wildcherry Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Today is a big day for me, I'm just hours away from going to a hearing where I could win alot of money and be financially stable for a few years and I haven't told anyone, because I'm not sure if I'd be comfortable letting anyone know my financial business whether I win or lose, I'm not being greedy but the money is not my main motive for this lawsuit. My boyfriend or ex now knows I've been having it tough for the past 3 years because of the situation that is the result of this lawsuit but he doesn't know I'm suing. So I've been stressed out alot in the days waiting for this, been sick alot, very busy scrambling around with lawyers, forgetting to eat and really depressed and out of it and somehow he feels I have neglected him because I'm not all over him and I've been wanting alot of time to myself when normally we spend 6-8 hours with each other a day pretty much from the time we met and lately I'm here everyday, but I'll spend a couple of hours with him. Yesterday I stayed up until 3am spending time with him, from 11pm-3am before I fell asleep and last night I told him I'd spend time with him but my mind has been on my hearing so while he was hanging out in the room I told him I'd be back in 10 minutes but I ended up spending 30 minutes in the bathroom crying and praying really hard. I'm not even that religious of a person but I do believe in God and karma and while it was in there it hit me what it could mean if I actually win this lawsuit that I had hadn't thought of before. That I could finally have an opportunity to rebuild my life the right way, go back to school, get a stable place of my own since he's not ready for me to move in with him, where I can actually hang my clothes up or have room for a drawer instead of living out of boxes and not have to worry about people barging in on me whenever they feel like it and telling me how they can't stand me and that I'm in their way. A few years ago in a span of two weeks I lost a good job, became homeless and got dumped for it when another ex who I had supported at one time decided I was no longer good enough for him anymore. I reacted on impulse by intentionally overdosing and I was told that I had stopped breathing and that if they couldn't get my tylenol levels down I was going to die. After surviving that with an undamaged liver I became more spiritual but I'm cautious with religion because I was part of a cultish church once, so I believe in God and Jesus, but I stopped reading the bible years ago, and I don't go to church, and I pray before I eat as I a habit but only in my mind and I don't pray often. So anyway after I'm done praying and all teary eyed from contemplating my life, how it could change or how I'd still remain this miserable hamster wheel, he asked me what I was doing and I told him I was praying and he's like "Oh so instead of just talking and cuddling with me you rather talk to imaginary friends" and I've already wasted a couple of years on one Jesus freak who was like ... hella ignorant and I'm not gonna waste anymore with another one." I felt like that was an insult so I told him he could just go to bed without me because I was going to stay in the bathroom and pray more. Then he was calling me stupid and ignorant and saying that we were over and that I'm no longer in his heart, when I feel like he disrespected and insulted me just for praying ONCE to his knowlege. I mean I can't believe this, I already got people yelling at me like its the end of the world beacause someone else broke a pot handle, I'm just really hurt because I feel like I need support and as usual no one's here for me and it feels like everyone's turning against me once again. Not trying to play a victim but it is what it is, and if I lose this hearing, I'll still have nothing, continue dealing with consequence of someone else's mistake and on top of that I'm out of a 2 year relationship that I haven't yet came fully to grips with it ending. I just have to vent and I really hope that God is here and he is on my side today otherwise I don't know what I'm going to do because that's all I have at this point and I believe I stood up for what I believe in.
silic0ntoad Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Hm. Well, reading your story, I kind of gathered maybe he felt a disconnect. Seems to me like what he did was a little over the top. To be honest, while you hurt, you shouldn't be with someone who can't accept you for you, religion/belief and all.
Enema Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Maybe he just really dislike's religious people. I certainly wouldn't date one and if it came up all of a sudden after we'd been together a while, I'd get pretty upset too! Curious though, what exactly were you praying for? Help to win your court case? Prayer has been shown to have no effect... at least in medical trials. It's a bit silly when you think about it. Millions of starving kids die every day, crying out for help from god and their prayers go completely unanswered. Vultures peck at their flesh, too malnourished to even shoo them off as they are eaten alive.... but you think god's going to help you with your litigation or other petty life problems?
stace79 Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Maybe he just really dislike's religious people. I certainly wouldn't date one and if it came up all of a sudden after we'd been together a while, I'd get pretty upset too! Curious though, what exactly were you praying for? Help to win your court case? Prayer has been shown to have no effect... at least in medical trials. It's a bit silly when you think about it. Millions of starving kids die every day, crying out for help from god and their prayers go completely unanswered. Vultures peck at their flesh, too malnourished to even shoo them off as they are eaten alive.... but you think god's going to help you with your litigation or other petty life problems? I don't think this forum is the place to bash people for having faith. And regarding your "proof" that prayer doesn't help, that's sort of the point of faith -- believing in something despite having no proof it exists. She was asking for support and trying to vent, not needing someone else to bash her for believing in God. To the OP -- I think you are doing what you can do. If praying and having faith in God helps you, then you should do that. Is there a crisis line you could call in your area? Particularly if you have attempted suicide before, they might be able to help or refer you to a crisis center. Also, even though you mentioned you don't go to church anymore, you could try to find a non-denominational church or spiritual center where you could at least talk with a pastor with no obligations. They might even be able to refer you to a place where you could get help with your living situation. I think it's wrong for someone to belittle you for your beliefs. I personally have faith in God, but I don't lash out or belittle people who are Atheist. If you don't agree, or someone dislikes the fact that you pray to God, that is his choice, but there is no reason to make you feel bad for it.
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