tigressA Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I told my friend I like him on Tuesday, a bit differently than how I'd planned it--he came over for lunch but I chickened out when he was there, and then I called him about 20 minutes after he'd left. Here's the initial thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t202865/ What has he said about it? Nothing, so far. He couldn't talk to me when I told him because he was getting ready for work, and he said we'd talk about it soon. Yesterday a car in the main campus parking lot burst into flames (no one was hurt) and I sent a mass text about it, including him. We exchanged a few messages about it but he still hasn't mentioned Tuesday's revelation, and neither have I. I'm a bit confused because I'm basically expecting to be rejected but really, how long can it take to tell someone you don't want them? We know each other's schedules; he could've called me yesterday, but he didn't. Being left waiting like this is, unfortunately, getting my hopes up.
loveslife Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 TigressA, Obviously you know him better than I do but it doesn't sound incredibly promising to me. If he felt the same way I suspect he would not have kept you hanging. My feeling is he might be looking for a nice way to let you down easy. Also, once a friend revealed his feelings for me and I said I needed some time to think about it. What that meant was I needed some time to try and talk myself into it. I loved him very much as a friend and wanted to love him as more but just did not. JMO Hope I'm wrong.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Yeah, that's really true. I think he would want some time to think about it so that he can make sure he doesn't come off like an ass...but I'd rather have it be blunt rather than him trying to be nice; that just hurts more, I think. I HATE when people say, "Yeah, you're great and all but I'm just not feeling it" or something similar because you can't help but think, "God, if I'm so great then why are you rejecting me?!" You know? Ugh. I'm trying to be patient and just let him bring it up rather than bring it up myself, but it's difficult. If he really is just working on a way to be nice about rejecting me then I want to tell him, "Just tell me you don't want to date me, never have, never will, so I can really move on with my life already!" But I don't know if that's what he's doing...
loveslife Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 How did you leave things during the phone conversation? What was his response? I do know what you mean about being direct. Much preferred and much kinder. But people can't sometimes.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 I had kind of hinted around it when he was still at the house, so I said, "You know that thing I couldn't say earlier?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Well, it's that...I like you. I like you, and I'm sorry I couldn't say it to your face when you were still here. And I wanted to say it before, a long time ago, but I couldn't, and now that I'm feeling sufficiently awkward I'm going to hang up now" and he said "No, no, no, wait! Look, I'm at work right now, getting changed and stuff, so I can't talk right now and I'm sorry, but we have to talk about this and it'll be soon, okay?" I said, "Yeah, okay, that's fine. I understand." And we said goodbye.
loveslife Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I had kind of hinted around it when he was still at the house, so I said, "You know that thing I couldn't say earlier?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Well, it's that...I like you. I like you, and I'm sorry I couldn't say it to your face when you were still here. And I wanted to say it before, a long time ago, but I couldn't, and now that I'm feeling sufficiently awkward I'm going to hang up now" and he said "No, no, no, wait! Look, I'm at work right now, getting changed and stuff, so I can't talk right now and I'm sorry, but we have to talk about this and it'll be soon, okay?" I said, "Yeah, okay, that's fine. I understand." And we said goodbye. My feeling is that if he felt the same he would have said, I feel the same but I have to go get ready for work.... Regardless of what happens I hope you'll feel empowered and proud of yourself for doing this. It is a weight off, huh.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 My feeling is that if he felt the same he would have said, I feel the same but I have to go get ready for work.... Regardless of what happens I hope you'll feel empowered and proud of yourself for doing this. It is a weight off, huh. I don't really agree with that. He doesn't like to get into things like that when he's got something more pressing--like having to get ready for work, for example--and I did hear people in the background as well. His ex who he's "seeing" but not "officially" with--I talked about this in the earlier thread--is one of his co-workers, and he's friends with a lot, if not all, of the other people he works with and they're aware of the relationship between him and his ex. So there are several good reasons that could easily explain why he said we would talk later. And here I am, overthinking, making excuses...bleh. As far as being a weight off--you bet it is. I've carried it for over two years. As soon as it was out of my mouth I felt like I was floating.
loveslife Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Just focus on feeling good about having said what you did. Nobody here can tell you what he's thinking or feeling with certainty. Let us know what happens.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 I will...I just hope I can update soon, like within the next day or so. I think I might go a little crazy if I have to wait any longer than that!
loveslife Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 There is no law saying you can't call him and ask him to break the suspense.
boldjack Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Tigress, you have to look at this from two different directions. 1)he IS interested, and is trying to decide between you and his "ex". 2) he is NOT interested, but is a gentleman , and is trying to find a way to preserve your friendship, but also to explain his lack of romantic interest in you. Neither of these issues are easy, so I would give him some slack. He sounds like an upfront guy, so I think you will not have to wait very long. Good Luck
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 There is no law saying you can't call him and ask him to break the suspense. I know. But...I feel like maybe he needs this time that he hasn't said anything to gather his thoughts. I don't want to seem like I'm pressuring him. I am feeling impatient though. Of course, because I just want to know!
loveslife Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Then give it time. I think boldjack is right. He seems like a decent guy. I think you'll hear from him soon.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Yeah, he is a good guy. It's funny; I had had it all figured out. I wasn't going to say anything. I was just going to forget about all of it, just get over it and be truly happy with just being a friend from there on out, even though I would never have known for sure. But when I opened the door to the house and I saw him, heard his voice, had all of it right there in front of me, it was like my bones liquefied and my brain just said, "Oh God, I love him."
BCCA Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I don't really agree with that. He doesn't like to get into things like that when he's got something more pressing--like having to get ready for work, for example--and I did hear people in the background as well. 'I feel the same way, and I'm glad to hear that. I have to go, though, so I'll talk to you soon'. There was nothing to 'get into', I think his silence speaks volumes, added to the fact that as you said, he could have called you about this but has not. His ex who he's "seeing" but not "officially" with--I talked about this in the earlier thread--is one of his co-workers, and he's friends with a lot, if not all, of the other people he works with and they're aware of the relationship between him and his ex Please listen - you do NOT want to get involved with anyone with an ex lingering. Truth be told, youre always going to lose that battle. If he has not completely expelled her from his life, its because he doesnt want to. On top of that, until she is 100% out of the picture, its just bad news waiting to happen. And here I am, overthinking, making excuses...bleh We all do it, its natural, at least you see it though. I think the next move needs to be his, dont send him any more texts or mention liking him again. He knows full well where you stand, and will take you up on it if he so choses.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 I think the next move needs to be his, dont send him any more texts or mention liking him again. He knows full well where you stand, and will take you up on it if he so choses. Well yeah, I know that. That's why I'm not doing anything until he contacts me. As far as the other stuff...yeah, that's why I had at first decided not to say anything--when he was at the house he even told me that it's like this girl "has a spell" on him--"it's weird". But even after that, I couldn't let it go. I just had to say something so that I can finally know. I know that I will never really get over him and have a healthy relationship with anyone else if I don't ever find out if he would ever want to be with me. I can see myself getting pissed off if he tries to be nice about rejecting me. I don't know why. I don't know if I could be his friend again after all this is over. Actually he was never really my friend...
silic0ntoad Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Actually he was never really my friend... THat's the most important part. But I get ya. I am mad when people try to let me down easy. Just get on with it already so I can move on.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Well yeah, I know that. That's why I'm not doing anything until he contacts me. As far as the other stuff...yeah, that's why I had at first decided not to say anything--when he was at the house he even told me that it's like this girl "has a spell" on him--"it's weird".. This part doesn't sound good. It rules out the possibility that he is hanging around her just because there wasn't anything better on the horizon.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 This part doesn't sound good. It rules out the possibility that he is hanging around her just because there wasn't anything better on the horizon. Yeah. He also said that he isn't going to get back with her until every issue--and I guess they have a lot--is "squared away" and he said, "I don't know; it could take years...I don't even know if it's worth it, but hey, it's what I'm doing right now." So that seemed better. He also told me about this girl he had dated in high school that he had hooked up with for a little while after he and his ex broke up over the summer, and that she's with this new guy, so "she's not even an option anymore".
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Yeah. He also said that he isn't going to get back with her until every issue--and I guess they have a lot--is "squared away" and he said, "I don't know; it could take years...I don't even know if it's worth it, but hey, it's what I'm doing right now." So that seemed better. He also told me about this girl he had dated in high school that he had hooked up with for a little while after he and his ex broke up over the summer, and that she's with this new guy, so "she's not even an option anymore". Well that does sound better. Still I would worry that with this ex "his head says no, but his heart says yes" thing. It would be better if he said that they get along great and she is perfect for him, but the chemistry is missing (head says yes and heart says no scenario). It sounds like he is inexplicably attracted to her and despite the issues. This sort of thing can have a strong hold on someone. I hope you hear something from him soon.
CaliGuy Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 T, I think I mentioned this before, but if he was really interested in you he wouldn't be so indifferent about things. Trust me, if a guy is into you he will MAKE EXCUSES just to talk to and/or be with you. There will be no non-chalant behavior. I don't understand why you're so aggressive with this guy. That in and of itself is a turn off. You have made your interest clear. If he doesn't move on that, then you need to move on. Stop making him the prize and start being one yourself. Seriously, you should have way more self-respect than this.
Isolde Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I don't understand why you're so aggressive with this guy. That in and of itself is a turn off. You have made your interest clear. If he doesn't move on that, then you need to move on. I agree but I think the bigger point here is that she wants closure, and an answer. Further, they've been friends for a long time, so she's not exactly "stalking" him.
lora22 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 It sounds like he'll probably just be confirming what you already know. It doesn't take long, or much thought or effort, to say "yes."
CaliGuy Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I agree but I think the bigger point here is that she wants closure, and an answer. Further, they've been friends for a long time, so she's not exactly "stalking" him. He is giving her an answer with his indifference. The opposite of love is not hate, it's INDIFFERENCE.
Isolde Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 He is giving her an answer with his indifference. The opposite of love is not hate, it's INDIFFERENCE. You're probably right.
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