yenna Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I met him about 4 years ago and quickly fell for him. We started dating pretty soon afterward even though we were distance apart. He would always push me away because of our distance, saying I would be better off with someone much closer. It bothers me why he would push me away considering we connected really well. There was an incident when I called and he accidently picked up, not knowing that he did. I heard another woman's voice over the line and them exchanging "I love yous." I confronted him and asked if there is someone else, but he always drags the issue until he finally fessed up with the "I'm married" crap. I learned that he was going through a divorced when we first met and that he was older than he said he was. I didn't mind dating older guys and because of the fact that they were going through a divorce, I decided to stay with him. We're now living in the same city, though not together due to his obligations towards his mother who was sick. Though after a year, I still haven't met any of his friends or family and I was becoming suspicious again. I did some online research and found that he lied again about his age and the fact that he has two childrens. He explained that he tries to tell me many times, but couldn't stand that he would be hurting me again. We're now 18 years apart. I'm 23 and he's turning 41, divorced with 2 kids! I'm more hurt with all the lies and secrets that he had kept from me than the truth of his status. Despite it all, he's a wonderful person that's extremely caring and loving. Always giving and wants the best for me, is the reason why he pushes me away from the beginning. He would ask, "Who would want to date someone who's divorced and has kids?" To add to that, there was a huge gap within our age difference. I don't like judging him for his past, but how do I accept his two girls that are 7-10 years younger than I am??
Island Girl Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 When you researched him did you find his divorce listed?
Author yenna Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 No. I was only able to find out his age, hobbies, status, etc on sites such as classmates.com or mylife.com.
Island Girl Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 So you don't even know if he is really divorced at this point either.
Author yenna Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 He allowed me to speak to his ex-wife and because she remarried, it was a confirmation that they did got a divorce.
Hkizzle Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 IHe would always push me away because of our distance, saying I would be better off with someone much closer. It bothers me why he would push me away considering we connected really well. You sure BOTH of you connected really well? Or YOU connected really well? Big difference, and you have to realize it's possible to feel chemistry for someone but they don't feel the same. Lying, lying, lying is generally a good sigh you're dating a jerk and nothing good will come out of it in the end. Read my sig as well..........
Island Girl Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 We're now living in the same city, though not together due to his obligations towards his mother who was sick. Sorry, but you know his mother is sick how exactly? You haven't met her or anyone else in the family so did the info come from him? Because he lies to you about really really big things. Though after a year, I still haven't met any of his friends or family and I was becoming suspicious again. I did some online research and found that he lied again about his age and the fact that he has two childrens. Not meeting friends or family is a HUGE red flag. HUGE. H-U-G-E. Every time you turn around you get slapped in the face with a really big lie. Now he is not only married but has two children?? And he never spoke of them at all to you? Does that sound like he is trying to make you a part of his life? Because part of his life would mean you are part of their life too. But he keeps you hidden and kept THEM hidden from you. Another really big impossible to ignore RED FLAG. He explained that he tries to tell me many times, but couldn't stand that he would be hurting me again. "I lied to you -- which hurt you and caused you not to trust me and betrayed our relationship because I couldn't stand that I'd hurt you" Yeah. That does not make any sense at all what so ever. We're now 18 years apart. I'm 23 and he's turning 41, divorced with 2 kids! I'm more hurt with all the lies and secrets that he had kept from me than the truth of his status. Well it sounds like he's going to keep lying and hurting you as long as he can -- that is as long as you let him. So as long as he is part of your life, understand there is nothing he says that you can believe. It hurts - absolutely. Of course it does. And he brought all of that pain to your doorstep. He will bring more as long as you let him be a part of your life. Despite it all, he's a wonderful person that's extremely caring and loving. How is he loving and caring? He hasn't introduced you into his life. He hasn't made you a part of his life. He acts like you are some dirty little secret he is hiding. He lies to you and betrays your trust in really REALLY big awful ways. Always giving and wants the best for me, is the reason why he pushes me away from the beginning. He lied to you from the very beginning. And he is still lying. Someone who cares about you wouldn't treat you that way. If you had a friend that lied to you and betrayed you would you still be friends with that person? He would ask, "Who would want to date someone who's divorced and has kids?" To add to that, there was a huge gap within our age difference. I don't like judging him for his past, but how do I accept his two girls that are 7-10 years younger than I am?? You aren't judging him for his past. But you should. You should look at how he has really treated you in this relationship - and that you deserve better - that you are someone that anyone would be proud to be with and make a part of their lives. Certainly judge him for his actions now. Look at the lies you keep uncovering and ask yourself if you can really believe anything he says or if you just choose to believe them in order to stay in the relationship. I'm sorry this has happened to you. I am sorry he did these things and continues to. But he will keep doing it as long as you allow him to.
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