GrayClouds Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 At times I wonder if the forum becomes a place that can hold you back from moving on. With all the support it offers, after a while does it just gives a place to continue to wallow in your pain? If so, how do you know you have reached that point?
alphamale Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 If so, how do you know you have reached that point? when you don't feel like posting here any more
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 You know it's bad for you when you can't stop wallowing and/or start to think of all relationships, men or women, in a bitter and cynical fashion which includes gross generalizations.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 At times I wonder if the forum becomes a place that can hold you back from moving on. With all the support it offers, after a while does it just gives a place to continue to wallow in your pain? If so, how do you know you have reached that point? read the Happiness is not Allowed on LS thread...... it should answer your question :lmao:
silic0ntoad Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 IDK, I like coming here. As lame and "unmanly" as it sounds, I rather would help people with their problems then give up posting here. I don't really post in the breakup section anymore, since it seems to me, that I really don't pine over my ex anymore. I have other things to worry/post about.
JL911 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I agree with the guy above...I think eventually you move on from your problems in order to help someone understand and get through their own...Thats where I am at the moment...Grant it I am not happy with my situation, but I remember how much it hurt and how terrible it felt...And to just shed some light to others that its gonna be ok and your gonna make it...Is very beneficial to my own recovery and healing...
Exit Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I guess I kinda breezed right over the transition where it may have been a "bad" place for me to be. It was useful while I was hurt and confused about my ex, and now that I am pretty much over it, I enjoy being here, still asking the occasional question for myself, but mainly helping other people from what I learned. A few days ago I made a thread where I said it was time for me to leave, but I've been feeling good and no longer see a reason to do that. If you are dwelling on what happened, if you are continually asking "why" instead of "how can I heal", it may not be the best place.
Thaddeus Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 There can be a tendency to wallow in self-absorption and we see that here all the friggin' time. And there are some posters (who shall remain nameless) that tend to post incessantly to "get the last word," which, IMHO, is purely destructive. I think that when one finds themselves going over the same ground repeatedly without learning anything new, then clearly the forum has done its job and it's time to move on.
northstar1 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I guess I kinda breezed right over the transition where it may have been a "bad" place for me to be. It was useful while I was hurt and confused about my ex, and now that I am pretty much over it, I enjoy being here, still asking the occasional question for myself, but mainly helping other people from what I learned. A few days ago I made a thread where I said it was time for me to leave, but I've been feeling good and no longer see a reason to do that. If you are dwelling on what happened, if you are continually asking "why" instead of "how can I heal", it may not be the best place. Bingo. Interesting how it feels when you move from being helped to a helping role isn't it? I found it much more calm.
fral945 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 At times I wonder if the forum becomes a place that can hold you back from moving on. With all the support it offers, after a while does it just gives a place to continue to wallow in your pain? Yes, if you decide to use it that way. I came here originally to understand relationships, as I have experienced very few of them and was single at the time I joined. To learn what to watch out for and what to look for. It has helped me formulate a general idea of what I want and what I should watch out for. I used it to gain a better understanding of relationships and believe it has helped me in that respect. IMO it is better to learn from others mistakes than my own. Some people may have few friends or family to turn to, or want to be anonymous, so I can understand where an online forum like this would be appealing. You just have to remember when reading posts to take them with a grain of salt, as most people who come here to post are not exactly happy with their relationships. If you are looking for pity parties and people whining and complaining, you can probably find someone here. If so, how do you know you have reached that point? You've reached that point if you post obsessively and would rather sit here and complain that go out and attempt to work on your relationship issues. It's ok to post about problems (as that is the purpose of this forum) but if you just post the same thing over and over whining and complaining and saying "woe is me!" without going out and attempting to do anything about it then you have reached that point.
Meaplus3 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 At times I wonder if the forum becomes a place that can hold you back from moving on. With all the support it offers, after a while does it just gives a place to continue to wallow in your pain? If so, how do you know you have reached that point? Good question. I guess for me when I came here I was in pretty bad shape. And back then my only goal was to fix my situation. Now that it's all behind me and I'm in a very happy place, I stick around to try and give back to others the gifts that so many graciously gave to me. The giifts of hope, strength, encouragement, humor and understanding. So for me LS has not hindered me from moving forward with my life. Mea:)
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 There's another side to this. Is LS ever "good" for anyone? I think there are individuals who can learn a lot from LS. Whether the information provided by LS is actually "good" for the individual, will be how they perceive the information and whether or not they can differentiate between what works for them and what can be detrimental to their emotional health and well-being. If you stick around long enough as a regular, you're also going to have to learn to negotiate the shark tank. Good luck!
JamesM Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 If it causes you to no longer date or get fired, then I would be concerned. If your partner/spouse no longer gets a chance to talk with you, then I would be concerned. If you have more friends on LS than IRL, then I would be concerned. If you constantly wonder "How would (fill in the blank) on LS handle this? What would (fill in the blank) on LS say to me about this?", then I would be concerned. But truthfully, if LS helps you handle real life and you get satisfaction from posting or reading feedback, then....why be concerned?
Meaplus3 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 If it causes you to no longer date or get fired, then I would be concerned. :lmao: Good point James. Mea;)
alphamale Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 If you stick around long enough as a regular, you're also going to have to learn to negotiate the shark tank. what do you mean "negotiate the shark tank"? this isn't real life office politics its an anonymous intenet forum for gods sake. there are no sharks and their is no tank....except maybe land shark
DustySaltus Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I think it is all about the transition. After a while you need to move forward with your own issues. I think a lot of people on here have helped me and it has made me want to reciprocate. I've made the transition from needing help to trying to give help. When I feel like I've done enough, I will bow out gracefully. But for now, i'm around to try and help people not make the same mistakes I did.
BCCA Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I think its key to ensure that you being here, espcially in the second chances, coping, etc section, does not keep you emersed in a bad breakup any longer than is neccesary. I think this place is a great place to run ideas by people, and get good constructive feedback, but if youre still posting about the same ex, saying 'will she be back' etc, after a few months - its time for a break. Ive had to take one myself, and I actually browse/post on most of the other topic forums, too. It seems that a lost of people keep posting different threads, worded differently or asking slightly different variations of the same questions, in hopes that someone will tell them an ex is coming back. Thats not healthy. Its great to talk out your problems and move on, its not good to dwell, though.
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 To be fair to all members, not everyone heals at the same pace. I also get frustrated but then, have to back off and realize that they're different people, thus my impatience is my issue, not theirs. I thank LS for teaching me this, albeit am working hard to make this consistent. And yes, sometimes, just sometimes, can't contain it.
BCCA Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I agree, everyone moves at their own pace, and there is nothing wrong with that. But there are people who hold themsleves back by refusing to want to heal, which is when it might be helpful to take a little break, and do something else. I can remember arguing with people for pages and pages about my ex and what I wanted to believe, but after taking some time away, I came back realizing that they were right, but I just didnt want to look at the truth. Thats the thing, sometimes you need a break from your line of thinking, just so you can process everything. If you spend every day explaining to strangers why they are wrong, your situation is different, and how your ex will be back - thats where your mind is going to dwell. I thank LS for teaching me this, albeit am working hard to make this consistent. And yes, sometimes, just sometimes, can't contain it. Agreed
tealeafbud Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I used to use this forum a lot over a year ago. I just logged on to read a few threads, see some familiar names, and post that you do move on when you use the forum less and less which happened in my case. to all those that are confused and sad, it does get better. Trust me. I know. I used to post tons on this forum a while back. Everyone on here provides great support and is here to help.
lord alfred douglas Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Probably at some point in the autumn of 2006
Citizen Erased Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 Probably at some point in the autumn of 2006 Don't say that. I don't think LS has ever been bad for me. Some of the people here haven't been particularly good for me to be around but the rest make up for it.
Lizzie60 Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 If it causes you to no longer date or get fired, then I would be concerned. If your partner/spouse no longer gets a chance to talk with you, then I would be concerned. If you have more friends on LS than IRL, then I would be concerned. If you constantly wonder "How would (fill in the blank) on LS handle this? What would (fill in the blank) on LS say to me about this?", then I would be concerned. But truthfully, if LS helps you handle real life and you get satisfaction from posting or reading feedback, then....why be concerned? James baby... good points.. Thad too... I agree with this: And there are some posters (who shall remain nameless) that tend to post incessantly to "get the last word," which, IMHO, is purely destructive. I would add: When you post incessantly that you cannot work anymore.. or you proscratinate because of LS... When you post incessantly that your real life becomes A CYBERLIFE, that you live and think according to LS. When you post incessantly and you need to 'invent' a perfect life just to impress the gallery... Or When... simply.. you have the impression that the forum is no longer good for you ... you need to listen to your gut feeling.. When you can post from work... it's even better... you get paid to do something you enjoy... how good is that! But in most cases, fortunately, LS is a good place to exchange ideas and have good discussions...
Leia Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 I don't think LS has ever been bad for me. Some of the people here haven't been particularly good for me to be around but the rest make up for it. I feel the same way. I feel that some are bloody ignorant when it comes to other religion and also the process of burial and what-not, hence accusing people faking "it". It's also funny for me that, there are those that claim others are fake, are fake themselves. Go figure. I was here coz I heard so much about this place from my cousins and thought I'd check it out. I had a few issues in the beginning with guys, and some have helped me in that. I stuck around coz I have gotten close to a few and more so lately after the passing of my cousin.
Leia Posted September 30, 2009 Posted September 30, 2009 There can be a tendency to wallow in self-absorption and we see that here all the friggin' time. And there are some posters (who shall remain nameless) that tend to post incessantly to "get the last word," which, IMHO, is purely destructive. I think that when one finds themselves going over the same ground repeatedly without learning anything new, then clearly the forum has done its job and it's time to move on. Oh f*ck! That is so true!!! There's one or two that whenever I see their username as the last poster to post on a thread, I'd already know what they'd say! They sound like a friggin' broken record!
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