hopefulInFuture Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 several months back, after discovering that my ex was having a relationship with our colleague from another country, I cut completely off my relationship with my ex. We work together but I somehow managed to avoid him for the whole 3 months and went on to my own recovery. He used to still write me on a professional level and I kept my responses short and professional. A week back I ran into him in the office and he came in and set in my room as if nothing had happened with a big smile on his face. I had already gotten over the hurt he had caused me and so I talked to him... Since I had not spoken to him about the breakup, I decided to tell him that the fact that he had lied to me continuously hurt me and our possible future friendship. He told me that he had never told me about her because it was not serious and because they were not together. He also said they were not together in the present. I told him this is not what she had told me. He insisted it was not true... He recognized that he did not behave himself correctly towards me and he was sorry about this. Now, here somes the best part. This weekend was a birthday of our mutual friend. I did not go and he showed up with her, our international colleague. Now tell me, does he think that I am stupid and I would not find out that he was there with her? How is it possible that he spends his weekends with a colleague that he has no relationship with???? I was doing so well and I had forgiven him but this incident that he once again lied straight into my face and he was the one wanting to initiate the contact is just making me explode. I feel hurt all over again. But it's not because I lost him, his lying butt did not deserve me. But it's because he keeps initiating the contact, comes into my room and lies to me all over again. I am so mad. If I were not such an altruist person I would just go and tell our managers that he's using his professional position and company money to go around with a colleague of hours making excuses for their personal vacations as if it were for professional reasons. But I am not like this. I am not going to do this. But I am just so hurt that this guy just keeps lying to me. I once thought we were so good to each other. That no matter what happened we'd still be friends because we truly and honestly cared about each other. Then a girl comes along who's available to him and he loses his mind. This is fine, but he did not show any respect for me and isn't showing it at all even now... I did so much for this person. Gave so much of myself, I simply cannot understand how he can still behave like this with me... I am totally done with him. I don't even want his friendship. I decided that I am going to completely ignore from now on any of his email, even professional ones. I don't care. If he's got anything to complain about to anyone I'll just explode and tell the truth... I know it does not matter, I know knowing this is not gonna help me more, but I need an insight how this piece of s... can lie to me like this and what the hell he wants from me. I had severed all my tied with him for almost 4 months. Now I am going to cut him off forever... thanks.
Author hopefulInFuture Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Even assuming that he found his true love in her, does this justify his total disrespect towards me? I am so angry with myself. I don't understand how I could even trust this man from the beginning. I hope he gets what he deserves. I want to believe that what goes around comes around... Sorry that I am venting, I really needed this.
Author hopefulInFuture Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 I don't know what's wrong with my posts as I almost never get any responses or any aid in general .
smookie Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I t hink it would be because you answerd it. Cut him off, he does not deserve you or anymore of your time. You have every right to be mad as he** at him. I would be losing it if I were you. He thinks that he can live a double life and lie to you, Apparently he does not think that your to bright of a person. Stay away from him and forget him forever!!! I did the same thing with my ex , he had a 6 month afair with my bestfriend from school, I did not want to cut him off I fought harder for him , Now he is a ex and I will never go back to him. I can not even stand him at this point. But it took 7.5 years to start to let go. It is harder now then ever because I gave him more time with me. I think back to the way he would have a half assed grin on his face when he was calling me insane.
ebab83 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I guess the only advice i can give to this is the fact that you know you would never trust him and he wouldn't treat you right after this...so what could there be for you to want then? I was also told once before, 'find something to hate them for'. You have something. That doesn't mean consume yourself with anger as such, but remember the things that you could very easily be repulsed by his personality about.
Author hopefulInFuture Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Thanks for your replies. My issue is NOT what to do with this guy. I know what I did was the right thing to do and I don't want to have anything to do with him any more. What I don't understand is why he keeps seeking me out and filling me with the lies when he's no longer got anything to get out of his lies to me. I am past him. He's a scum. I just can't help asking myself how could he keep lying to me like this and why keep lying to me even now. He knows that I have moved on. I was 4 months without him and doing very well. He was the one sending me emails, text messages... and once we saw each other for the first time last week, he lied to my face without me even questioning what kind of relationshio he had now with her. Why keep lying to me? He knows I know the truth and there's nothing he can do to even rekindle our friendship. What's his motivation behind lying to me when he knows so well that I've caught him in all his lies.
ebab83 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Maybe it's a game to him to win you round again. Maybe he lies to her and thinks what works for one will work for another. I think the main trait that comes across here for me is that he is very self absorbed. In this case, why would he think about what it's doing to others? Or even wonder if he will be caught out.......it's all about him. If he has always been a liar, as i expect he has, lies become more 'normal' than telling the truth. Hopefully these opinions are better than the last. Lol.
Maxwell Sage Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 This guy is simply talking to you in order to feed his ego. He's insecure and if two women are interested in him, he'll feel safer being himself. The fact that he's willing to lie and play with your emotions, not to mention jeopardize his working environment, proves that he's not worth your thoughts. Also, if you need to communicate in order to work, do so. Don't let scum interfere with your job. Definitely don't hold onto these feelings until you explode. Take comfort in knowing that you're not going to deal with his BS any more.
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