Telling Wife HAD NO EFFECT ON ANYTHING!!!

[Athena]

I am waiting for the Defensive reaction now... the one full of Denial, excuses, finger-pointing at MM, etc etc...

 

How nice it would be instead, if you were to REALIZE you are not behaving in a healthy way, you are delusional in your thinking, and you are making piss-poor decisions sadly lacking in any rational pre-thought planning!

 

If you find yourself immediately wanting to defend yourself here, STOP.

 

Wait a day or two. Come back onto this thread and re-read it calmly. Think about it.

 

What you are doing is not good for anyone.

 

You are not successful in the haphazard, finger-pointing, blaming others (MM and his W who 'holds onto their M')... YOU are responsible for this situation you find yourself in. Quit behaving the SAME way you have been. It's time to Change.

What you have been doing has not been successful.

CHANGE is needed. Yes, change is tough. But it is required here.

 

What are you going to do differently this time? Because what you have been doing up to this point is not working.

[Athena]

I, nor our children, are no longer in the equation. He is in the hottub with wife and not me and his wife now...

He ALWAYS was in the hot tub with his wife (the expensive, luxurious, sensual and Private hot tub) and it was you far away on your own that was not in the equation.

 

You are sidestepping the real situation.

 

Again, this must be a hoax.

 

Sigh... you are pretty good at drawing people into your Drama, aren't you?

[nocontact2]

no drama

 

i've turned off ringer to my cell phone.

 

now if I can make it 2 weeks without answering his calls or calling him then I should be well on my way to recovery.

 

 

i think the hardest part of this relationship will be next two weeks and making through without giving in as he expects me to...

[Athena]

no drama

No? oh... well, then, I guess that leaves the question of your intelligence then

i think the hardest part of this relationship will be next two weeks and making through without giving in as he expects me to...

So it's a game now

 

Why not just grow up and start being responsible towards six kids.

[nocontact2]

My children are very loved and well taken care of. i am with them 24/7 at home every single night I never go out...

 

As for my intelligence...IQ to IQ I would test against you any day of the week.

 

As for my decision making...my heart has led many of my decisions which havent always been the best, albeit with the best of intentions.

 

That's why we are where we are now...but it takes two people to have a relationship and have children so the responsibility of the duration of our relationship and the number of children we have is not just on me.

 

And just so your facts are straight my oldest two are from my previous marriage...only youngest 3 are with my x-MM...although he is not going to let me walk away so easy. Because of the children and because he doesnt want to let me go or our relationship.

 

He is not the type of man who doesn't get what he wants.

[Athena]

My children are very loved and well taken care of. i am with them 24/7 at home every single night I never go out...

hmm, and yet you've said before that you know LOTS of younger men that ask you out, and want you, blah blah blah, but that is somewhat contradictory to the picture you just gave of you being a pregnant, busy, mom of five young children, one of whom is in a wheelchair! What?! How is that possible... why don't your story seams line up?

 

As for my intelligence...IQ to IQ I would test against you any day of the week.

I am not talking about being book smart, Nocontact2, I am talking about something far more important and valuable -- Emotional Intelligence -- look it up. Try improve on it.

 

As for my decision making...my heart has led many of my decisions which havent always been the best, albeit with the best of intentions.

well, one sign of intelligence is to be flexible enough to change, as required. Psychologists like to quote that a sign of stupidity is doing the Same thing over and over again, but expecting different results each time!

 

That's why we are where we are now...but it takes two people to have a relationship and have children so the responsibility of the duration of our relationship and the number of children we have is not just on me.

Yes but YOU are the Common Denominator in 2 different Relationships: One a failed M, and one a miserable A.

And the two men, who likely are very different, along with the two very different types of relationships had just one thing in common -- YOU. So, you need to look at that carefully. You cannot just point at other external reasons as to why you find yourself in a very unusual situation... it's, to quote 2sure, "Not a freak accident you find yourself here"

 

He is not the type of man who doesn't get what he wants.

Have you ever wondered why this type of man prefers to link up with the type of woman who doesn't get what SHE wants?!

[Athena]

So it's a game now

 

Why not just grow up and start being responsible towards six kids.

My children are very loved and well taken care of. i am with them 24/7 at home every single night I never go out...

You are missing the point -- I am not talking about a limited narrow viewpoint of just taking physical care of your children's immediate needs today -- I am talking about a long-term view of taking care with the example you are setting for them with your and MM's shenanigans, your irresponsibility to behave in a logical mature fashion that not only sets a first-hand example of behavior for them, but also gives them a mother distracted by Drama and negatively affected by being made to feel, time and time again, Second Best by their father! What kind of mother can you be when you allow him to mess with your heart and your brain like this on a daily basis? You have to quit partaking in this crazy drama you have set up! And the way to begin is by stopping the typical and expected script that you follow, over and over again.

 

Live your life the way you best can to set a healthy environment for six kids.

[Ariadne]

Live your life the way you best can to set a healthy environment for six kids.

 

Let's not get her confused here.

 

I mean, she did "exactly" what the forum told her to do.

 

She dumped him and went NC, and is securing the child support.

 

The only thing that is off is denying him visitation rights (that he has of course).

 

But aside from that, she has done what you guys said was best.

 

And I don't think this time she was trying to rattle the w, she was telling them she was out of their lives.

 

I think she is right asking where the support is now.

[Ariadne]

(Btw, I also don't think this situation is going to last and she'll be back of course)

[OpenBook]

From what I've seen of the way married people treat each other, I'm not so sure marriage is any healthier environment. For anyone.

 

The older I get the more I think people who score the highest in Emotional Intelligence are people who AREN'T married.

 

So I wouldn't be so quick to judge the OP on her parenting skills solely based on her life situation. For all we know, her kids may turn out to be the healthiest ones of all. We just don't know.

[Athena]

Let's not get her confused here.

 

I mean, she did "exactly" what the forum told her to do.

 

She dumped him and went NC, and is securing the child support.

 

The only thing that is off is denying him visitation rights (that he has of course).

 

But aside from that, she has done what you guys said was best.

 

What?! --- I re-read the ENTIRE thread and only 1 single post advises her to "dump" him. #232. (she tells her to tell him its over)

 

That's hardly the entire forum telling her what to do!

 

"We" did not tell her to do that, and she did not do what 'we' said was best.

 

Besides, the poster only said OP really needed to "let him think you'll not wait that long... tell him it's over even if you still love him"

Hardly the whole group forcing her to Dump him! That above advice was a gently, positive post saying OP shouldn't give MM blind assurances of undying love and devotion...

Big Difference here...

 

Bottom line is that the OP only does what she wants, despite the consistently poor outcomes of her actions.

 

Having re-read the entire thread, I must say, there are just too many contradictions in OP's story for me to carry on contributing to her thread.

[whichwayisup]

I think she should dump him, or just accept her situation as it is. Being the other woman and being happy with it since MM and his wife certainly seem OK with it. Just seems she has expectations that aren't ever going to happen.

 

Anyway, the back and forth, suing him, not suing him, wanting him, not wanting him, wanting him to dump his wife, now breaking it off with him IS too much. I've never seen any poster on LS go back and forth like this, change it up like the OP has. Would like to believe that NC2's situation is real, but something tells me otherwise.

[stillafool]

Your damn right I called his home and left voice message for his wife to hear (if he didnt get home 1st and erase it)

 

I wanted her to know it was over...that I wasnt tolerating this situation anymore and if she is content to live as an ostrich with her head in the sand while he get his sexual satisfaction and intimacy elswhere while all along thinking she has all american perfect marriage she is delusional and can keep him!

 

She knows with me gone he is going to be out on the prowl again...

 

 

You have not changed one bit. Once again getting back to the original subject of this thread: Why don't you leave his WIFE alone! She does not care what you do. Don't you see that you have no effect on her life whether you see MM or not! You are obsessed over their relationship instead of worrying about your own. You only told MM you would break it off to try to force him to make a choice between you and his wife and he knows it. He knows that in a couple of days you will want him again. I don't understand how just "yesterday" you were so sure of your love for him and his love for you. Yet not even 24 hours that love has gone down the drain and you agree with everyone on this forum. If you were serious I would be glad for you but you seem to be doing this only for a reaction from MM and his wife.

[nocontact2]

I want his wife to know its over on my end. She may have actually enjoyed him having a long term OW (me) now he is free and back and able to screw whoever he wants when ever he wants...lets see what does every one think she would choose??? a single long time OW or multiple one night stands with OW?

 

What I would like now is any poster who thinks telling him it is OVER that we are nothing more than a financial obligation (children) to support me in this action.

 

Because I am very WEAK when it comes to him because he is the LOVE of my life...today each hour seems like a week and it wont be any easier tomorrow.

 

Going no contact with a man I have been with for several several years...and whose baby kicks in my stomach as I type is no easy feat. And I honestly do not know if I can make it????

 

Today I have a friend come over to help me rearrange our bedroom and one of the babies rooms just to keep me from looking at my stupid phone that stares at me begging me to pick it up and text or call him. If I wasnt pregnant I would probably take a few tylenol PM and try to sleep the day away...

 

Alas, I'm going through withdrawals going cold turkey and it hurts, I dont want to eat, it makes me want to be sick...and the time is going by slower than if it had stopped.

 

Please God let me make it through the next 24 hours...

[vanilla chai]

Well, she is likely expecting him to join her any day now -- in 5 to 50 years time, to HELP her with them!

 

The well will run dry for her soon enough,then what. My bet is her mm is going to upgrade.

[whichwayisup]

want his wife to know its over on my end. She may have actually enjoyed him having a long term OW (me) now he is free and back and able to screw whoever he wants when ever he wants...lets see what does every one think she would choose??? a single long time OW or multiple one night stands with OW?

 

OMG - You don't get it..Still.. SHE DOESN'T CARE if he has you, or not..Or if he has 20 other women in his life. OBVIOUSLY they have some sort of agreement, an open marriage, each can do whatever they want. It's you who has the issue, not her, not him.

 

If you want to stay in his life, then accept your role and the bits he can offer you. Or end it - Though it seems you did..(For now)..

 

NC2, please get counselling. You're a mother to many children and you're pregnant. Look out for you and your kids - STOP focussing and wasting energy on this guy PERIOD.

 

If I wasnt pregnant I would probably take a few tylenol PM and try to sleep the day away...

 

You can't do that to your own kids..

[nocontact2]

obviously she doesnt care about much...him either for that matter.

 

Screw this...Im heartbroken and should have never posted anything...with exception for maybe 2 posters no one has been supportive...

 

you guys make me wonder if your not all trolls!

[Athena]

obviously she doesnt care about much...him either for that matter.

 

Screw this...Im heartbroken and should have never posted anything...with exception for maybe 2 posters no one has been supportive...

 

you guys make me wonder if your not all trolls!

 

Yup, I admit -- I am a troll

[Athena]

 

Screw this...Im heartbroken and should have never posted anything...with exception for maybe 2 posters no one has been supportive...

 

Doesn't this make you wonder WHY?....

[Athena]

obviously she doesnt care about much...him either for that matter.

 

 

Clearly they are a good match for each other then! Why are you trying to break them apart?!

[awkward]

(Btw, I also don't think this situation is going to last and she'll be back of course)

 

No worries. MM will take her on a fabulous vacay and all will be forgiven until next time she posts and gets all rattled up.

 

OP please leave the wife alone. She. Doesn't. Care. (about you nor your children)

[Athena]

She (W) doesn't care what you do or say, because she has him. You don't, but are cooking up schemes to try make him leave her and live with you! Even though you admit he never does what he doesn't want to do!

Face it, if he hasn't left her in decades of marriage, throughout multiple affairs, and through a love affair with you of six years and three kids, what on earth do you think is going to make him CHANGE now? You having a temper tantrum over the phone for a day or two?

[whichwayisup]

obviously she doesnt care about much...him either for that matter.

 

She probably cares about the same he does.. Again, their marriage is what it is.. They have an arrangement and it works for them. You're the one with the problem, not him and not them.

 

I've tried to help you NC2, for a long long time.. Problem is, you aren't doing anything to really help yourself and you're not learning along the way.. You keep making the same mistakes and then blaming him or his wife.. Or us here.. Take responsibility once and for all - END IT and MEAN IT. Walk away and focus on the rest of your pregnancy and be around your kids, and good friends. And consider some counselling because you're a mess and having a hard time coping.

[stillafool]

I want his wife to know its over on my end. She may have actually enjoyed him having a long term OW (me) now he is free and back and able to screw whoever he wants when ever he wants...lets see what does every one think she would choose??? a single long time OW or multiple one night stands with OW?...

 

 

Again you are worried about what his wife thinks. Why? She could tell you who do you think MM would rather spend his nights with, you - with a house full of screaming kids or her, a quiet home, a romantic dinner, or whatever they do when they are alone. Who knows, who cares? As much as you seem to harass this poor woman she probably is hoping he will trade up for a mistress who is a little more on the quiet side.

[Athena]

As much as you seem to harass this poor woman she probably is hoping he will trade up for a mistress who is a little more on the quiet side.

 

LOL!