I think I've got a stalker. Support?

[tinktronik]

I own a small business. [i do own my business but it is couched under another business and is not very easily traceable back to me or my personal information].

 

Occasionally, I will do a meet and greet with a client at a Starbucks or lunch place and give them whatever information they need to proceed with business or get the ball rolling.

 

About six months ago I got a referral client passed on to me from an associate who had done a project with the perspective client. So anyway, I called the client from my business number and gave him my first name. I went and met the perspective client and gave him the info he needed and took his information. I remember I did not give him my last name and I was out of business cards, so no card either... fortunately. The client got a little flirty and I just wrote it off and went on about my day.

 

Now, this is a fairly respectable businessman in the metroplex. He too owns a large business and has a good reputation. He is also married I am told.

 

A few days later he called my business and was transfered to me. He asked me out and I politely but firmly told him "no." I then got a call later that afternoon from the associate who had referred him letting me know that he had contacted her requesting my last name but that she could not remember it and gave him a name that was incorrect.

 

The following day he called and was just flipping out about the last name the associate being incorrect and went on and on about me being a liar and so and so. He then told me that he had run my first name and the last name given by the associate through a people search because he wanted my home address. Mind you this person had not done ANY business with me, nor would he need my home address to do so.

He wanted me to tell him my last name but I was really bothered and told him no. I told him I was not interested in doing any business with him nor giving him my last name or any other information about me and to not call again.

 

Over the next few days I received a myriad of messages from him with a number of sexually explicit things said in them through the business line. By myriad, I mean like 600+ messages over the span of three or so days alternating from strange sexual fantasies involving me, to angry rants.

 

Later that week I got a call from a business man I have done some work with who said he had just met this guy for a business lunch and that he had asked questions about the business and explicitly me but when the guy started asking questions of a personal nature that they realized something was off. He told me that the guy had asked for my last name, which they did not supply [apparently noone can seem to remember my last name ], but more disturbingly the license plate number on my car.

 

I got a few more messages from the crazy guy and then nothing, it just faded out.

 

This morning I logged onto my personal social networking sites and there are friend requests from him. Apparently, he has found out some way or other my last name. This very much concerns me b/c with my email address he could easily get my home address and private phone number, ect...

 

This guy, like I said, has a very good reputation but seems to me to be mor ethan a little unbalanced.

 

I guess best case scenario is that he will just bite off-- but clearly there has been plenty of time for that. I'm kind of stressed out over the whole thing and I'm thinking it's time to make a report to the police. I'm not sure though if this actually qualifies as stalking or whatever.

 

Anyway, I could use some support.

[always_searching]

Wow. This definitely sounds stalker-esque. Has your rejection been explicit in your dealings with him--I mean, when you told him not to bother you again, were you at all polite about it? If so, in his infatuated state, he could read it as you being coy and really wanting him to pursue you.

 

Next time something like this happens, I think you should go to his office and tell him to his face to leave you alone: stop inquiring about you, stop contacting you, etc. and that if he fails to do so, you will report him to the authorities.

 

If that doesn't stop the harassment, I would follow up on my threat by reporting him and, perhaps, getting a restraining order.

 

Ugh, creeps are just so...creepy.

[tinktronik]

Wow. This definitely sounds stalker-esque. Has your rejection been explicit in your dealings with him--I mean, when you told him not to bother you again, were you at all polite about it? If so, in his infatuated state, he could read it as you being coy and really wanting him to pursue you.

 

Next time something like this happens, I think you should go to his office and tell him to his face to leave you alone: stop inquiring about you, stop contacting you, etc. and that if he fails to do so, you will report him to the authorities.

 

If that doesn't stop the harassment, I would follow up on my threat by reporting him and, perhaps, getting a restraining order.

 

Ugh, creeps are just so...creepy.

 

Thanks. I was explicitly firm with my "go away." I tend to be pretty affirmative/pushy just in general. This has kind of knocked me for a loop though. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable and somewhat paranoid too.

 

I'm not sure where his office is but I bet I could hunt it up. I will have to hunt up my state laws and see if this is considered harassment or what the case is.

[Art_Critic]

600+ messages over the span of three or so days

 

Assuming that he is only up for 18 hours a day then he would averaging over 11 messages per hour over a span of 3 days..

That is one message every 6 mins for 3 days straight..

 

The guy is a total nutcase and is WELL beyond just a wackjob..

 

Put your butt in front of a police desk and file a complaint against him...Now !!

 

Zabasearch is a pretty powerful search.. maybe he used that..

 

OR paid to have a reversal done on your phone number...

 

 

NUTCASE...

[tinktronik]

Assuming that he is only up for 18 hours a day then he would averaging over 11 messages per hour over a span of 3 days..

That is one message every 6 mins for 3 days straight..

 

The guy is a total nutcase and is WELL beyond just a wackjob..

 

Put your butt in front of a police desk and file a complaint against him...Now !!

 

Zabasearch is a pretty powerful search.. maybe he used that..

 

OR paid to have a reversal done on your phone number...

 

 

NUTCASE...

 

AC, you are right as always. I will have to hunt up the details I have on the nutcase and go in to see an officer and make a report in the a.m.

 

This is just really caught me off guard b/c he had faded out there for a good while.

 

All of the contact stuff he had would have taken him back to the business name and the info. I suppose he could have gotten the info on the business and it's parent co. and in that case would perhaps been supplied with my name. However he got it sucks.

 

It's really BS to not be able to just do my job without some whack-job hovering around.

[Art_Critic]

Good..

 

If they were email messages then make sure you take a screen shot printout of your inbox to show them the shear number of them and maybe print out a few of the good angry ones to show the tone of what he is doing to you.

If they are phone messages then make sure you save them and play them to the officer..

 

Getting a report filed will at the very least document what he has started to do to you and honestly I think it fits every definition of harassment that I have ever heard of..

 

You are not the first he has done this too and he won't just stop.. 600 messages says it all and you really need to dot your I's and cross your T's at this point just in case it gets bad..as if it hasn't already gotten bad

[Jilly Bean]

I'm not sure how far you will get with the popo for someone sending you a friend request on Facebook.

 

Yes, he was a total nut case 6 months ago - LARGELY so, but it has been 6 months, and a friend request wouldn't raise an eyebrow to the law.

 

I would file the info, like Art said, take a screen shot of ANY communication you get from him, and if he starts up again, then build your case and take it the police pronto.

 

FWIW, Facebook is super insidious when it comes to referring suggested friends to you. I have recently gotten suggestions for people whom I emailed ONCE years and years ago, and from an ancillary email account at that! Not sure how they do it, but FB has some killer search tools in place. Point being, he may not have actually had to research you to find you on FB (assuming it's FB we're talking about, because really, is anyone even on MS anymore? )

[2sunny]

hi tink!!!

 

i warn you - be careful. if he is as you describe - watch your every move.

 

i had a guy like this once and he followed me home from work.

 

when you drive or move around town - be sure you don't follow the same route every day. change it up. stop at different places along the way if you need to - just to be sure he's not behind you... following where you are going. if he knows your patterns - you are very vulnerable to his plan... which is to track your habits.

 

always have an idea of how you can stay safe when you go anywhere. be sure there are folks around that can help if he approaches you. if need be - use self defense techniques. safety in these cases are number one.

 

if you feel threatened - drive straight to the police station or an emergency room and stay in the car - honk the horn so they come out to help you.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Yes hes def stalking you save all the evidence you still have thats important heres an idea do a little snooping yourself and find out if hes married and the wifes contact details.

 

Then nicely send that all back to him in an email saying that you have this information and will use it unless he stops stalking you! its a little underhanded but I bet you he will back off after that...

[tinktronik]

I'm not sure how far you will get with the popo for someone sending you a friend request on Facebook.

 

Yes, he was a total nut case 6 months ago - LARGELY so, but it has been 6 months, and a friend request wouldn't raise an eyebrow to the law.

 

I would file the info, like Art said, take a screen shot of ANY communication you get from him, and if he starts up again, then build your case and take it the police pronto.

 

FWIW, Facebook is super insidious when it comes to referring suggested friends to you. I have recently gotten suggestions for people whom I emailed ONCE years and years ago, and from an ancillary email account at that! Not sure how they do it, but FB has some killer search tools in place. Point being, he may not have actually had to research you to find you on FB (assuming it's FB we're talking about, because really, is anyone even on MS anymore? )

 

I agree that the police may not do much about phone calls 6 months ago. Regardless, I'm going in to speak to someone about filing a report after lunch today. I do still have some of the calls made to me 6 months ago and have long made the few connections we seem to have aware [not that they weren't already made aware by his strangeness] not to hand out any info on me.

 

I understand how FB works, however I never exchanged email with this nutcase. And I did not get just a FB request, I woke up to a string of req. from FB, Myspace, Twitter, Classmates and imeem all made within an hour of each other. I also keep my business profiles largely separated from my personal info so that I don't have business encroaching on my small amount of personal time. My searchable business materials and online sites refer to my accounts manager in order to guarantee that a body is actually able to be reached b/c I travel so much back and forth with my kids that I am probably too often out of pocket.

 

 

The really strange thing is that I am told that he is typically just a normal guy. Both the associate that I got the referral from as well as my client that had lunch with him said that they have never seen him behave this way before. Maybe his business has slowed and he is suffering some stress related flip-out. IDK. Either way I will for sure do my best to be super aware.

[donnamaybe]

This sounds like a situation worthy of police intervention if you ask me. And I read about them all the time in the work I've been doing the past 26 years.

[tinktronik]

This sounds like a situation worthy of police intervention if you ask me. And I read about them all the time in the work I've been doing the past 26 years.

 

Yep. What type of work do you do?

[donnamaybe]

Yep. What type of work do you do?

 

I'm currently a legal secretary in a criminal defense office, but have worked in a prison as well and in probation offices and work releases.

[quankanne]

tink, this is WAAAYYYY creepy ... take Donna's advice and get the cops involved. If anything, you've got on record his harassing behavior. And document, document, document any and all attempts of contact by him. You might even ask those people he's been bugging for your personal info to shoot you an email recapping those incidents so you have record of them, too.

 

meanwhile, are you okay?

[Art_Critic]

I agree with the police intervention..

 

Even if there is nothing they can do at the very least it is documented thru a report and that could be what would be necessary if your have to go get a RO in the future..

 

Maybe you could get the police or detective to call the guy and just remind him of how he needs to act if there is nothing they could do.

[tinktronik]

tink, this is WAAAYYYY creepy ... take Donna's advice and get the cops involved. If anything, you've got on record his harassing behavior. And document, document, document any and all attempts of contact by him. You might even ask those people he's been bugging for your personal info to shoot you an email recapping those incidents so you have record of them, too.

 

meanwhile, are you okay?

 

I will absolutely file a report and anything else they will let me file.

 

Okay? Well, I'm a bit keyed up. The original calls were very disturbing and my staff listened to them. My voicemail forwards messages to my email and it was overwhelming to open my email to find hundreds of messages one after the other. I was really glad it had all dropped off and I feel now as though I am just waiting around for them to start up again along with who knows what else.

 

I'm stressed out.

[donnamaybe]

I will absolutely file a report and anything else they will let me file.

 

Okay? Well, I'm a bit keyed up. The original calls were very disturbing and my staff listened to them. My voicemail forwards messages to my email and it was overwhelming to open my email to find hundreds of messages one after the other. I was really glad it had all dropped off and I feel now as though I am just waiting around for them to start up again along with who knows what else.

 

I'm stressed out.

 

You need to print and keep absolutely every shred of this evidence, Tink, and anything else you can collect, like the statements of people he was grilling for info like another poster said. I might not file a report at this point, unless you feel totally unsafe. I would, however, file for a restraining order. If he violates, THEN I would file charges. But it all depends on how you feel about the situation and the level he has risen (or sunk) to.

[tinktronik]

Well I went and filed a report. I got a little piece of paper with my report number on it. The officer said at this point there is nothing they can do but if it continues and picks up again tell the crank-job to leave me alone and then, if he continues, I could request a restraining order for harassment but am not likely to get one unless the guy makes a threat or comes to my home.

 

In the mean time he gave me a pamphlet on how to be aware of my surroundings. How lovely. Well, at least I got something done.

[Trialbyfire]

What a nutbar, tink!

 

It's all about his ego and obsession, with complete disregard for what it does to the other person. For that matter, I'm sure he actually enjoys the discomfort level he's giving you. Sick.

 

I'm glad you reported it. A restraining order, if it gets to that point, might make him think twice, considering his success level. Imagine how a restraining order would look, if exposed to his business contacts.

[Star Gazer]

IME, TROs do very little beyond inciting the person you want to stay away. Rather than keep them away, it inflames them. But I'm glad you filed a police report.

 

I'm tempted to say that you should find a way to communicate with him to let him know that you're on to him, and have alerted your friends and family that if anything happens to you, he did it. I don't know if that's wise though.

[donnamaybe]

IME, TROs do very little beyond inciting the person you want to stay away. Rather than keep them away, it inflames them. But I'm glad you filed a police report.

 

I'm tempted to say that you should find a way to communicate with him to let him know that you're on to him, and have alerted your friends and family that if anything happens to you, he did it. I don't know if that's wise though.

 

But if then VIOLATES the order, even with a mere phone call or text or e-mail, that's a criminal charge. I know that it will often make a person angry, but so will the disinterest of the stalkee. You have to start somewhere with the criminal justice paper trail.

 

Like, why am I telling you, of all people, this?!

I'm sure you already know more than I do.

[quankanne]

I wonder if this is an isolated incident? Or if he's pulled this kind of thing on other women? Might be interesting to research whether he's had similar charges filed on him in the past ... if so, that would go a long way for establishing a case that he is serious problem/threat to women.

[Star Gazer]

But if then VIOLATES the order, even with a mere phone call or text or e-mail, that's a criminal charge. I know that it will often make a person angry, but so will the disinterest of the stalkee. You have to start somewhere with the criminal justice paper trail.

 

Thing is, just the issuance of a TRO can send people over the edge. Here, during the period of time that the restraining order is in place, he'd have to surrender any weapons he has to the court. That alone has sent some crazies over the edge. If this guy is "important" in the community (or thinks he is), he won't want a public record out there (which a TRO is, a police report isn't as public as a court document), and that may cause him to flip out as well.

 

Here, intentionally and knowingly violating a protective or restraining order is only a misdemeanor that usually results in a very short stint in jail and a minor fine. I believe the max penalty is a year. What happens when he gets out?

 

All in all, IMO&E, TROs are only affective on people who are just obnoxious and harassing. They really aren't a deterrent for true wackadoos.

 

I guess I'm more concerned about her safety, than punishing him...if that makes sense.

 

Like, why am I telling you, of all people, this?!

I'm sure you already know more than I do.

 

Unlike you, my experience is limited to civil practice!

[tinktronik]

IME, TROs do very little beyond inciting the person you want to stay away. Rather than keep them away, it inflames them. But I'm glad you filed a police report.

 

I'm tempted to say that you should find a way to communicate with him to let him know that you're on to him, and have alerted your friends and family that if anything happens to you, he did it. I don't know if that's wise though.

 

I won't contact him. But I have made sure others are aware of the situation and know what's going on.

 

I agree that an obsessed mind may find a way to be angry at their "objects" disinterest, including a restraining order, but you've got to do what you've got to do. If he does not leave me alone I will continue the process and if the becomes aggressive I will protect myself in full.

 

I'm really not the "type" to put up with SH#^ like this. I don't know why he got so worked up over our one meeting other than something is very wrong with him. It pisses me off.

[donnamaybe]

Unlike you, my experience is limited to civil practice!

 

And I'm sure that can be QUITE an UN-civil job at times!