brock9911 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 im sure im not the only one on this site thats feeling this. but i have nothing in me. iv been empty lately. i dont seem to give a sh*t about anything or anyone. iv been irritable, cranky, moody, aggressive and basically clamming up and not talking. iv been filled with complete anger and iv been feeling like im just getting by without a purpose. my mind is constantly swamped with thoughts of my ex, and/or trying to move on. when the next fling will come along. im not happy in the least bit. everything makes me angry. iv got a f*ck you mentallity lately. iv been saying to myself, iv been burned too many times in the past year by my ex, friends and family. iv done for others and iv gotten sh*t on in return. i hate feeling like this, it sucks.
Ilovecake Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 welcome to the club. grab a seat, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Author brock9911 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 true, iv been here haha. its just becoming more of a reality when i sit back and see how many people ask things from you and take advantage. it just sux. thankfully things should only get better.
DustySaltus Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Hey, I'm with you man. I'm trying to use this time to find out what I want from a relationship in the future, I suggest you do the same. Go work out, be around positive people and go out on dates with NO expectations. In time you'll be ok.
GrayClouds Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 welcome to the club. grab a seat, it's going to be a bumpy ride. very good I took most of my energy and drop 20 lbs and got my six pack back (ok it is only about 4 pack but its getting there, its better then the previous pony keg) The rest of it I am currently turning it on myself to beat myself up. I wouldn't suggest that.
caramel c Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Wow. I am feeling the same way, and it just kind of started this week. Before, I had a short period of being angry at HIM, and now I just feel negative, bitter, jaded...about everything else but him. I got news that a cousin of mine got engaged, I wasn't truly 'happy' but I tried my best to have a normal happy reaction. Jokes aren't really funny. People are annoying me just by breathing. Couples make me want to puke. Food doesn't taste good. Nobody understands me. My time is over, I can't keep dishing it out to all my friends. Enough is enough, its been 3 months now and nobody wants to hear it anymore. I don't want to hear what they have to say anymore, either. It's all the same thing anyway, nothing new. I'm not even excited for the weekend.
Author brock9911 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Wow. I am feeling the same way, and it just kind of started this week. Before, I had a short period of being angry at HIM, and now I just feel negative, bitter, jaded...about everything else but him. I got news that a cousin of mine got engaged, I wasn't truly 'happy' but I tried my best to have a normal happy reaction. Jokes aren't really funny. People are annoying me just by breathing. Couples make me want to puke. Food doesn't taste good. Nobody understands me. My time is over, I can't keep dishing it out to all my friends. Enough is enough, its been 3 months now and nobody wants to hear it anymore. I don't want to hear what they have to say anymore, either. It's all the same thing anyway, nothing new. I'm not even excited for the weekend. Carmel, i think you just spoke the words im thinking exactly verbatim. i dont think it could have been put better. and than i have my friends who are in relationships who are truly happy, but pretend their feeling my pain. right now what i hate the most is the friend who is in a brand new relationship. where everything is great, even sh*t tastes like candy.
caramel c Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Carmel, i think you just spoke the words im thinking exactly verbatim. i dont think it could have been put better. and than i have my friends who are in relationships who are truly happy, but pretend their feeling my pain. right now what i hate the most is the friend who is in a brand new relationship. where everything is great, even sh*t tastes like candy. Oh, its so easy for them to say 'you're better off', or 'this will pass' or my personal favorite 'everything happens for a reason' <--------if I hear this again I'm going to show them exactly what is going to happen, FOR A REASON.
caramel c Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Ya, everything is covered with a film of black. Everything is dull, boring, annoying, frustrating, fake, disgusting, and toxic.
Author brock9911 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 the only time where i feel open and somewhat happy since i broke up with my ex was/is when im drinking, which im currently trying to kick so im not happy. and there were 3 people that iv hooked up with, 1 which was more serious. while my mind was occupied on them i was happy and not bothered. once that void opened up again, right back to square one
caramel c Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 the only time where i feel open and somewhat happy since i broke up with my ex was/is when im drinking, which im currently trying to kick so im not happy. and there were 3 people that iv hooked up with, 1 which was more serious. while my mind was occupied on them i was happy and not bothered. once that void opened up again, right back to square one Well, I haven't started seeing anybody at all and though I do have a couple of admirers, I hate them, and I don't even care to get to know them. Oh what a joy I am. I am impressed.
carhill Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Well, at least I know how you feel now Can a negative be a positive? Depends on the universe, I guess....
Maxwell Sage Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Damn, homey. In your past relationship you were the man, homey. No, but seriously, do what makes you happy. It sounds as though you've lost sight of what does it for you. Think back to how you became elated prior to finding your ex. Even doing these things constantly won't fix your situation, but the distraction will help ease your mind, as well as your anger. If that doesn't work, try listening to this song. It's definitely helped me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yd4JGy-ZbQU
Author brock9911 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 maxwell...actually becoming or reverting to what i was b4 my ex is the opposite of what i want. i was a very angry child growing up. but b4 her i was big into doing drugs...mind u i was only 18 when we met. i had a f*ck everything f*ck everybody mentality than. regardless of how things became between my ex and i, i am thankful she did straighten me out. i became closer to my family, started talking to my father ect. more well rounded so to speak. i also oriented my goals in life. went to college, have a career. so in many ways i thank her alot. not for what im going through now, but for what iv become.
Maxwell Sage Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I respect it, man. Good to hear that your views are positive when it comes to how you feel about the impact she had on your life. I feel as though my ex helped me become well rounded as well. At the very least, I'm far more experienced. I'm not saying you should become what you were beforehand, just do what made you happy beforehand. As long as it's not self destructive, I think it should help. By the way, did you try listening to the song?
Author brock9911 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 yeah i just did, i like e-40 he's a sick rapper. i was stuck in parking violations court..how fun. for me the song that makes me feel a lil happy, not the beat or the band neccessarily but the words is gives you hell. it kinda makes me feel better. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l06M-dsQf3Q i cant knock my ex for the life experiences that iv learned. i liked everything about who we were. its what we became that sux. both of us drifted apart and instead of calling it off she decided to cheat and than we dragged it on for another year after that. i would give anything to go back say...1 1/2 years ago to b4 it started getting rocky and b4 she did her dirty deeds. but instead we're forced to move on right. well i know in time, in time. but also, one thing that im getting a kick out of doing which i have reverted back to is writing. i havent done that in probably a good 9 or 10 years. it feels good to release that mental anguish on paper
GrayClouds Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 the only time where i feel open and somewhat happy since i broke up with my ex was/is when im drinking, which im currently trying to kick Props to you, it is hard enough to kick the love drug after a break-up but kicking the drink too is a very smart bad ass effort.
Author brock9911 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 thanx bro. being young and going out and drinking is one thing, but stepping back and realizing how much i was doing it is a totally different animal. coming from a drinking family doesnt help much. i dont intend on not drinking, just minimizing the amout i drink. so far i havent had a drink in 5 days which is a huge step for me. and iv been at the gym alot which helps also.
caramel c Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 brock, are you doin any better today? I am, a little.
caramel c Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 These mood swings make me feel like a crazy person though.
Author brock9911 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 honestly, not really. i made a huge mistake last night by checking my ex's myspace. a friend of mine made an effort to contact her and left her his #. it put me in quite a disturbing predicament. he denied ever sending her anything saying he hasnt been on in months. we both have mutual people who we hate or who hate us, so im trying to lean towards the fact that hes telling the truth and that someone is messing with his account but i dont know what to believe.
bhweller Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 listen dude, if you EVER have mood swings DO NOT DRINK ALCHOHOL. yes, I know that sounds extreme, but its true. Alchohol messes with the natural chemicals that occur in your brain and also your blood sugar levels. Your entire metabolic system gets disrupted and you could find yourself in deep sh*t, as in jail, due to an angry freakout. A very high percentage of violent crimes involve alchohol and/or stimulant drugs, so also be carefull with stimulant drugs, even caffeine. You have to accept that if you constantly have mood swings you need to treat yourself like you are special(because you are) and don't always go along with the crowd. If you are sitting around people drinking, drink non-alchohol beer and leave if everyone gets trashed. Go sober, go to a doctor and get some mood/anxiety pills if necessary, its no so bad. In my case I realized that i have had untreated ADHD for most of my life and it has brought all kinds of abuse on me(people think I am lazy, dumb, weird, etc), and I also had some family abuse/neglect issues causing a lot of anger. You may find the root cause of your problems as well and that is part of why we are alive.
Author brock9911 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 trust me im trying to stop the drinking. iv told myself my whole life i would never let myself become what my fathers family became, and it was starting to head down that path. but im making a very stong effort to not do that. as for medication, i am on lexapro, klonopin and seroquil. im not gonna explain how they work, but their common medications for what i have. one of the reasons my mood swings have become more frequent as of late is because like an ********* i decided, hey your doing good, so y continue the medication, its all in your head anyway. well for the first month id say i was fine until the medication was completely out of my system. than thats when i noticed the bitterness, anger, hatred. thats when i went back to my psychiatrist, now its just a waiting game until the meds become active in my body.
caramel c Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 honestly, not really. i made a huge mistake last night by checking my ex's myspace. a friend of mine made an effort to contact her and left her his #. it put me in quite a disturbing predicament. he denied ever sending her anything saying he hasnt been on in months. we both have mutual people who we hate or who hate us, so im trying to lean towards the fact that hes telling the truth and that someone is messing with his account but i dont know what to believe. wtf...you think these people would really do that?
bayouboi Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I bottled all that anger up and drank it to give me more energy and motivation when I worked out. I even wore shirts she bought for me as if they were batteries there to constantly recharge my anger as I stared at myself in the mirrors in the gym as I transformed my body.
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