thisismystory Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I didn't expect to come back here looking for guidance, as my last LDR ended pretty badly and am convinced I won't let it happen again. Yet, I found myself in another LDR. My new SO doesn't treat me badly at all. In fact, whenever he detects I'm feeling down, he'll drop everything and talk it out with me. This semester though, he's studying abroad in another country. We have a 12 hour difference and he's traveling every weekend. That leaves very little time to talk to each other. I'm finding that everytime I do talk to him, our conversations get awkward. Then I get awkward. Then I just want to end the conversation because I'm so frustrated. I feel like I'm jealous he gets to travel all over the world. I get sad when he tells me about all the cool places he's gone to. He tells me he just wants to share his excitement...but deep down, I'm sad because I don't get to share these memories with him. I'm secretly angry he's having the time of his life and I'm stuck here in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes, I'd rather just not talk to him. I'd rather have him not here and wait for him, then to hear from him and get reminded every time he's not here. I feel abandoned. And he knows I'm upset. He blames himself for not being able to make me happy, but I know it's not his fault. I don't want him to think he's a bad boyfriend because he does make every effort to talk to me. But every two weeks, I get a bout of depression, and it's putting a toll on our relationship. He's traveling for two weeks starting tomorrow...so I've resorted to writing him letters instead. The last time we talked ended on a low note, so I don't know what to do when he has access to the computer or phone again. I don't know if I should contact him. I'm afraid it'll be awkward. I don't want to bring up the issue so soon because I feel like I should fix my insecurities first. Any words of advice? Thanks in advance
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