I hate it when people say "Your bad attitude is the reason why you can't get women"

[Hkizzle]

If the guy walks up and asks that - he'd be confident and self assured.

 

Believe me there is a lot you can tell from just the way a person walks or presents themselves.

 

 

Yeah and since confidence matters so much to women they'll often write a guy off for lack of it. Or just for not having enough especially if she's a hot girl and used to a lot of men approaching her.

[Island Girl]

Yeah and since confidence matters so much to women they'll often write a guy off for lack of it. Or just for not having enough especially if she's a hot girl and used to a lot of men approaching her.

 

Not sure if you are being facetious but this is true.

 

Confidence goes a long way for either sex. It is one of the most attractive qualities.

 

So a lack of it is a turn off from the word go. And a negative attitude about things or life in general is a turn off. And a guy that walks around like he is disgusted with the world is a turn off.

[Hkizzle]

Not sure if you are being facetious but this is true.

 

Confidence goes a long way for either sex. It is one of the most attractive qualities.

 

So a lack of it is a turn off from the word go. And a negative attitude about things or life in general is a turn off. And a guy that walks around like he is disgusted with the world is a turn off.

 

There's a slight difference.

 

Confidence at the very beginning is extremely important for a man to attract a woman from the start. So for a man to do well he needs to put a lot of effort into his personality.

 

For a woman to attract a man it's slightly different. The best model is to use looks to attract him and personality to keep him hooked. Nice girls that don't put effort into their looks, and models with no personality both fail at different stages. The model will get a lot fo male attention but fail to KEEP anyone.

[Island Girl]

For a woman to attract a man it's slightly different. The best model is to use looks to attract him and personality to keep him hooked. Nice girls that don't put effort into their looks, and models with no personality both fail at different stages. The model will get a lot fo male attention but fail to KEEP anyone.

 

Yes and the nice girl will get over looked if she isn't paying attention to the external.

 

Of course this is only in the normal meet up scenarios. A nice girl can attract a guy if she is in a situation when she can let him get to know her - study group, class, work, etc.

 

The best thing you can do whether male or female is to play to your strengths, not measure yourself against anyone else, and be confident with who you are.

[WineCountry]

TBF...I didnt go back to read your post. But i saw in someone elses post that you asked me a question. You asked can I give you a good reason for someone having a bad attitude.

 

Can I ask YOU something? WHERE did I say having a bad attitude was good for ANY reason? I did not.

 

What I have been doing is simply acknowledging the feelings that some people have when they are treated that way. Telling them they have poor attitudes, that they are lazy, dont take care of themselves... those are some of the responses I have seen on here. I just find that a bit much, and it invalidates the feelings that they are having, because I can understand their hurt and I find it to be normal. I'm not advocating that they WALLOW in self pity. No where did i say that. But I DO understand how they can feel what they feel.

 

The bottom line is this. Some people have God given things that make it easier for them to attract the opposite sex. I find it simply amazing and down right hypocritcal that anyone would deny that.

 

So, let be clear, so no one misunderstands me. Folks who feel frustrated that they can't attract someone of the opposite sex because it seems like they are always being shot down or over looked, I can understand how they feel, and i give some validation to how they feel. The original point the OP was trying to make was that it is NOT always because of a bad attitude, and that he was tired of constantly being told that. I happen to agree with him. I agreed with him, and I said I also agreed with the post Sam Spade made that said there are strict dating requirements that are out there, and sometimes if you do not fit into those standards or requirements, you lose out more often. This is FACT.

 

Someone wants to tell me that is not true, must live in a sandbox in the desert. Or you just want to argue with me for the sake of arguing.

 

This does NOT mean that i feel some folks attitude NEVER affects their dating life. Of COURSE it can, and it does. But, that was not the topic here. The topic was a poster feeling like the "bad attitude" reason was being tossed out way too much to folks as a reason why they got overlooked a lot on the dating scene.

 

I happen to agree with this. It's not ALWAYS about bad attitudes. A lot of it is they dont fit into these requirements or standards that are out there in the dating scene. That is all. Of course having a bright, cherry outlook on life, and keeping a stiff upper lip and going into each potential dating scene optimistically and all that other therapist type stuff is the best way to go. Sure it is. Never said it wasnt.

 

Hope that clears stuff up.

[sally4sara]

I have this theory that ties this thread with the other one where the OP says he is afraid of women.

 

The two concepts:

no luck with women = bad attitude towards women

scared of women = no luck with women

 

I believe they are two halves of the same problem so that it seems to be often:

scared of women = no luck with women = bad attitude towards women = even less luck with women (all to not have to get close to the scary women AND be able to blame them for this fear rather than oneself)

 

But I see this being more common among men as women become less viewed to be weaker or helpless. Women have less of a need to partner up to survive so they are no longer chasing after men. Add to this the new ability for women to procreate without male sperm at all.

Meanwhile

Men still need women to procreate so there is an internal drive that puts a man under pressure to find a woman who will be receptive to him. What a man use to be able to rely on to achieve this is disappearing.

So what is a man to do if he feels scared of women in general and/or has a lack of physical qualities that would give him a better chance?

 

It makes me wonder if this is all part of a larger evolutionary shift growing apparent? Perhaps only men who have either a majority of desired physical qualities and/or the drive to ignore the pressure and fear to find a willing partner will successfully mate to counter balance the lack of their genetic necessity? Is perhaps nature working in mysterious ways?

 

Will this lead us to create a new human race where both genders are comfortable with seeing the other as no longer so other and opposed while everyone who cannot accept this dies out for a lack of passing their DNA on? Maybe for men who find women so scary, there is some DNA marker that undermines their chance of surviving in the gene pool.

[Island Girl]

sally4sara you just made everybody's head spin. LOL

 

You raise a different perspective on this for sure.

[Kamille]

I'm running for shelter as we speak!

 

But come on Sally, that's like saying personality is genetic. And the reason why men have a tougher time is because men are expected to make the first move, not because they are less in demand.

 

I know I much prefer my life with men in it. Granted, there are studies that show single women make happier singles then men, but still. I don't think men are any less in demand then women. Especially good quality men who appreciate me for who I am (and don't approach me with a head full of stereotypes about women).

[sally4sara]

I'm running for shelter as we speak!

 

But come on Sally, that's like saying personality is genetic. And the reason why men have a tougher time is because men are expected to make the first move, not because they are less in demand.

 

I know I much prefer my life with men in it. Granted, there are studies that show single women make happier singles then men, but still. I don't think men are any less in demand then women. Especially good quality men who appreciate me for who I am (and don't approach me with a head full of stereotypes about women).

 

 

I don't think we will see a life without men and that isn't what I am implying. I am trying to imply that perhaps the male of our species is culling itself out to evolve in a different direction. One hopefully, more adaptable and coopperative.

I DO think certain aspects of personality are genetic or our species would not be a successful one.

 

Curiousness

being manipulative

being calculating

forming strategies

 

 

We are out running our species old methods, is it inconceivable that nature would find a way to counter balance our course on the path?

[WineCountry]

There's a slight difference.

 

Confidence at the very beginning is extremely important for a man to attract a woman from the start. So for a man to do well he needs to put a lot of effort into his personality.

 

For a woman to attract a man it's slightly different. The best model is to use looks to attract him and personality to keep him hooked. Nice girls that don't put effort into their looks, and models with no personality both fail at different stages. The model will get a lot fo male attention but fail to KEEP anyone.

 

 

Ok..here's one point I was trying to make. Look at the highlighted part. People just keep on saying stuff like that. The point I was trying to make when i said it is harder for some people than others, is not based on stuff they can CHANGE.

 

Of course, if you let yourself gain 70 pounds, don't wash your hair, and wear clothes that make you look like a bum..then that is your fault.

 

That's not what im talking about. I mean that there are people every day that you see, that no matter how nice they dress, or if they keep their weight in check, get a nice hairdo, put on makeup, etc..THEY ARE NOT GOING TO LOOK LIKE JENNIFER LOPEZ!!!!! Not even close. Sorry to say, but i can go to work tomorrow for example and see people that i hate to say no amount of makeup is gonna help them out too much.

 

And consequently these are NOT the people that have the opposite sex after them all the time either.

 

That is my point. See, people are willing to admit that if you do not keep up your appearance, then you wont get as much attention. NO SH*T! Well, then why is it hard to understand that if you dont have looks in the first place, you ALSO get over looked more often???? Good lord..this is my WHOLE point.

 

Some poor saps get accused of having bad attitudes, not keeping their appearance up, and that is why they dont get dates. What if they ARE trying to come off in the best way they can, but they dont measure up to those "standards" that society puts out there?? They can't control the looks they were born with, i dont care HOW much gel they use, or how nice the hair cut is, or how nice the mustache is trimmed.

 

This is why simply said it is NOT all about poor attitudes. As a matter of fact, i think the person who knows he may not meet those standards figures he has to try HARDER..because usually they DO. Didnt someone say that already in a post? I agree. To me, they probably have to turn on twice the amount of charm and stand on their heads. Which i have to believe some do. And yet, the obnoxious guy who looks like Brad Pitt gets all the chicks. Hmm..if bad attitude is such a hinderance, then why do the "bad boys" have so many women?? Hmmmmm....cause they are probably hot looking and ride a kool motorcycle?? Why do guys that are total jerks have women, and the nice guys dont? So, where does this "bad attitude not getting u dates" come into play?

 

If you fit the into the "standards" that are out there, then its easier for you even if you DO have a poor attitude. Gee..aint that funny.

 

I can see how folks telling these other people that its all their poor attitude or slovenly appearance that's getting them overlooked might pi$$ them off.

[Hkizzle]

Ok..here's one point I was trying to make. Look at the highlighted part. People just keep on saying stuff like that. The point I was trying to make when i said it is harder for some people than others, is not based on stuff they can CHANGE.

 

Of course, if you let yourself gain 70 pounds, don't wash your hair, and wear clothes that make you look like a bum..then that is your fault.

 

That's not what im talking about. I mean that there are people every day that you see, that no matter how nice they dress, or if they keep their weight in check, get a nice hairdo, put on makeup, etc..THEY ARE NOT GOING TO LOOK LIKE JENNIFER LOPEZ!!!!! Not even close. Sorry to say, but i can go to work tomorrow for example and see people that i hate to say no amount of makeup is gonna help them out too much.

 

And consequently these are NOT the people that have the opposite sex after them all the time either.

 

That is my point. See, people are willing to admit that if you do not keep up your appearance, then you wont get as much attention. NO SH*T! Well, then why is it hard to understand that if you dont have looks in the first place, you ALSO get over looked more often???? Good lord..this is my WHOLE point.

 

Some poor saps get accused of having bad attitudes, not keeping their appearance up, and that is why they dont get dates. What if they ARE trying to come off in the best way they can, but they dont measure up to those "standards" that society puts out there?? They can't control the looks they were born with, i dont care HOW much gel they use, or how nice the hair cut is, or how nice the mustache is trimmed.

 

This is why simply said it is NOT all about poor attitudes. As a matter of fact, i think the person who knows he may not meet those standards figures he has to try HARDER..because usually they DO. Didnt someone say that already in a post? I agree. To me, they probably have to turn on twice the amount of charm and stand on their heads. Which i have to believe some do. And yet, the obnoxious guy who looks like Brad Pitt gets all the chicks. Hmm..if bad attitude is such a hinderance, then why do the "bad boys" have so many women?? Hmmmmm....cause they are probably hot looking and ride a kool motorcycle?? Why do guys that are total jerks have women, and the nice guys dont? So, where does this "bad attitude not getting u dates" come into play?

 

If you fit the into the "standards" that are out there, then its easier for you even if you DO have a poor attitude. Gee..aint that funny.

 

I can see how folks telling these other people that its all their poor attitude or slovenly appearance that's getting them overlooked might pi$$ them off.

 

You're right, some of the stuff we can't change. Thus some of us will not look like Brad Pitt or Jennifer Lopez. Some people are also born in the 3rd world country and starving to death.

 

Life is cruel.......what can I say.....

[Kamille]

oh but come on Wine Country, you're talking about, like, what, 1% of the population??? Plus, you're basically saying that people who have a hard time dating are... irremediably (sp) ugly. That's not very comforting!

 

Plus the great majority of people I encounter on a daily basis have everything the need, physically, to be able to attract someone of the opposite sex. That doesn't mean they all maximize what they've got (hell, I've been too busy to really take care of my looks myself), but most people are at least average or could be average looking with a little effort.

[carhill]

The bad boys are pre-selecting the women I certainly don't wish to find attractive. Why on earth would I be mad that those women chose them over me. Both are doing me a favor. Thank you.

 

That's called a positive attitude....

[Woggle]

That's funny since the more negative I became towards women the easier it was to get a date. The thing though is that I am not afraid of women and I couldn't care less about impressing them. They either like me or they don't and I think many women respect that attitude.

[PQ13]

I can tell one thing... I have been living in Canada for over 10 years and I have never dated a Canadian woman. I dated Latin woman, East European woman and French woman. I have nothing against Canadian women in general, but this is how it works:

 

I am an average guy from Eastern Europe living in Canada, if I hit on Canadian women they don't seem very impressed (even my accent doesn't help). It seems that only a certain type of Canadian women are willing to give me a chance, I would say they're "#4" and "#5" usually single mother of two, slightly overweight, not very bright... (you got the picture). However when I'm in Ukraine I can pick up "#8" and "#9" quite easy.

 

IMO Canadian women are nice and cool but they aren't dateble, so I would rather stick with East European ladies...

[Els]

The past is the past.

 

Focus on today.

 

Today you have a bad attitude and that's why you can't get women.

 

QFT.

 

The truth hurts, doesn't it?

[Island Girl]

Hmm..if bad attitude is such a hinderance, then why do the "bad boys" have so many women?? Hmmmmm....cause they are probably hot looking and ride a kool motorcycle??

 

 

This kind of bad attitude the kind that would come with a bad boy -- or a jerk --is not the same kind of bad attitude that the negative, poor me, the world is against me and all women suck types have.

 

A bad boy is confident. Almost staring the world down in a way.

 

The jerk is confident and doesn't give a crap what anyone thinks about anything (hence being a jerk).

 

Give me an example of a confident defeatist who attracts women. I can't think of any. Gee, I wonder why that is??

[Woggle]

The bad boys and players ususally have just as negative an attitude against woman as the defeatists but they are just much better at getting inside a woman's head. I have friends that are players and they laugh at how easy it is to make some women fall for them.

[gypsy_nicky]

OP is stating that women who argue this way are going around in circles.

[C-i-C-u]

The bad boys and players ususally have just as negative an attitude against woman as the defeatists but they are just much better at getting inside a woman's head. I have friends that are players and they laugh at how easy it is to make some women fall for them.

You also gotta remember that bad boys and players have the looks women like and they know it. Women are attracted to the way they look, they overlook everything else. So yeah, life is unfair.

[bayouboi]

I kind of feel that there's some truth to the cause-effect relationship, but it's kind of a chicken or egg scenario. Ultimately, though, you must realize that your bad attitude towards women WILL limit your interactions with them REGARDLESS of whether or not it's their fault you have that attitude.

[donnamaybe]

I'm sure any of the LS'rs that have had that said to them are positive gems. It's everyone ELSE they come in contact with that is the problem.

[Kamille]

You also gotta remember that bad boys and players have the looks women like and they know it. The women who are attracted to them are attracted to the way they look, they overlook everything else. So yeah, life is unfair.

 

Amended for better representation of feminity.

 

I thought it was generally assumed by everyone who believe in strict gender differences that men were the visual gender?

 

I was thinking about the Matt Damon -Jason Alexander (George Costanza) example yesterday. You know, truth be told, while physical attraction is important to me, at the end of the night, I'm going to be more interested in the guy that makes me laugh and makes me feel comfortable. That is what makes a man attractive in my book.

 

In fact, of Matt and Jason, right off the bat, I would be more interested in going out on a date with Jason Alexander because I like Jason's personality. He's funny and he seems easy-going (unlike his character George.) Matt Damon? I don't know, sure he looks good but I don't relate to him in any way.

[carhill]

A positive attitude is, IMO, why Jason, who turned 50 a couple days ago, has been married to his lovely Daena for nearly 28 years. If you see pictures of them, you would, at first, think them to be an odd couple, physically. Interesting

[Trialbyfire]

WineCountry, okay, now you've validated their feelings. So...will this help men (as referenced in the opening post) who have a bad attitude, find a mate?

 

A bad attitude comes through in body language, mode of speech and in what they say. Or, if they're feeling sensitive, can't get themselves to ask women out. In either scenario, it causes more disinterest from women.

 

It's very rare that men, unless they look like Quasimodo, are so unattractive that they can't get a mate. But it's fact that every single person on this planet has been rejected, whether it's an immediate rejection without you knowing about it within the first glance, or whether it's the girl that turns down your date request. Shyte happens!

 

So, get on your big boy pants on, and ask women out. The more women you ask out, the more likely someone will accept.

 

I will add something, I found curious.

 

One of the participants of this thread mentions he's an average guy who isn't happy about the looks of average women he can pull in his environment. In another environment, he can pull above average women.

 

I can't decide if this is a self-entitled attitude or something, some of you men can learn from. It has elements of both. Anyone care to take a run at it?