Paradok Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I have discovered my fiance has an addiction to porn (and women in general) and lies everytime he is caught. I worry that he fantasises about other women (and friends) and will eventually act upon these urges.
Devil Inside Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Paradok...why do you say he fantasizes about women in general? What in his actions tell you this? Either way...porn can destroy a relationship. It makes it very difficult for the person addicted to porn to be able to have a sexual relationship that does not involve fantasy. I don't know if I would consider it cheating...but if you don't feel comfortable with it..and you told him...and he does it anyways...it is a problem.
GorillaTheater Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I have discovered my fiance has an addiction to porn (and women in general) and lies everytime he is caught. I worry that he fantasises about other women (and friends) and will eventually act upon these urges. Looking at porn isn't cheating, per se, in my book, but if it's a deal-killer for you then that's fine. I think what you need to be worried about more is the lying, not only about the porn but more importantly (from your other thread) about fatal illnesses and jobs he's never had. That seems a bit nuts to me. If he's the type to lie even when the truth sounds better, you have no trust and without trust you can't have much of a relationship.
Thaddeus Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Cheating? No. But if it's a true addiction, then you're really up against a brick wall. I suspect that this will not end well.
AAlike Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I have discovered my fiance has an addiction to porn (and women in general) and lies everytime he is caught. I worry that he fantasises about other women (and friends) and will eventually act upon these urges. there is a firestorm of threads already existing about this, search the dating forum. There is no clear cut answer as to whether it is or is not cheating. if your fiance is addicted to anything and/or lying, I think that is definitely a problem, however.
stuckinoz Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 If it's a true addiction - then I'd say yes it's considered a form of cheating. But, as far as just looking at porn - Everyone's viewpoint is different. What might be ok for one person isn't ok for another ( like alot of things in life ) If you're uncomfortable with it - then I'd say it's a problem. Talk to him. BEFORE you get married. If it's a problem for you NOW imagine what kinds of issues you'll have once you're actually married.
Author Paradok Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Paradok...why do you say he fantasizes about women in general? What in his actions tell you this? Either way...porn can destroy a relationship. It makes it very difficult for the person addicted to porn to be able to have a sexual relationship that does not involve fantasy. I don't know if I would consider it cheating...but if you don't feel comfortable with it..and you told him...and he does it anyways...it is a problem. I suppose a huge concern of mine is that he is constantly fantasizing about other women and that always goes through my mind when he is flirting with my friends. He tells me that he only fantasises about me but I suppose because he lies about the porn I assume that he lies about that also. My other problem with the porn is that the women he looks at are nothing like me. They are asian girls or busty blondes. This makes me worry that I am not the right person for him and his love and lust for me is not as deep as mine for him. Am I just being irrational?
Author Paradok Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 If it's a true addiction - then I'd say yes it's considered a form of cheating. But, as far as just looking at porn - Everyone's viewpoint is different. What might be ok for one person isn't ok for another ( like alot of things in life ) If you're uncomfortable with it - then I'd say it's a problem. Talk to him. BEFORE you get married. If it's a problem for you NOW imagine what kinds of issues you'll have once you're actually married. It's not so much that I am uncomfortable with him watching porn. I told him at the start of our relationship that I did not care if he liked porn but because of past experience I wouldn't accept him lying to me about it. The hiding it and lying about it makes me worry about what else he is hiding from me.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 He could have a porn addiction, it's even worse if he's hiding and lying about it. You might need to get him to therapy. Have a talk with him and be supportive even though it might be agonizing to have to worry about his preference and need for sex.
EcstasyX6 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 My ex and I used to have intimacy issues: I wasn't fulfilled, and I wanted sex more often, but supposedly, he was often tired or would come to bed too late. Later I found out that he felt insecure about his ability to please me, so would spend secret time looking at porn and pleasuring himself. I was so upset, because I said, here I am waiting for you, wanting more, and your wasting yourself on porn. When he cut that out, our sex life improved a great deal. Also, we'd watch it together sometime. So, although I don't think it's cheating, I believe that it can take away from the relationship.
Prarie Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I don't know if I would consider it cheating...but if you don't feel comfortable with it..and you told him...and he does it anyways...it is a problem. Couldn't agree more. I don't even shop at WalMart because my husband isn't comfortable with it, for Pete's sake, let alone something as emotionally charged as this! I also think that people throw around the word "addiction" a little to casually these days. If this is a true addiction, I would have some major concerns.
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