Nikki Sahagin Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Before myself and my ex broke up, I had a gut instinct that something was wrong (he changed entirely) and I checked his emails and found things that bothered me. Now that we are apart he is sending me emails about how much he loves me/misses me/can see himself with me in the future. I feel I need to admit that I snooped purely so if anything were to happen between us, I am not swooping the insecurites this caused away and so that he knows the entire truth. I realise he could turn around, be outraged and ignore me forever but I feel if I lie and hold back, there is no way anything could ever work, either in friendship or being together one day or just to end cordially. I feel I need to be honest no matter what the consequences so that if we ten yeard down the line spoke again, I wasn't hiding anything from myself or him. I realise he should have been honest too, but this doesn't stop me from being the one to take the high-ground. What do you think? Also if you cared about someone enough and understood there reasons, would you forgive them for snooping? I think I would if my behaviour gave them cause.
hopefulInFuture Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 In my lifetime I've come to realize that in order to get along well enough with a person for your whole life you need to be comfortable being yourself. This, to me, also implies that you should be able to tell him honestly what you're feeling and thinking. If somebody were to tell me the wrong he or she did to me (of course it depends on the gravity as well) I would believe that this person is sorry for what has been done and won't do it again. The way I am, I am ready to forgive and forget almost everything with people that respect me enough to tell me the truth. Having said this, another point is that I don't personally believe you did so much wrong. I think it's normal for people to feel insecure sometimes and want to get validation for their feelings. Hadn't it happened now it might have happened later because you had some suspicions about him. So, if I were you, I would tell him because I would simply feel better with myself talking honestly about anything. however, I don't believe you did something so wrong. So, it's all your choice.
DustySaltus Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I will never agree with snooping because in my case emails that were read were miscontrued. She didn't snoop once, she checked my email and facebook accounts almost on a daily basis. When her phone was broken I would give her mine for days at a time. If that's not trust I don't know what is. My thing is if you are willing to snoop once what's to stop you from doing it over and over again? No one is perfect and who knows, maybe he wants to vent his frustrations about things in a private forum. Just to give you an example of how out of context snooping can get I had sent my friend an email saying that I had gotten engaged (I bought the ring off him) but to "keep it on the low". The reason I said to keep in on the low is because he is good friends with my brother and I didn't want him to tell my brother and then tell my parents. I wanted to tell them MYSELF with HER face to face. She reads the email and thinks that I want to keep things on the low so I can go out and do things with other women. Now, I only heard about this email a few months later. She was trying to put together a list. All she had to do was ask me and I would've been completely honest with her. When I found out about this I was very angry but I tried to forgive her. Things went downhill further (see old posts) and now I am where I am. I forgave her, some people would not. If she did it again, I would not forgive her. That's my position. If you want to see something or know something just ASK.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 I will never agree with snooping because in my case emails that were read were miscontrued. She didn't snoop once, she checked my email and facebook accounts almost on a daily basis. When her phone was broken I would give her mine for days at a time. If that's not trust I don't know what is. My thing is if you are willing to snoop once what's to stop you from doing it over and over again? No one is perfect and who knows, maybe he wants to vent his frustrations about things in a private forum. Just to give you an example of how out of context snooping can get I had sent my friend an email saying that I had gotten engaged (I bought the ring off him) but to "keep it on the low". The reason I said to keep in on the low is because he is good friends with my brother and I didn't want him to tell my brother and then tell my parents. I wanted to tell them MYSELF with HER face to face. She reads the email and thinks that I want to keep things on the low so I can go out and do things with other women. Now, I only heard about this email a few months later. She was trying to put together a list. All she had to do was ask me and I would've been completely honest with her. When I found out about this I was very angry but I tried to forgive her. Things went downhill further (see old posts) and now I am where I am. I forgave her, some people would not. If she did it again, I would not forgive her. That's my position. If you want to see something or know something just ASK. In my case I snooped 3-4 times tops to gather all the information. I discovered him saying he would have kissed a girl whilst he was with me. I guess I want him to know that I know about all this, so that if ever we were back together, he would understand my insecurity. Otherwise I would always remember this and it would fester.
JL911 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I would let it go....The reason you looked in the first place was due to some sort of insecuirty that he was sending your way. He made you feel like something was wrong or that he was hiding something from you...Lack of trust... Starting to email back and forth about things of the past is only going to set progress back for you and really to hell with him and his feelings...
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