AloneAgainNaturally Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 We met on a dating site, hit it off really well and things seemed to be going really good (I shoulda known better to assume they would stay that way). We were dating for a month and then became official (she was even getting impatient around the month mark that I hadn't made it official yet, but I like to take my time). It had been 2 months total and then she dumped me saying she doesn't think the relationship could go past friendship level..even though in my opinion it already had. We slept together, we got along really well, texted all day..the only downside is we lived an hour away from each other so she would complain slightly about having to schedule time to see me instead of being able to spontaniously, but it really didn't seem like it was that far to me. There wasn't really any signs of her pulling away from the relationship near the end, infact she even was worried about her being too needy and really seemed to want to spend time with me, we had even spent the night together 2 nights before she dumped me and we had a great time too. During my questioning of why she was dumping me she said that ever since her exbf of a year ago and her broke up she hasn't been able to develop feelings for anyone. She said she usually would develop them fast but she can't anymore and that its like her feelings button is turned off. I asked her how she could not have feelings for me but still act the way she did for the past 2 months and she said that she liked me a lot but there was no feelings developed. She thought she was going to marry her exbf and hasn't been able to develop feelings for anyone since. How could her feelings button be turned off? WTH After the initial break up conversation I didn't want to do the usual beg and plead because that got me nowhere before with ex's, so i read up on NC and sent her a message via Facebook saying that I agreed on her decision for it to be over, I was going to give her space and maybe one day we could be friends. I didn't go full NC because I didn't want to be mean, I just wanted to seem unaffected (even though I miss her so much). So I agreed with myself not to make first contact and reply only. The next day she sent me a text message during her lunch asking if I was doing alright and I said "Yea! I just got to work, got to pick someone up" and she proceeded turn it into a conversation, though keeping it light and fun about work. I let her text be the last one and I didn't reply instantly each time she texted me. The day after that she sent me another text during her lunch saying she was "eating at Panda Express MMMmmm" (which she specifically knows is one of my top favorite places to eat)... i didn't see the message until it was an hour later I just said "I want some!" .. no reply from her (she wouldn't have anyway until she got off of work as she never texted on the job). Now its today..i miss her a bunch and am really itching to contact her...erghhhh ... I guess my big question is... where the heck is her feelings button and how do i turn it on
gavinus Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 It sounds like to me she is leading you on. She wants the best of both worlds, you at her convenience.......but she still wants to be single to meet other guys. Go full NC, keep your self respect and save yourself for somebody that respects and wants you "she would complain slightly about having to schedule time to see me" That says heaps my friend about what she REALLY thought about you, move on, stay strong you can do it!!
Author AloneAgainNaturally Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Thanks Gavinus, appreciate the advice! I actually did go NC except for briefly replying to any text she sent (1 each day for 2 days)... we are still friends on Facebook and I made sure to make my status updates very positive and like i was unaffected, and I didn't beg, reason, plead, etc. Then today I couldn't help it and broke NC, sending her a text first, asking her what the name of a song was that she said reminded her of me that she mentioned before. From there she brought up that she missed me and then surprisingly invited me over. We had a good time and talked a little bit about how she felt...we kissed and she even wanted me to stay the night (no sex). I guess i'll see what happens from here and keep everyone posted.
stace79 Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 What I have learned is that almost everyone tends to focus on the reason someone breaks up with you, rather than the fact that they do not want to be in a relationship with you. The reasons don't matter, because in my experience the reason they give you is not usually the true "reason." She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, so you have to make decisions based on that fact -- the only one you know to be true.
It's Me Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I know many girls who can shut off the "felling button". She's got Daddy Issues. Let her go. You're better than that ****. I've recently been thru something similar.
Author AloneAgainNaturally Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Stace- yea you are very right in your observation... it does seem like people do that (including myself). I dont know why we do, maybe because we feel like that contains the answer... even though you are prolly right when you say if they left, they dont WANT to be with you, and most of the time wont even admit the true reason. Its Me- Yea, i know how that goes too. Way too common of an occurance it seems like. In this case, her Dad is still in the picture and on the surface they seem to get along, though she has mentioned she was upset with him for gambling problems but that was about the only friction she talked about. But that never means there aren't other issues under the surface. Thanks guys for your thoughts. I'll keep them in mind when navigating my heart with this girl... of course I'm hopeful because I really like this one, but now I'm gonna be more grounded about it now.
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