Adi Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Hi, this thread is quite long but i would be grateful for any feedback. I had been with my girlfriend for 5 years last March, i would say the first 3 years were very good, we talked alot had a good sex life and were very good friends, we never argued and i trussed her 100% (just had a feeling she was fathful), we then moved in together i brought a big house and worked very hard to pay for it, my girlfriend who was just 20 when she moved in with me was not earning that much, so alot of pressure was put onto my shoulders we started to fall out then 5 months before last xmas she moved to her moms house. In a big way it was good we started to get along really well again she would stay at mine loads, but we had time apart we were having fun again, until last Febuary she moved back in, it was cool for 2 weeks then the cracks started to appear, one night i got home we had a massive fall out which i started i told her to f-off and move out i was really not nice to her, she cryed and i liked it a bit (big mistake). This is when my hole world fell apart, a week later she came home and said we are not working i am leaving you, i have found a new home with a women in a house share and will be living there in 2 days, i acted cool about it like i was not to botherd and we just hung out until she moved, she told me there was no one else, and i no now that at this point there was not any one else. To make the story shorter we got back together a hour before she moved out after she was unsure if she was doing the right thing, she still moved out, but things were never the same we broke up 3 times over the next 3 weeks got back together, but it just felt diffrent. In the end out felt desprate i new how she was my soul mate i dint want too loose her i said lets get married (like that would fix stuff) she agreed i paid 2 grand for a ring and took her to a top hotel we lasted 4 weeks, until she broke up with me. This i were my problem starts we spoke about four days after the break up and she told me she was seeing a new guy a friend from years ago, but they were just seeing each other, we still spoke and text and even met up now and again for the first two weeks, then i open her face book and e-mail i had the master code, bad times this guy and her had been going out from the second we broke up plus i found a 3 page letter sent to him two days before we broke up, started buy saying all the time we spend together is super ace for me not just the sex but personalty. The letter was funny tho it was not just like love letter it refered alot to how unhappy she was and how i could not have fun with her any more stuff like that. Any how fast foward i spoke to her a week later she had finished with this new guy a week earler we spoke and spoke after looking at phone recolds face book e-mail, it turns out she had sex with some other guy 1 week after we got engaged, then met this other guy two days after that, she finished with me 2 weeks later and went out with this new guy for 2 weeks then slept with 2 other guys for the last week until we got together. We have now been together for four months and living together for 3 of them, things are great she told me she had become unhappy i had stoped showing interested and affection and she craved it, she said it was always me she loved but i had become stressed and boring, which was true, we now go out alot with friends we talk all the time we have fun and i do trust her so much, but i find it hard to stop thinking of her with that other guy i no she does love me and it feels so right now like we are ment to be, but what would other people do in this situation any advice please. Adi
FreezorBurn Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Adi, Look Sometimes you have to take a few steps back and look at where you are at. What you have said is a complete outrage and there is no way you should be with her. Put the breaks on everything. Put everything on hold, do not even entertain getting married yet.
seibert253 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Run Forest, Run. She was seeing guys, BEFORE, you broke up, and right after or before you were engaged. She feels bad because she got caught. It's not like she had a ONS, or was only involved with one guy. She was stepping out with multiple guys here. The warning light is flashing bright on this one. IMO if you stay with her, you will be revisiting this issue later down the road.
Bryanp Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Apparently she has no problem screwing other guys and putting your health at risk for STD's while she is engaged to you? What is wrong with this picture? She is playing you for a complete fool and unfortunately you are acting the part. What do you feel you have to accept this disrsespect and humiliation?
Author Adi Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Thanks for the replies so far. What i am trying too sort of find out if you are with someone who you no is not a horrible person but deep down they become unhappy, because of stuff you did or they did, do they not get a second chance. This hole experence for me has told me that you should never take any one for granted, i am not green behind the ears i have had 2 other long term G/F and done alot in my life, even when we broke up i did start too date other girls, and i get the feeling that the way she become just trying to meet someone else must be a sign of something going on in her head, some sort cry for help. Do i not give her credit for finishing with me two weeks later when i dint no what was going on, or the past 4 years she was faithful?
Dexter Morgan Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 adi, dump her and move on. there are plenty of great girls out there....your gf isn't one of them.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Dude when women cheat they will say they are unhappy to just justify it. She was a liar and a cheater then , and she is now! what is there to be confused about??? There's no rationalization, or thinking about it. She's just bed hopping placing the blame at you because she cant keep her legs closed... Dude, bounce and be gone. Get the rings back and never talk to her again, thank god you didnt marry her. She would not have made a good wife anyway.
stuckinoz Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Dude when women cheat they will say they are unhappy to just justify it Dude......Men do the same! And, I've never spoken to or heard of anyone that has said "Wow, I'm estatically happy in my relationship, in love, so I think I'll cheat!" BUT, I will say this situation does not sound like a good one.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Dude......Men do the same! And, I've never spoken to or heard of anyone that has said "Wow, I'm estatically happy in my relationship, in love, so I think I'll cheat!" I've known guys that are happy with their relationship and can't imagine their life without their gf, but they simply liked having sex with someone different on occasion. so yes, someone can be happy in their relationship, men or women, but still desire to have sex with someone other than the same person they've been having sex with for too awful long. its called being fickle.
stuckinoz Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Dex - Guess you could be right on that one. I suppose I'm naive enough to think that if someone is happy, what's the point in having an affair, one night stand, or even considering being with someone else. Adi - This woman sounds a bit fickle (like Dex says) And, since you're not married yet - Unless she's willing to make some major adjustments (& quite possibly "grow up") then you may be in for more hurt.
Author Adi Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 I see people point, but like i said i did have a rare chance to see what was going on in her head when i read the letter she had sent to this guy, she was un happy, plus later it came out the doc had put her on anti depresonts. I just no that i love her and she loves me she made mistakes, but it seems intresting all of her mistakes was in a 5 week peroid and she finished with me 3 times so surrley people on here would go back, i have really made some big changes in my life and so has she, and i feel happy again but just negative about thinking of her with another guy.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Get into her head??? WTF are you crazy there aint no understanding a cheating woman!!! Are YOU crazy! Dude if you marry this woman she will cheat AGAIN!!! Mark my words. she cheated not once but twice and you two are already engaged, what must it take to make you realize that she cannot be trusted right now and STD, her having someone else's baby? I mean wtf??? do you not just get it???
pollswolls Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 all of her mistakes was in a 5 week peroid and she finished with me 3 times Re-read what you typed. In 5 weeks time she was finished with you 3 times. Doesn't that say something to you? What it says to us (as unbias parties) is that she is VERY fickle. I don't know how old the two of you are but it seems to me that she & quite possibly you have a lot of growing up to do. If you really love her the way you say you do, my suggestion would be to slow things down - WAY DOWN! Think before you actually marry this woman. This is a lot of drama for a couple that is planning on marriage. If you think it's tough now - You ain't seen nuttin' yet!!
seibert253 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Adi, All of us here gave you advice on what we think you should do. Remember, we've been where you are. All of us climbed out of the ashes to grow. It's time for you to do the same. With that being said, by judging what you write, I think your mind is already made up on what you are going to do. That's fine, you're an adult. We all make decisions everyday, some of which have life changing effects. None of us know your GF as well as you. Though, it seems you didn't know her as well as you thought. But, all of us get caught off guard, I know I was when I found out what my FWW was doing. Totally out of character. With all I said, if you think she's changed, and you think your relationship will heal and all will be well, then we wish you well. We've given you warning of what can, and usually does occur, when someone is faced with simular circumstances as you. Usually it does not end up well. Maybe you can beat the odds. In your instance I'm hoping and praying you do. But, I do have my doubts. Peace and Good Luck
FreezorBurn Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 I don't understand any of this? Is this acceptable with this new young generation? I mean give me a break! When I was a kid this would be a complete outrage! How is this even a question? Get rid of her.
imagine Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I am concerned about the five year period before engagement. I don't see real commitment from anyone on this page -rather "friends with benefits". Neither of you appear to have a clean moral compass.
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