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Freaked out moving too quickly and material intimidation

InspiredbyYou

By InspiredbyYou
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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I don't understand - what would the background check be looking for...? This thread seems to have gone in the direction of suspicion about his money... Since you say that you are not fussed about how much he has (in fact, his wealth makes you nervy), and he seems to have enough 'proof' (cars, gifts, restaurants, etc) I'm not quite sure what there is to doubt...

 

The original question was about whether the speed of his approach was something to just enjoy, or whether you would be wise to slow things down - I think the concensus on that has been that *you* appear to be feeling rushed, so it's important (as with any other boundary being crossed in a healthy relationship - sex, anger, privacy, etc) you make clear where your boundary is, clarify where his is, and you reach a compromise...

 

Make sure your needs are being met - the one about not feeling rushed & smothered, as well as all the fun ones like being romanced and pursued... If he's the right guy for you, and you communicate it well, then it shouldn't hurt things - and it's important groundwork stuff for building a good relationship... :)

 

I know this thread has taken a strange, but natural turn (I've already tackled those issues and am not so concerned) at this point I was not overly concerned about that anymore, the "how he made his money" I just wanted advice on how to slow things down without hurting him...without quashing what I am also feeling without being a killjoy and is this something that others have experienced. Do men get this excited this soon expecially when they get a little bit older and have more life experience?

 

You are absolutely right about everything you said, thank you. I am making it a point to tell him we need to slow down with the comments and actions but because he is still persisting it's making me pull away a little bit. I am getting confused it is setting my alarms off. I don't know if I am getting the message across properly. On the other token it's a lot of fun to just allow yourself to get carried away. I have always put up big barriers in the begining of relationships, following my "rules" and to be honest I am at a point where I want to just give in and go with the flow, if I could only shut my mind off...:laugh:

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InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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Sorry I am typing so fast trying to keep up, what I meant was this...

 

 

 

That's not really a concern or question for me, they have millionaire dating sites, what difference does it makes which site he was on? Just becuase a man is wealthy it doesn't mean it is that easy for him to find love, especially if he is a man who is sensitive and deep with values which he appears to have. Ultimately we want the same things deep down, we want to be admired for who we are not for what we can provide. Does that not make sense? I don't know...I am not that skeptical!

giotto Established Member

giotto

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Sorry I am typing so fast trying to keep up, what I meant was this...

 

 

 

That's not really a concern or question for me, they have millionaire dating sites, what difference does it makes which site he was on? Just becuase a man is wealthy it doesn't mean it is that easy for him to find love, especially if he is a man who is sensitive and deep with values which he appears to have. Ultimately we want the same things deep down, we want to be admired for who we are not for what we can provide. Does that not make sense? I don't know...I am not that skeptical!

 

you missed out... caring, loving, attentive, sensitive, super smart, funny, generous, full of integrity... I wasn't just talking about being rich... :)

 

BTW... being Italian I can tell you a bit about Greek families (the cultures are not that dissimilar, especially of families who have emigrated and therefore tend to be more "conservative" or attached to their original values).

 

They do tend to stick their noses in everything and it's true that you marry the family as well, to a certain extent. Basically, they never mind their own business and tend to be very intrusive. My mother still thinks I'm 10, although I'm 46... having said that, every family is different. I know many modern, progressive, open-minded Italian families, but they do tend to be from my generation... the previous generations still believe in more traditional, old-fashion values and can be very stubborn... you've been warned... :)

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InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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you missed out... caring, loving, attentive, sensitive, super smart, funny, generous, full of integrity... I wasn't just talking about being rich... :)

 

BTW... being Italian I can tell you a bit about Greek families (the cultures are not that dissimilar, especially of families who have emigrated and therefore tend to be more "conservative" or attached to their original values).

 

They do tend to stick their noses in everything and it's true that you marry the family as well, to a certain extent. Basically, they never mind their own business and tend to be very intrusive. My mother still thinks I'm 10, although I'm 46... having said that, every family is different. I know many modern, progressive, open-minded Italian families, but they do tend to be from my generation... the previous generations still believe in more traditional, old-fashion values and can be very stubborn... you've been warned... :)

 

Yes I understand what you meant, reason I said that about millionaire sites is because you said what would a guy with all those qualities and rich be doing on a "free dating site" so I was just trying to illustrate that even a guy with all those good qualities has a hard time finding love. I know I have all those qualities myself (except not wealthy) and it's not been exactly easy to find my perfect match so I can imagine it gets more complicated when you are divorced and with two children and that much money. You would want someone who will be decent and a good influence for your children and not just using your for your money. I think!! I can empathise with him in that respect. He never said this to me it is my conclusion from all of our conversations. :)

 

thanks for the Italian reference, I think there is something to it...my sister is married to an italian man and I see the big picture influence quite a bit though as yourself they are more modern and progressive but the tendency is still there:laugh:

 

Oh and his family is German so no worries of meddling there.. LOL

mem11363 Established Member

mem11363

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is your total indifference to his financial situation.

 

While I think that says a very, very positive thing about you - it is part of why he is acting insecure. For a long time now, prospective girlfriends/mates have been responding in a very pronounced way to his success. It is simply the American way :( .

 

He has got a near unique situation - someone HE is really into who just doesn't care about his money. He needs to accept that - accept that you really will like him for him - and relax.

 

I will make one giant excuse for this guy. He has no anchor. His family was really his ex-wifes family. And they are now gone. So in a very real and sad way he is alone. Maybe alone in a way that you/we don't understand. Then you come along and pow. Suddenly maybe he isn't going to be alone any more. What a joyous prospect.

 

As an abused child he may lack some core confidence that you have and that others have learned to simulate. The combination of the stuff above and a rough start in life - seems like the only things wrong with this guy are he lacks a real family through circumstance - making him lonely at some level and lacks core confidence from a bad childhood.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes I understand what you meant, reason I said that about millionaire sites is because you said what would a guy with all those qualities and rich be doing on a "free dating site" so I was just trying to illustrate that even a guy with all those good qualities has a hard time finding love. I know I have all those qualities myself (except not wealthy) and it's not been exactly easy to find my perfect match so I can imagine it gets more complicated when you are divorced and with two children and that much money. You would want someone who will be decent and a good influence for your children and not just using your for your money. I think!! I can empathise with him in that respect. He never said this to me it is my conclusion from all of our conversations. :)

 

thanks for the Italian reference, I think there is something to it...my sister is married to an italian man and I see the big picture influence quite a bit though as yourself they are more modern and progressive but the tendency is still there:laugh:

 

Oh and his family is German so no worries of meddling there.. LOL

2sure Established Member

2sure

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Oh and his family is German so no worries of meddling there.. LOL

 

LOL. They wouldnt get involved in his private life if he beged them

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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Sure InspiredbyYou, if you have any questions, I can ask my fiance. Keep in mind that he and his immediate family aren't traditional but some of his extended family are, so he would have some cultural knowledge. If you want direct input, marlena is Greek, so you can ask her what her direct experience is.

 

I still don't understand your perspective about the money issue. People are people. You're going to get all kinds, regardless of their bank account. If you're so concerned about money, keep in mind that he grew up with none, so his values would have been set, with none in mind. His values are what's important, not the flash he's been showing you.

 

To be honest, I don't trust anyone who uses that much flash.

seoa Established Member

seoa

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I am making it a point to tell him we need to slow down with the comments and actions but because he is still persisting it's making me pull away a little bit. I am getting confused it is setting my alarms off. I don't know if I am getting the message across properly.

 

On the other token it's a lot of fun to just allow yourself to get carried away. I have always put up big barriers in the begining of relationships, following my "rules" and to be honest I am at a point where I want to just give in and go with the flow, if I could only shut my mind off...:laugh:

 

OK, so there are 4 possible scenarios here:

 

1. you make him slow down; in 6 months' time you are not together

 

2. you make him slow down; in 6 months' time you have a fabulous relationship

 

3. you go with the flow; in 6 months' time you are not together

 

4. you go with the flow; in 6 months' time you have a fabulous relationship

 

Put them in order of which you would regret most in 6 months' time (as far as you can tell from here).

 

The problem is - you cannot see into the future. It could be that if you let him continue at this pace, it will all burn out, and you'll be left heart-broken and with nothing... It could be that he's sure of what he wants, and it'll be a heady race to the finish line...

 

Put your boundaries in place where they matter; don't let him push you into hurrying things if it's not what you want - but on the other hand, don't force yourself to be sensible if that's not what you want to be doing...

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InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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part of what is driving this man a little crazy

is your total indifference to his financial situation.

 

While I think that says a very, very positive thing about you - it is part of why he is acting insecure. For a long time now, prospective girlfriends/mates have been responding in a very pronounced way to his success. It is simply the American way :( .

 

He has got a near unique situation - someone HE is really into who just doesn't care about his money. He needs to accept that - accept that you really will like him for him - and relax.

 

I will make one giant excuse for this guy. He has no anchor. His family was really his ex-wifes family. And they are now gone. So in a very real and sad way he is alone. Maybe alone in a way that you/we don't understand. Then you come along and pow. Suddenly maybe he isn't going to be alone any more. What a joyous prospect.

 

As an abused child he may lack some core confidence that you have and that others have learned to simulate. The combination of the stuff above and a rough start in life - seems like the only things wrong with this guy are he lacks a real family through circumstance - making him lonely at some level and lacks core confidence from a bad childhood.....

 

What is interesting for me to see here in this discussion is what the men's opinions are compared to the women's. The men tend to be more trusting in their conclusions and in assessing the situation while the women want to dig really deep to get to the bottom of any possible hidden meaning, me included of course. Is this because men have less exposure to deception (generally speaking) from women over the course of a life time of romance? or is it because men are less drawn to drama therefore they tend to see things in their simple state as opposed to looking for subtext?

 

I tend to agree with what you are saying Mem11363 I would be lying if I said I did not think all that already. Maybe it's me who also needs to work on accepting that this man is who he potrays himself to be, and there really is no other hidden reason for him rushing to express his emotions other than the fact that he is simply really into me? :D

 

It's funny because now that I have written all of this out and played it all out it's making me realize that we are probably both coming from very similar places and genuinely feel excited that we have found one another. And it's as he said to me a couple nights ago, we are so used to being dissapointed in our lives that when we are given a great gift as this something this good that feels so good we don't even know what to do with it. Those were his words and they made so much sense when he said that. During the first week he kept telling me I keep asking myself "is this really happening?" We were both completely blind sided by our encounter, we did not expect at all to hit it off as we did not by a long shot. We were both in constant disbelief.

 

 

At the end of the day, I am no fool in the way of thinking we can decide today how we really feel. We do need a good amount of time to really get to know one another, but what exactly am I fighting against here? We live to fall in love, and to feel that excitement and dizzy happiness of finding someone who excites us and then when we do get that we mess it up trying to take it apart with the why's and how come's?

 

I wish I could just enjoy and throw out the rule book. :)

 

I still don't understand your perspective about the money issue. People are people. You're going to get all kinds, regardless of their bank account. If you're so concerned about money, keep in mind that he grew up with none, so his values would have been set, with none in mind. His values are what's important, not the flash he's been showing you.

 

 

Well for starters he has been robbed at gun point and sent to the hospital by getting jumped going into his home. His children go to the top private schools in the city and parents of the children make negative comments about their wealth, much like what happend here in this thread much like the suspicions I had when I first found out about all this. It's a whole new life that I am just not used to, can you appreciate that that it would be a significant change of lifestyle one that I am not sure I really even want? Being filthy rich was never EVER an aspiration of mine. I am quite simple really when it comes to how I view life, I am well read and cultured and I love nice things and my aspirations have always been to have a good life, and I do have one, but I don't need a lot of money to be happy. I am happy.

 

Fear of the unkown really...

 

OK, so there are 4 possible scenarios here:

 

1. you make him slow down; in 6 months' time you are not together

 

2. you make him slow down; in 6 months' time you have a fabulous relationship

 

3. you go with the flow; in 6 months' time you are not together

 

4. you go with the flow; in 6 months' time you have a fabulous relationship

 

 

 

Really great points seoa!! ;)

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InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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Just wanted to thank everyone for all the great advice that was given to me here and wanted to post a quick update to let you know how I’ve put your advice to work. B and I had a long chat last week after I posted here. I opted not to meet his children yet and he was more than understanding and very supportive of my decisions. I explained to him that though I could appreciate his strong feelings since I too was experiencing them, the worst thing that we could do for ourselves is to rush into things. He even apologized and said that in his own excitement he neglected to take into consideration how comfortable I was in proceeding to meet them so he said he was sorry for not thinking for me. I was surprised he volunteered that, he really has a way of sharing insight that at times leaves me absolutely speechless.

 

I also explained to him that given past experiences it has never been advantages for men to be so forthright in such a short period of time since it ended up having the opposite effect on me, I was as tactful but as clear as I could be and he was so great about it. He told me he completely understood where I was coming from, he listened attentively and said that the last thing he wanted to do was to push me away or make me feel pressure in any way. He explained that he was very excited of the prospect of having a future with me since it was a very long time if ever that he met a woman who fit into his personal criteria of the “perfect woman” right from the get-go, so he is overly excited and that is why he didn’t want to hold back but that to please not mistrust his motives since he is coming from a very genuine place. He insists his instincts never fail him and that though he understands we are all human, he can see at the core the type of person I am. I really cannot dispute that since what he sees is who I am.

 

Having that conversation face to face and clearly was the best thing that could have happened to us. Not only has he tamed down, but now I find myself being even more attracted to him because of this. We went out Saturday night and then came back to my place and listened to music while we had some wine and talked and made out like highschool kids and in the interim we would break to talk and talk and I find the more I get to know about this man the more I like about him. He is very respectful and assures me he wants to do things right, all I had to do was tell him what I felt and it went so well. He did tell me he felt he was falling hard, to which I told him I too felt like that could happen to me in time since he is definitely someone I can see myself with. He told me he was happy to know this and assured me that just because he was feeling what he was feeling it didn’t mean I was in any rush to feel the same. That in is itself put my mind completely at ease.

 

So thank you all again for the great advice in particular seoa and all the others (sorry if I leave people out) for telling me to not be afraid to be more direct!!!! Big lesson learned here. :)

sb129 Established Member

sb129

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Great news IBY. Honesty is always a great place to start, and it clearly was the right thing to do in this situation.

 

Fingers crossed for you!

2sure Established Member

2sure

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I still think he is a serial killer. But then, I'm jaded.

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InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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Great news IBY. Honesty is always a great place to start, and it clearly was the right thing to do in this situation.

 

Fingers crossed for you!

 

Thank you so much sb129 yes honesty is a good place to start it's hard when you have to tell someone something that could potentially hurt their ego, but this was a very valuable lesson to me that sometimes a little risk goes a long way. I was so afraid to put him off that I was jeopardizing things in doing so.

 

I still think he is a serial killer. But then, I'm jaded.

 

:lmao: Well if you are going to be like that then remind me to never introduce him to you.

 

I like your sense of humour 2sure and don't think I have ruled out the PI suggestion. I just really have no reason to at this point. ;)

Speaking of honesty I figure why go into a relationship with such low level of trust?

giotto Established Member

giotto

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I still think he is a serial killer. But then, I'm jaded.

 

two of us with that sense of humor... :) Happy fro you, though...

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InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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2sure and giotto - you girls are making me worried now, should I be freaking out again then? :eek:

giotto Established Member

giotto

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2sure and giotto - you girls are making me worried now, should I be freaking out again then? :eek:

 

nah, I'm suspicious by nature... :) and I'm a bloke, although I quite liked been called "girlie"... :p

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InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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nah, I'm suspicious by nature... :) and I'm a bloke, although I quite liked been called "girlie"... :p

 

:lmao:OMG this whole time I thought you were a girl, I am so sorry about that. Last thing I want to do is confuse you for a "bird" :laugh:

 

I have to go back and re-read all your posts and re-apply the male tone to them. :D

2sure Established Member

2sure

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No - by all means just ignore any apprehensions, throw all caution to the wind and dive right in. Thats what I do.

Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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You'll see by my moniker I am somewhat matter of fact and have opinions and love to stick my nose where it may not belong....

 

Wealthy, successful, confident, attractive 35 year old has acted like a school kid. I need to ask, as I am long removed from the dating scene and you are 38, and frankly he has the pick of any female with all those qualities you discuss. Why have you not gone in 5 weeks beyond kissing? Sorry that to me is the biggest red flag (but I am a pig:p). I don't want to come accross as crass or nasty, but are you a knockout 38 yo? Sorry I appreciate all the good qualities you have (just posting and reading, it is obvious), but again a 35 YO multi-millionaire, old-style romantic, who doesn't want to be in your pants after 5 weeks, don't just fall out of trees.:laugh:

 

Add to that you do not introduce kids (especially young children) so early to a prospective GF. I know people who have waited over a year to introduce a "friend" to a 15 year old.

 

Also how does he have so much time to spend with you, email, talk, text if he is as successful and busy as he claims? Just a thought.

 

Yes sounds like a female Harlequin romance, which as said, my screen name considers too unrealistic.

 

That said, enjoy the ride, the gifts within reason and the attention, and be careful not to fall so fast.

soserious1 Established Member

soserious1

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I like simplicity in my life and in my relationships. This man is doing what's known as "rushing" trying to court you by wowing you with expensive gifts.

 

 

OTOH, He complains about gold digger women and laments that he doesn't have those deep family connections he craves. He's feeling a lack, a void and trying to fill it from outside sources, you can't buy the kind of feeling he is craving.. this is a huge red flag.

 

I'd sit him down and gently but firmly tell him that you like him for him, that his gift giving is making you uncomfortable as it's too much, too soon. Let him know this is a boundary issue for you.. then watch carefully to see how he responds. Also, relationships with people must contain reciprocation, you must insist on taking turns treating him, watch to see how he responds to you cooking, taking him to unique local places and picking up the tab etc.. sometimes overly generous people give not because they are generous but rather because they are afraid of people getting too close to them, they feel excessive giving allows them a measure of control.

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InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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No - by all means just ignore any apprehensions, throw all caution to the wind and dive right in. Thats what I do.

 

 

No offense but your sarcasm is starting to make it sound like perhaps you have been hurt one too many times? is that the case 2sure? I am sorry if that is the case but not everyone is evil. I guess I've never been hurt too deeply, other than the regular pain after a break-up so perhaps I am naive to just how evil people can be?

 

 

You'll see by my moniker I am somewhat matter of fact and have opinions and love to stick my nose where it may not belong....

 

Wealthy, successful, confident, attractive 35 year old has acted like a school kid. I need to ask, as I am long removed from the dating scene and you are 38, and frankly he has the pick of any female with all those qualities you discuss. Why have you not gone in 5 weeks beyond kissing? Sorry that to me is the biggest red flag (but I am a pig:p). I don't want to come accross as crass or nasty, but are you a knockout 38 yo? Sorry I appreciate all the good qualities you have (just posting and reading, it is obvious), but again a 35 YO multi-millionaire, old-style romantic, who doesn't want to be in your pants after 5 weeks, don't just fall out of trees.:laugh:

 

Add to that you do not introduce kids (especially young children) so early to a prospective GF. I know people who have waited over a year to introduce a "friend" to a 15 year old.

 

Also how does he have so much time to spend with you, email, talk, text if he is as successful and busy as he claims? Just a thought.

 

Yes sounds like a female Harlequin romance, which as said, my screen name considers too unrealistic.

 

That said, enjoy the ride, the gifts within reason and the attention, and be careful not to fall so fast.

 

 

I don't see the relevance of your sexual question but I will answer it anyway, we don't go beyond kissing because I want to take it slow. Ok he is no saint either, he does try for more when we get heavy into it but then I stop him and he respects that. I find the build up titillating, I walk around permanently aroused just thinking about what's to come I am sure he feels the same. It's fantastic to wait and as the mental connection develops stronger it's very hot. If you can give me one good reason to blow it all out from the get-go then please do share it with me, I can't think of one. :laugh:

 

Considering everyone rushes into everything these days, fast food, fast service, fast transactions, fast life in general, what's the rush? I told him early on I want to take it slow and he is respecting that. For the most part all men I have ever been with long term have respected my boundaries for sex, some were more persistent than others, but ultimately they waited as long as it took and there were no complaints. I give them glimpses of what's to come and I think men really enjoy this, some have even admitted this to me. They love how crazy it makes them feel. Once I am unleashed we have a big sexual world to explore. I am very adventurous and confident sexually and I like to have a strong foundation to be able to explore that. Is it really that odd? Not sure where your mind is going with the questions but I would love to hear your conclusion or suspicions! :)

 

 

 

A text takes 15 seconds literally, an email takes 5 mins tops, we see each other once a week and then on weekends. Is he really spending that much time away from work? He is on the road a lot to meeting clients so he has down time to send emails texts at his leisure. He is not an executive for a coporation in and out of meetings and with people huffing down his office door, he works on his own and creates his own work/hours schedules. I really don't see that as odd at all, again am I some sort of anomaly here in terms of how naive I am?

 

Am I knock out?!?! I see, so if he respects my sexual limits I must not be that sexually appealing? :laugh: that is an interesting conclusion.

I have sexual power. It's all in how I present myself, how I dress, how I talk how I walk I am confident and feminine and sexy. Men respond quite favorably to my appearance. I do look very good for my age people cannot believe I am 38, ok there I said it yes I do look good! :D:o

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InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

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I'd sit him down and gently but firmly tell him that you like him for him, that his gift giving is making you uncomfortable as it's too much, too soon. Let him know this is a boundary issue for you.. then watch carefully to see how he responds. Also, relationships with people must contain reciprocation, you must insist on taking turns treating him, watch to see how he responds to you cooking, taking him to unique local places and picking up the tab etc.. sometimes overly generous people give not because they are generous but rather because they are afraid of people getting too close to them, they feel excessive giving allows them a measure of control.

 

I have done all that and please read all the updates in the last two pages I have already discussed all that with him. ;) He responded favorably and completely normally and attentive to my needs, he has backed off and is following my suggestions to give me more emotional space. He is acting perfectly in fact. It really is too good to be true!!

 

I do treat him I have made dinner for him twice and he loves it and has thanked me profusely he tells me he can really get used to being pampered by me, something he is simply not used to as an adult. As a child he did have a stay at home mother who did all the cooking and cleaning but as an adult he did not have that kind of care from a woman it seems he was the one always giving. He is very thankful to me and affectionate towards my actions. Everything is completely normal on that front so far.

 

What signs should I be looking for then in terms of how he accepts my reciprocation?

 

OTOH, He complains about gold digger women and laments that he doesn't have those deep family connections he craves. He's feeling a lack, a void and trying to fill it from outside sources, you can't buy the kind of feeling he is craving.. this is a huge red flag.

 

Can you please explain what you meant by all that bolded part?

 

And by the way as I have said earlier in this thread, he doesn't complain about goldiggers, he has simply told me what his experience has been when being set up on blind dates by people in his "cricle", and that is why he really hasn't dated much at all. He has throw himself in his work and his children and has been quite lonely for some time now apparently.

Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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No offense but your sarcasm is starting to make it sound like perhaps you have been hurt one too many times? is that the case 2sure? I am sorry if that is the case but not everyone is evil. I guess I've never been hurt too deeply, other than the regular pain after a break-up so perhaps I am naive to just how evil people can be?

 

 

 

 

 

I don't see the relevance of your sexual question but I will answer it anyway, we don't go beyond kissing because I want to take it slow. Ok he is no saint either, he does try for more when we get heavy into it but then I stop him and he respects that. I find the build up titillating, I walk around permanently aroused just thinking about what's to come I am sure he feels the same. It's fantastic to wait and as the mental connection develops stronger it's very hot. If you can give me one good reason to blow it all out from the get-go then please do share it with me, I can't think of one. :laugh:

 

Considering everyone rushes into everything these days, fast food, fast service, fast transactions, fast life in general, what's the rush? I told him early on I want to take it slow and he is respecting that. For the most part all men I have ever been with long term have respected my boundaries for sex, some were more persistent than others, but ultimately they waited as long as it took and there were no complaints. I give them glimpses of what's to come and I think men really enjoy this, some have even admitted this to me. They love how crazy it makes them feel. Once I am unleashed we have a big sexual world to explore. I am very adventurous and confident sexually and I like to have a strong foundation to be able to explore that. Is it really that odd? Not sure where your mind is going with the questions but I would love to hear your conclusion or suspicions! :)

 

 

 

A text takes 15 seconds literally, an email takes 5 mins tops, we see each other once a week and then on weekends. Is he really spending that much time away from work? He is on the road a lot to meeting clients so he has down time to send emails texts at his leisure. He is not an executive for a coporation in and out of meetings and with people huffing down his office door, he works on his own and creates his own work/hours schedules. I really don't see that as odd at all, again am I some sort of anomaly here in terms of how naive I am?

 

Am I knock out?!?! I see, so if he respects my sexual limits I must not be that sexually appealing? :laugh: that is an interesting conclusion.

I have sexual power. It's all in how I present myself, how I dress, how I talk how I walk I am confident and feminine and sexy. Men respond quite favorably to my appearance. I do look very good for my age people cannot believe I am 38, ok there I said it yes I do look good! :D:o

 

 

As said my screen name says a lot about my views...... Sorry if I think 5-6 weeks at a relationship moving so quick in so many other aspects but sex is suspicious. Not asking or expecting if you slept the first 3 dates, but you have crammed what others may take months/years to get to in very little time.

 

I would also expect a 35 yo wealthy, attractive assertive male to start growing tired of this game. Sorry but I am a pig of a male:p, and just adding my 2 cents..... It sounds very highschoolish based on what you have written.

 

Please understand you are on the Marriage section, where many men are complaining about lack of sex and 6 weeks sounds like a long time to us, considering everything else you have done.;)

 

Also I have to ask about looks, because we are visual creatures (men moreso then women), and when as attractive, successful and wealthy as he is, he has plenty of choice.

 

Trust me, I wish you nothing but luck and happiness, just have to ask.

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InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

Posted
  • Author
Posted
A said my screen name says a lot about my views...... Sorry if I think 5-6 weeks at a relationship moving so quick in so many other respects but sex is suspicious. Not asking or expecting if you slept the first 3 dates, but you have crammed what others may take months/years to get to in very little time.

 

I would expect a 35 yo wealthy, attractive assertive male to start growing tired of this game. Sorry but I am a pig of a male:p, and just adding my 2 cents..... It sounds very highschoolish based on what you have written.

 

Please understand you are on the Marriage section, where many men are complaining about lack of sex and 6 weeks sounds like a long time to us, considering everything else you have done.;)

 

Also I have to ask about looks, because we are visual creatures (men moreso then women), and when as attractive, successful and wealthy as he is, he has plenty of choice.

 

Trust me, I wish you nothing but luck and happiness, just have to ask.

 

And ask how many of those couples having sexual problems in their marriages how long they waited to have sex when they dated, I bet you any money you will get responses that will be across the board ranging from a sex on the first date to waiting to have sex. Lack of sex in a marriage is irrelevant to how soon you have sex in dating, you sound very young and inexperienced and in fact your conclusions seem rather childish. I really thought you would have something more substantial in return. :laugh::p

 

We are both very sexual people, he can tell, and I can tell. You know these things the minute you kiss. We just opt to wait, if there is one thing he is not is a pig. I have never fallen in love with men who were pigs. I steer clear of them because pigs don't know where to draw the line, they are just animlas afterall! ;) Something I find incredibly off putting in grown men!

 

He is very preppy and proper, those are the best "pigs" around they slowly unleash and they are sheer extacy in bed!

A man who is slobbering over himself to have sex is not sexy in the least it just means he is only after his own gratification and needs. At least that has been my observation with men who display those signs of impatience early on.

 

I've waited as long as 4 months in some relationships to have sex it's not that rare and men don't explode, trust me! :laugh:

soserious1 Established Member

soserious1

Posted
Posted
I have done all that and please read all the updates in the last two pages I have already discussed all that with him. ;) He responded favorably and completely normally and attentive to my needs, he has backed off and is following my suggestions to give me more emotional space. He is acting perfectly in fact. It really is too good to be true!!

 

I do treat him I have made dinner for him twice and he loves it and has thanked me profusely he tells me he can really get used to being pampered by me, something he is simply not used to as an adult. As a child he did have a stay at home mother who did all the cooking and cleaning but as an adult he did not have that kind of care from a woman it seems he was the one always giving. He is very thankful to me and affectionate towards my actions. Everything is completely normal on that front so far.

 

What signs should I be looking for then in terms of how he accepts my reciprocation?

 

OTOH, He complains about gold digger women and laments that he doesn't have those deep family connections he craves. He's feeling a lack, a void and trying to fill it from outside sources, you can't buy the kind of feeling he is craving.. this is a huge red flag.

 

Can you please explain what you meant by all that bolded part?

 

And by the way as I have said earlier in this thread, he doesn't complain about goldiggers, he has simply told me what his experience has been when being set up on blind dates by people in his "cricle", and that is why he really hasn't dated much at all. He has throw himself in his work and his children and has been quite lonely for some time now apparently.

 

 

First off, the guy is 35, that he would be ready for a LTR is totally normal, he's had a chance to sow the wild oats of youth and to see and do many things.

 

What worries me is that he seems to be craving an instant intimacy, that deep longing for those family connections

is normal, attempting to get them by bowing somebody over with excessive gifting and lavish gestures too often, too soon is not. He's got a deep hunger and hasn't yet realized that it needs to be satisfied primarily from within

himself and that the connections he craves are forged by bonds that develop over the time span of years.In short, he may well be really emotionally needy and that is a red flag from where I sit.

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