Freaked out moving too quickly and material intimidation

[InspiredbyYou]

Also I have to ask about looks, because we are visual creatures (men moreso then women), and when as attractive, successful and wealthy as he is, he has plenty of choice.

 

 

So what are you saying the wealthy attractive men only date 10's? And anything less than that he must be a serial killer?

[Trialbyfire]

We are both very sexual people, he can tell, and I can tell. You know these things the minute you kiss. We just opt to wait, if there is one thing he is not is a pig. I have never fallen in love with men who were pigs. I steer clear of them because pigs don't know where to draw the line, they are just animlas afterall! Something I find incredibly off putting in grown men!

 

He is very preppy and proper, those are the best "pigs" around they slowly unleash and they are sheer extacy in bed!

A man who is slobbering over himself to have sex is not sexy in the least it just means he is only after his own gratification and needs. At least that has been my observation with men who display those signs of impatience early on.

 

I've waited as long as 4 months in some relationships to have sex it's not that rare and men don't explode, trust me!

This is concerning, not the waiting, which is individual based on when they're ready, but how sex and the male gender, is viewed. Sex is earthy, messy and hotter than hell with someone you're into. The heaven's do not open up and angel's don't sing...

[InspiredbyYou]

First off, the guy is 35, that he would be ready for a LTR is totally normal, he's had a chance to sow the wild oats of youth and to see and do many things.

 

What worries me is that he seems to be craving an instant intimacy, that deep longing for those family connections

is normal, attempting to get them by bowing somebody over with excessive gifting and lavish gestures too often, too soon is not. He's got a deep hunger and hasn't yet realized that it needs to be satisfied primarily from within

himself and that the connections he craves are forged by bonds that develop over the time span of years.In short, he may well be really emotionally needy and that is a red flag from where I sit.

 

 

Soserious I think this is the closest assesment to what I am feeling, yes I would have to agree with that 100%. This is precisely why I reached out to discuss this situation my starting to "freak out" when I saw so much so soon was in fact those exact same concerns you just described, I do worry very much that he may be a bit needy trying to fill this void that has been left open from his childhood. We mustn't forget that he had a very sad childhood, he was beaten a lot by his abusive father. He would lie a sleep at night at 8yrs old in fear that his father would come in to beat him while he was asleep, his sisters would get presents for Christmas and he would not because he was the "man" and he did not need gifts. Yes these are all very big concerns of mine, what does this to a person. His need to give stems from the fact that he go so little and ultimately it could be his way of ensuring love. I have made it very clear to him I like him for him, that he doesn't need to impress me if he picks an extravant place for dinner I will say no let's go here instead and I will pick somewhere nice but more mainstream. I mean there are definite "issues" here I guess I am more concerned of the implications of this should we become a serious item. How can these things translate negatively into the relationship. Could he be a control freak, abusive I don't know. He does not have any tendencies of that so far as I have seen but it is very early on so....

[InspiredbyYou]

This is concerning, not the waiting, which is individual based on when they're ready, but how sex and the male gender, is viewed. Sex is earthy, messy and hotter than hell with someone you're into. The heaven's do not open up and angel's don't sing...

 

 

Huhhh??? what's concerning?

 

This is concerning, not the waiting, which is individual based on when they're ready

 

 

I am totally sexually into him, just not ready. Soooo what's the concern here?!?!? I am 38yrs old I know what sex is about. But thanks for the explanation lol

[Toodamnpragmatic]

And ask how many of those couples having sexual problems in their marriages how long they waited to have sex when they dated, I bet you any money you will get responses that will be across the board ranging from a sex on the first date to waiting to have sex. Lack of sex in a marriage is irrelevant to how soon you have sex in dating, you sound very young and inexperienced and in fact your conclusions seem rather childish. I really thought you would have something more substantial in return.

 

We are both very sexual people, he can tell, and I can tell. You know these things the minute you kiss. We just opt to wait, if there is one thing he is not is a pig. I have never fallen in love with men who were pigs. I steer clear of them because pigs don't know where to draw the line, they are just animlas afterall! Something I find incredibly off putting in grown men!

 

He is very preppy and proper, those are the best "pigs" around they slowly unleash and they are sheer extacy in bed!

A man who is slobbering over himself to have sex is not sexy in the least it just means he is only after his own gratification and needs. At least that has been my observation with men who display those signs of impatience early on.

 

I've waited as long as 4 months in some relationships to have sex it's not that rare and men don't explode, trust me!

 

I am not childish, just open with my views/opinions. Also I am very honest and giving a male's perspective. I asked questions, that hadn't been asked in 4 pages and was blunt.

 

You are the one here asking questions and asking about red flags. I'll tell you (and I am 46 btw), that I don't know these "romantics" and such open vulnerable males. Great he is not a playboy and he has taken it slow on the sexual side. I am concerned about that, when you consider he has opened up about everything else but sex with you.

 

Sorry you don't appreciate this man's view.

[InspiredbyYou]

I'm asking questions because I am not used to the level of extravagance and fast pace this man is taking wanting to introduce me into his life. It's nothing new for me to have men fall for me quickly, my last boyfriend told he loved me on the third date, we were together for a year and a half and he didn't change from day one to day 365. He was not hiding any dark secret or ulterior motive, he was a guy who fell in love quickly. I ended it because I realized I didn't feel quite as in love as he did down the road.

 

The other thing about this guy is I never dated a divorced man with children, or as wealthy as he is.

 

 

And speaking of sexual tendencies, one of the guys I dated this summer seemed like a great catch he was very good looking moderately successful and very smart. He was very rushed to get sexual with me, he was very persistent and when we would kiss he was an absolute terrible kisser, he was 41. I thought the first time it was first time nerves and we should wait and see, second time around same thing only worse simply terrible kisser he has arms like an octopus trying to feel me up everywhere and gnawing on my neck like a woodpecker with hands. He would dry hump me and it was just a horrible experience all around we were back at my place one night and before I could even get comfortable in kissing him he already had his shirt off and showing off his pecs. It was actually a complete turn off. When I am kissing my current man I feel like I could almost climax, the way his mouth moves, the way he touches me the way our bodies move together is so passionately we are grunting and gasping for air and we devour each other with passion. It’s is very good.

 

I have no doubt that we will be great in bed together no doubt at all. That is not my concern, and I never said you were childish I just find your comments a bit immature. But I welcome all the comments!

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I'm asking questions because I am not used to the level of extravagance and fast pace this man is taking wanting to introduce me into his life. It's nothing new for me to have men fall for me quickly, my last boyfriend told he loved me on the third date, we were together for a year and a half and he didn't change from day one to day 365. He was not hiding any dark secret or ulterior motive, he was a guy who fell in love quickly. I ended it because I realized I didn't feel quite as in love as he did down the road.

 

The other thing about this guy is I never dated a divorced man with children, or as wealthy as he is.

 

 

And speaking of sexual tendencies, one of the guys I dated this summer seemed like a great catch he was very good looking moderately successful and very smart. He was very rushed to get sexual with me, he was very persistent and when we would kiss he was an absolute terrible kisser, he was 41. I thought the first time it was first time nerves and we should wait and see, second time around same thing only worse simply terrible kisser he has arms like an octopus trying to feel me up everywhere and gnawing on my neck like a woodpecker with hands. He would dry hump me and it was just a horrible experience all around we were back at my place one night and before I could even get comfortable in kissing him he already had his shirt off and showing off his pecs. It was actually a complete turn off. When I am kissing my current man I feel like I could almost climax, the way his mouth moves, the way he touches me the way our bodies move together is so passionately we are grunting and gasping for air and we devour each other with passion. It’s is very good.

 

I have no doubt that we will be great in bed together no doubt at all. That is not my concern, and I never said you were childish I just find your comments a bit immature. But I welcome all the comments!

 

 

Then I say enjoy the ride, I am sure there are many envious women reading this......

[InspiredbyYou]

I really don't understand some of the bitter sarcastic comments here. why the rolling eyes and sarcasm Toodamnpragmatic? Is it just that people want to see strangers fall flat on their faces in agony? Or what is it?

 

I thank everyone who has given observations, the sarcasm and bitter comments just sound like precoceived anger based on very emotional personal mishaps more than anything.

 

soserious, member, seoa, sb129 (forgive me if I left people out) and others brought up some excellent points and things to think about some other comments here just seem like criticisms coming from very emotional places...I don't understand them.

[2sure]

Eh, my take is that maybe someone is in midlife crisis and finding themselves coming up short compared to your new guy. Soooo....they might politely and in such a caring way....just try to take you down a notch. Happens a lot here. Kind of an anonymous form of Passive Aggressiveness. Which is pretty inexplicable when you think about it for 2 seconds, so dont bother.

 

But what do I know?

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I really don't understand some of the bitter sarcastic comments here. why the rolling eyes and sarcasm Toodamnpragmatic? Is it just that people want to see strangers fall flat on their faces in agony? Or what is it?

 

I thank everyone who has given observations, the sarcasm and bitter comments just sound like precoceived anger based on very emotional personal mishaps more than anything.

 

soserious, member, seoa, sb129 (forgive me if I left people out) and others brought up some excellent points and things to think about some other comments here just seem like criticisms coming from very emotional places...I don't understand them.

 

 

Sorry I am bad with my smilies.... I was joking that I am sure many people (particularly females) would be very envious reading your post.

 

Let's recap:

 

You have met a guy on line, went out with him and he happens to be attractive, smart, worldly, incredibly chivalrous, very wealthy, respects your parameters, has seemed to fall head over heels for you, attentive of your needs, thoughtful, romantic, open and generous.

 

Am I missing something?

 

I am not trying to nasty, but if I was a single female I'd be jealous....

 

But I do agree to keep your guard up.....

[soserious1]

Soserious I think this is the closest assesment to what I am feeling, yes I would have to agree with that 100%. This is precisely why I reached out to discuss this situation my starting to "freak out" when I saw so much so soon was in fact those exact same concerns you just described, I do worry very much that he may be a bit needy trying to fill this void that has been left open from his childhood. We mustn't forget that he had a very sad childhood, he was beaten a lot by his abusive father. He would lie a sleep at night at 8yrs old in fear that his father would come in to beat him while he was asleep, his sisters would get presents for Christmas and he would not because he was the "man" and he did not need gifts. Yes these are all very big concerns of mine, what does this to a person. His need to give stems from the fact that he go so little and ultimately it could be his way of ensuring love. I have made it very clear to him I like him for him, that he doesn't need to impress me if he picks an extravant place for dinner I will say no let's go here instead and I will pick somewhere nice but more mainstream. I mean there are definite "issues" here I guess I am more concerned of the implications of this should we become a serious item. How can these things translate negatively into the relationship. Could he be a control freak, abusive I don't know. He does not have any tendencies of that so far as I have seen but it is very early on so....

 

 

People who gift excessively (to the point that they make others uncomforable) often are controlling and those people come in 2 flavors with both flavors being rooted in deeply rooted low self esteem.

 

1. the list maker-this giver seems warm hearted and wonderfully generous.. till you disagree with them on something, take issue with them on any of their other behaviors or refuse to grant their requests immediately. This person will then recite a list of every single thing they've ever done for you.This list recitation is usually

accompanied by a rant about how ungrateful and low you are.

 

2. This giver does all sorts of wonderful things, in hopes that by doing so you will love/care for them, this giver also

tends to be overly solicitous about your needs, wants, emotional state.. this is the kind of person who will approach you to ask if you're upset with them if you are quiet or tired or just having a bad hair day. This type gets really anxious and over analyzes every word or action made by a partner. At first their attentions are quite flattering, considerate but over time these people become cloying and suffocatingly annoying to normal people.

 

Both types IMHO become that way because they were abused in some way as children and/or they have PDO that they were basically born with.

[sb129]

IBY- you may have already noticed that there are many people on LS who are unhappy in their own personal lives, and this understandably colours their experiences and therefore their comments to others.

Don't take it personally. (unless of course, it gets personal, and then report them- thankfully there has been none of that in your thread although I have noticed a bit of hypocrisy!)

 

At this stage of your new R, it sounds like you have reached a resolution to the original problem you posted, and are happy to move on to the next stage.

 

However as long as the thread remains active, you will probably get a few more negative comments.

Some of them will be genuinely well- meaning and cautious in a "don't get burned like I did" kind of way.

Take what you need from the thread, and don't worry about the rest of it.

[mem11363]

I totally love that movie. Wife and I both love to watch it together. I personally believe that every once in a while two people meet and have a magical connection. And it lasts and lasts and they grow old together.

 

21 years ago I met this woman and started to fall in love with her. We went on lots of dates. I started sleeping over - but kept my shorts on. We were both quite experienced at 26 - meaning we were no longer in single digits with romantic partners. Still, I wanted to wait until she fell for ME, before we did that. So eventually we went away for the weekend at my suggestion. The first night in the hotel we slept next to each other. I woke up and realized she was angry. I figured - ooops I asked her on a romantic get away and I am not being fully romantic. I found out later her prior relationship was with a guy who had a really low sex drive and she was starting to think I had the same problem.

 

So - and this was a good bit more then 6 weeks in - I did what she wanted because I did not want her to break up with me. I am not being funny, and I didn't feel used I just suddenly realized that she wasn't likely to wait much longer so I did what she wanted. And now 21 years later I am still doing what she wants - because I like to make her happy and because I could have sworn one of us vowed to obey the other. So - as far as pacing goes, I think it is hard to tell much from that.

 

IBY - Please continue to update us on the status of "Wesley" - and just be forewarned that if everything works out I will start referring to you as Buttercup.

 

 

 

 

I really don't understand some of the bitter sarcastic comments here. why the rolling eyes and sarcasm Toodamnpragmatic? Is it just that people want to see strangers fall flat on their faces in agony? Or what is it?

 

I thank everyone who has given observations, the sarcasm and bitter comments just sound like precoceived anger based on very emotional personal mishaps more than anything.

 

soserious, member, seoa, sb129 (forgive me if I left people out) and others brought up some excellent points and things to think about some other comments here just seem like criticisms coming from very emotional places...I don't understand them.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I totally love that movie. Wife and I both love to watch it together. I personally believe that every once in a while two people meet and have a magical connection. And it lasts and lasts and they grow old together.

 

21 years ago I met this woman and started to fall in love with her. We went on lots of dates. I started sleeping over - but kept my shorts on. We were both quite experienced at 26 - meaning we were no longer in single digits with romantic partners. Still, I wanted to wait until she fell for ME, before we did that. So eventually we went away for the weekend at my suggestion. The first night in the hotel we slept next to each other. I woke up and realized she was angry. I figured - ooops I asked her on a romantic get away and I am not being fully romantic. I found out later her prior relationship was with a guy who had a really low sex drive and she was starting to think I had the same problem.

 

So - and this was a good bit more then 6 weeks in - I did what she wanted because I did not want her to break up with me. I am not being funny, and I didn't feel used I just suddenly realized that she wasn't likely to wait much longer so I did what she wanted. And now 21 years later I am still doing what she wants - because I like to make her happy and because I could have sworn one of us vowed to obey the other. So - as far as pacing goes, I think it is hard to tell much from that.

 

IBY - Please continue to update us on the status of "Wesley" - and just be forewarned that if everything works out I will start referring to you as Buttercup.

 

mem11363..... Didn't realize you were such a romantic too..... Why do you think I chose TDP as my moniker???? My friends are all mature, professionals (I know it should not mean much, but just mention it) and I think are a fair representation and cross section of males. Don't think/know of a single one who has cheated (may have happened, certainly I have never heard anything). Most have been married long-term. Not a single romantic amongst the bunch or anyone as open as this attractive, wealthy, polite, generous, dating site searching 35 yo is (really, I'm not trying to be cynical).

 

The OP should be counting her lucky stars imo at this point. As said I'm happy for her, wish her the best, but like all tell them to keep their eyes open.

 

Apologize for my bluntness, just call them like I see them. I think she should be thrilled and not over analyze things.

[InspiredbyYou]

Sb129 thanks for the encouraging words and you're right I have resolved what I came here to ask!

 

2Sure I love your remarks you make me laugh so hard! I see you are at least fairly across the board in your biting remarks, I knew I liked your comments for a reason.

 

 

 

mem your story was really great. Thanks for sharing that. I know in gut how I am going about this is fine. your buttercup comment made me laugh I love the Prince's Bride one of my fave movies growing up, might still have a VHS of it kicking around my place...

 

So eventually we went away for the weekend at my suggestion. The first night in the hotel we slept next to each other. I woke up and realized she was angry. I figured - ooops I asked her on a romantic get away and I am not being fully romantic. I found out later her prior relationship was with a guy who had a really low sex drive and she was starting to think I had the same problem.

 

 

If he has low sex drive we will tackle that issue when the time comes, I won't fully fall for this man until I do have complete intimacy with him so either way, I can still walk away with my emotions at least semi in check.

It's a win situation for me, maybe not so much for him but I have to look out for me first while not hurting others along the way.

 

 

 

I think are a fair representation and cross section of males. Don't think/know of a single one who has cheated (may have happened, certainly I have never heard anything). Most have been married long-term. Not a single romantic amongst the bunch or anyone as open as this attractive, wealthy, polite, generous, dating site searching 35 yo is (really, I'm not trying to be cynical).

.

 

Interesting comment:

 

my ex before the last was an executive and he was rather cold and calculating when it came to how he conducted business, we had gone away for a business weekend and he and I were out with some of his colleagues and over the course of the weekend (it was the first time they got to see him in action with his woman) the comments were flying about how they never pictured him being such a romantic with his partner. They had this image of him being cold and pragmatic outside of work as well.

He liked to portray that image with his colleagues and it suited him just fine when in reality he really was romantic and a puppy dog behind closed doors, I know, I lived with him.

 

Men will only show you what they want to show you, how they are with their women behind closed doors you will never know. I am not saying you don't have a clue about your professional friends but I sincerely think you don't know what you don't know.

 

Your skepticism is not unfounded but it's a tad clinical.

Who knows maybe the difference for these men is whether you are their wife or their girlfriend. As a wife perhaps you don't get to reap the benefits of romance after 15yrs, as a girlfriend you do since it is all new and exciting. Afterall all romance is enthusiasm for something new. But even that I think is a big misconception. I've dated a lot of men for the most part I tend to attract romantic men, it's not a dying breed, then again I don't go for the average "typical guy". The men I tend to go for have something that stands out about them. Maybe that's it.

 

 

I am enjoying every minute of it now, who knows where I'll be in 20 yrs if at all. but just because I am enjoying the good it doesn't mean I don't hold my ear to the ground. I had some concerns when I took out this thread and I picked up some good advice and put it to practice now only time will tell.

[InspiredbyYou]

By the way, I think I posted this thread in the wrong section I meant to say this earlier in the thread. What I meant to do was post it in the "Getting Married" section, reason being is because it seemed the topics were more mature than the topics posted in the dating section. I didn't think I would get much help in that section and I did get exactly what I needed here. So thanks to all for all the great comments and I do mean everyone, yes especially you Toodamnpragmatic!

[Toodamnpragmatic]

By the way, I think I posted this thread in the wrong section I meant to say this earlier in the thread. What I meant to do was post it in the "Getting Married" section, reason being is because it seemed the topics were more mature than the topics posted in the dating section. I didn't think I would get much help in that section and I did get exactly what I needed here. So thanks to all for all the great comments and I do mean everyone, yes especially you Toodamnpragmatic!

 

I see too many unhappy people and some who are happy but may not deserve it...... I do admit though I can be caustic and cynical, but also very nosy..... Also I think less of many males...... Hope you found a good one..... Are we friends yet???

[InspiredbyYou]

Trust me..... I want to see you happy.....

 

I see too many unhappy people and some who are happy but may not deserve it...... I do admit though I can be caustic and cynical, but also very nosy..... Also I think less of many males...... Hope you found a good one..... Are we friends yet???

 

Not more than I want to see me happy, that's for sure and I do deserve it, sorry....

 

That's why I came here to ask about this situation. I feel happy but I also did feel like it was too much too soon. Now things are settling we are having more long in depth coversations he is sharing more about his past how he made his fortune, I am learning more about his childhood, the failed marriage, his contributions to the breakdown or lack there of, and of who this man is. I understand things better, but the idea that he has backed off on the intense emotional stuff and the big plans is a huge relief for me since it is letting me concentrate on the most important thing of all without distractions; him. He is still reminding me each day how happy he is to have me in his life, and continues to text me little sweet nothings and at times I have even let him see my moodier sides or where I ask many questions and pry and he has been very calm and nonphased and he

has taken the time out to respond to all my questions in a very thorough manner almost being too honest. I really don't have reason to mistrust his motives at this point, he has shown me no signs at all of alarm other than his overexcitement to move things along quickly which I was having a hard time slowing down.

 

We were always friends Toodamn, don't be silly!

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Not more than I want to see me happy, that's for sure and I do deserve it, sorry....

 

That's why I came here to ask about this situation. I feel happy but I also did feel like it was too much too soon. Now things are settling we are having more long in depth coversations he is sharing more about his past how he made his fortune, I am learning more about his childhood, the failed marriage, his contributions to the breakdown or lack there of, and of who this man is. I understand things better, but the idea that he has backed off on the intense emotional stuff and the big plans is a huge relief for me since it is letting me concentrate on the most important thing of all without distractions; him. He is still reminding me each day how happy he is to have me in his life, and continues to text me little sweet nothings and at times I have even let him see my moodier sides or where I ask many questions and pry and he has been very calm and nonphased and he

has taken the time out to respond to all my questions in a very thorough manner almost being too honest. I really don't have reason to mistrust his motives at this point, he has shown me no signs at all of alarm other than his overexcitement to move things along quickly which I was having a hard time slowing down.

 

We were always friends Toodamn, don't be silly!

 

Just consider me that curious GF who asks maybe too many difficult questions, and reminds you to keep your guard up.... But who isn't jealous behind your back wondering why it isn't happening to her.....

 

If you read this section more, you'll realize most of us men are completely clueless when it comes to women....

[InspiredbyYou]

Hello everyone here is my update:

 

He has told me he is falling madly in love with me, this was over the weekend. I told him I could see myself falling for him too, truth be known I feel like I already am but I don't want to say it yet since things are more under control now. Things are going great and we are progressing at a more comfortable pace.

 

I had a bit of a freak-out a week and a half ago and told him we needed to take a step back that he was coming on a little strong again, ie showing up to my work because he was in the neighborhood and thought to offer to drive me home after work. I am very independent and I don't like to be "controlled" but he says he does it with the best of intentions (it was raining pretty hard that day he had a client meeting up the street from where I work and was done around the same time I was so he texted me to see if I wanted the drive home) In hindsight it was a really nice gesture. I did accept but told him then and there we needed to slow way down that I need my space. He apologized and felt pretty bad that night as far as I can tell but was really amazing about it and we proceeded to have a fantastic weekend together after that. It felt good to let him know where I stood, to make my concerns heard.

 

 

Toodamnpragmatic: if you are out there this question is for you..

 

why have you been so concerned about the lack of progression on the sex part? You never did answer that question or share your views as to why you saw this as a red flag. What is the conclusion you are coming up with in terms of what it says about him? We've established it wasn't me, ie. it's not for a lack of attraction so what is your train of thought in terms of what he is about?

 

Reason I ask this is because I do have some updates on this front but I would like to know what the implications of us being together for 6 weeks plus and no sex and him not pushing for it were as far as you saw it?

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Hello everyone here is my update:

 

He has told me he is falling madly in love with me, this was over the weekend. I told him I could see myself falling for him too, truth be known I feel like I already am but I don't want to say it yet since things are more under control now. Things are going great and we are progressing at a more comfortable pace.

 

I had a bit of a freak-out a week and a half ago and told him we needed to take a step back that he was coming on a little strong again, ie showing up to my work because he was in the neighborhood and thought to offer to drive me home after work. I am very independent and I don't like to be "controlled" but he says he does it with the best of intentions (it was raining pretty hard that day he had a client meeting up the street from where I work and was done around the same time I was so he texted me to see if I wanted the drive home) In hindsight it was a really nice gesture. I did accept but told him then and there we needed to slow way down that I need my space. He apologized and felt pretty bad that night as far as I can tell but was really amazing about it and we proceeded to have a fantastic weekend together after that. It felt good to let him know where I stood, to make my concerns heard.

 

 

Toodamnpragmatic: if you are out there this question is for you..

 

why have you been so concerned about the lack of progression on the sex part? You never did answer that question or share your views as to why you saw this as a red flag. What is the conclusion you are coming up with in terms of what it says about him? We've established it wasn't me, ie. it's not for a lack of attraction so what is your train of thought in terms of what he is about?

 

Reason I ask this is because I do have some updates on this front but I would like to know what the implications of us being together for 6 weeks plus and no sex and him not pushing for it were as far as you saw it?

 

Nice to hear the update and really do hope all is well..... I am concerned as a male as to how hard he is falling and how quick. To be chivalrous, a good person and a gentleman, is certainly not a bad thing. To drop by unannounced, especially in this era of communication is also an issue. Sure text or email that you are nearby for a meeting and do you need a ride home or want to step out for a quick bite or eat is certainly a fair expectation.

 

As for sex, I will retract only part of my initial scepticism and curiosity. I still think that someone who moves so fast and goes through such depths of emotion (declarations of love), should probably be further in the relationship on a sexual side. The reason I say this is the that the relationship has progressed so far, so fast over the time.

 

How many dates have you had? How much time together + texting + email + talking has been invested? From the posts I’d say from a timeline, yes only 6 weeks, but from a relationship standpoint you have been together for months, if not years…..

 

So why has that progressed so slow? I guess I’ll be honest and say a confident, attractive very wealthy man who finds someone on a dating site raised flags. I guess I am left wondering why he doesn’t want to be the playboy for a while or enjoy relationships, moving somewhat quick on the physical side to see if he has met his match on the physical front. I'm a male and can't help myself thinking that. I don’t say it doesn’t happen, but I know if I was an unhappy millionaire just out of a marriage, while I would look for love, would also be having the time of my life and not fooling around (i.e not fooling around as in wasting time)...... I'd be fooling around in a sexual context.

 

 

 

That does not mean one night stands or going straight to bed the first date..... I just would not be waiting more then 4/5 intense dates + hours upon hours on the phone + texts emails......

 

 

As a male though I’d also be concerned about my skill in the lovemaking department as the only thing holding me back, however at the same time I’d be very honest about my needs on that side of the relationship.

 

 

Again I know absolutely nothing about the above as I am no playboy in his mid-30's with significant wealth and all the opportunities..... Heck, I'm a happy mid-40's male married and with my spouse over half my life......

Edited October 8, 2009 by Toodamnpragmatic

[mem11363]

TDP,

 

Why does it seem that you see every single thing this guy does in the most negative light? No matter what he does you are critical about it.

 

In many of your other posts you complain that the frequency of sex in your marriage is a chronic problem, and that you get no relief on that front even during extravagant vacations. Is that why you were so skeptical about this guy going slow?

 

Maybe he wanted to either get to the point where he said I love you, or heard she loves him first. I don't get why you are hammering this guy for wanting his heart to lead and his - other vital organs to follow.

 

As for this idea that he should play the field. If I got divorced I would want to find someone I really love, as opposed to having lots of sex with pretty, single women. Maybe I am crazy but - not wanting to hurt other people who are actually trying to find someone for a ltr, not wanting to get a disease, etc. Would make the idea of playing the field for a while seem not so fun as you describe.

 

It is hard to read your posts and conclude that you are rooting for a happy ending.

 

 

 

Nice to hear the update and really do hope all is well..... I am concerned as a male as to how hard he is falling and how quick. To be chivalrous, a good person and a gentleman, is certainly not a bad thing. To drop by unannounced, especially in this era of communication is also an issue. Sure text or email that you are nearby for a meeting and do you need a ride home or want to step out for a quick bite or eat is certainly a fair expectation.

 

As for sex, I will retract only part of my initial scepticism and curiosity. I still think that someone who moves so fast and goes through such depths of emotion (declarations of love), should probably be further in the relationship on a sexual side. The reason I say this is the that the relationship has progressed so far, so fast over the time.

 

How many dates have you had? How much time together + texting + email + talking has been invested? From the posts I’d say from a timeline, yes only 6 weeks, but from a relationship standpoint you have been together for months, if not years…..

 

So why has that progressed so slow? I guess I’ll be honest and say a confident, attractive very wealthy man who finds someone on a dating site raised flags. I guess I am left wondering why he doesn’t want to be the playboy for a while or enjoy relationships, moving somewhat quick on the physical side to see if he has met his match on the physical front. I'm a male and can't help myself thinking that. I don’t say it doesn’t happen, but I know if I was an unhappy millionaire just out of a marriage, while I would look for love, would also be having the time of my life and not fooling around (i.e not fooling around as in wasting time)...... I'd be fooling around in a sexual context.

 

 

 

That does not mean one night stands or going straight to bed the first date..... I just would not be waiting more then 4/5 intense dates + hours upon hours on the phone + texts emails......

 

 

As a male though I’d also be concerned about my skill in the lovemaking department as the only thing holding me back, however at the same time I’d be very honest about my needs on that side of the relationship.

 

 

Again I know absolutely nothing about the above as I am no playboy in his mid-30's with significant wealth and all the opportunities..... Heck, I'm a happy mid-40's male married and with my spouse over half my life......

[giotto]

after six weeks, I would be dying to have sex with you... come on, put him out of his misery!

[Toodamnpragmatic]

TDP,

 

Why does it seem that you see every single thing this guy does in the most negative light? No matter what he does you are critical about it.

 

In many of your other posts you complain that the frequency of sex in your marriage is a chronic problem, and that you get no relief on that front even during extravagant vacations. Is that why you were so skeptical about this guy going slow?

 

Maybe he wanted to either get to the point where he said I love you, or heard she loves him first. I don't get why you are hammering this guy for wanting his heart to lead and his - other vital organs to follow.

 

As for this idea that he should play the field. If I got divorced I would want to find someone I really love, as opposed to having lots of sex with pretty, single women. Maybe I am crazy but - not wanting to hurt other people who are actually trying to find someone for a ltr, not wanting to get a disease, etc. Would make the idea of playing the field for a while seem not so fun as you describe.

 

It is hard to read your posts and conclude that you are rooting for a happy ending.

 

Mem11363 and you are obsessed about telling everyone about how fit you are and the importance it plays in your marriage, your sexual prowess/skill and having sex 3X's a week. I do applaud however how open you are with your spouse in working through issues you have and sharing it with everyone here.

 

I do not call lack of sex a chronic problem in my marriage. If anything reading LS I realize how much luckier I am then 90%+ of those who post.

 

InspiredbyYou asked me a question and I answered. I have nothing against you and your idealistic romantic views. The fact is she asked me a question and I answered it as a male.

 

Read the OP and the intensity of their time together. To have been together in such a deep relationship that I am not measuring by weeks, but in terms of a connection I see it as much longer and deeper.

 

I then said simply as a male who has all the means, the attractiveness, chivalry, a complete gentleman and generosity, the fact they have not slept together is odd.

 

I am honest with myself and if I was 35, coming out of a marriage and had all the qualities of this man , I'd be sleeping with women, maybe many after the appropriate courting/dates (and no not the first date or 4). After 6 weeks and the amount of gifts, displays of love, dates, calls, email, texts and even heavy petting..... Sex has moved very slow by comparison.

 

As someone so happy about your life, sexual skill and the importance you place on sex, I'm surprised mem11363 that you would if single feel differently or think that this male is not a little odd in his actions. Remember they met on a free dating site and as a successful man of means that too is curious.

 

I will admit that I may be influenced by Hollywood/media stereotypes and what I read and see. Also am too controlled by my libido, which is normal from what I can tell......

 

In any case I have told the OP my opinion and told her I wish her nothing but the best.

Edited October 9, 2009 by Toodamnpragmatic

[InspiredbyYou]

Wow I meant to come back here last night to read up on the thread and see if there were some responses, thanks guys for posting very interesting points all around. In Toodamn's defense I "did" ask him to elaborate on what he thought was alarming about the no sex yet, so technically I did invite him to be blunt about it.

 

 

Ok first things first, in case it was missed earlier he is not "fresh" out of a marriage, he has been divorced for almost three years now. He had a first year where he took off to get his bearings, to adjust to being single again to do what he needed a big chunk of that I am finding out was him just being reclusive and cutting himself off from the world. He was very depressed about his children about the whole thing. Then the year after that he was in a relationship with a woman for one year and then since that break-up it had been about 8months of him going out on a few dates here and there that did nothing for him. He was set up by some of the people in his "circle" with women who knew of him and his past (ie. his lifestyle and money) and they were not what he wanted. Some of these women were divorced or simply interested in his wealth. He even had clients trying to set him up with their young daughters because he is considered a "good catch" and he found this to be utterly disgusting.

I met a couple friend of his the girl was filling me in on things and they coincide with what he has told me so far.

 

 

See this man doesn't drink, he doesn't go to bars, when his friends do a "guys night out" of gambling they all end up at strip joints leaving their women behind with the kids he wants not part of that. He is just a good guy with simple values who is very head strong and decisive in what he likes and what he does not like. Not the player type. It's hard to believe that a guy with his success would not be jumping all over the opportunity to have every tramp in town all over him, but low and behold there ARE men out there who do not want or need that lifestyle they want more.

 

 

But the suspicions raised here had left me thinking had left me questioning my own instincts to believe this man is who he says he is. I thank all the men here who offered comments to the effect that not all men want to sleep around and be tramps. I do believe these men exist. I am lucky enough to have found one.

 

It's like Mem11363 said, and B has said the exact same thing to me and I've asked him point blank "how come a good looking, smart and successful guy such as yourself is not out getting every single woman you can get out there?" his response "I was never one to play the field, while others were drinking or doing drugs and partying and sleeping around I had my head in the books I was trying to become something of myself. (He had also been with his ex wife since they were teens) I don't drink so I don't go to bars, all my friends try to set me up with women from our circle and I am not interested in that. I don't want to be with the ones I have met they are not genuine and all they do is shop and have 0 life goals other than to be supported by a man, one of them asked him if she could borrow a few thousand dollars after date 2. (Yuck, that is so low) I don't want to be out trying to get with every woman in town and possibly picking up a disease, and I don't want to be out with my friends for a night out at a strip joint having to excuse myself from a lapdance when my daughter calls to tell her good night I find that disgusting and depressing being a father of a girl" I know it sounds weird that a guy can be like this man but that is who he is. This is exactly why I was drawn to him and what impressed me about him.

 

Toodamn we have had about 16 dates in total I would say.... we have been together 7 weeks more or less and we see each other three times a week. Not including a lunch here and there which he will drive up to meet me at work for.

 

Ok fine I know it's early I really do. For all I know he has some deep dark past he could be running away from or who knows if I really want to wind myself up with messed up thoughts I am sure I can come up with some reall doosies. But right now, today, who this man appears to be is checking out.

 

Giotto, that was funny what you said. Believe it or not it's been so intense all the sexual build up that I am positive he enjoyed every minute of it as frustrating as it may get. I hadn't had make-out sessions and butterflies and the craziness of separating and not seeing one another for days, since I was in high school. It's been AMZING to wait. I highly recommend it to everyone it is the most exciting thing.

 

Having said all that, on to the sexual part. We did consummate our relationship last weekend and because the sexual build up had been so intense, and because of the things we have been saying to one another it was great. It felt so right. We had a bender and could not stop making love we did it all over his place on the kitchen island on the stairs it was insane. Won't go into more detail than that but let me assure you this man is built to run if you know what I mean. This week has been a outpour of sexual innuendos and loving compliments via texting. I've been texting him in the middle of the day telling him what lingerie I am buying, letting him imagine what I will look like in it he has been texting me what he will do to me next we are full on in sex mode and as well he keeps telling me how crazy he is about me. We have so much fun every time we meet or even just when we speak on the phone we cry laughing about the silliest things and we never run out of things to say or do when we are together. Sat night we went to some art exhibit that had some really weird art, and the people were kind of off the wall but it was such an adventure we had such a great time and laughed so hard our stomachs ached. But on the same token we flirted and made out in public and it was the perfect build up to the night that followed.

 

If there is one thing I realized is that he and I are two of a kind, we totally get off on the slow build up on the teasing on the anticipation. I honestly feel I found my match.

 

So to dispel all the myths that one should have sex right away because otherwise it means someone is not sexual is the silliest thing I can ever think of. Sure it could have backfired, sure he could have been hiding a 2" penis, or an STD or an incompatible fetish with me but the reality is that he wasn't and I don't mind waiting and apparently neither did he. Now that we have shared so much on an emotional level it's like he's unleashed the animal inside me. All I think about is sex. He is so dead this weekend.