phineas Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 So her "i want nothing from you" uncontested divorce has turned into $200 /month for the kids & gas money. I already supply formula / milk , diapers, wipes, clothes, toys ect. She hasn't asked me for food or co-pays but i'd give it. I also cover health insurance. Except she now has an old injury that insurance won't cover she is paying therapy for out of pocket. This injury happened before I even met her in another state so it just isn't covered by my insurance. She says her car is not running right & the driving is draining her account ect. my family now provides 90% of day care themselves. We have joint custody. basically equal time. I have no problem giving her the money except, when I dropped the kids off last week at her place she had a large stack of empties. All imported & specialty beer like shock top ect. The stuff that goes for $12 to $15 a 12 pack or $8 a 6 pack. Her fridge had the good stuff also. I'm drinking mass produced american piss-water if I drink at all. My problem is I believe she is wasteful with her money spending it on entertainment & expensive beer. I don't go out, I havn't golfed in over a month. But somehow I don't see that mattering. Yes I make more money than her, but my mortgage & home equity loan is almost half my pay. A home equity loan I stupidly used to pay for a good chunk of our wedding. Plus my own utilities ect. Like I said, if she needs it for the kids i'll pay, but if she needs it so she can party more i'll go for Full custody & It may be cheaper in the long run. I have a call into the lawyer. I know what she is going to say. Pay the $200 until the courts get to it. Just venting. I'm finalizing a bankruptsy & just floundering financially right now.
Thaddeus Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Gee.. a divorcing woman wants money. Never seen that happen before... In many cases, there is no connection whatsoever between custody arrangements and financial support, pretty much regardless of how she chooses to spend it. A local lawyer will be able to fill you in on those details. Good luck.
beachbum84 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 wow that is a sticky situation. I sense your sincerity concerning supporting your kids, but obviously not supporting her social life. I am by far no expert on this topic, I don't know any of the legalities. So for whatever it may be worth my initial thought was this. Why would you pay for her gas? If you felt compelled to do so, why not get gas cards so she is forced to use the $ for such. And likewise get her some grocery cards for stores that are only grocery stores, not walmarts, meijers, and whatnot. Or ask what specifically the kids need. Since it seems like you have been and are providing a great deal of the monetary needs it takes to raise children. I wouldn't just give her the $200 cash, unless I knew 100% how it was to be used. Thats just MHO though, and like I said I'm not really qualified on this topic. So take it with a grain of salt. Wishing you the best of luck with this issue.
MrMayI Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 even with joint custody, if they put the word "primary" anywhere by her name, you could be ordered to pay full child support. that's not going to have any consideration for your bills, just your income. sorry bro, but i have to go with what you think your lawyer will say. pay her the 200 to keep her from gunning for more, or go for full custody. you can do it. it feels great!! by the way, i've been drinking PBR, even in bars. i know what you mean about piss water.
Author phineas Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 I guess i'm just more aggravated because she came here & started this whole dramatic speech & about a min. in I had to stop her & tell her to just spit it out. To tell me what she wants. I take home about $500 a month more than her & have the house. I'm the only one apparently tightening my belt here. According to my lawyer $200 is more than what the courts would order me to pay according to our incomes in the split custody so she is getting back to me on what I should do. If I pay it now the courts may make it permanent instead of the lower amount. As was said, I have no problem supporting my kids. I do have a problem supporting her partying.
Author phineas Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 How long were you married phineas? Just had our 4 yr anniversary. Unfortunately it doesn't matter to the courts that she was cheating on me for the last 3 anniversaries. She's also been living on her own with no support from me other than what I provide for the last 6 months. Now she needs $200/ month & tells me her lawyer says he can make me pay more? A thinly veiled threat if I ever heard one.
Chrome Barracuda Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 LOL dont give her nothing, she wanted the single life. Let her support her azz on her own... Sometimes when your married and you leave, you dont realize how much your other spouse's income greatly affected your life. but now she does! Dont give her nothing!!!
Author phineas Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 LOL dont give her nothing, she wanted the single life. Let her support her azz on her own... Sometimes when your married and you leave, you dont realize how much your other spouse's income greatly affected your life. but now she does! Dont give her nothing!!! The biggest thing is i'm paying $300/month on the home equity loan & a good chunk of that was used to pay for our wedding. But, it's in MY name & I can't just get rid of it without jeopardizing my home ownership. I have no problem supporting my kids. This will probably get messy.
joybean72 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Mine was a short term marriage as well, but no children (He was a cheat too!) and I was awarded temporary alimony. (Never received it at the mind you!) But I settled without it in the end. Hopefully she will realize, it's not worth the fight sometimes & hassle! Good luck to you!
donnamaybe Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Let the courts decide, then, since she is being wasteful of her money. That way, when support is set LOWER than the $200 she is asking for, you may have some money left over to actually spend on the kids the way it SHOULD be spent.
Mrs. Ambivalent Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I'm by far an expert but from reading your post I was thinking of a few things. Just because she wants the $200 doesn't mean you'll have to give it to her. From my understanding it's more of a formula than anything else. They plug in your income and her income, figure out where the kids will be most of the time, figure out what percentage of the kid's expenses will be paid by the custodial parent and what part will be paid by the non custodial parent, then the non custodial parent pays the custodial parent their share of raising the kids. It might be $200. It might be $500. It might be $100. Who knows. I know you can Google that and find the calculator and get a good idea. Just Google your state and child support calculator and see what you find. Then plug in all of your numbers (her income, your income, etc.). Definitely take your attorney's advice about what you should pay her (if anything) until it's court ordered. She can't order you to pay, only the court can. BUT again, the court might not take it lightly that the time you were separated you gave her no $. But I don't know, ask your attorney. The other thing that screams out at me (but I may be way off, not sure how comfortable you would be with it, etc.) but if you're paying her $200 a month then you shouldn't be buying the diapers, formula, wipes, etc. for HER home. You should buy them for your home for when you have the kid(s), of course, but not be buying them for both of your homes. That's what the $200 is about. Child support. Not expensive beer. Although if you think that if you don't purchase those things then the kids will go without (only you can say that for sure), then that's a concern too. So anyway. My vote is if your attorney says to give her $200/month then do that, but don't buy the kids anything that is for her home and not yours. It's your stbx's job to use the $200 to buy formula, etc. Good luck! Let us know how it works out.
Author phineas Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 I may go for full custody. She did tell OM she was pregnant with his baby & then later told him the baby died in child birth & faked a death certificate (I have a copy) & went to church with him telling him it was a memorial service for their dead baby. This is what the OM's ex GF & family told me. I'll bet I can use that to my advantage to get her evaluated by the courts. I don't want this to get nasty, but my oldest son has recently been showing violent behavior towards my youngest. Grabbing him by the face & yelling at him. I believe my wife does that to him & he is mimicking her. I don't know where else he could of gotten it from. I wanted to avoid all this but I don't see how.
Auroracoladybug Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Lifehouse is one of my favorite groups...whatever it takes
BUENG1 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I don't think you have any moral obligation to give her anything but what the courts ordered. It seems like you are doing more than your fair share for the kids. Obviously do what your lawyer tells you from the legal side of things, as I'm not one. but I wouldn't give her anything. Next month it will $400 a month, let her act like an adult and own up to her responsibilities like everyone else has too.
Author phineas Posted September 27, 2009 Author Posted September 27, 2009 lawyer called me back friday afternoon. I'm waiting till monday to return that call. so, her car broke down & her dad picked her up so she could get the kids. She forget to grab the car seats & actually thought she was going to just strap my 3 yr old into the back seat & hold the 1 yr old while her dad drove the few miles to her apartment. WTF?!?! She actually argued with me when I went to my car & took out the car seats trying to tell me it would be ok because they were only going a short distance. Then told me I only needed the baby seat because the booster seat doesn't make a big difference. Really? The fact that the shoulder strap is accross my 3yr olds neck without a booster seat doesn't strike her as a problem? Then her dad wanted to put the baby in the front seat because he had a box in the back seat he didn't want to move. OMG! Was I on candid camera? I need a fricken drink. I made them call me when they got home ok.
lupa Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 lawyer called me back friday afternoon. I'm waiting till monday to return that call. so, her car broke down & her dad picked her up so she could get the kids. She forget to grab the car seats & actually thought she was going to just strap my 3 yr old into the back seat & hold the 1 yr old while her dad drove the few miles to her apartment. WTF?!?! She actually argued with me when I went to my car & took out the car seats trying to tell me it would be ok because they were only going a short distance. Then told me I only needed the baby seat because the booster seat doesn't make a big difference. Really? The fact that the shoulder strap is accross my 3yr olds neck without a booster seat doesn't strike her as a problem? Then her dad wanted to put the baby in the front seat because he had a box in the back seat he didn't want to move. OMG! Was I on candid camera? I need a fricken drink. I made them call me when they got home ok. The next time anything like this happens, figure out a way to get a third party to just see it. A neighbor, hidden video camera...something. That is actually dangerous and scary, and is something that should be addressed. I hope you're ok right now about this. that would make me insane, and I don't even have childrens.
Lizzie60 Posted September 27, 2009 Posted September 27, 2009 Wow.. you get away with $200/month for the KIDS... You have it easy my friend.. here in Canada.. some guys pay up to $800 for 2 kids.. plus they get the kids every second weekend plus one evening each week... plus they pay for the sports equipment. If I were you.. I wouldn't complain too much.. the judge might ask you to double that amount..
Author phineas Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 The next time anything like this happens, figure out a way to get a third party to just see it. A neighbor, hidden video camera...something. That is actually dangerous and scary, and is something that should be addressed. I hope you're ok right now about this. that would make me insane, and I don't even have childrens. I'm still trying to get over the fact she thought she could just hold the 1 yr old in the front seat. IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN IN MY PRESENCE. It wasn't even worth the risk to let her leave my house like that & have the cops pull her over.
Author phineas Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 Wow.. you get away with $200/month for the KIDS... You have it easy my friend.. here in Canada.. some guys pay up to $800 for 2 kids.. plus they get the kids every second weekend plus one evening each week... plus they pay for the sports equipment. If I were you.. I wouldn't complain too much.. the judge might ask you to double that amount.. Good to know if I ever move to canada.
Gunny376 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I use to be the world's worst about not wearing a seat belt. Then my boss got 'T'ed' coming to work in a turn lane by a car coming out of a gas station. The only thing that saved him was air bags and a seat belt. Got me to thinking? About how it wasn't my driving? But how many crackheads, crankheads, drunks, teenagers, cell phone 'talkers', people 'texting' while driving etc out there driviing? You ride in my ride? You get strapped in!
Author phineas Posted September 28, 2009 Author Posted September 28, 2009 I use to be the world's worst about not wearing a seat belt. Then my boss got 'T'ed' coming to work in a turn lane by a car coming out of a gas station. The only thing that saved him was air bags and a seat belt. Got me to thinking? About how it wasn't my driving? But how many crackheads, crankheads, drunks, teenagers, cell phone 'talkers', people 'texting' while driving etc out there driviing? You ride in my ride? You get strapped in! That's how I see it & have seen it since I got my license. You strap your ass in. If someone else Hits me the last thing I want is your ass slamming into me because it wasn't strapped in. When it comes to my kids I check & double check that the belt holding the infant carier is tight & that there is no slack on my 3 yr olds booster seat EVERY TIME.
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