New Again Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 This situation is in regards to a thread I posted awhile ago, about having to move 500 miles away from bf for work. Since then I've been trying to get a different job, and otherwise figure out some way that I could stay (I really wanted to stay, for every reason, not just bf), but with no luck. Told bf what was going on; he was supportive in a cheerleader kind of way (in other words, not that helpful - oh don't worry, you'll get a job, you're so smart, etc.); when I pressed the issue (since he didn't seem to be taking it very seriously) he suggested I could live with him "temporarily" until I got something figured out down there. I appreciated the thought, and said I would think about it (a combination of having to think about it and see if it was actually feasible, and it absolutely wasn't, financially). I tried to talk to him about this on three different occasions, and he continued to not seem to get it. I don't know if he was just trying to not think about the alternative, or if he's so far past the days of being in debt (which is where I am) that he doesn't get it, or what. But he just kept insisting on his solution, and not hearing me say "I can't afford that, and I'm not going to put myself in a position to be financially irresponsible." The fact that he never once reassured me that this wouldn't affect "us," that we could make it work in the meantime, I thought spoke louder than anything he was actually saying. Yesterday I finally left him a message reiterating all of this, told him I was really upset about all this, and please call me back. He left me a message that basically said "I was worried you were thinking that; I'll call you later because we have to talk about this." No sympathy, no concern, no comfort, no nothing. I tried calling him around 8, since I expected to hear from him before that; he texted me that he was shopping - apparently shopping is more important than our relationship, or me being upset? He said he would call me when he was on his way home. I looked up mall hours; they closed at 9:30, but he didn't call me until 10 - when he was driving, and had me on speaker phone so we couldn't hear each other Again, no mention of "us" at all. Maybe I should've brought it up, but since I would date LD and he's the one who has a problem with it I don't want to be the one who mentions it. I think I'm just being a coward though. Anyways, we didn't break up; mostly he just expressed annoyance and anger and made me feel like crap over the situation - guilt tripping me, and almost kind of bitching me out over it. I feel like a break up is imminent. Maybe I'm overreacting, but it's a feeling I'm getting over a bunch of combined things. On top of that, I've been out of town for two weeks and our communication has totally sucked. I was expecting phone calls every night and didn't get them. After we hadn't spoken (except the occasional text or a couple minutes online while he was at work) in almost a week, I called him - and he wasn't interested in talking, he was totally distracted doing other things, and he wanted to get on his f*cking computer. He wasn't listening to anything I was saying so I said fine, we don't have to talk. He said if I wanted to talk to get online. He never got online...so I texted him an hour later and "oh yeah my internet's not working." So I was pretty pissed that he didn't text me or otherwise let me know (or call me back?!?!) so I said so. And of course he called me then. But why do I have to MAKE him talk to me when he should be missing me and calling me, not busy doing other things when I try to talk to him for the first time in a week. Of course that whole thing just makes me feel very disconnected from him and I have no idea what he's up to or what's going on in his life. That's not how relationships are supposed to be. And now he's ignoring me today. Sorry if this doesn't make sense; I'm upset and distracted and stressed out I know this is really jumbled; there's a lot of issues I think.
Author New Again Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Ahhhhhh he's still insisting I just move in with him. It's kind of frustrating, but I'm going to take it as a good sign. I'm just going to call him tonight and ask him what he's thinking, if he wants to do LD, and if he does then I expect more and better communication.
Author New Again Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Sorry I keep bumping this, it's helping me think things through though. We're going to have a longer and more in-depth talk later when we both have more time. I asked him if he wants to stay together, and instead of answering first he asked if I did. I'm wondering if this means that he's feeling insecure about the relationship also?? If he is, I'm trying to think how I can change that, which means thinking about how I've handled things badly or done some things wrong. I know I'm pretty bad about communicating, especially when I'm stressed, I tend to clam up.
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