Prettyinblack Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Ok, Folks....I have a question pertaining to finances in a relationship that isor (was), moving in the direction of co-habitation. My boyfriend of 6 months has 2 children from a marital relationship and 1 from a common-law realtionship that ended 2 years ago. I have no children. I knew this when we started dated.....I really didnt want to get involved with somone with small children, but he was so sweet and we really clicked so we kept hanging out. By the way, we are both 43 and both come from European backgrounds where the parents became wealthy. I left the material wealth and carved out a life for myself when I was 20....My boyfriend left for 3 years, went back and has been there ever since. This morning a conversation ensues. He has credit card debt, and support for 3 children, and cant really afford to stay in his apartment. I own my own home. He tells me this am that he asked his father if he could move back in to the family home to save some money and the dad says "no way." My guy is upset about this. In kind of an entitled kind of way. My blood is boiling...he sounds whiny and shocked that his father wont allow him to move back in when HIS BROTHER lives there, is an addict and the parents are enabling him. He also says that he will only be there about 2 nights a week when he has his son. (this infers that he will be at my house, as he is here a lot). I am being really quiet. SO he keeps asking me what I think. And I say gently that I left home at the age of 20 after an argument that happened between my father and I and it was the best thing that happened to me. It forced me to get my **** together and took away my father's control. It made me work harder instead of waiting for the heritance to come in, which never did, and now I am independent. So , the conversation ended shortly after that but I am really questioning whether to continue on with him, or end it. I feel that I have lost respect for him. We are the same age, and granted I dont have children, but he works for one of the highest end families in this city and I am not seeing any benefit to me in terms of lightening my load. Dont get me wrong, I am independent and always will be, but feel that my future partner should have something to bring to the table other than financial problems. Am I out of line here or what? Is it time to fish or cut bait?
Author Prettyinblack Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Thanks for the reply...he is assuming that he will only stay at his parents the 2 nights he has his son daddy and son time. Most of the time, he is here about 3-4 nights per week, but it isn't expected......to assume that he be here 5 nights a week is presumptuous.
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Straight up Prettyinblack, I'd cut bait. He doesn't sound like a responsible guy. His credit card debt isn't going away. His three young children aren't going away. He expects his father to take care of him, even though he's in his 40's and has made those life decisions.
Angel1111 Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 This conversation would cause me to lose respect for this guy. I think he was actually hinting that you offer to let him come live with you - and I think that's another reason why you're so irritated by this conversation (understandably). If I were in his situation, I would simply find a cheaper place to live and that would be the end of it. He sounds whiney and irresponsible. And he's got too many kids scattered all over the place. This would become a big point of contention after awhile for someone who's not that into kids, as you say you're not. You need to be with a man who's wise and mature.
Author Prettyinblack Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Thanks everyone for the input. I think I just needed confirmation that I was on the right track and not bailing.
LakesideDream Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 At 43 it sounds like you are being asked to shoulder more "baggage" than you are willing to carry for him. That's why it's called "dating". Time to move on and find someone else to date.
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