Update: I spoke. What's happened?

[tigressA]

I still haven't heard from him on the issue. But something kind of strange happened...I might be reading into it. He changed his MySpace status today to a song lyric by Brand New; it goes "So if I'm a liar and you're a thief, at least we both know where the other one sleeps" and changed his mood to "indifferent". I don't see how that could apply to me (the lyric anyway; the mood, maybe); I'm thinking it may be about his ex. Anyway...yeah, I'm basically just waiting for him to confirm what I've already suspected, that he's just not into me that way and never will be. Like Isolde said, yes, I am primarily looking for closure. IF something does happen, of course that would be great, but I suspect it's highly unlikely. I just want to finally know for sure.

[WTRanger]

I've been following this post, and in fact your previous post gave me the encouragement to do the exact same thing as you. I told her once and for all, and it's not like it was a surprise, she already knew this. She stumbled around over her words, then gave me a soft kiss and said, "I'm too confused to know for sure." With that, she walked away to think. This was almost a week ago. So like you, I'm in the limbo stage. However, I thinking her silence is saying more than she ever could.

 

True, it's a hard spot for these people to be in. But we all have to remember that no response is indeed a response. You can go either way on this, and if you sit and dwell on them you'll drive yourself bat-sh*t insane. You've got to stop thinking so much about it, stop the MySpace stalking, stop everything. You can get absolute closure from silence and no response, remember that.

 

It doesn't make it any easier to sit there in the wake of the other person's silence, but you've got to get out of your head about this. You've done all you can do, it's completely out of your control now.

[CaliGuy]

Like Isolde said, yes, I am primarily looking for closure. IF something does happen, of course that would be great, but I suspect it's highly unlikely. I just want to finally know for sure.

 

I'm not sure why, you have your closure. He isn't pursuing. This has been going on for some time.

 

If a man wants to be with you, he will make it clear. His indifference is making his feelings very clear.

[tigressA]

Yeah, you're right. There was contact between us today and yesterday, but the issue wasn't brought up whatsoever. It's like I never said anything at all, like he's avoiding it/wants to believe it never happened or something. Even though he said "we'll talk about it soon"--guess I put way too much stock in that.

 

Ugh. If avoiding it is what he's really doing, then he's a f*cking coward and I don't want anymore to do with him at all! He can go f*ck himself. He and his cow of an ex deserve each other.

[Ariadne]

This part doesn't sound good. It rules out the possibility that he is hanging around her just because there wasn't anything better on the horizon.

 

I agree with this.

 

And also that she told him something so important, and the guy didn't call her for the whole week.

 

I mean, he must know how anxious she must be feeling.

 

And yet, his drama with the ex is more important, posting quotes etc.

 

But Tigressa, don't despair, I'd still give you some 15% chance.

 

I don't give you more because you already had sex with him and he didn't "fall," and you went back to your guy.

 

If it were so intense and real, that wouldn't have happened.

 

I'd say you are just feeling lonely that you broke up with the bf, and suddenly you have found yourself madly in love with this guy.

 

Hope he calls you soon, or see you in the weekend so that you can finally talk.

 

Good luck.

[gypsy_nicky]

He is giving her an answer with his indifference.

 

The opposite of love is not hate, it's INDIFFERENCE.

 

pfft. Nice one Elie wiesel.

[WTRanger]

Remember this anger next time you start to think highly of this person. He is a coward. That's BS if he claims he's confused, doesn't know what to say, trying to be nice, etc. You know what would work? If he just talked to you.

 

The thing that really sucks about the silent response, other than the pain and wondering, is that for your thoughts and feelings it doesn't provide real answers. We all can tell you that his silence says enough, or says more than he could have but your head can't find something tangible to fixate on. Something tangible like say, oh, a decent human to human conversation. The silence always feels like the door is still cracked open. No matter how hard you try to suppress it, your brain always has it's foot stopping the door from being completely shut.

 

Being in the same situation as you, I can piss into the wind about how the silence is an answer it itself. While it is, no matter what I tell myself I always find my mind wandering, usually in the first of the morning or in the shower or right before I go to bed, and it's telling me that since there is no real answer, then just maybe..... I've gone out seeking a new girl and it is refreshing to feel actual human contact and someone who actually wants to talk to you, it's still hard to turn that pesky brain off during the down times.

[tigressA]

Remember this anger next time you start to think highly of this person. He is a coward. That's BS if he claims he's confused, doesn't know what to say, trying to be nice, etc. You know what would work? If he just talked to you.

 

The thing that really sucks about the silent response, other than the pain and wondering, is that for your thoughts and feelings it doesn't provide real answers. We all can tell you that his silence says enough, or says more than he could have but your head can't find something tangible to fixate on. Something tangible like say, oh, a decent human to human conversation. The silence always feels like the door is still cracked open. No matter how hard you try to suppress it, your brain always has it's foot stopping the door from being completely shut.

 

Being in the same situation as you, I can piss into the wind about how the silence is an answer it itself. While it is, no matter what I tell myself I always find my mind wandering, usually in the first of the morning or in the shower or right before I go to bed, and it's telling me that since there is no real answer, then just maybe..... I've gone out seeking a new girl and it is refreshing to feel actual human contact and someone who actually wants to talk to you, it's still hard to turn that pesky brain off during the down times.

 

EXACTLY. This is EXACTLY what I'm feeling.

 

God, you're good at this.

 

Anyway, I did text him earlier today at around 11:30, writing "Hey, can you call me sometime today when you're free? Thanks much :)". At around 3:30 I get a reply from him saying, "Hey, I'm at work now and prob. won't be able to call you at all tonight. Try tomorrow and I should be free."

 

UGH. And I don't know his mindset about ANY of it, that's the thing--he hasn't mentioned it once since I told him on Tuesday. I don't have the slightest idea what he's thought/thinking about it, or if he's thought about it at all!

[Rylle]

EXACTLY. This is EXACTLY what I'm feeling.

 

God, you're good at this.

 

Anyway, I did text him earlier today at around 11:30, writing "Hey, can you call me sometime today when you're free? Thanks much :)". At around 3:30 I get a reply from him saying, "Hey, I'm at work now and prob. won't be able to call you at all tonight. Try tomorrow and I should be free."

 

UGH. And I don't know his mindset about ANY of it, that's the thing--he hasn't mentioned it once since I told him on Tuesday. I don't have the slightest idea what he's thought/thinking about it, or if he's thought about it at all!

The fact that he's dodging your calls and attempts to communicate about this says it all.

 

You asked him to call you, and he couldn't even bother to call you back - notice how he put the ball back in your court with a "I should be free"?? He's acting like a girl and trying to drop hints.

[tigressA]

I'm done.

 

I'm not calling him tomorrow. I'm not calling him ever again. I'm not contacting him in any way ever again, period.

 

I deleted all traces of him from my phone--texts, calls, everything. From now on I'm ignoring/deleting any calls/texts that come in with his area code.

 

I am beyond pissed off at this point. I'm going to go through all the anger, have a good cry if I feel it coming, just get it all out, and have a blast this weekend (I'm going to the PA Renaissance Faire tomorrow). Soon enough he will be a nonentity to me--something he should've been a long time ago. Thanks everyone for the advice; I really appreciate it.

[Isolde]

I am beyond pissed off at this point. I'm going to go through all the anger, have a good cry if I feel it coming, just get it all out, and have a blast this weekend (I'm going to the PA Renaissance Faire tomorrow). Soon enough he will be a nonentity to me--something he should've been a long time ago. Thanks everyone for the advice; I really appreciate it.

 

Sounds like a plan.

[Trialbyfire]

Whoah, slow down Tigress. The two of you were friends, according to his last perspective. Now, you've admitted your feelings for him and have put him into an awkward position, one which requires some serious choices in his life. In order to pursue you, he has to be in an emotional state whereby he would need to completely let the ex go. Do you expect that this is an easy decision for him? For that matter, even if he isn't interested in you, is this his fault?

 

This is a self-created situation. I'm not certain that you have the right to be so angry with him.

[tigressA]

Whoah, slow down Tigress. The two of you were friends, according to his last perspective. Now, you've admitted your feelings for him and have put him into an awkward position, one which requires some serious choices in his life. In order to pursue you, he has to be in an emotional state whereby he would need to completely let the ex go. Do you expect that this is an easy decision for him? For that matter, even if he isn't interested in you, is this his fault?

 

This is a self-created situation. I'm not certain that you have the right to be so angry with him.

 

I know it's not his fault whatsoever if/that he's not interested in me. It's been three days and I have heard absolutely nothing. THAT is what I am angry about. If anything, he's being a complete coward and just avoiding the issue, acting like it never happened.

[Trialbyfire]

I know it's not his fault whatsoever if/that he's not interested in me. It's been three days and I have heard absolutely nothing. THAT is what I am angry about. If anything, he's being a complete coward and just avoiding the issue, acting like it never happened.

Do you know this for fact? Are you certain he's not seriously thinking about it and trying to decide? For that matter, did he ask for this situation? He doesn't owe you a response within your personal time frame.

 

Let things play out. Give him another week. If he contacts during this time but avoids the discussion, you've got your answer. This means that continued contact would be on a friends basis only.

 

I'm not trying to belittle you in any way. Just trying to get you to see some logic in this situation and not to over-react.

[WTRanger]

I agree with TBF that you should hold down the charge. That doesn't mean don't get angry, just try to really think about what you are doing before you act. Now more than ever you need to get that filter over your actions.

 

For that matter, did he ask for this situation?

 

Actually, as like my case, the other people did ask for this. They asked for it by ducking the issue for so long. This whole mess could have been solved probably months ago. But instead the other people make the choice to cut and run like chickens. But on our end, what are we to do? All of our lives we are taught to finish things, never give up. We are docked points or fail for half-completed homework. We can't graduate until we've completed ALL requirements. That's what this situation is, unfinished business. Granted you can lead a jackass to water, but you can't make the stupid f*cker drink. That still doesn't take the pain and sheer anger of this situation away. It really is a form of torture and abuse. People get locked up for 50 years for less abuse than this.

 

He could at least tell her that while he doesn't have an answer, he is thinking about it. He could have one bone in his spine and own up to not ducking the issue at hand. Friends don't duck friends, not when they need them the most. She's not willing to settle for friends, so why should she continue to treat him with civility? He's got to see how awful his silence is making her feel. As humans, we all feel the need to be acknowledged. It's part of our basic survival as we are NOT feral creatures. Understandably he's in a bad spot, put in the spotlight so to speak. But Jeebus Christ, at least he could acknowledge the spotlight and not dance around the stage trying to avoid it. She owned up to her feelings, put herself out there. The least he can do is give her a chance at talking.

 

I'm sure she knows him well enough to know that after a certain amount of time, the response isn't going to come. Holding onto hope at this point will only feed the flames of anger. There's a razor's edge between hope being the best thing you've got and the one thing that drives a person insane.

 

EXACTLY. This is EXACTLY what I'm feeling.

 

God, you're good at this.

 

Believe me, I feel as if I'm watching my current situation play out in front of me. I know exactly the highs and lows you are going through.

[Rylle]

I agree with TBF that you should hold down the charge. That doesn't mean don't get angry, just try to really think about what you are doing before you act. Now more than ever you need to get that filter over your actions.

 

 

 

Actually, as like my case, the other people did ask for this. They asked for it by ducking the issue for so long. This whole mess could have been solved probably months ago. But instead the other people make the choice to cut and run like chickens. But on our end, what are we to do? All of our lives we are taught to finish things, never give up. We are docked points or fail for half-completed homework. We can't graduate until we've completed ALL requirements. That's what this situation is, unfinished business. Granted you can lead a jackass to water, but you can't make the stupid f*cker drink. That still doesn't take the pain and sheer anger of this situation away. It really is a form of torture and abuse. People get locked up for 50 years for less abuse than this.

 

He could at least tell her that while he doesn't have an answer, he is thinking about it. He could have one bone in his spine and own up to not ducking the issue at hand. Friends don't duck friends, not when they need them the most. She's not willing to settle for friends, so why should she continue to treat him with civility? He's got to see how awful his silence is making her feel. As humans, we all feel the need to be acknowledged. It's part of our basic survival as we are NOT feral creatures. Understandably he's in a bad spot, put in the spotlight so to speak. But Jeebus Christ, at least he could acknowledge the spotlight and not dance around the stage trying to avoid it. She owned up to her feelings, put herself out there. The least he can do is give her a chance at talking.

 

I'm sure she knows him well enough to know that after a certain amount of time, the response isn't going to come. Holding onto hope at this point will only feed the flames of anger. There's a razor's edge between hope being the best thing you've got and the one thing that drives a person insane.

 

 

 

Believe me, I feel as if I'm watching my current situation play out in front of me. I know exactly the highs and lows you are going through.

Um, no. She's the one who decided she has feelings for him, HER FRIEND. So he didn't ask for this situation, AT ALL. That is the awkward situation that SHE put him in; the situation that HE didn't ask for.

 

Is he unnecessarily prolonging it? Sure he is. But he didn't ask for this.

[WTRanger]

Um, no. She's the one who decided she has feelings for him, HER FRIEND. So he didn't ask for this situation, AT ALL. That is the awkward situation that SHE put him in; the situation that HE didn't ask for.

 

Is he unnecessarily prolonging it? Sure he is. But he didn't ask for this.

 

I have to disagree with you on that. He is absolutely asking for this by not facing up to what is going on. You agree that it is being prolonged by him, which means by his own doing he is making this continue on. It has been said many times in this forum that in this situations it is up to the admired, not the admirer to end things. The feelings the admirer has can only be contained so much without any external action. Silence only feeds the mind and lets the mind hold onto hope for far too long.

 

Think about it this way. If you light a match and throw it on my floor and burn my house down. I didn't ask or want to you burn my house down, but by my indecision and inaction I created the much worse situation. Instead of putting the match out, I acted like it was never there.

 

Reciprocation is a buzz word on LS, so don't you think he should at least have the stones to reciprocate at least a talk?

[Rylle]

I have to disagree with you on that. He is absolutely asking for this by not facing up to what is going on. You agree that it is being prolonged by him, which means by his own doing he is making this continue on. It has been said many times in this forum that in this situations it is up to the admired, not the admirer to end things. The feelings the admirer has can only be contained so much without any external action. Silence only feeds the mind and lets the mind hold onto hope for far too long.

 

Think about it this way. If you light a match and throw it on my floor and burn my house down. I didn't ask or want to you burn my house down, but by my indecision and inaction I created the much worse situation. Instead of putting the match out, I acted like it was never there.

 

Reciprocation is a buzz word on LS, so don't you think he should at least have the stones to reciprocate at least a talk?

I disagree with your analogy (though I like it), since a fire is really a third party destructive force, caused by the first party if that makes sense. In this case, Tigress is the destructive force (if we assume she has destructed their friendship).

 

But yes, I absolutely agree that he should just f'n tell her straight up what his deal is. I 100% agree with that. And I think that's what she deserves.

 

HOWEVER. He did not ask to be put in this position (unless you want to argue that he did by hooking up with her and then daring to speak to her again under the guise of being friends, which is really a different discussion). So I take issue with the statement that "he asked for this" because he really didn't ask to be put into this terribly awkward position with a friend when he's trying to get back together with his ex, of having to reject his friend. What happens AFTER he is put into that position is his responsibility, yes.

[WTRanger]

At the same argument, she didn't ask to develop feelings for him either. She didn't ask to be in an unrequited love situation. But she did something many people don't have the guts to do. She owned up to it. She realized that she does feel about him that way, despite all the crap. She put herself on the line knowing full and well what the outcome was going to be. She put an awful lot of trust in him that he would meet her honesty and return it. She is not trying to prolong the situation, she is trying to end it. Yet, silence is not an ending. Silence never solves a damn thing. Look throughout history, when has silence ever solved anything? It only leaves the door open for future conflict.

 

If he talks to her and gives the truth to her with no BS and she continues to chase him, then yes she's going to be at fault. But right now, she deserves respect for doing what she did. Owning up like that in the face of certain death is something not many of us can say we ever did.

 

By the way, what's the 3rd party destructive force in this situation? You guessed it, the feelings. The feelings are the fire that was left un-contained. It's always a three party system.

 

We do not ask to be put in 99% of the situations we are put in. What makes us who we are is what we do once we are in that situation.

[Rylle]

We agree on the major, important parts, so I'm going to suggest we agree to disagree on the other part, in an effort to not threadjack or go off topic. Sounds like an issue of someone who's in the same (or been in the same) situation as Tigress versus someone who is used to being put into the position of Tigress' love interest (and therefore no long has ANY male friends AT ALL, that aren't related).

[tigressA]

So, I didn't hear from him at all last night, nor today so far. I haven't tried to contact him since I sent him the text message late yesterday morning asking him to call me. I'm not going to contact him at all anymore. It's been 4 days. I think this is dead. I really do think he's just hiding from me now.