TerryW Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I can't verify anything except that he replied to CL post for sex and "something" was going on over coffee. He covered his tracks so well I don't really know the truth except his version. He works 45 minutes away and I'm not going to be a warden and waste my time but sometimes I need to know if his "sorry" is real or not. He did most of dirty work from work. Phone..he'll delete. His company has security so I can't track work computer. He's not using home computer anymore. He does bring me a receipt from lunch at work cafeteria but who did you have lunch with? Call during day to land work #...I was in a meeting. What can I verify? I'm not going to blindly trust. I did take control of one e-mail account and so far nothing has come thru but he could have others that I don't know about. Can trust be built without verification?
FreezorBurn Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I am in the same position. I am 2 months out from D-Day and verification she is truthfull is almost impossible. Can you tell if he is lying? Google interigation techniques and you will learn a lot from that. Can you get into his cell phone records? I was told trust is not built in a day it's built by one truthfull statment at a time. Best wishes to you.
2sure Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Well, the theory is complete transparency in the marriage. Especially after trust has been broken and while you are trying to re-build the trust. Complete tranparency....like having all e-mail and acct passwords. His phone RECORDS - from the bill. His CC statements. All that stuff. AND you should check them all but not behind his back, he should be willing to let you and be aware that you are. Thats the theory. I did it. And it did rebuild my trust when I consistently found nothing. My H just went further under with the whole secret track phone, secret lap top, all that. But he is a special kind of creepy.
boldjack Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 OP, I think that mistrust is a quantitive thing. If your suspicions increase, by his actions, to the point that you can, no longer, accept his excuses, then you must seriously consider ending the relationship. You are right to say that you are not his keeper. You are his partner, and he should be forthright with you.
Author TerryW Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 His phone is thru work so I don't have access to a written log. I pay all the bills so no CC statement that I don't see.
aeh Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 My H used his work phone (mobile and office) to receive/send emails and texts to his AP, so I couldn't check them. Also he pays the bills so I never see the credit card statements. I had him bring home statements from the last year after D-Day. I could see where and how often they went to lunch. Of course, this didn't tell me how often they were in the parking garage together (their usual place for sex---ewwwww!). He did pay for two hotel visits early on in the A and he paid with cash. I guess he was just a little too paranoid to have that on a bill anywhere and I never would have known about the hotel visits had he not told me. So I do give him "credit" for that. LOL. He basically had carte blanche since I trusted him so completely. With the phones being through work I have no option to know otherwise and I know he could always delete stuff. Crazy as it sounds, I do trust him again. He is doing all the right things. But when I think back to how he used to call and check up on me so many times throughout the day and yet he was still out screwing around with her, it makes my blood boil. Now, he texts me sometimes 60-70 times a day, goes to lunch with me EVERY day (this is way too much for me--don't know if it's to keep me in check, to prove to me what he's doing on his lunch break, because he feels guilty, because he truly just wants to be with me or all of the above). What I kept saying after I had an inkling of something going on was that I couldn't imagine when he could possibly find the time to be conducting an A because we are so crazy-busy all the time and he came home right after work. Yep, during the work day.
Author TerryW Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 An old girlfriend e-mail come thru the account I have control of. She wanted his home address so she could send either b-day card or anniversary card. I did what I thought a CH would do so I sent her his work address. I've waited VERY paitently to see if he would tell me. Today he did.
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