Telling Wife HAD NO EFFECT ON ANYTHING!!!

[Chrome Barracuda]

yes, we are provided for from his estate...in case anything happens to him.

 

he made sure of it. hes never shrugged his responsibility as a provider.

 

I highly doubt you getting broke off the real estate's money...

 

You probably getting a side piece he got stashed somewhere for emergencies. And trust when he dies the wife is gonna just protect her assets meaning execute the will with you and her kids nowhere in it.

 

But seriously in the end...They dont care about you... He doesnt care about you...

 

you called while in labor having his love child? hmmm was he there holding your hand, was he there getting through it with you, was the baby the first thing it saw, nope because he's an absentee father. who can plant them but cant raise them.

[herenow]

Who thinks to call a BS in the middle of labor to stir up trouble in the marriage? I know when I was in labor I couldn't think about anything else. I certainly couldn't have been planning to blow up someone's marriage.

 

Clearly this OP is a multi-tasker.

 

I know right, all that breathing and excitement about giving birth, I'm not sure I could have called anyone. I let my H make all the calls. Maybe she should have let MM call his wife. Oh yeah, he wasn't there.

[georgia girl]

I am curious - are you truly okay with this relationship? I ask because three specific actions of yours clearly indicate that you're not.

 

1) You call your MM's wife while in labor. You weren't assuring yourself that she knew about you before giving birth to a baby, though that's what you may be telling yourself. You were about to give birth and, to me, it sounds like you were making an attempt to put your family together at the 11th hour before you brought a baby into this world.

 

2) You went no contact at one point and in fact, posted your distress on this site about your relationship and your partner's relationship/love for your children. In addition, no one really comes to this site if there's not a problem and everyone is happy.

 

3) You are now concerned that your children are growing up and needing their daddy. However, in a second post, you sound like you are fine with sharing the major holidays (which are especially important when children are young).

 

If you're not okay with your situation, it's very fair to talk about it here. In fact, it's why the board exists. I think the reason you've faced so much cynicism in the responses you've received is that many may not think you're as happy as you present to be.

 

If you want support, people here will give it. If you want to fool yourself, however, I think you'll get a hard time. Your reality is that you are in love with a man who has a wife that he may or may not love but who certainly has no intention of leaving. If that's fine with you, then why post?

[PhoenixRise]

I know right, all that breathing and excitement about giving birth, I'm not sure I could have called anyone. I let my H make all the calls. Maybe she should have let MM call his wife. Oh yeah, he wasn't there.

 

 

AND the bolded part is the problem. My husband nearly caused a multi car pile up trying to get to the hospital when I went into labor. Because he loved me and he loved the baby and he was determined to be there for every minute.

 

OP went through her labor alone because her MM couldn't find enough care to be there for her or the baby. Then he told her he didn't have the same feelings for her children that he did for his kids with his wife.

 

She is a convienance to him. An extra bit of contentment to add to an already contented life. He is her whole world.

 

It is really kind of sad.

[georgia girl]

Seriously, he wasn't there when she gave birth? Seriously? (I guess I missed that somewhere.)

[awkward]

I think she already posted this part of the story awhile ago. If I remember correctly, he and his BW were having a dinner party while the OP was birthing child #2.

 

I also remember that he told the OP he doesn't love "their" children.

[vanilla chai]

Good god im speachless. you're waiting on this guy to leave his wife,but the problem for you is he isnt leaving and you have several of his kids.

[vanilla chai]

i was in labor, i needed to know for myself he told me truth. why wait till you were in labor?

 

if he and i married, and he had physical relationship with another woman its fine with me as long as im included...and its just sex no intimacy.

So your willing to be second best.

 

he has weakness for other women, variety, im not trying to deny what is in his nature nor what is really physiologically normal for men to pursue many women on a physical level.So you know since he is a cheat that he will probably upgrade soon.

 

basic human instinct is to procreate survival of the species, its not abnormal desire.

The sad thing is you are making excuses fro his sh**ty behavior.

[awkward]

I also think he missed the birth of their first child too. Here's hoping he can find the time to make it to the birth of child #3.

 

This guy is a jerk and his illegitimate children are going to be very hurt/angry when they grow up.

[nocontact2]

im not waiting on him to leave his wife.

 

if he does he does and I would marry him in a heartbeat.

 

if he doesnt than we will have the life we have now.

 

either way we are together.

[Chrome Barracuda]

im not waiting on him to leave his wife.

 

if he does he does and I would marry him in a heartbeat.

 

if he doesnt than we will have the life we have now.

 

either way we are together.

 

Who the F is "WE"????

 

Because you and him is not an official couple. Even other "OW" on this board are telling you so!!! and that's saying something!

 

Lady you need mental help!!! Right now!!

[LucreziaBorgia]

He gets all of the benefits of being with you, without having to have the full time responsibility. Does he pay court ordered child support? I wouldn't be in the least bit surprised if he doesn't. His wife isn't worried because he isn't going to leave her and she gets to keep the status quo, the lifestyle and the legal rights as his wife and mother of his legitimate children.

 

In other words, you and your children don't mean enough to either of them to break up their marriage.

[fooled once]

I called my MM'S W when I was in labor with our next child. Actually, have even left him messages at home when he told me she was out of town and she got home before he did and heard them.

 

His older (adult) children have texted and called me from his phone he uses to contact just me. Seen photos of me and their half-siblings on the phone.

 

His mother, who lives with him, I sent roses and photos of her grandchildren to (one of which is named after her late husband)...

 

I, our relationship, our family, is NO SECRET to his other family. We go on vacations together. We do all the same things we would do, I just dont have his last name (but the children do) and no ring.

 

His wife's outlook is "she is your issue I dont want anything to do with it." How is that for a response????? I had expected her to at least be a little mad, jealous, dont contact my husband, something....but nadda....she doesnt care.

 

We have been together for several years and after all the contact between his 1st family and their knowledge of us he has never left our relationship, nor has it waned in any way. In fact, just the opposite he is around more, does more, calls more, he knows I'm not going anywhere.

 

Our children are getting older, albeit still newborns and toddlers, but to a place they are wanting daddy now. Where his oldest have all left the nest.

 

I am so in love with this man that I dont even find other men attractive, even though they still ask me out. He knows I am just biding my time and waiting for him to move into our home permanently. I dont care if if takes another 5 years or 50...

 

Yes, it is lonely not having him home every night...but I have faith that day will come. It is increasingly more and more difficult for him to be away from our home and family.

 

I am a little confused on what support or help you need

 

Seems like you are just happy the way things are. I guess the only way you will become the new wife is if his current wife dies since she has made it clear SHE isn't going anywhere.

[fooled once]

You may want to marry him; but I would bet a years salary that if his wife died (because she is NOT going to divorce him), he wouldn't marry you.

 

You are content to be the side piece, and he is content to have you only be the side piece.

 

I bet he has another girl on the side too and maybe more kids.

[georgia girl]

Okay, I promised myself I wasn't going to respond again. (I'm on this section of the website because I have a very dear friend who just confided that she is an OW and I'm so upset for her and at her and I'm trying to learn). But, I just can't take this one.

 

No Contact 2, you will do what you want and I don't know you from Adam so I won't give advice. I can only say this: if I man I chose to have a baby with was not there when I delivered and it was not an unforseen act of God or otherwise that prevented him from being there, he would not have been physically capable of fathering a second child.

 

Whatever happens to the two of you, he is NOT a good dad. Your children deserve better.

[Trialbyfire]

Surprisingly, I don't have a problem with this, if all the parties are in the know.

 

MM has one woman to take care of his primary house and home, with children. He also has another, to take care of his sexual needs, with more children.

 

His wife is okay with the arrangement and lives the lifestyle she wants with financial security for herself and the children. Who really knows if they're also still having sex. You only have his word on it.

 

You, you have a small piece of his time and get to meet his sexual needs, when he gets in the mood and comes to see you.

 

Everyone is happy, right? So what's the problem?

[norajane]

Everyone is happy, right? So what's the problem?

 

Well, let's ask the multiplying kids how happy they are about all of this once they grow up without daddy around much. Until then, I don't know if everyone is happy.

[Trialbyfire]

Well, let's ask the multiplying kids how happy they are about all of this once they grow up without daddy around much. Until then, I don't know if everyone is happy.

I'm going to assume that the wife and nocontact, are loving mothers. Any woman who doesn't put her children's emotional health as more important than her lusts, shouldn't be a mother.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I'm going to assume that the wife and nocontact, are loving mothers. Any woman who doesn't put her children's emotional health as more important than her lusts, shouldn't be a mother.

 

And that's exactly the point...her children are nothing more to this woman other than background paper...

 

She's not putting them first all she cares about is herself. If I had a mother like that I'd basically make her life hell..for the rest of her miserable life.

 

She talks in terms of nannies and money but it sounds very materialistic and hollow and those kids are gonna be messed up...

 

But I just dont seem to care anymore, I'm done posting on a trifling woman!

[Trialbyfire]

And that's exactly the point...her children are nothing more to this woman other than background paper...

 

She's not putting them first all she cares about is herself. If I had a mother like that I'd basically make her life hell..for the rest of her miserable life.

 

She talks in terms of nannies and money but it sounds very materialistic and hollow and those kids are gonna be messed up...

 

But I just dont seem to care anymore, I'm done posting on a trifling woman!

If she's capable of having phone conversations while birthing children and has nannies galore to take care of the childrens' needs, she must be a very unusual woman...indeed!

 

While I've never had a child, I did get to share the experience with my SIL, as her birthing partner, since one of my brothers is a fainter. It wasn't all shytes and giggles, with casual phone calls...

[bentnotbroken]

If she's capable of having phone conversations while birthing children and has nannies galore to take care of the childrens' needs, she must be a very unusual woman...indeed!

 

While I've never had a child, I did get to share the experience with my SIL, as her birthing partner, since one of my brothers is a fainter. It wasn't all shytes and giggles, with casual phone calls...

 

 

I was too busy screaming my head off to even call Mr. Messy a jackazz, for putting me in that situation:rolleyes:

[Trialbyfire]

I was too busy screaming my head off to even call Mr. Messy a jackazz, for putting me in that situation:rolleyes:

While my SIL only whimpered, she almost broke my hand, any number of times, interspersed with A LOT of panting. If I recall correctly, they didn't move her to the birthing room until her contractions were pretty close together.

 

It sounds like you or my SIL weren't quite as capable a birthing machine, as the OP!

[stillafool]

I called my MM'S W when I was in labor with our next child. Actually, have even left him messages at home when he told me she was out of town and she got home before he did and heard them.

 

His older (adult) children have texted and called me from his phone he uses to contact just me. Seen photos of me and their half-siblings on the phone.

 

His mother, who lives with him, I sent roses and photos of her grandchildren to (one of which is named after her late husband)...

 

I, our relationship, our family, is NO SECRET to his other family. We go on vacations together. We do all the same things we would do, I just dont have his last name (but the children do) and no ring.

 

His wife's outlook is "she is your issue I dont want anything to do with it." How is that for a response????? I had expected her to at least be a little mad, jealous, dont contact my husband, something....but nadda....she doesnt care.

 

We have been together for several years and after all the contact between his 1st family and their knowledge of us he has never left our relationship, nor has it waned in any way. In fact, just the opposite he is around more, does more, calls more, he knows I'm not going anywhere.

 

Our children are getting older, albeit still newborns and toddlers, but to a place they are wanting daddy now. Where his oldest have all left the nest.

 

I am so in love with this man that I dont even find other men attractive, even though they still ask me out. He knows I am just biding my time and waiting for him to move into our home permanently. I dont care if if takes another 5 years or 50...

 

Yes, it is lonely not having him home every night...but I have faith that day will come. It is increasingly more and more difficult for him to be away from our home and family.

 

Okay, but I don't understand the purpose of your post. Is it for advice or just to tell us that your relationship with your MM is going well for you? If so I am happy for you all. No, you don't seem to bother the wife and she doesn't bother you so I'd say he's got it made.

[stillafool]

i was in labor when i called, i dont think i pre-planned it...was very polite and apologetic when i called...i just wanted to make sure she knew truth as he told me he had already told her of us.

My gawd woman, you must be obsessed with his wife. I would surely have more important things to think about if I were in labor than calling some woman to tell her what is only business between her and her husband. She probably knows about your obsession and jealousy of her. Why don't you forget about his wife and just enjoy your time with MM? She doesn't care about you why do you care about her?

 

I ask myself, question my MM posed to me, would I rather have 10% of man who loves me like no other for the time being, or 100% of what is available out there who may or may not treat me and our children as well as he does, love us as he does?

 

Okay you are getting what you want, so who cares? Certainly not his wife.

 

When he says 10% he is referring mostly to his work as it is like 80% of his time...He honestly gives me more quality time with him than his wife has... really only time they see each other is when there is a social event for business or something with their children.

 

There you go worry about his Wife again. Tell the truth, are you secretly in love with her too?

[nocontact2]

to clear up a few things...my labor for our children were all c-sections, so when i called it was very early in labor...i was in hours of excruciating pain, panting, sweating, etc.

 

2ndly, i have nannies to help because our children our so young and i have an older child with neurotube defect that is paralyzed from waist down and in a wheelchair. So, I have to have help during day and I have to have someone here at night in case I go into early labor to leave the children with.

 

I am not sitting in a mansion with maids and nannies while I play housewife of OC or Atlanta or whatever you call it.

 

I get my hands dirty everyday, change diapers, handle teething, spit up, run errands, pay all bills, basically run the entire house. Yes, he financially provides for the support of the home, but I do the work.

 

So, when he is here he is a wonderful father and wonderful partner. When he is not here my day is full of what most women who stay at home with 5 children (3 in school) and pregnant do...whatever the childrens needs are...appointments, homework, baths, reading, etc.

 

My life does have a sense of normalcy to it. If I was married to him he would still spend 80% of his time working...that what he does.

 

But, I wouldnt trade him for some random goddlooking 25 year old to warm my bed at night that is just another child for me to raise....

 

I dont need another man to raise and there are entirely too many men out there that want just that...