eeyore1981 Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I asked this of the cheater, and of course he doesn't remember how it got started, what was said, when he had feelings, etc. til I want to puke. I've had times in my life when I felt a friend was leaning towards it being more. For me, it was always something I shut down subtly as soon as I started feeling a little uncomfortable. I never said anything outright like "Hey, quit hitting on me." So I'm clueless about what is taking place to make someone confident enough to take it to the next step, and feel this need to know how this happens. I remember back when I was dating, having enough nerve at times to let someone single I liked know I liked them, but I just can't imagine doing that to someone who is married, does that make sense, and I am just trying to figure it out. TIA
aeh Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Before the revelation of my H's affair, I had always wondered this, too. I have asked my H this many times as well. He says that they went for a lunch (had only been coworkers for a month!) and they hugged at the end (who hugs their coworkers?) and the hug lasted for longer than was "normal". It lingered. So, yep, that's how it started for my H. And the next week when they went to lunch AGAIN, they hugged and then it turned into a kiss. Since all of this has unfolded, it has now opened my eyes to opportunities all around me for things evolving into affairs. Of course, now that I am actually aware of other men (whereas I wasn't before), I think I could jump into an A (if I so desired) a few times a week. If I was attracted to just anyone, a few times a day!
silverfish Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 In my ex's case, drink was involved. From what he told me (it took months) they had flirted at work, and talked after work. Then at a staff party she started playing with his foot, which led to hand holding, then kissing...but he was SOOOO drunk he 'blacked it out' for ages... I actually went and talked to her about it in the end. We had a civilised conversation and she filled me in on a lot of it including the fact that he'd told her he loved her...hmm. She didn't mean it to hurt me, it wasn't personal etc...our baby was 5 months old at the time. I did throw a drink over her head at the end of it though (it wasn't personal, I just felt like throwing my drink over her head:)) He still says to this day that she lied about that...I'll never really know what happened
Author eeyore1981 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 it wasn't personal etc...our baby was 5 months old at the time. I did throw a drink over her head at the end of it though (it wasn't personal, I just felt like throwing my drink over her head:)) :lmao::lmao::lmao: Good for you!
Author eeyore1981 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Well, it's a relief I'm not the only one who wonders about this. I, too, feel like I will never know what happened. He either slept with her or he didn't, he either loved her or he didn't, blah blah, you get the idea. 2 days ago, we were 'discussing' this, and he had started the IDK crap again, and I realized, I don't care anymore. In the sense of it isn't worth it to me anymore to go through all this to know. I'll just come up with whatever story I feel like, and then treat it as if it is the reality. Too bad for him if it was just an ea and I decide they were f*cking in my bed, but he has had his chance. Anyway, I've got a good story going except for how it got started, so I need some ideas.
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