Whisperer Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 My boyfriend ("John") and I broke up a year ago (we were 18) because we had never dated anybody else. We had been dating two years and he loved me a lot more than I am and I was scared. I needed to take a break to make sure that was what I really wanted. He is still my very best friend ever. But this past week, I can't stop thinking about him. I feel... I can't even describe it. I would do anything for him. I love the way he'd make me laugh and all the things we did together. We are so much alike, we practically read each other's thoughts and finish each other's sentences. I look at all these other guys around and yet all I want is "John." He has his flaws like everyone, but is really the ideal guy. I want to call him so I can hear his voice. I want him to wrap his arms around me and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I just don't understand how I could feel this way all of a sudden, when we broke up a year ago and haven't even seen each other in person for weeks. I never felt this way when we were actually dating. What's going on with me???
EarthGirl Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 eh....I believe we sometimes have "blocks"...living in this world of "natural shocks" as Shakespeare said...ha ha, I am a poet just like him...it rhymed, I didn't even intend that. Like writer's block...or when people suddenly remember something they had forgotten for years...or one of those moments that many of us have had, all of us have at some point I think, when things just become clearer...sometimes they happen when we move to a different place and our lives change for the better..or whatever. It could be you were really in love with him this whole time, but had a "block" which could have been caused by many reasons (childhood issues ...parental stuff, sibling stuff, all that stuff we attempt to solve in "therapy"-and so many subtle life issues besides all that) so you simply didn't know it. I would caution you to look inside yourself, make sure it's real (and it's NOT just loneliness or boredom, or wanting to BE wanted) (so as on to take too much of a risk of hurting him-it's always a risk of course, but we can minimize it), try to figure out if he still feels the same about you and if he is available...And then just go for it. I mean if he IS available and is willing to meet up with you, you can take it slow and just have fun together ....date and be buddies kinda you don't have to rush into heavy sexual stuff or become "official" right away on your first meeting after a few whole years of not seeing eachother. Maybe best to let yourself enjoy the feeling for a a good while (at LEAST weeks, unless something just clicks or feels right) of letting yourself feel happy for once in your life (I don't know if you never let yourself feel happy, but lots of us do have that problem)...Because you are at risk too..you are not indestructible emotionally just because he used to be crazy about you a few years ago (he probably still is, but the point is that it doesn't matter how crazy someone is about another person, has nothing to do sometimes with how well they treat you, unfortunately, it should but..)...After all, he IS a man, lol. But seriously not to be a man-hater, but we women especially do need to take caution...but in the end there is not much you can do but jump in anyway..while always knowing you are a free woman and can leave whenever someone treats you very wrongly or unfairly.
Author Whisperer Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 Yes, I agree. I am planning on waiting this out for a while, because the last thing I want to do is hurt him. Besides, he's a few hours away and seeing another girl right now. If he is truly happy with her, who am I to complicate that? I want him to be happy. We dated for about two years, but our relationship was never largely sexual. Is that weird? It was never really about that, we were more interested in each other. We were best friends before we started dating and remain so after. I think part of this is that I have finally matured a lot in the last year. The future seems more real to me. As in, years, instead of weeks. I can really see myself with him, working together and raising a family together. I'm just not interested in doing that with anyone else now. A year ago I wasn't sure. But I am still scared it's just infatuation, because I really do not want to hurt him ever. So I don't want to do anything spontaneous or drastic. I'm waiting on myself and trying to get some experienced opinions in the mean time. Thanks for the help so far and any anyone else might have!
aaragon200004 Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 it could be because ur emotional and ur reminesing by the past but you need to be the judge of that.. Loving somone is more than finishing sentances and laughing all the time. its about being on the edge of your relationship and knowing u cant go on without that person.. being patient with someone when u wann abe mad.. you'll see true love wen u go through the tough times. Its a combination of handeling emotion and a lil bit of thinking you'll find it
EarthGirl Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Well I will say one thing...sometimes the worst way you can hurt a person is by not even taking a chance on them. Sometimes they may end up more scarred for the rest of their life by that (by never having the feeling of holding you in their arms again AND of course it can be very devastating to the self esteem, just the fact that someone you cared about did not want to even take the chance with you to make it real and make it work-it can make you feel that you are not "worth it") rather than you being with them, loving them, wether for a week, or 5 years, and then deciding that you need to leave. "better to have love and lost".... I guess...I am not sure that is always the case though, that is one of those old sayings that is debatable in the real world. It can hurt like to dickens to love and then lose and sometimes all you have left is hurt and you really did not get that much growth or wisdom or whatever from it after all and the good memories you have only make you hurt worse to look back on..However in your situation and his I have a feeling it might be appropriate and right on. If I were you I'd take a month or two to look into myself and if you have any extra free time (I don't know what you do for work or what is going on in the rest of your life, friends family etc.)...do a little relaxation and introspection...But don't wait too long...If say, at the end of next month you are feeling even more like he is indeed what you want, even if you are not completely sure still..it may be time to let him know how you're feeling...Because if he is seeing another girl right now, he deserves the chance to know how you are feeling and to assess his own life and direction. Tell him you don't want to give him false hope, but just speak from your heart about what you are really feeling..no one can fault you for just telling the truth. Just don't make any promises if you don't know if you can follow through, but be honest if you love him,just tell him. Then you might need to give him some time to figure out what he wants (and break it off with the other girl as gently as possible if he chooses you)...but don't wait too long on that either...and make sure it really is completely over with him and any other girl before you get really serious with him. You don't want to end up like any of the wounded people in the "other people" section, lol. Good luck! Rooting for you!
Trialbyfire Posted September 26, 2009 Posted September 26, 2009 Yes, I agree. I am planning on waiting this out for a while, because the last thing I want to do is hurt him. Besides, he's a few hours away and seeing another girl right now. If he is truly happy with her, who am I to complicate that? I want him to be happy.Out of curiosity, how long has he been dating this girl? Did he date anyone else, as seriously as this girl, during the year that you've been broken up? Have you been dating or seeing anyone seriously, in the past year?
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