artchick88 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I've fallen in love with someone I worked with who is 10 years older than I am. (I am 21, he is 31) We worked together this summer at a private summer school program and he was my superior. During the summer I absolutely fell in love with him I've never met anyone who was what I was exactly what I've been looking for until I met him. To be honest I didn't think he exsisted until this man came along. The dynamic of our roles prevented us from spending a lot of time together but I could feel an attraction between us. At least I suspected it from his end too. Anyway, at the end of the summer we wound up spending time together outside of work and slept together that night, and then a few times after that. Unfortunately, he moved back to California (I live in Nevada) and started up with someone he was seeing before the summer began. I'm wondering why he slept with me. Is it possible for a man to sleep with a woman and not date her, but still feel more than just physically attracted to her? Im a very intuative person and I felt that the emotional as well as physical attraction was mutual but all my friends tell me he's a dick. All the men I talk to seem to act as though he only slept with me because I'm a "young girl." I guess I'd just like some opinions on the age difference and casual sex since I'm not really experienced with either and don't know if I've been used or if the attraction was real and if there's any point in keeping him open as option for the future. Thanks, anything is helpful.
hoping2heal Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I've fallen in love with someone I worked with who is 10 years older than I am. (I am 21, he is 31) We worked together this summer at a private summer school program and he was my superior. During the summer I absolutely fell in love with him I've never met anyone who was what I was exactly what I've been looking for until I met him. To be honest I didn't think he exsisted until this man came along. The dynamic of our roles prevented us from spending a lot of time together but I could feel an attraction between us. At least I suspected it from his end too. Anyway, at the end of the summer we wound up spending time together outside of work and slept together that night, and then a few times after that. Unfortunately, he moved back to California (I live in Nevada) and started up with someone he was seeing before the summer began. I'm wondering why he slept with me. Is it possible for a man to sleep with a woman and not date her, but still feel more than just physically attracted to her? Im a very intuative person and I felt that the emotional as well as physical attraction was mutual but all my friends tell me he's a dick. All the men I talk to seem to act as though he only slept with me because I'm a "young girl." I guess I'd just like some opinions on the age difference and casual sex since I'm not really experienced with either and don't know if I've been used or if the attraction was real and if there's any point in keeping him open as option for the future. Thanks, anything is helpful. He spent time with you but did not date you, he had sex with you. He moved back home, and began seeing someone else. The writing is on the wall. I'm not saying he slept with you soley because you were young, I have no idea if that played a factor or not. He slept with you because he could though and he never had any real deep feelings for you beyond the sexual and someone to pass time with side; hence him seeing someone else as soon as he moved back vs. trying to make a comittment to you. Oh and P.S, This guy isn't exactly what you're looking for, unless you are looking for a man who is fun to spend time with, but just has casual sex with you while you're close and it's convinient and then drops you like a hot cake and on to the next thing. I would hope the guy who is exactly what you're looking for is into YOU and is in love with YOU.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Is it possible for a man to sleep with a woman and not date her, YES but still feel more than just physically attracted to her? Honey, he doesn't feel more than that. This is really quite common. Men can EASILY have sex with a woman and it is JUST THAT in his mind - SEX. This is exactly why you'll see as you get older - never, never, never have sex with a man unless there's some commitment on his end (I'm not talking marriage, which is why I said "some"). Because it sounds to me like you are one of the majority of women that bond through sex and the detachment offered by this man was not what you were looking for. Im a very intuative person and I felt that the emotional as well as physical attraction was mutual but all my friends tell me he's a dick. Guys are good at that. Making you feel there's some kind of "connection" on their end, when there's really not. Why do I know this? Been burned one too many times with it. All the men I talk to seem to act as though he only slept with me because I'm a "young girl." Listen to the menfolk. Not to do with age, necessarily, but they are trying to tell you that the jerk-off USED you. But definitely is possible that he saw you as a great lay to be had, but not possible for a serious relationship because of the age diff - hence the reason he hooked back up with whomever it is at home. I guess I'd just like some opinions on the age difference and casual sex since I'm not really experienced with either and don't know if I've been used or if the attraction was real and if there's any point in keeping him open as option for the future. Thanks, anything is helpful. Doesn't have a thing to do with the age diff, IMO. Guys of all ages do this. I'm not saying the MAJORITY of them do - there are some very decent, great guys out there. But there are quite a few that can do this and not feel any guilt. He's a douche - not a future prospect. I'm really sorry you're having to learn this lesson this way. I know what it feels like. But just remember it for future reference and you can walk away from this with your head held high, knowing you are a bit smarter when it comes to how men operate.
loveslife Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 What Soul Search said! Very well put. It's not your fault but do learn from this. The guy might very well have been "committed" to the girl back home the entire time. Which would mean he used you to cheat on her. Whatever his motivation, he did something really dishonorable and he doesn't deserve you. And I am also sorry you had to go through this. Been there myself. And you absolutely can hold your head up high if you reject his behavior and treatment. He's the one who should be ashamed.
Soul Bear Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I can help you out with this one. my grandpa was 23 years older than my granny, and they had a very wonderful relationship. ages is no concern, nor should it be for you either. my only concern for you is the fact your so young. don't get me wrong, im only 3 years older than you, but a lot changes between 21 and 25. just do what you feel is right and don't be conformist to the rules we have of what is socially acceptable these days SoulBear
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