Moving away to stop MM from pursuit ?

[Mermaiden]

I think I may have to move away just to STOP a married man from his all out pursuit of me

He is my ex boyfriend's business partner just to up the ante on how complicated things are.

I lost my job and I knew he might have a perfect job for me.

So we met for drinks.

he also disclosed tons and tons of stuff I didnt want to know about my ex boyfriend. He managed to destroy every loving feeling I had left for him.

My exbf found out about it and said his biz partner met with me under false promises of a job offer.

But he really has offered me a job.

Anyway fast forward and he has told me the whole old spiel of his wife doesnt understand him and theyre more like roommates now and sleep in different bedrooms.

That he loves her but wants the kids to grow up (he has 4 )

 

 

I've told him I've always viewed people who cheat harshly.

But now I find myself being wooed and courted and also since Im in a very scary time financially given offers of legal advice from his private lawyer (i havent asked for any money)

 

 

Something in me is telling me to run like hell.

That no matter how he declares that he and his wife are just buddies not that it is wrong and can't end well for me to let him romance me any further.

over the last 3 days alone he has texted me little sweet nothings 30-35 times.

and he says i MUST call him every night because it makes him smile and so happy and makes him feel like he could carry us both away to heaven. (huh ?)

im also ill and he is telling me i better LET him bring me soup tomorrow OR else he'll spank me.

 

 

i feel very confused and i dont know how to make him stop. Moving seems like best idea.

[whichwayisup]

Do you like him? Are you interested in him? If not, then WHO CARES if he pursuing you. The guy is an ASS!!!! He purposely said things to put your ex in a bad light, made you feel uncomfortable.

 

RUN. And don't use his lawyer anymore. Find someone else.

[Mermaiden]

Do you like him? Are you interested in him? If not, then WHO CARES if he pursuing you. The guy is an ASS!!!! He purposely said things to put your ex in a bad light, made you feel uncomfortable.

 

RUN. And don't use his lawyer anymore. Find someone else.

 

We actually had been friends online before and while i dated my now ex boyfriend.

So we have common interests. He is also cool and i find him attractive in person.

But 1. he bad mouthed my exbf so badly that it has ruined the friendship i still cherished with my ex.

And secondly he is married with 4 children.

I can not get over those facts.

 

He is trying his damnest to win me over. I thought my ex boyfriend wooed me grandly , well this guy would pull out all the stops if I let him.

 

Im upset because he's using the fact that Im stressed out with financial/legal worries to make me feel even more trusting.

 

So Im holding on tooth and nail to try and just get ahold of my senses , figure out my problems on my own and run far away.

[bentnotbroken]

Put on your big girl panties and stop letting him manipulate you. You admit he is doing this and it is clear he has no morals or integrity. He is lying to his wife, pursuing you, and ruining the reputation of others. Just because he is doing the pursuing doesn't mean you have to be the prey. Get his actions on tape and threaten to go to his wife or the authorities...unless you like this piggish behavior.

[Stroon]

i knew a guy like that, all the nice texts, telling you what you want to hear.

What makes me think he is similar to the guy i knew is him saying you HAVE to text him etc. it reeks of arrogance, and are exactly the same things i used to get.

 

run my dear, run for the hills and dont look back. the guy i knew damaged me and my life for many years and i dont want the same to happen to anyone else.

 

it appears he would do so much for you, but believe me, he just knows all the right things to say.

the financial aspect of your situation i can understand is difficult, but if you stay near this man your life will get a whole lot more complicated so you'll end up wishing money was the only thing you have to worry about.

[Angel1111]

We actually had been friends online before and while i dated my now ex boyfriend.

So we have common interests. He is also cool and i find him attractive in person.

But 1. he bad mouthed my exbf so badly that it has ruined the friendship i still cherished with my ex.

And secondly he is married with 4 children.

I can not get over those facts.

 

He is trying his damnest to win me over. I thought my ex boyfriend wooed me grandly , well this guy would pull out all the stops if I let him.

 

Im upset because he's using the fact that Im stressed out with financial/legal worries to make me feel even more trusting.

 

So Im holding on tooth and nail to try and just get ahold of my senses , figure out my problems on my own and run far away.

 

If your bf's character hadn't been trashable, then this guy wouldn't have any material to trash him with. So he told you the truth about him. Big deal. Now you know. Your eyes are open.

 

The thing is, most women in this position (I was one of them) think that it's a compliment when a MM pursues you with this kind of intensity. Trust me when I tell you that it's not a compliment. The MM I got involved with was the president of my company. I was flattered and blown away by his intensity. But men know prey when they see it and they go after it. You're prey. That's it. And he will knock the wind out of your life if you let him. My xMM even loved me but it made no difference. He's with his wife now and his company and I sit at home alone trying to recover from the fall-out.

 

If you were thinking about moving already, then move. But this MM shouldn't have any influence over that decision. You need to tell him under no uncertain terms that you're not interested in being with a MM. Period. And don't buy into his next idea of "then let's just be friends" because, to him, that keeps the door open to get your defenses down. Cut off all contact with him. If that doesn't work, change your phone number and ignore his emails. Your finances, hair color, religion, or anything else has nothing at all to do with this man. He has a wife and 4 kids - leave it alone. This will destroy your self-worth and your life if you go down this road.

[stillafool]

 

i feel very confused and i dont know how to make him stop. Moving seems like best idea.

 

I don't know why you feel confused. You know what he is doing is wrong and you should have put him in his place long before he could send you 30-35 text messages. Okay since you seem to not have a clue what to do, here is one sure way to get him to leave you alone. Tell him:

 

"Please don't contact me again. If you do I will definitely tell you WIFE!!!"

 

Trust me, he'll stop.

[2sure]

If you want him to give you a job, if you want him to help you financially, if you want to use his lawyers.....He has put the deal on the table.

 

You can accept it or you can refuse it. Just be sure you understand that you cannot do both.

[freestyle]

Wow, this guy really sounds like a snake in the grass. Not only is he betraying his wife by courting you, but he trash-talked his own business partner?

 

I have to disagree with the poster who said, "if your bf's character hadn't been trashable,then this guy wouldn't have had any material to trash him with"..............

 

Was your ex present to speak in his own defense when OM was trashing him? This guy has already proven himself capable of lying (to his own wife), so why should you believe anything he says about your ex?

 

It could have been nothing more than slanderous BS that he fabricated

to make your ex look bad. Clouding your vision, souring the milk, poisoning your well ,etc., etc.

(And then HE gets to paint himself as the hero, by "helping you out" with this information.......very slick......)

 

I have personally witnessed this sort of behavior. There are people who have no compunctions about flat-out lying to eliminate a potential rival.

 

If the things that OM said about your ex were dire enough for you to end a "frienship that you cherished" with your ex, did you let your ex know what was said, and give him the chance to exonerate himself?

 

Everything about this guy screams, Narcissist! The smear campaign against your ex, the arrogance, "you MUST text me", (excuuse me!?!?), the "poor-me" pity-pot routine, "Oh woe is me, my wife doesn't understand me..........", seeking out your vulnerabilities so he knows which buttons to push.........................

 

I fear that any involvement with this guy , an affair, or even just an employment situation, is going to get you tangled in a very nasty web.

 

Someday that might be your reputation getting trashed................

[Mermaiden]

i knew a guy like that, all the nice texts, telling you what you want to hear.

What makes me think he is similar to the guy i knew is him saying you HAVE to text him etc. it reeks of arrogance, and are exactly the same things i used to get.

 

run my dear, run for the hills and dont look back. the guy i knew damaged me and my life for many years and i dont want the same to happen to anyone else.

 

it appears he would do so much for you, but believe me, he just knows all the right things to say.

the financial aspect of your situation i can understand is difficult, but if you stay near this man your life will get a whole lot more complicated so you'll end up wishing money was the only thing you have to worry about.

 

I feel like Im almost a character in some novel where the suddenly younger poverty stricken girl is being pursued by an older influential man.

He is nearly 50 years older and has been around the block.

I think that it's bad bad bad that he has said so many horrible things about my ex.

And whats really bad is is that my ex wont talk to me about. Wont talk to me at all. I have this horror that he also twisted things about ME to my ex. Effectively driving a total wedge between us.

Not good.

And then to try and 'win' me by offering aid of lawyers and possible job offers is bad when Im feeling vulnerable as it is.

 

 

In fact Im being STRONG and off to the file bankruptcy right now.

 

(Ive been researching it for months and my paperwork was filled out 3 weeks ago. Ive bene putting it off because he keeps telling me he'll help instead)

 

I wont need his lawyer's help when the deed is done and Ive filed BK and it will set reset on all my small problems.

 

Looking at the situation from a third party viewpoint is helping.

I really appreciate all the input here !

[Mermaiden]

If you were thinking about moving already, then move. But this MM shouldn't have any influence over that decision. You need to tell him under no uncertain terms that you're not interested in being with a MM. Period. And don't buy into his next idea of "then let's just be friends" because, to him, that keeps the door open to get your defenses down. Cut off all contact with him. If that doesn't work, change your phone number and ignore his emails. Your finances, hair color, religion, or anything else has nothing at all to do with this man. He has a wife and 4 kids - leave it alone. This will destroy your self-worth and your life if you go down this road.

 

 

I had been planning on moving away just BEFORE I started dating my ex boyfriend/his biz partner last december

And now the more I think about it, I am feeling on fire to get the HELL away from here.

[Mermaiden]

It could have been nothing more than slanderous BS that he fabricated

to make your ex look bad. Clouding your vision, souring the milk, poisoning your well ,etc., etc.

(And then HE gets to paint himself as the hero, by "helping you out" with this information.......very slick......)

 

I have personally witnessed this sort of behavior. There are people who have no compunctions about flat-out lying to eliminate a potential rival.

 

If the things that OM said about your ex were dire enough for you to end a "frienship that you cherished" with your ex, did you let your ex know what was said, and give him the chance to exonerate himself?

 

Everything about this guy screams, Narcissist! The smear campaign against your ex, the arrogance, "you MUST text me", (excuuse me!?!?), the "poor-me" pity-pot routine, "Oh woe is me, my wife doesn't understand me..........", seeking out your vulnerabilities so he knows which buttons to push.........................

 

I fear that any involvement with this guy , an affair, or even just an employment situation, is going to get you tangled in a very nasty web.

 

Someday that might be your reputation getting trashed................

 

 

see i DID tell my ex everything his biz partner said

 

biz partner was furious and stopped speaking me to me for a week.

 

my ex just went dead cold and said I WAS shady and he doesnt trust me because i even met with the biz partner.

 

never tried to defend himself against horrible attempted RAPE allegations, bad biz dealings and cheating on his ex wife.

 

and it sucks because i dont the truth.

[Angel1111]

If you feel that strongly about moving away, then you should seriously consider doing this.

 

I'm assuming that bankruptcy is freeing you up of most anything that would be holding you back and it would be a good time to make a fresh start. The only thing you might want to consider is your family situation. If most of your family is nearby now, you may want to move to a place that would be close enough for you to drive home to see your family when you want to do that. Being thousands of miles away from your family can be pretty hard. Just something to think about.

[boldjack]

MM, I think that you are doing the right thing, by refusing this man's intentions. Many posters , who are mercenary or dishonest, would jump at the chance. You are showing a level of personal integrity and honor, that is all too rare .

[Stroon]

In fact Im being STRONG and off to the file bankruptcy right now.

 

(Ive been researching it for months and my paperwork was filled out 3 weeks ago. Ive bene putting it off because he keeps telling me he'll help instead)

 

I wont need his lawyer's help when the deed is done and Ive filed BK and it will set reset on all my small problems.

 

Looking at the situation from a third party viewpoint is helping.

I really appreciate all the input here !

 

I think sorting out your finances on your own is an excellent thing to do. that way you dont 'owe' anyone anything and you're free to make your own informed decisions. well done you.

[fooled once]

Do not allow yourself to get sucked into this.

 

Keep it as friends; do NOT call him every night.

 

YOU have the power to STOP this from going any further...

[Mermaiden]

If you feel that strongly about moving away, then you should seriously consider doing this.

 

I'm assuming that bankruptcy is freeing you up of most anything that would be holding you back and it would be a good time to make a fresh start. The only thing you might want to consider is your family situation. If most of your family is nearby now, you may want to move to a place that would be close enough for you to drive home to see your family when you want to do that. Being thousands of miles away from your family can be pretty hard. Just something to think about.

 

 

 

If you want to believe in signs, then i have had plenty.

Zero family that Im close to here. Everyone I care about either lives in the city Im moving to or far far away.

Im just kind of disturbed how he has built this whole thing up in his head.

 

grand soulmate stuff

 

 

BS

[Angel1111]

If you want to believe in signs, then i have had plenty.

Zero family that Im close to here. Everyone I care about either lives in the city Im moving to or far far away.

Im just kind of disturbed how he has built this whole thing up in his head.

 

grand soulmate stuff

 

 

BS

 

Even better! Go where you can be around people you care about. You probably don't have to think twice about that. And, yes, I believe in signs. If they're everywhere, even more reason to go.

 

Don't ever underestimate what men will do and say to have sex with someone they're attracted to. He's a bored married man who's has found a lot of excitement in you and in the idea of sneaking around. He's not at all concerned about what this would do to you emotionally. If what he felt was really that incredible, he'd be honorable toward you and leave his wife before making advances. That's the truth.

 

Another suggestion I would make is once you get settled in your new place, find a place that does the Dave Ramsey classes for finances so that you never get yourself in this bind again. It's a 13-wk course usually held at churches (you don't have to be religious to go to the classes - they're separate from the churches teachings). daveramsey.com will have the information on his site. It will give you a great outlook for the future.

[Mermaiden]

Even better! Go where you can be around people you care about. You probably don't have to think twice about that. And, yes, I believe in signs. If they're everywhere, even more reason to go.

 

Don't ever underestimate what men will do and say to have sex with someone they're attracted to. He's a bored married man who's has found a lot of excitement in you and in the idea of sneaking around. He's not at all concerned about what this would do to you emotionally. If what he felt was really that incredible, he'd be honorable toward you and leave his wife before making advances. That's the truth.

 

Another suggestion I would make is once you get settled in your new place, find a place that does the Dave Ramsey classes for finances so that you never get yourself in this bind again. It's a 13-wk course usually held at churches (you don't have to be religious to go to the classes - they're separate from the churches teachings). daveramsey.com will have the information on his site. It will give you a great outlook for the future.

 

 

 

Thanks. A lot of why I had to finally file was because I listened to my exbf and stayed here instead of taking a new job and selling my house.

My exbf made the SAME promises his biz partner is now making.

I'm not biting.

I filed today and now I feel much stronger and resolute.

He has texted me 3 times and I have ignored the texts.

Even one was very Fruedian

He wrote:

 

how is the big bad city treating my little red riding hooded princess ?>>

 

he keeps calling me his.

 

Um no, don't think so.

would rather set my credit rating to zero and start over than be his possession.

[Mermaiden]

update::::::::::

 

I have not wavered

But he continues to pursue.

Cajoling me, entreating me to see him.

Again trying to offer me financial and legal protection.

But I can not be bought or seduced with his promises.

He says Im HIS princess and he 'hearts' me.

that he wants to see me badly and would love to tie me up

(uh what ???? we havent even done anything sexually !)

He says he wont give up.

 

I noticed his fb status today and it made me even happier Im moving away in 4 weeks

He said oh david lettermen's sexual relationships with his staffers was no big deal and who cares.

 

ugh.

 

Anyway if I can stay strong in a very scary financial situation and in a place where I have few friends, so can others.

 

Take heart !

Be strong !

You'll be so much happier in the end.

[Angel1111]

Wow, I think he's being pretty disrespectful toward you. You need to put a stop to these texts. What about changing your phone number?

 

Hey, that's great that you'll be moving so soon. I hope you'll keep in touch here and let us know how you're doing. I'll bet your family is excited about you coming back.

[2sunny]

tell him that since he seems to be so open about his arrangement with his wife - you'll just call her up to check with her and see if it's ok to start dating her husband...

 

see what his reaction is after that... i bet that stops all his efforts to contact you.

[fooled once]

GOOD for you! I think you are doing the best thing and he sounds like a jerk.

 

Stay strong and good luck on your move!

[Mermaiden]

GOOD for you! I think you are doing the best thing and he sounds like a jerk.

 

Stay strong and good luck on your move!

 

No problem staying strong, I just need to get him to STOP contacting me.

I guess Ill pull out the "tell the wife card" to make him run away fast.

 

He still keeps texting me disgustingly mushy stuff

i already told him to stop and also out of practicality he is using UP all my texts on my cell plan.

 

25 posts over the weekend that im his princess and he misses and adores and hearts me. and then he tells me i am being mean not to call him.

 

EWWW

 

married with 4 kids. no thank you. PLUS he reminds me of the whole fubared mess with my ex.

just want to move on fresh from them both !

it's such a nice happy feeling. cut and dried, i dont have any feelings for either of them.

[Mermaiden]

Wow, I think he's being pretty disrespectful toward you. You need to put a stop to these texts. What about changing your phone number?

 

Hey, that's great that you'll be moving so soon. I hope you'll keep in touch here and let us know how you're doing. I'll bet your family is excited about you coming back.

 

cant change my cell.

 

but thanks, Ill update when I move away so I can give others hope !