New Again Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 This topic has come up on here before, in various forms. I'm intrigued by the differences in perceptions (and yes, I'm looking for a distraction). This is the only forum I actively participate on, but there's an industry (photography) forum that I go to sometimes when I'm looking for info on lighting and Photoshop and stuff. Anyways, they also have an "off-topic" forum where people sometimes post personal relationship stuff. One girl started a thread because she was upset that her bf has graphic pictures of a girl he knows and sees sometimes, and she thinks he uses these photos as porn, and he looks at them frequently. She asked him to get rid of them; he said he would; she snooped and found out he didn't. Most of the people on the forum (models and photographers) are attacking this girl for snooping and telling her that there is nothing wrong with what her bf is doing. Their solution is, if it upsets you, stopping looking and you won't see it. What do other people think of this, and why do you think this is the case?
stace79 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 My opinion is that he should get rid of them. While I don't really like my fiance to watch pornography either, that is more a self-esteem/insecurity thing with me. What I think is most wrong is if he had photos of exes or girls that he actually knows. Porn is usually not about the person -- he just watches it because men are visually aroused. But it feels more like cheating if it is pics/vids of someone he knows or has known -- it is more personal. I hope that is clear. Just my two cents. (I don't think snooping is right either, but he did sort of give her a reason to mistrust him. Maybe she should have just asked if he got rid of them.)
Author New Again Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Yeah I personally see the big issue as being that the pictures are of a girl he knows, a friend. She's not even an ex-gf, but I'm guessing it must be someone he has slept with or something. The girl never said and no one asked...but obviously either they used to hook up, or she sent him the photos, or he took them himself, which would imply that there's something going on there between them. Not to mention that he didn't get rid of them. But I just don't get how every single person there thinks it's OK, and that the gf who has the problem is the person who's entirely in the wrong. I'm betting she would get completely different responses if she posted here.
boldjack Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 NA, I have an album of momentos from past relationships, along with one from my time in the Army. In it are many photos of "old flames", some nude, some not,(some showing sex acts) hotel receipts, restaurant menus, general snapshots, match books, trinkets and the like. Even a few pairs of knickers. Some autographed !!:D When I got married, I showed it to my wife, told her to burn it , if it was offensive to her. I am not that man , anymore, and she knows it , so she put it in a locked box in the closet, so the kids couldn't see it. We, both have keys to the box, and sometimes I look at it to reminisce, but we are secure enough , for it not to be an issue. My suggestion would be to find out (like I did) whether your SO is bothered by the photos, and act accordingly.
Author New Again Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 That sounds like a good way to handle the situation. When I read that thread, my thoughts were 1. Well if it's not an ex-gf, how'd he come to have those pictures? 2. He said he'd get rid of them, so why didn't he? I also think it's a little...odd? icky?....?....that this guy consistently whacks off to pictures of his friend that he sees regularly IRL....if I were the OP in that thread I'd be wondering wth is this about too! But not one single person brought those things up in that thread.
boldjack Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Well, NA, I've never beat off, looking at this stuff, but I get a kick out of how young and stupid I was.:laugh: It didn't start out as an album, (actually it's a zippered folder). When I was in politics, a guy on my campaign staff, asked me if I had anything "incriminating", I started looking around my appt. and was amazed at all the stuff I had, that would have sunk me politically. So I gathered it all in the folder, and hid it.:laugh:
tinktronik Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 OP is the posters BF a photographer? I ask this because: 1) She is posting on photography aimed site. 2) I know a lot of photographers who do have nude photos of some other people in our circle of friends and it really is no big deal.
Author New Again Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 OP is the posters BF a photographer? I ask this because: 1) She is posting on photography aimed site. 2) I know a lot of photographers who do have nude photos of some other people in our circle of friends and it really is no big deal. No, the OP of that thread is a model and her bf isn't a photographer or a model. But maybe that's what the posters in that forum are assuming.
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 To me, the most pertinent issue is that he lied. Most people know in their gut when something's not right. That's why they snoop. IMO, she should dump his sorry ass for being a liar, someone who would risk his relationship for nothing more than a few seconds of self-gratifying wanking.
New_Life08 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 He should not accept, much less keep nude photos of and ex, or any other woman for that matter! To see something in passing on the net or whatever is one thing; to save it is quite another. The women who are giving her a hard time have been morally diluted by their own questionable behavior. I wonder how many of these women who are giving her a hard time have meaningful relationships? By meaningful I mean honest, loving, monogamous relationship? Chances are they are not, or even know the meaning of respect and trust. It is not about insecurity so much as it is about integrity, and what a relationship means to a person. I would guess the majority of "healthy" people would find that saving naked photos of an ex to be inappropriate in a relationship. The boyfriend of this girl obviously has a preoccupation with this other woman, and other things such as porn; she just hasn't found it yet. My boyfriend and I have had our bouts with exes (who are still friends)...but even his exes have more class than to send him nude photos, and if they did, he would have about 10 seconds to make a choice! The bottom line is that it is betrayal of intimacy...which is lethal in a relationship.
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