hurricanes1210 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Hey all, I joined this forum today to get some advice on my current situation, so here it goes. I met this girl about a month ago and we started hanging out and doing things together. We both have a lot in common and i started to like her. about two weeks into it i told her how i felt and that i liked her and she responded with "i do too". We have talked for hours at a time and always enjoy each others company. We have kissed several times but lately we haven't because she told me she isn't a big fan of pda. I'm ok with that, but i am beginning to think its something else. In the last couple of weeks whenever i ask her to hang out she tells me that she is busy which is understandable, she is a college student and plays lacrosse. The thing that bothers me is that i usually text her everyday i dont see her and she makes me feel like i am bothering her without directly saying it. her answers will be short and not wanting to continue the conversation. So last week i asked her how she felt about us and she told me that she wasnt sure if we could be anything because she feels like she dosnt have enough time to spend with me. I responded by telling her that i like her more than any girl i have ever liked and that i would rather see her just once a week than not at all and she said "as long as you're ok with that". So my problem is that i told her i wouldnt text her and ask her to do stuff all the time because i know that it stresses her out, but i feel like if i dont ask her, then we will never see each other. And now everytime i text her or call her, i feel like im bothering her. The other thing is that we rarely get to spend time together now as just the two of us, it is mostly with the group of friends that we share, and since she dosnt like pda, i get mixed vibes about whether she still likes me or not. I think it might be that she is from across the country and needs time to adjust. I am utterly confused and in need of your thoughts and advice. if you have other questions, i porbably left some stuff out so just ask. Thanks.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Sounds like she lost that loving feeling, dude. I'd move on. You shouldn't reduce yourself to grovelling ("I'll take one little itty-bitty day to get to bask in your magnificence if that's all you'll allow me.") Goodness. Apparently she doesn't even respect you to allow such an arrangement and her "I don't like PDA" is such a cop-out. No, she doesn't like you like she once did. Are you sure she's not dating somebody new?
Author hurricanes1210 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Thanks for responding. i dont feel like shes lost that feeling that we have. i know that she has never had a boyfriend before which may be why she is uncomfortable with pda. this whole situation is new for her and i think i might be pressuring things a little too much. As for her being busy, she texted me today and we had lunch together and told me she dropped her bio class and should have more time. The thing though with her is that i have a feeling about her like i've never had with any other girl and im willing to take whatever time she gives me.
silic0ntoad Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Don't be a doormat dude. Are you in college? We all have feelings, and sometimes they are unrequitted. It's just the way of things. It's happened to me many times.
stace79 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 These are all excuses, my friend. If I were saying those things to you, that would be me "letting you down easy". If a girl likes you that way, you will know it, and she will be trying to spend time with you, not blowing you off. You should stop texting her or asking her out at all. Say hello or be polite when you run into her amidst friends, but let it go. She's just not that into you. Sorry. Hey all, I joined this forum today to get some advice on my current situation, so here it goes. I met this girl about a month ago and we started hanging out and doing things together. We both have a lot in common and i started to like her. about two weeks into it i told her how i felt and that i liked her and she responded with "i do too". We have talked for hours at a time and always enjoy each others company. We have kissed several times but lately we haven't because she told me she isn't a big fan of pda. I'm ok with that, but i am beginning to think its something else. In the last couple of weeks whenever i ask her to hang out she tells me that she is busy which is understandable, she is a college student and plays lacrosse. The thing that bothers me is that i usually text her everyday i dont see her and she makes me feel like i am bothering her without directly saying it. her answers will be short and not wanting to continue the conversation. So last week i asked her how she felt about us and she told me that she wasnt sure if we could be anything because she feels like she dosnt have enough time to spend with me. I responded by telling her that i like her more than any girl i have ever liked and that i would rather see her just once a week than not at all and she said "as long as you're ok with that". So my problem is that i told her i wouldnt text her and ask her to do stuff all the time because i know that it stresses her out, but i feel like if i dont ask her, then we will never see each other. And now everytime i text her or call her, i feel like im bothering her. The other thing is that we rarely get to spend time together now as just the two of us, it is mostly with the group of friends that we share, and since she dosnt like pda, i get mixed vibes about whether she still likes me or not. I think it might be that she is from across the country and needs time to adjust. I am utterly confused and in need of your thoughts and advice. if you have other questions, i porbably left some stuff out so just ask. Thanks.
Author hurricanes1210 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 thanks for your comments, but i think i came here for the wrong reason. i was looking for hope and not this. thanks anyways
silic0ntoad Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Well, don't trust false hope man. It is what it is! There's nothing you can do. Hope is black. It only seeks to evade and decieve. Trust your gut. Your heart lies. It is the way of things.
Author hurricanes1210 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 well shes coming over to watch a movie tomorrow night, just the two of us. things like that give me hope...
carhill Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Serenade her as she gazes longingly from her dorm balcony. Ah, romance OP, I can tell you that not accepting reality caused many, many years of personal pain. Trust me, acceptance is much better. If she wanted to be with you, nothing would stop her, including neon lacrosse balls.
stace79 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 well shes coming over to watch a movie tomorrow night, just the two of us. things like that give me hope... How long will you be satisfied with just hope that maybe she will one day like you enough to give you the time and attention you deserve from a girlfriend? If you're okay with just scraps from girls, then go for it. But I think at some point you'll want something more, and I doubt she will give it to you. Guys aren't the only ones who use people! Girls will use you, too, for attention or to fill a void until they meet the guy they really want.
carhill Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Edit: OK, movie in private. No PDA excuses. Pay attention. Make it clear to her that your intentions are romantic. If she balks, ask her to leave. She's just teasing your d*ck. Say it clearly: "You have to go"
silic0ntoad Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Edit: OK, movie in private. No PDA excuses. Pay attention. Make it clear to her that your intentions are romantic. If she balks, ask her to leave. She's just teasing your d*ck. Agreed, 100%. But then again, you may up in my situation: movie in private, sh*t got heavy, ended well... And haven't heard from her in four days. So be careful!
Author hurricanes1210 Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 Edit: OK, movie in private. No PDA excuses. Pay attention. Make it clear to her that your intentions are romantic. If she balks, ask her to leave. She's just teasing your d*ck. Yea, i think she is being honest about the pda thing though. i have asked her about it before and she says she wants to kiss me just not in front of our friends. we'll see. i'll let you know how it goes tomorrow if anyone is curious
carhill Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 So be careful! No problem, ask another girl out in the interim. Why fail as I did when you can succeed? Yes, OP, keep us posted. We re-live our youth through posters like you
stace79 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Yea, i think she is being honest about the pda thing though. i have asked her about it before and she says she wants to kiss me just not in front of our friends. we'll see. i'll let you know how it goes tomorrow if anyone is curious Yeah! I want follow up! I'd put money down that she's just a tease. (Sorry, OP.)
ebab83 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 My input was just going to be, tyr the old 'let them go' thing. Go about keeping your mind open to other people but keep trying the taking a stand back too. Kind of have her in the background, if she wants to come into the foreground she'll let you know, in the meantime don't waste time holding out on a 'just in case'.
silic0ntoad Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Yeah! I want follow up! I'd put money down that she's just a tease. (Sorry, OP.) I'll bet $50 on your side Stace. Thing is, mine turned out not to be a tease. We didn't do the hoopnasty because I told her I didn't want to ruin what could possibly come in the future, and here I am, waiting to hear back from her! Ugh, the dating game is so high school.
stace79 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I'll bet $50 on your side Stace. Thing is, mine turned out not to be a tease. We didn't do the hoopnasty because I told her I didn't want to ruin what could possibly come in the future, and here I am, waiting to hear back from her! Ugh, the dating game is so high school. Ha, I've been on both sides. I can see why honestly is difficult though. I hate hurting people's feelings.
BlueHarvest Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 thanks for your comments, but i think i came here for the wrong reason. i was looking for hope and not this. thanks anyways The truth hurts. My very first post on the forums was about a possible relationship with a older, married (but seeking divorce) woman. I was told that it was wrong, despite what my heart wanted. Eventually my mind muddled through the months of infatuation and I'm glad I didn't ever go any further than friends with this woman. Chances are, woman who like you will want to talk to you, text you, see you, kiss you. Woman who like you, will make time to be with you. That's the down and dirty of it.
silic0ntoad Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 The truth hurts. My very first post on the forums was about a possible relationship with a older, married (but seeking divorce) woman. I was told that it was wrong, despite what my heart wanted. Eventually my mind muddled through the months of infatuation and I'm glad I didn't ever go any further than friends with this woman. Chances are, woman who like you will want to talk to you, text you, see you, kiss you. Woman who like you, will make time to be with you. That's the down and dirty of it. Pretty much. I agree here. In my situation I am giving it til Sunday. On Sunday I'll call her and see what's up. If she doesn't respond or bull****s me, I am out. Sorry hun, there are thousands out there just like you.
ebab83 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 Pretty much. I agree here. In my situation I am giving it til Sunday. On Sunday I'll call her and see what's up. If she doesn't respond or bull****s me, I am out. Sorry hun, there are thousands out there just like you. I've done this so many times, then i bend the rules just a little....then a little more. Seems like you are taking it slowly. Very wise. May even score you some brownie points!
Author hurricanes1210 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Posted September 25, 2009 just remembered something from the other day that we talked about. I had asked her sunday if she wanted to come over and watch a movie on friday night and she said "yea thats fine". So yesterday we were talking and i asked her if she was still available to watch a movie and this is what she said to me "um well there is this ice skating thing on friday and jen(her roommate) really wants to go so we were thinking we could all do that." I responded by saying thats fine and since this was like the 3rd time i have asked her to do something and it has turned into a group thing i said to her "If you didnt want to spend time with me alone you would just tell me right? because it seems like every time i ask you to do something it turns into a group thing." and i told her i would rather her just be honest about it if that were the case and she replied with "No i promise its not that". So i asked her if she wanted to come over afterwards and watch a movie to see if she really meant it and she said "yea. and my classes end early on friday so we can do it before too." That is the reason i think she still likes me. She wouldnt promise that and than agree to come over afterwards if she didnt like me, right? Anyways, i hope im not just over analyzing things.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Yeah! I want follow up! I'd put money down that she's just a tease. (Sorry, OP.) ^^^I'll join that bet, as well. just remembered something from the other day that we talked about. I had asked her sunday if she wanted to come over and watch a movie on friday night and she said "yea thats fine". So yesterday we were talking and i asked her if she was still available to watch a movie and this is what she said to me "um well there is this ice skating thing on friday and jen(her roommate) really wants to go so we were thinking we could all do that." I responded by saying thats fine and since this was like the 3rd time i have asked her to do something and it has turned into a group thing i said to her "If you didnt want to spend time with me alone you would just tell me right? because it seems like every time i ask you to do something it turns into a group thing." and i told her i would rather her just be honest about it if that were the case and she replied with "No i promise its not that". So i asked her if she wanted to come over afterwards and watch a movie to see if she really meant it and she said "yea. and my classes end early on friday so we can do it before too." That is the reason i think she still likes me. She wouldnt promise that and than agree to come over afterwards if she didnt like me, right? Anyways, i hope im not just over analyzing things. Let us know when she quits leading you on.
stace79 Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 just remembered something from the other day that we talked about. I had asked her sunday if she wanted to come over and watch a movie on friday night and she said "yea thats fine". So yesterday we were talking and i asked her if she was still available to watch a movie and this is what she said to me "um well there is this ice skating thing on friday and jen(her roommate) really wants to go so we were thinking we could all do that." I responded by saying thats fine and since this was like the 3rd time i have asked her to do something and it has turned into a group thing i said to her "If you didnt want to spend time with me alone you would just tell me right? because it seems like every time i ask you to do something it turns into a group thing." and i told her i would rather her just be honest about it if that were the case and she replied with "No i promise its not that". So i asked her if she wanted to come over afterwards and watch a movie to see if she really meant it and she said "yea. and my classes end early on friday so we can do it before too." That is the reason i think she still likes me. She wouldnt promise that and than agree to come over afterwards if she didnt like me, right? Anyways, i hope im not just over analyzing things. She might like you a little bit, or she might just be lonely. I'm telling you, if I like a guy enough to want to date or be his girlfriend, I would be blowing off my roomie's invite, especially if you had asked me out first.
Recommended Posts