mimiminx Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I am only 25 but have had 2 long term relationships and several short-terms, here's what happened to me: My first boyfriend in high school: we were close friends and eventually led to a relationship. We dated for maybe 6 months, he was my first. We broke up for some reason but still had feelings for each other. We both ended up dating other people but still had that connection and once when we both were single, we hooked up again. This was almost a year after we stopped dating. I think we were both maybe feeling the situation out to see if we wanted to resume our relationship. Nothing happened after that, I think I realized that my feelings had changed and so had his. He was crazy anyway. I still hold a special place in my heart for him, though. This was 10 years ago! I ran into him about 4 years ago when I was walking down the street and we laughed, hugged, and it was fine. A short-termer/kept coming back into my life: I met Jeremiah at a coffee shop by my work. I ended up going in there daily because we really liked eachother and he worked there so I knew I'd see him. Started dating for a couple months, we really liked eachother and had a great time together but for some reason it never progressed into a relationship. He moved away and I didn't see him for over a year. He came back and wanted to rekindle things with me. He told me that he's been in love with me since he met me and even in the year that we were apart, he always thought about me. He told me he'd like to start over and see where it would go. I was interested, so we did, and it still never went anywhere.. probably for the same reasons we never made it happen before, whatever reasons those were. In fact, when he came back, my romantic feelings for him had changed.. I realized that and we parted ways again. He was head over heels with me, as he always was, but I just didn't feel the same way. We still keep in touch occasionally. He's the kind of person that will probably be in my life for a long time. We were good friends. My first long term relationship lasted over 4 years. I was 18 when I met him. The entire time we were together, we were on the verge of breaking up. I actually left him about a year into our relationship, thought it was completely over and met someone else. About 2 months later, out of the blue, he contacted my mother and came to talk to her. He begged for me to come back, and I did. It was nice for awhile but then it just got worse. For some reason, don't ask me why, I stayed with him, but we went through 4 years of breaking up and making up, 2 times I moved out! The last hurrah was when things finally started to be going better between us, we moved back in together. After a couple of months, he was distancing himself and refused to sleep in the same bed as me. Long story short, he was interested in someone else. I found out about it, he confessed, I moved out, it was awful. It was so unhealthy and terrible. Within a couple weeks, I just stopped loving him and was ready to move on. After 4 years. It was very quickly that I met an amazing guy and we started dating. Meeting him was the best thing that ever happened to me. After about 2 months, my ex was hounding me, wanting to talk. At that point, I was still vulnerable but a lot stronger because I knew I'd be ok talking to him. So, I met him and he poured his heart out to me, I'm the best thing in the whole world, he loves me, he can't live without me, he wanted me back. He actually bought me an engagement ring and proposed to me!!! Of course I said no. I sent him a letter, changed my phone number, and moved on to a great new relationship. My most recent long-term: He's the one who I met after my 4 year relationship. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. I thought I knew what love was but I didn't until I met him. We had a beautiful story-book romance for the most part. We were a perfect match, so I thought.. he left me almost 2 months ago. We had some communication problems and fought over money but nothing was ever bad between us. Our love was and is true for eachother, at least I can say mine is. He still tells me he loves me, has romantic feelings for me, etc. It's been very confusing. I've been hoping more than anything for a second chance, but I do know this: it's only after the person gets stronger and starts to "try" to move on, that they come back. Not always, but in my life it has been that way. It's sad.. I never really loved any of the other guys, but I love him more than anything in the world. In the past, I realized I was happier without the others, but not this time. Maybe he'll come back, maybe he won't. I'm at the point now that of course I would love for a second chance, more than anything! But I have to accept that it's time for me to "try" to move on... meaning put myself out there, accept that date... I'm absolutely not interested in pursuing another relationship or dating anyone, but what am I going to do? Hole myself up in my apartment and stop living? No.. I want him to come back, I want us to come back together. I hope we do. But if he's not feelin the same way right now, best that I not hope for it. Second chances... when you come back together, often you just don't feel the same way anymore. That's happened to me A LOT.
alexxx Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I read your story before and really hope that things will work out between the two of you. I have no clue why he left (maybe a combination of things) but i'll tell you that men hate being under pressure to get job, make money, provide... It is a gender specific thing and you might not be able to fully understand that, so I can't blame you for acting the way you did. But, to me, saying that he needed to go out and make money was as humiliating as if he told you he wished you were prettier. You don't say that to a guy. If you couldn't stand the financial stress anymore, you should have simply left.
hopefulInFuture Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I have not read your posts and I don't know you but based on your summary of your relationships it seems to me that you're not always strong enough to be on your own. You don't have to have a boyfriend to go out and have fun. You don't have to lock yourself into the room just cause you don't want to get into another relationship. What about having fun with other women? I think if you start hanging out more with other girls and having more fun, you'll stop your need to be constantly in a relationship with someone. it seems to me that you can't imagine yourself single. I might be wrong and I don't mean any harm, this is just what I am reading between the lines. I was like you. I used to feel that I needed to be in love in order to be happy and have a full life. You should never need someone to be happy. The happiness comes from within and you have to work on your own happiness. Maybe, instead of waiting for him to give you another chance, you should start working on what makes you happy so that even if he comes back and if you still want to be with him, you know how to work on your issues differently. Happy people make happier and healthier relationships.
Author mimiminx Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 I read your story before and really hope that things will work out between the two of you. I have no clue why he left (maybe a combination of things) but i'll tell you that men hate being under pressure to get job, make money, provide... It is a gender specific thing and you might not be able to fully understand that, so I can't blame you for acting the way you did. But, to me, saying that he needed to go out and make money was as humiliating as if he told you he wished you were prettier. You don't say that to a guy. If you couldn't stand the financial stress anymore, you should have simply left. That didn't happen. I didn't tell him to do so at all. Not at all. I was incredibly understanding and supportive, more so than I think most women would be, because I loved him and believed in him. Thank you for what you said though.
Recommended Posts