LB85 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I'm 21 and have never been asked out. I used to be very confident but I'm not at all anymore. I'm smart, go to uni and actively participate in student organisations as well as take part in social work. I love having good discussions and always take genuine interest in listening to the person I'm talking to. I'm petite and I constantly get compliments about being pretty but I dont even think looks have anything to do with the fact that I have NEVER been asked out. But yes I get compliments from so many guys, yet they still wouldn't date me. I am extremely easy-going, fun, social and love going out. I can act crazy with people and have a pretty good sense of humour. I'm modest and humble at the same time; my parents have brought me up with etiquettes so I know how to act in different social settings. I do of course have my flaws, I don't flirt enough because I feel dismissed by guys quite easily but I do smile and talk easily so if a guy was interested, he would just dare to talk to me. However, no guy is ever interested in me. And some of my friends don't flirt at all but still get male attention and I do think that a guy would flirt with me himself if he found me even a bit interesting but they never do!!!! I have initiated contact but never got anything out of it. One guy just lead me on so badly that I know for sure that I won't find love. Please don't comment on this because I don't think I will ever find anyone; I used to believe that love will find me itself and when I least expect it but this belief has worn out after 3 years of nothing. I'm actually ok with that, surprisingly but I spend (literally use all my energy) wondering why it is that guys don't consider me dateable or girlfriend material:o. I don't even need a serious relationship, I am a virgin so a small hook ups won't happen since I believe my first time should be with someone I am at least in a relationship with. I used to be picky but I'm not anymore and if I find someone interesting then I would go for them. I have asked my friends whats wrong with me and they keep telling me nothing is but I have decided they probably just don't know what it is.
bayouboi Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Dress more provocatively, send out flirty signals, put yourself in environments most associated with being picked up and/or hit on. Those are a few ideas that might help.
Author LB85 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Dress more provocatively, send out flirty signals, put yourself in environments most associated with being picked up and/or hit on. Those are a few ideas that might help. lol i don't want to be a whore!
2sure Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 LB - I didnt get any attention from men until I was...over 25 probably. And nothing had changed about me, except that I had matured and gained a lot of confidence via my academic and professional achievements. It wasn't much really, but I guess it worked. And I've had plenty of attention since. The upshot of not having dates/relationships at this point in your life...is that while you are still working on the confidence (that WILL come if you look for it) ...you arent doing what most less confident women do in their early 20's...which is to have catastrophic relationships with they often come to regret for the rest of their lives. So, instead of having your confidence, ideals, and future molded by bad experiences with other young, inexperienced, and insecure guys...you have the opportunity here to mold yourself without that influence. Must be Nice.
gummybear Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Is the case that you never get asked out even once in your life, or just never asked out by anyone you LIKE?
Author LB85 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Is the case that you never get asked out even once in your life, or just never asked out by anyone you LIKE? I have never been asked out by anyone. Ok i get hit on by the guys who just wanted to get in my pants and would have hit on anyone else if I wasn't there at that time. Yes I did meet a guy this summer who I just kissed and we became good friends after that, he later admitted that he thought he was going to get to sleep with me but yeh we live in different countries and I didn't like him, definitely a player but I just needed to kiss someone since I hadn't in 3 years and I was attracted to him
MissJoness Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Based on the comments I read on this forum if you are young. you are supposed to be very pretty. therefore you should get asked out by many men because you are in your prime at age 21. so why isn't this true in your case??
Author LB85 Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Based on the comments I read on this forum if you are young. you are supposed to be very pretty. therefore you should get asked out by many men because you are in your prime at age 21. so why isn't this true in your case?? Thats my question! I'm fashionable and have very pretty hair but I never go over the top with make up etc and yet...
ralph1319 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I have never been asked out by anyone. Ok i get hit on by the guys who just wanted to get in my pants and would have hit on anyone else if I wasn't there at that time. Yes I did meet a guy this summer who I just kissed and we became good friends after that, he later admitted that he thought he was going to get to sleep with me but yeh we live in different countries and I didn't like him, definitely a player but I just needed to kiss someone since I hadn't in 3 years and I was attracted to him maybe your just trying to hard to put yourself out there. are you a but pushy on getting asked out? just asking. but here you go "hey you wanna go out " cant say i didnt try
boogieboy Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 lol i don't want to be a whore! Dressing provacatively and being flirty doesnt make anyone whore. I think I see whare your problem is. You want guys to do all the work to make things happen, but part of it has to come from you as well. I'm pretty sure what you think is flirting is not real flirting. Actually its obvious because its not working. You have to reciprocate so the guys know you are interested. You will have to flirt. They will give up if they arent getting an obvious enough response from you. You dont want to risk getting rejected, but you wont get anywhere unless you put some flirting effort into it. Dont listen to your girlfriends, they apparently are not helping you. Many women dont want the guilt of making you feel bad about anything you might be doing wrong. Or they dont want to take on the task of teaching you what to do. If they are getting guys and they know you arent, they know where your problems lie, and are too selfish to tell you. Not only that, but you will have to flirt with more guys to find one that will want a long term thing with you. Many guys at your age just want sex, so you have to work more and put yourself out there more to find a guy willing to be patient with you.
C-i-C-u Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I'm 21 and have never been asked out. I used to be very confident but I'm not at all anymore. I'm smart, go to uni and actively participate in student organisations as well as take part in social work. I love having good discussions and always take genuine interest in listening to the person I'm talking to. I'm petite and I constantly get compliments about being pretty but I dont even think looks have anything to do with the fact that I have NEVER been asked out. But yes I get compliments from so many guys, yet they still wouldn't date me. I am extremely easy-going, fun, social and love going out. I can act crazy with people and have a pretty good sense of humour. I'm modest and humble at the same time; my parents have brought me up with etiquettes so I know how to act in different social settings. I do of course have my flaws, I don't flirt enough because I feel dismissed by guys quite easily but I do smile and talk easily so if a guy was interested, he would just dare to talk to me. However, no guy is ever interested in me. And some of my friends don't flirt at all but still get male attention and I do think that a guy would flirt with me himself if he found me even a bit interesting but they never do!!!! I have initiated contact but never got anything out of it. One guy just lead me on so badly that I know for sure that I won't find love. Please don't comment on this because I don't think I will ever find anyone; I used to believe that love will find me itself and when I least expect it but this belief has worn out after 3 years of nothing. I'm actually ok with that, surprisingly but I spend (literally use all my energy) wondering why it is that guys don't consider me dateable or girlfriend material:o. I don't even need a serious relationship, I am a virgin so a small hook ups won't happen since I believe my first time should be with someone I am at least in a relationship with. I used to be picky but I'm not anymore and if I find someone interesting then I would go for them. I have asked my friends whats wrong with me and they keep telling me nothing is but I have decided they probably just don't know what it is. Where do you live? I'd like to take you out to a movie tomorrow.
Chicago_Guy Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I have never been asked out by anyone. Ok i get hit on by the guys who just wanted to get in my pants and would have hit on anyone else if I wasn't there at that time. Yes I did meet a guy this summer who I just kissed and we became good friends after that, he later admitted that he thought he was going to get to sleep with me but yeh we live in different countries and I didn't like him, definitely a player but I just needed to kiss someone since I hadn't in 3 years and I was attracted to him I think you might come across as disinterested or aloof. A lot of decent guys like to get some positive feedback from a woman so that they have a pretty good idea that she'll say "yes" if they ask her out. A player doesn't really care, because he asks out so many woman that he's used to rejection.
Rudderless Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 You sound pretty mature and well balanced for someone of your age. It sounds to me that you haven't met a guy mature enough to handle you yet. I think your problem will be resolved in time. Just keep putting yourself out there. By the way your friends know you a lot better than anyone on here so I'd guess they're telling you the truth.
BobSacamento Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 If you are getting hit on and your rejecting them than your not in the game. Men don't hit on women just to get into their pants, they want to find out if your psycho or not.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 You're mature beyond your years and it's very possible you send out a more serious and aloof vibe than fun and whimsical. Most people in their twenties go for girls who appear easy, especially girls that like to party and are easy to bed. What you should be looking for: mid, late- twenties. They're less of a party animal, more mature than twenty year olds. Don't mind dating college girls, and are usually into long term relationships.
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I think you might come across as disinterested or aloof. A lot of decent guys like to get some positive feedback from a woman so that they have a pretty good idea that she'll say "yes" if they ask her out. A player doesn't really care, because he asks out so many woman that he's used to rejection. I agree with the above. I am a major introvert. And sometimes when I'm out and about, I totally realize I'm sending out a "**** off" vibe. I had a bad run of it throughout HS with guys. I think it got to the point of, "I'll just reject you, first." And I know I do by being closed off. So I basically cut off my nose to spite my face. But yeah...how are you flirting with guys? I don't mean the ones you've known for awhile and are comfy with - guys that try to strike up a convo with you.
Author LB85 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 I smile a lot and act slightly shy (because I usually do become a bit shy) but I keep talking and taking interest in the guy. It usually depends on our convo but i steer it towards them so if we talk about studying then I obviously ask about their education, if they mention a subject I also like or something we have in common then I try to elaborate on that and I naturally have a good sense of humour. Yet I am doomed to neevr find a guy.The pressures....in my culture your parents will look for a guy for u (if you don't find anyone yourself) by the time your probably 23. I'm already 21 and it kinda freaks me out that I'll marry someone I wont love or maybe even like as much but its better than nothing so might as well accept it:o
Peaceful Guy Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 first, im sorry you've never been asked out.. but i want to put this into perspective a little bit. how many times have you asked guys out? more and more there's gender equality, and i can tell you from first hand experience, asking someone out is nerve wracking! sweaty palms, flushed face, nervous, stuttering, can't think or talk strait. it can be tough.. and from the places you hang out im sure the guys there would feel the same way about it that i do. instead of thinking about dating traditionally, try to find activities where you spend more time with guys having fun. maybe even throw a party and invite a bunch of people, including some guys you might consider dating. you're not down and out, your just looking at dating from a traditional courtship model, instead of the progressive and totally awesome social model (not by any means a scientific term, just the best words i could find), where guys and girls hang out in groups, are secure with themselves, keep competition to a minimum, and love takes care of the rest. it may sound like fantasy, but its more real and healthy (from my experience) than the chase and capture method. seriously, if you knew how many guys secretly had crushes on you throughout the years, but never worked up the nerve to ask you out, i guarantee that you would feel differently about this.
Peaceful Guy Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Yet I am doomed to neevr find a guy.The pressures....in my culture your parents will look for a guy for u (if you don't find anyone yourself) by the time your probably 23. I'm already 21 and it kinda freaks me out that I'll marry someone I wont love or maybe even like as much but its better than nothing so might as well accept it:o no, NO, **** NO!!! you are a free, independent person deserving of love just like everybody else. if this is not what you want, than it is NOT okay to go with it. seriously!
Author LB85 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 I have to admit that I do see it that way but I also have to say that I'm always the one to make the first step and I quite honestly do expct the guy to at least take it to the next level. Guys want to sleep with me most of the time and it hurts to think a guy can't just like me for me. I mainly have guy friends, always have...probably from growing up with my brother. I can easily be in the ''friend zone'' but eer since I felt more like a lady and less like a girl, I flirt and prefer it if guys didn't see me as someone they are perfectly comfortable with but something inbetween. I can be goofy and I think guys automatically see me as the cool girl friend who a guy would like to date but they just don't like me. The guy who lead me on ended up having a girlfriend which makes me wonder if he actually liked me but couldn't do anything about it. Even though it doesn't matter. I am socially active and take part in hobbies and activities. I meet many people and just go with the flow but the fact remains that I never get a guy interested. I did throw a party and invited several people, some friends and some people I'm randomly in touch with. However, I'm always the single one. Would be a miracle if I was liked. Yeh I hear I'm pretty and I don't even think looks have anything to do with not being asked out buttttt I do feel like the total picture means I'm just so unattractive...my friends will always be what the guys prefer.
Peaceful Guy Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 ..my friends will always be what the guys prefer. something doesn't add up. it sounds like youre looking for permission to feel sorry for yourself, or give up and take the easy route. permission NOT granted. there's something you're not being honest with yourself about and i dont think you're willing to admit it. ..my friends will always be what the guys prefer. this is such a load of horse **** its unbelievable. you need to think about this, and so long as you're always telling you're side of the story so that there's nothing that can be done, that's how it will be.. and i think that might be what you want.
Author LB85 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 Well how do I find out what it is I'm not being honest about? I am tired of the introspection and constantly looking for what is wrong with me. I asked a few of my closest friends what it was, a friend said she doesn't see anything wrong with me except that I might not want anything right now, the other couldn't stop criticising me and actually even said things that werent true; I believed them at first and felt really bad about myself but slowly I noticed her contradictions and her own projections on me. I'm just tired, its been over 3 years since I've had anything close to even a boyfriend and I tried focussing on things. Now I'm just frustrated and yes I have the lowest self-esteem. SO what? Can you really blame me? A person can't stay strong no matter what, we need an incentive...even if its a small one...mine has always been missing. I mean the other day this one guy (who I never even considered) said I was the type of girl he would like to marry and take home to his mum. I felt honoured of course but he was drunk and he does drink too much. He isn't finishing his studies and he has just messed up his own life. But right now, I would even consider dating him...because he will at least like me and date me. Its strange how everyone always finds you pretty and a great person but no one would ever date you....
GrayClouds Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Maybe your too good looking. I have the problem too, that and being a little to modest Also remember guys your age are idiots, if your not easy, sleazy or cheesy it gets a little too complicated for them.
Els Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Are you interested in having a relationship or do you just want the validation of being asked out? If it is the former, well, it isn't solely the guy's duty. You could try asking guys out, or hinting that you're interested in them - and no, there are plenty of ways to hint without dressing provocatively or acting slutty! Because, honestly, being asked out has very little to do with how great a person you are or how awesome you look. It has a lot to do with luck - the sort of people you typically mix with, and how compatible they are with you. It has a lot to do with the signals you send out and the type of guys around you - even if they like you, it takes guts and a good reason for them to take the plunge. It has a lot to do with whether or not you just happen to forge that special bond with someone - because there are lots of pretty girls and great people, but unless you stand out in that special way to someone, they may not consider it worth the courage and effort to ask you out. Just to clarify, you shouldn't let not being asked out affect your self worth or self image, because it's not related! I've known lots of pretty, nice girls who've never had guys ask them out except for players/desperados who go around asking every pretty girl they happen to come across. I'm frankly average-looking and quite the geekess, but I've had several guys ask me out, mainly those with whom an extremely strong and tangible bond formed upon interaction.
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