lora22 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Awhile ago I met a law student - a mutual friend set us up. So we hung out in a group one night, then law guy got my number and asked me out on a date. If we had dated, it would have been a long distance relationship, because he lives in another city (was there over the summer at his parents' place, and plans on moving back there when he graduates this year). Our date was OK, but I didn't really feel much chemistry with him. I liked him OK as a person, but wasn't heavily crushing on him. In the meantime, he facebooked me, and would send me a message or write on my wall sometimes, or text me once in awhile. This actually kind of annoyed me, because even when we were setting up our date he kept saying that he would call me, but then he would text me. Pet peeve of mine. Our first date (outside of the group thing) was a movie and drinks after. Date ended with a kiss on the cheek and a hug. He texted later the next day saying he had a lot of fun and we should get together again. We didn't for probably a month, and there was no serious effort on his part to make it happen - he "was busy with finals," but we did keep in contact to a certain extent. In June, before he went back home, I was out at a party with a bunch of friends in his neighborhood (like a block or two away) so I texted him to come over if he wanted. He came and brought a (guy) friend. It was a little awkward (but then again, he definitely is a little socially awkward) because even though I was the only person he knew there, he chatted with a bunch of other people and was just hanging out after he got there without ever saying anything to me. I approached him, and we sort of hung out for the rest of the night. It was a little weird, since he was there, and we talked a little, but he spent a lot of time talking to other people around us. Normally (if he was more bf material) this would be a good thing; but since he's not, I expected him to spend more time with me. We both got fairly drunk, and right before he left to go home, when the party was winding down, he all of a sudden grabbed me and started kissing me, saying "I just have to see what it's like." Then he left. Now, he's back in town for his last year of law school, and he's living next door to one of my best friends. We texted/facebooked maybe half a dozen times over the summer. Now that he's living next door to my friend (his roommate is the mutual friend that set us up, and is also friends with my friend - we all went to school together), he texted me asking to meet up when I'm around. I realize this is really long, you're so patient it you've made it this far. My questions are: What is going on here? Is he trying to "date" me again? Is he trying to have me as a distraction/backburner type thing? Is he just trying to be friends? Obviously his interest level is pretty low, but I'm trying to figure out how to handle this situation - I don't want any awkwardness since he's living next door to my friend and I'll be over there a lot. *Don't know if this matters, but we went out when I was not too long out of a relationship.
Trialbyfire Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 he texted me asking to meet up when I'm around. I would have just responded casually with an "oh sure" and then not done it. Let him make some serious moves if he's interested, like asking you out. Other than that, treat him like a friend. If he tries to put any moves on you while not on a date, push him back, unless you're looking for an ONS or FWB.
jeepchick Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Maybe I'm confused, but what do YOU want out of this? If you're only interested in being friends, then I think this is a non-issue, especially since, like you said, his interest level is low. I would take his "let's meet up when you're around" thing to mean "let me know when you're visiting next door and maybe I'll stop by." If you are looking for a ONS or FWB with this dude, my advice would be dont' sh*t where you eat (or in this case, where your friend eats). One person always likes the other person more and then it never ends well.
Kamille Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 The moves and mode of communication sounds like a guy I also kind of dated who kissed me to "see what that would feel like" and then sporadically keeps in touch via Facebook. Also has moved around a lot, but not in law school. My analysis of the guy in my situation is that he's actually really insecure when it comes to women, so he holds back a lot. I'm not super interested in him, so, yeah, I don't really make any moves so the contact stays sporadic.
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