gummybear Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Hi all, with my ex, I was pretty shy/awkward around his family and friends. I can't help it. I'm very much myself around my ex and with my own friends ofcourse, but I've always been a shy person my whole life. I think this is one thing that turned my ex off me after a few months of dating. I mean my shyness is not apparent when we first date cuz its just me and him...its only after we get serious then it shows when I meet his friends and family. Guys, please be honest, is shyness/slight awkwardness really that much of a turn off??? I mean, I try to be more outgoing, but it's somewhat hard to change who I am and what I've been all my life. Around certain people, I'm just really shy . Has any guy here ever had a gf that you dated more than 2 years that was pretty shy and even a bit awkward around your family and friends? If so, what did u think of that?
Author gummybear Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 No one has? Doomed to singledom!!?!??
lofi_tokyo Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Shy people shack up all the time. You're not doomed to singledom. Admittedly though, awkwardness can definitely be a turn off. It can be fun when a relationship is just starting, and you're figuring things out, but after a while, its nice to see the awkward feelings fade away, thus allowing for deeper feelings to take their space. Don't resign yourself to being a super shy person! You don't need to change drastically per-say, but in telling yourself how hard it is to be social, you're actually making things worse for yourself!
Author gummybear Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 You see, like I said in my post, I"m not shy or awkward at all around the guy I date. In fact, when I first date a guy, they think I"m really outgoing because I'm super comfortable around them. It's more of I"m just awkward around people I'm not close with and also with the guy's friends and family. That is why a guy doesn't see my shy/awkward side until we get serious and he sees me in group situations.
Skump Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 please be honest, is shyness/slight awkwardness really that much of a turn off??? Not necessarily, and it's worth stating the obvious fact that everyone has eccentricities. However, based on my own experience, I can think of two potentially big problems that shyness might create in a relationship: #1 I really enjoy conversation. If a girl is too reticent, that could scuttle the whole relationship. A case in point: I seriously dated an intelligent, sweet, but very shy girl. Many of the fundamentals required for a great relationship/marriage were in place, but she just. wouldn't. talk. At first I thought it was just temporary shyness, but her reticence didn't pass. This girl was certainly my intellectual equal, but I had to take the initiative in virtually every conversation. It was exhausting and frustrating. At first I thought "well, maybe it's just me. Perhaps I talk too much." So I tried giving her every opportunity to express herself - no joy. I honestly hated myself a little for ending the relationship because she was genuinely in love, but I knew in my heart of hearts we just weren't right for each other. #2 Of direct relevance to your situation... Overly shy behavior could definitely worry parents, and if your boyfriend really respects his parents, then you have trouble brewing. Parents may construe shyness as evidence of immaturity or fecklessness. At the very least, shyness makes you a cipher - parents can't tell what their son is "buying," because your shyness hides so much of your real character. By the way, don't assume that a "real man" won't care what his parents think if he loves you. That's ten-penny folk wisdom. Here's the deal: The better educated and more successful a guy is, the more likely it is he'll credit his parents with much of his success. He's been getting love and advice from them for a lifetime, and by comparison you're a Johnny come lately. If their opinion of you sours, that might influence his perception of you. Moreover, anyone who isn't a moron wants cordial relations between his spouse and his parents. If your shyness seems like an obstacle to family harmony, he's all the more likely to wonder if he can do better. You're an adult. Being shy isn't a dealbreaker, but when it comes to dealing with potential in-laws, reach into your well of human potential and find the strength to express yourself a bit.
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