audrey_1 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Question: For anyone who has had a Long Distance Relationship, and one person didn't want to do distance (likes things local, simpler) and you went your separate ways, maybe even dating others for a while, did you through coincidence or choice, move where that person is and give it another shot? Did it work? Why or why not?
ReturnToSender Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Well hrmmmmm... I dont think I coudl say I moved to where he is by coincidence, since Id know he was living in that area, its not like I woudl be surprised to see him there, you know? And...without a secure relationship, I cant say Id make the choice to move to be with him. Question..about giving it another shot...is this something he wants to do too? Is this something the two of you are discussing as a possibility? Or are you hoping to rekindle the relationship by moving to where he is?
Author audrey_1 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Question..about giving it another shot...is this something he wants to do too? Is this something the two of you are discussing as a possibility? Or are you hoping to rekindle the relationship by moving to where he is? Neither really. I live in a major metro about 100 miles from my hometown, where he is. I was laid off in April and haven't had luck finding employment, despite sending a number of resumes (for which I've lost count). My lease is up in November, and I was thinking of moving home where a lot of my family/friends are. He just happens to be there, too. I was going to try the networking thing for employment, or try in a smaller/big city closer to home. The cost of living is much, much less. Continuing to live as I have while employed, now unemployed, is irresponsible and can't continue. I was just wondering if there were any instances of this. I'm sure our paths will cross, and I'm not sure what will happen when they do. We still talk occasionally, but nothing serious. He is the one who didn't want to do distance, and he hates the big city where I live. Just wondering if this changes, if anyone thought that it could *possibly* be an option. Not sure what he thinks about it, and I haven't asked. I did mention that I have been considering the move back home.
ReturnToSender Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I dont mean to sound like Im being overly obvious here but...the one way to know for sure if it coudl possibly be an option is to talk to him about it. Its hard to say..without really knowing the full picture. How long has it been? Has he moved on from the relationship..started a new life there and seeing someone? How did things end between you? Are you two talking..are things good between you? Is there still a spark/interest there to continue things? you dont really have to answer all of that...so many other questions to ask yourself though, that would really make an impact on what is possible for your situation. In any case, your reasons for wanting to move sounds solid to me...it doesnt seem as if you are moving to be close to him....youre doing it for you, and curious what it might mean for the two of you. As with everything...anything can happen.
Author audrey_1 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 No, I won't be mentioning this to him. It's been about a year since we've been intimate or acted "together." I stopped traveling there specifically to visit him and just pulled back the reigns on everything. I didn't have to do this, that is if I wanted to share him with someone he was seeing locally. But we've kept in contact here and there. I was there the other day for a family thing; we had talked about football via text messages, and I mentioned that I was headed down to the local coffee joint at some point on my way out of town, didn't say exactly when, and that maybe I'd see him there. When I arrived, he was sitting there. This did and didn't surprise me. Casual conversation. Other friends stopped by our table to chat. He gave me a magazine to take with me that he was finished with. He sent me a Facebook friend request earlier that day, too, but I didn't accept it. He withdrew it a day later. Just not sure how this will play out. More nervous than anything that we will be in the same town after many, many years of me being away. It will be an adjustment for many reasons, not just him. He just adds to the anxiety.
hoping2heal Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 It sounds as if you two had an existing relationship that he sevvered when you moved because he didn't want long distance. Is that true? You mentioned "simpler". Well, if that's the case this guy was either A) not at the point in life he wanted to be serious with anyone B) not at the point in life he wanted to be serious with you; which both and A or B still add up to him not wanting to be serious with you. LDR's aren't all popcorn balls and lime jellow, however they are the LEAST (imho that is) of problems/trials a couple can face in a relationship and if A couple can't stay comitted under the circumstances of LD they aren't going to hack it very long in the long run or should something really trying arise like having a disabled child or losing a child, career ruin, etc. It's kind of like, if Joe can't make his minimum 15 dollar monthly payments on time, why would one expect him to make payments for 100 dollars on time.
Author audrey_1 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 It sounds as if you two had an existing relationship that he sevvered when you moved because he didn't want long distance. Is that true? You mentioned "simpler". Well, if that's the case this guy was either A) not at the point in life he wanted to be serious with anyone B) not at the point in life he wanted to be serious with you; which both and A or B still add up to him not wanting to be serious with you. Yes, we had an existing relationship, from where he found me on a social networking site, and approached me after our not having seen or spoken to one another in over 15 years. Yes, simpler. The A+B=C equation does apply to a degree. I know his family, where he's come from, and how he approaches things. Wouldn't go so far as to assume that I know how he thinks. He was VERY shy when we were kids, and having to do the email/text/phone thing just wouldn't work as the only options with distance. For me, either. I am more an in-person type. I'm not suggesting our going down this road is even an option. I know there's still a spark. I see it every time he looks in my eyes, and I'm sure he sees it in mine, too, but that doesn't mean anything will happen if I move there. Was just curious on the different lines of thinking here. Very much appreciate your input. Food for thought!
hoping2heal Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Yes, we had an existing relationship, from where he found me on a social networking site, and approached me after our not having seen or spoken to one another in over 15 years. Yes, simpler. The A+B=C equation does apply to a degree. I know his family, where he's come from, and how he approaches things. Wouldn't go so far as to assume that I know how he thinks. He was VERY shy when we were kids, and having to do the email/text/phone thing just wouldn't work as the only options with distance. For me, either. I am more an in-person type. I'm not suggesting our going down this road is even an option. I know there's still a spark. I see it every time he looks in my eyes, and I'm sure he sees it in mine, too, but that doesn't mean anything will happen if I move there. Was just curious on the different lines of thinking here. Very much appreciate your input. Food for thought! Well, I'm not going to say there cannot be a "spark" there very well may be, but he still proved that the spark wasn't something he felt strongly enough about to continue a relationship with. Yes, most people would not choose an LDR over a close proximity relationship, but the one's who are very serious would not let and LDR stand in their way either. No one chooses LDR's because they are or aren't an "in person type of person". But the one's who decide to maintain them regardless, feel a deep level of comittment and priority for that person.
Author audrey_1 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Well, I'm not going to say there cannot be a "spark" there very well may be, but he still proved that the spark wasn't something he felt strongly enough about to continue a relationship with. Yes, most people would not choose an LDR over a close proximity relationship, but the one's who are very serious would not let and LDR stand in their way either. No one chooses LDR's because they are or aren't an "in person type of person". But the one's who decide to maintain them regardless, feel a deep level of comittment and priority for that person. Yes, he didn't sense deep priority for me to maintain a relationship over the distance. This is very true. The same could be said for me, though. If I move there, nothing may change at all. We may still send stupid texts to one another once in a while, even living in the same place, all amounting to zilch. I'm prepared for this but was just wondering "what if." After I mentioned that I may move "home" is when he sent the friend request. I hope that by declining it, I proved the point that I realize nothing has or may not change. I don't expect him to call me up for a date or anything, though if he did, I will probably be starting a thread about it.
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