D-D Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 So in the past two years or so, I've probably had about a dozen dates, all with different women. Probably half have been people that I met somewhere, either through work or who were friends of friends. The other half have been from dating websites. The dating websites have been very frustrating as very few women reply to messages, and you must message several women daily to get any e-mails back. Usually I keep first dates simple, such as coffee, dinner (if I know them a little) or something fun like an outdoor sporting event. I learned long ago not to waste money trying to impress women on first dates who you will never see again! Out of all 12 or so of these dates, not a single one has gone beyond a first date, which has been very discouraging for me. I will admit that out of all these dates, there are 3 of them where I did not want a second date. One had good chemistry, but I wasn't physically attracted to her, the second girl I had no attraction or chemistry with and the third was really attractive but very rude and selfish (she has since gone on to find a boy-toy for herself). Otherwise, all other other women I met I would have gone out with again, except for whatever reason, they were not attracted to me or interested in pursuing things further. I am 25 years old male, short (5'6"), average to above average looking with a fit/athletic build (155-160 lbs). I take care of myself, dress neatly and am very easygoing. I have a great career, I own my own place and a car. I don't drink and don't do drugs. Other than being shorter that what women prefer and a little shy at times, I consider myself to be a decent catch. Typically I take a low-key approach to first dates. I try to concentrate on just getting to know the person and having a good time. I have never kissed a girl on a first date, as I usually think that it should mean something when it happens, and I usually just don't feel that connected after one date. Maybe this is what I am doing wrong? I am of the mindset that if you have a good time and enjoy the persons company, that you should try and see them again, whether or not you really felt some chemistry (unless there is some major issue that makes you know for certain that there will be no relationship). I think most women that I met so far do not share this philosophy, and as a result are likely missing opportunities for relationships. Is this just bad luck in the dating world on my part, or am I doing something that is sabotaging my first dates? I really want to meet someone, but I am getting tired of always finding someone I'm interested in and then not having her reciprocate the same feelings. I'm just curious to see if this is a common experience for people and would appreciate any feedback or suggestions in what I can do to improve this situation.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I have never kissed a girl on a first date, as I usually think that it should mean something when it happens, and I usually just don't feel that connected after one date. Maybe this is what I am doing wrong? Negative. I wouldn't want a near-stranger's lips on mine on the first date. I've only EVER kissed on the first date and that was high school. How much physical contact do you have (if any)? There is a thread around here about how much women are comfortable with on the first date. It looked to be a prevailing opinion that hug on the first date (at the end) is cool. Have you ever hugged on of these women? Do you express clear interest in seeing them again? If you do, how do they react to your suggestion to see each other again (even if there's no concrete plan)? I like to know a guy had a great time on his date with me. Do you state as much to any of the women you were intersted in seeing again? How's the body language? Do they hold your gaze? Any flirty moves (playing with the hair, etc)? How's YOUR body language? Is there any flirting at all going on, or is it more of a friendly-type date?
Author D-D Posted September 24, 2009 Author Posted September 24, 2009 ^^^ Yes, if the date goes well I always tell them that I really enjoyed spending time with them (or something like that) and always end the date with a hug (unless it didn't go well at all). I sometimes make mention of another date, or at least the fact that I'd like to see them again. They all seem to react well to this face to face. The problem is when I call a few days later. I seem to be shuffled into the friend department. Quite often I get the "yes, I'd like to see you again, but only as a friend" line. I'm just afraid there is something I am doing that is turning them off, and I don't know what it is. I've never had a date that wouldn't speak to me on the phone afterwards or return a call, so I can't have ever been a completely horrible date! I would have to say I am horrible at reading flirty moves. I'm sure there are some, but I'm not really paying attention to those. There is usually at least some flirting. I never have a problem carrying a conversation, and I try to inject some mild humor. I try and act interested, maintain eye contact, keep my arms open and face directly at them. Maybe I just haven't found the right ones, and that is all it is. I just don't feel that I am horrible enough on most of these dates to not make it to a second date. If I go on a date and have a good time, even if there isn't chemistry, I will usually go on a second date. Sometimes it takes more than one date to "click". I guess I need to find women who share this opinion.
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