Exit Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Not sure what to do about this friend. For a long time I've wondered why I've never been the one to break up a relationship, but even in terms of friendships I'm starting to realize that I seem to hang onto people who maybe aren't doing me any good. We dated in high school, she broke up with me, it hurt, all that's in the past. Started talking again recently, she offered to come hang out when I first got dumped, as a friend, which I thought was cool. Ironically soon after that her 5 year relationship ended, so we started spending more time together but still mainly as friends. Things just get on my nerves. For one, she's the type who has a million friends, and that alone has just never made me feel appreciated. I'm just "one of many" and every day of the week she hangs out with someone new. I try not to worry about that too much, just because I'm the type who prefers to have fewer friends, it doesn't mean she's doing anything wrong for having many. But let's get to the specifics. One day I helped her move out of her apartment, hung around at her new place for a while when we were done, then she leaves to go hang at a bar with another friend who is leaving on vacation the next day. Felt kinda burned, but played it off based on the fact that the guy was leaving the next day. Also that day that I helped her move, when I first got there, instead of getting to work, she plops down and checks her facebook for a few minutes as I'm standing there waiting to help. The other day I drove the 45 minutes to her apartment, she ends up in the other room on the phone with a friend making plans for the next day, for a good 20 or so minutes. Sure I'm cool watching TV with her roommates but I came to see her. Felt that was pretty rude. I think it may just be because there's a lot going on, she's just out of that relationship, she probably wants to see as many different people as possible, but I just feel like I'm accepting whatever scraps she feels like giving out. Tomorrow she was supposed to come here to hang out but I ended up asking her if she could find a replacement for me because I wasn't feeling up to it. It's just getting old, every time I'm with her her phone is ringing or texting like crazy, just makes me feel like an afterthought. But then I feel like I'm doing things to spite myself, I could have had someone to hang out with tomorrow and have a little bit of fun, instead I'll just sit here alone. But is a bad friend better than nothing? I think that's why I let people get away with stuff, because I assume it's better than no friends at all. Should I bother trying to communicate this to her, or just lay low and spend less time with her? I feel bad because I personally know what it's like to have a relationship end with no explanation, but frankly at this point I feel like it would fall on deaf ears.
Curious-One Posted September 25, 2009 Posted September 25, 2009 Man i dont know about you but i wouldnt hangout with her. There is nothing more rude to me than when i am talking to someone and that person starts texting. So immature, if my phone rings while i am with someone i will either not answer (most likely) or answer and tell that person "i am currently with a friend and being rude , can i call you back later".
Forsaken Heart Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 It seems you still have some bit of affection for that girl. You want to help her, try to be with her every step possible, but that doesn't concern the girl at all. That's the case here. Now, you can do two things. Tell the girl directly that you really want to help her in everything possible, and ask a little bit of attention from her. If you can pull that off successfully, I am sure she will understand her mistakes and start letting you help her, as well as not ignoring you all the time. If that option fails, and you are not able to draw attention from her, then it's best if you just, lay low. There's no need helping someone who doesn't want your help. Also, what's the benefit helping her if she doesn't give you the attention you deserve? It hurts you in the end, after all.
New_Life08 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 First of all, what are you holding out for? You are a convenience to this person when they need help, or don't have anything better to do. I think you are hoping for something she is never going to fulfill. She views you as a "friend" only. You seem to have a lingering hope that you will finally make her list. It isn't going to happen. She spreads herself too thin, and that isn't going to change. The bigger picture is that I would be wary of continuing this kind of emotional relationship with a friend. When you do find someone else; even with the best intentions, this kind of friendship can cause a lot of problems in your new relationship. I think it would be wise to put some distance between you two. If she wants to hang out, let her call you. If she is ignoring you by talking on the phone or texting while you hang out... then excuse yourself and leave. She is not going to have any more respect for you than you have for yourself. In the future...when and if you meet someone and fall in love...keep in mind how you were treated when your friend had every chance in the world to appreciate you...but something more appealing came up. Just my thoughts.
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