesn't make any sense that someone would make it a point on more than one occasion with a sincere attitude about getting it done and over with, and then not follow through. Flaky, sure. But that's why I view it as somewhat malicious. So even though it probably sounds totally EMO from the outside looking in, it's not. I guess you had to be there? See part of this is closure for me (I think), and that's why it stays on my mind. So despite having moved on with my life, I feel like the door isn't completely closed like I'd like it to be. Probably an issue I should have nipped in the butt a long time ago but, what can ya do.. That is a diff. perspective to keep in mind though. Some more input would be nice if other posters could find my thread.
Rylle Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Lol you do make a valid point, and I'd definitely go with it- if it weren't for the tone and conditions of our convos. It just doesn't make any sense that someone would make it a point on more than one occasion with a sincere attitude about getting it done and over with, and then not follow through. Flaky, sure. But that's why I view it as somewhat malicious. So even though it probably sounds totally EMO from the outside looking in, it's not. I guess you had to be there? See part of this is closure for me (I think), and that's why it stays on my mind. So despite having moved on with my life, I feel like the door isn't completely closed like I'd like it to be. Probably an issue I should have nipped in the butt a long time ago but, what can ya do.. That is a diff. perspective to keep in mind though. Some more input would be nice if other posters could find my thread. I have to agree with the other two posters. I'm not proud of this, but I've actually done something like this before. A couple of times. Once, I totally hated the guy and wanted nothing to do with him whatsoever (he dumped me after he cheated on me), so I gave his crap to a friend to return to him because I wanted nothing to do with him ever again. The second time, I dumped him. I didn't love him, and I didn't hate him. Indifferent is definitely a good word for it. SO there was no illwill, I wouldn't have minded him getting his stuff back - and we talked about it a couple of times. But I really didn't give a **** one way or the other, and it was kind of a hassle for me to do it, plus it was never on my mind, except RIGHT AFTER we talked about it...so I just never did. Because I didn't give a ****.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 I have to agree with the other two posters. I'm not proud of this, but I've actually done something like this before. A couple of times. Once, I totally hated the guy and wanted nothing to do with him whatsoever (he dumped me after he cheated on me), so I gave his crap to a friend to return to him because I wanted nothing to do with him ever again. I gave her no reason to hate me. I didn't cheat. The only thing really I can think of that would piss her off is not wanting to talk to her any more after she officially called it. But isn't that what she wanted? Lol. The second time, I dumped him. I didn't love him, and I didn't hate him. Indifferent is definitely a good word for it. SO there was no illwill, I wouldn't have minded him getting his stuff back - and we talked about it a couple of times. But I really didn't give a **** one way or the other, and it was kind of a hassle for me to do it, plus it was never on my mind, except RIGHT AFTER we talked about it...so I just never did. Because I didn't give a ****. But did you offer on several occasions to mail the stuff back to him, with him in agreeance? At no cost to you but the 5 minute run to the post office? Think about it lol. My replies in bold
Rylle Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 My replies in bold Well, yes (to the second question). My point was that, in the situation where I hated the guy: I wanted NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM EVER AGAIN, so I RETURNED HIS JUNK. I MADE THE EFFORT TO GET IT BACK TO HIM SO I NEVER HAD TO SEE OR HEAR FROM HIM EVER AGAIN. In the other situation, I was indifferent. On two different occasions we discussed me returning his things. I had every intention of returning them. I didn't want him to NOT have his things back. I didn't want to hold on to them. HOWEVER. I was so indifferent, apathetic, disinterested, uncaring, unconcerned (I can't emphasize enough that I just didn't give a ****, didn't hate him, didn't love him, NOTHING, which I feel like is what you're not getting) that I literally wasn't thinking about him OR his things 5 minutes after the conversation ended. I didn't care enough to do it in the 4 minutes and 59 seconds after we discussed it, and so I just forgot. Every once in awhile I thought, "oh hmm I should take care of that" but I just didn't care to take the 15 minutes to pack it up and go to the post office, so I never did. While it seems like a small thing to you, and yeah, it is a small thing, you have to care to at least some degree to go to the effort. This was just me though. I'm not your ex, so who knows about her. I'm just letting you know my scenario. I think if you want your things back you should either send a friend to get them from her, show up in person to get them yourself, or if you can't do that, call her up, email her, whatever and get mad and demand your things back. Don't be nice about it. Let her know that you want it back, she's being a lazy *******, so get off her fat butt and do it!!!
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 I have to agree with the other two posters. I'm not proud of this, but I've actually done something like this before. A couple of times. Once, I totally hated the guy and wanted nothing to do with him whatsoever (he dumped me after he cheated on me), so I gave his crap to a friend to return to him because I wanted nothing to do with him ever again. The second time, I dumped him. I didn't love him, and I didn't hate him. Indifferent is definitely a good word for it. SO there was no illwill, I wouldn't have minded him getting his stuff back - and we talked about it a couple of times. But I really didn't give a **** one way or the other, and it was kind of a hassle for me to do it, plus it was never on my mind, except RIGHT AFTER we talked about it...so I just never did. Because I didn't give a ****. Well, yes (to the second question). My point was that, in the situation where I hated the guy: I wanted NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM EVER AGAIN, so I RETURNED HIS JUNK. I MADE THE EFFORT TO GET IT BACK TO HIM SO I NEVER HAD TO SEE OR HEAR FROM HIM EVER AGAIN. In the other situation, I was indifferent. On two different occasions we discussed me returning his things. I had every intention of returning them. I didn't want him to NOT have his things back. I didn't want to hold on to them. HOWEVER. I was so indifferent, apathetic, disinterested, uncaring, unconcerned (I can't emphasize enough that I just didn't give a ****, didn't hate him, didn't love him, NOTHING, which I feel like is what you're not getting) that I literally wasn't thinking about him OR his things 5 minutes after the conversation ended. I didn't care enough to do it in the 4 minutes and 59 seconds after we discussed it, and so I just forgot. Every once in awhile I thought, "oh hmm I should take care of that" but I just didn't care to take the 15 minutes to pack it up and go to the post office, so I never did. While it seems like a small thing to you, and yeah, it is a small thing, you have to care to at least some degree to go to the effort. This was just me though. I'm not your ex, so who knows about her. I'm just letting you know my scenario. I think if you want your things back you should either send a friend to get them from her, show up in person to get them yourself, or if you can't do that, call her up, email her, whatever and get mad and demand your things back. Don't be nice about it. Let her know that you want it back, she's being a lazy *******, so get off her fat butt and do it!!! Oh k so your hate for him is what made you get it done and over with, roger that. And I would have done that a long time ago if it were possible. She lives in another state now though LOL. So I was literally at her mercy to mail them to me. Otherwise I would have gone over and got them myself. So you still have all his ****? Isn't that a little wierd?... I mean you are broken up, and you've made it clear that you feel nothing for him; yet you still have his things? No offense but that sounds either very contradictory or very creepy lol. Not to switch the focus over on you or highlight your situation, just saying. Know what I mean?
Rylle Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Oh k so your hate for him is what made you get it done and over with, roger that. And I would have done that a long time ago if it were possible. She lives in another state now though LOL. So I was literally at her mercy to mail them to me. Otherwise I would have gone over and got them myself. So you still have all his ****? Isn't that a little wierd?... I mean you are broken up, and you've made it clear that you feel nothing for him; yet you still have his things? No offense but that sounds either very contradictory or very creepy lol. Not to switch the focus over on you or highlight your situation, just saying. Know what I mean? Well like I said, I'm not proud of it at all. It's just one of those things. His stuff ended up like in a box in a closet in the basement or something like that, until I moved, years later. I honestly couldn't tell you if I sent him his stuff when I stumbled across it or if I ended up tossing it or what. Maybe it's weird, but I'm not kidding in the least when I say I just didn't care enough to go to the effort, or ever even really think about it. Probably it seems weird to you because you DO think about it. I'm not saying that this is the case with your ex. As others pointed out, you know her, I don't. But I have a very hard time imagining her doing this intentionally to mess with you or get to you or anything else that implies intent. My opinion is colored by my experiences though.
Author UrKillinMeSmalls Posted September 26, 2009 Author Posted September 26, 2009 Yeah I see what you're saying. I'm the kind of person that my word is my bond, even if it's over something small. So when someone tells me they are going to do something, I expect the same out of them. Maybe I shouldn't haha. But like I said, the things have meaning to me, otherwise I would not have cared. So yes I do think about it, and I DO think it is either malicious or creepy of her to keep them from me after telling me I would have them back. I have asked this question to girl friends and they all seem to think she's not ready to give them up. I've chosen not to take this to heart because in my mind it's over- SO... maybe that clarifies why I'm thinking the way I do? Who knows
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