carhill Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 . I love my bf, but if he goes up to 300 pounds we sure as hell are not going to be having sex! OK, change 'he' to 'me'. Life happens; not everything is within our control. Process the emotions
Thornton Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 If I went up to 300 pounds, I sure as hell wouldn't want sex - I'd feel disgusting and unattractive, I'd literally hate myself. I wouldn't let it get to that stage anyway - I go on a diet if I so much as feel my jeans getting tight.
carhill Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I know this might sound simplistic, but diets and exercise don't solve everything. I watched a friend lose his sight to diabetes. I'm watching one now likely to lose his legs. There are some things we cannot control, even with the best of intentions and care. My example was intended to point out to you that, if it were you in the circumstance, would you think it appropriate/reasonable of your partner to abandon you or 'lose attraction' from a purely physical standpoint?
Thornton Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I would think it appropriate for him to abandon me if something within my control was putting him off, e.g. weight gain which I refused to address. I would not think it appropriate of him to abandon me if it was something not within my control, however it would be completely understandable if he stayed with me but no longer wanted sex because I was no longer physically attractive.
carhill Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Understanding is good. Now how do you think you'd feel? I'm trying to empathize with James' situation in another thread. How it feels for him when his wife chooses to not make love with him. Supposedly, the reasons are outside of *her* and *his* control.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 But I want to throw something else out there. There's a current thread in the marriage section, "Not attracted to husband" or something like that, where the wife is physically repulsed by her husband because he's pale and hairy. He hasn't changed, but what she finds attractive apparently has. Isn't finding a partner who hasn't changed less physically attractive "worse" than finding a partner who has changed physically less so? And if it is, why isn't some of the outrage I see here directed at her? Or is it simply too much fun to engage in yet another gender war? I think it steams from us putting oursevles in the person's spot. Men put themselves in the guy spot and women put themselves in the female spot. if this man is so unhappy with her looks and how her body has changed, alot of women will personally start caculating all their flaws and overall body appeal. And while women want to be accepted for more then their bodies, they also want to be beautiful, accpeted and supported by their men. In the situation you described, I think the wifes lose of attraction has little to do with his physical looks and more to do with where she is emotionally with him in the relationship. I don't know any woman that's tastes changed to cause her to stop being attracted to her guy. I do know women that feel emotionally disconnected from their men and that affects their over all outlook on him.
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