flg Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Went to use the family computer with my daughter. She has a game that either my wife or myself logs her in to play. Well my wife had her email open on the screen and I read something that I wish I didn't. I did not snoop and intentionally plan to read her email but something in caught my eye and I did. And I was crushed. The message was a back and forth exchange between her and her best friend of 25 years. There are both making comments about each others crushes. My wife's crush is with some young guy that works in the building next to her. This email and the fact that the other girls she works work all think this one particular guy is cute, but have referred to him jokingly as her boyfriend, even in front of me. (which if it was just that and not the email would not a problem) In the exchange, there is nothing incriminating and it sounds like the only conversation has been a "hi" or a smile. one excerpt: "I saw my boyfriend, he is so hot, we exchanged 'hellos' again today. i am pretty certain he's aware of my salivating over him!!! and today, there was a distinct possibility that he was staring at me!!! a girl can dream, can't i? i feel like i'm back in high school. listen to us!!! and like you, i do enjoy it. They are basically egging each other on. But the concentration for the same guy over and over made me think she had an infatuation. Being upset I did tell my wife about it. She say's she is extremely embarrassed and it was just two girlfriends fantasizing and there is nothing more. I know she is regrets it and feels horrible. I've asked her it if it is more than we should talk to someone but she says it was just girl talk that got out of hand. She say's she didn't have any intentions to pursue anything. She loves me, is attracted to me and wants to be with me. She does think he is cute but that is it. I guess I am having a little trouble because I would not do that. Of course there are women that I see and may think are attractive but it ends there. My wife and I have a great marriage. Like most people have had our share of problems or disagreements, but that is normal for being together for almost 20 years. We still have a great sex life. I feel horrible about not believing her 100% but I am trying my best.
KikiW Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 To be perfectly honest, this sounds no different than exchanges I've had with my girlfriends too. OMG UPS man is so hot!!! He winked at me, tee hee! My gut feeling is that she was just giggling girlishly with her friend. Like talking about how [insert hot movie star name here] is just dreamy. Heck, my STBex has a thing for Kate Winslet, and it's been an ongoing joke that she's his girlfriend. Hey your girlfriend just got an award! Keep your eyes open for any other red flags, but I don't think she's getting ready to run off with the guy or anything.
carhill Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 My wife and I have a great marriage. Like most people have had our share of problems or disagreements, but that is normal for being together for almost 20 years. We still have a great sex life. That's the relevant part. If you trust her sincerity wrt your M, then act appropriately and share that secret crush you have on a fellow worker or, maybe, even her girlfriend of 25 years This will help her remember that crushes aren't serious and neither should your M be. Life is fun
Shivangi Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Perfectly normal, it is just as she says the thrill of feeling newly in love again (the high school kind). Nothing to feel riled up over, I'm sure this is the kind of talk guys have over beer and when they talk about someone they know. Don't worry, it's perfectly ok to be slightly infatuated with a cute guy who makes a dull office fun and of course re-inventing your marriage a bit by doing something special together will put the zing right back
FreezorBurn Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Sounds innocent. However this guy did stimulate that giggly school girl in your wife and she liked it. I would not trust them in a room alone with each other. Spy on her computer usage and keep a eye out for her habitys changing. Don't feel guilty about it, the end justifies the means. Sorry it happend to you let her know how much it hurt you, I would.
Thaddeus Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I concur with most of the above - it sounds innocent enough and I wouldn't worry too much about it. At one time I was the only male in a department of about ten or so women and the stuff I'd hear from them made me wonder if I was back in grade school. Much of it was pretty juvenile.
JumpinJimmy Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Even with my jaundiced eye, I agree that this is just harmless girl talk. Sieze the opportuntiy to set up some teasing the wife about it to make some light hearted fun and manage to include yourself as well.
aeh Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I agree that it is just harmless. I think we all have secret "crushes" from time to time or think someone is cute. My gf and I were just talking about this awhile back. There was a man who sits on a volunteer board with us that she thought was cute and we used to joke about it. I always thought another of the men was cute. He was my neighbor though and I would never have acted upon it. I think women (and I'm sure men, too) do this all the time, talk about it and joke about it. After my H's affair, I have now been open in sharing who I find attractive and he asked me just last night if my "crush" was at the event we were attending. We laughed about it. Don't worry about this at all! (Unless she started acting secretive or you could tell something is up.) But really, it IS what girlfriends do!
Bryanp Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I am sure it is probably nothing but I wonder how your wife would feel if the roles has been reversed? I wonder how she would have felt if people in front of her called a very attractive female co-worker your girlfriend?
carhill Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I am sure it is probably nothing but I wonder how your wife would feel if the roles has been reversed? I wonder how she would have felt if people in front of her called a very attractive female co-worker your girlfriend? That's what I'm working towards. See my response above. I'll bet she'd enjoy it immensely. Like others have said, 'zing'
Devil Inside Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 I think it wasn't more than a simple attraction. Married people develop attraction...just like single people. It's good that you let her know how you felt...and it was good that she assured you that it was nothing and that she loves you. I think you'll be alright.
FreezorBurn Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Even with my jaundiced eye, I agree that this is just harmless girl talk. Sieze the opportuntiy to set up some teasing the wife about it to make some light hearted fun and manage to include yourself as well. I would not joke about it. Take way from the fact she started down a path she should not have.
seibert253 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 Gals talk Sh#t about guys, just like guys talk Sh#t about chicks. Can be harmless, but if not kept is check, can lead to something bad. It's good you didn't keep this to yourself and talked with your wife about it. Judging by her response, I think your marriage will be OK.
angie2443 Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 one excerpt: "I saw my boyfriend, he is so hot, we exchanged 'hellos' again today. i am pretty certain he's aware of my salivating over him!!! and today, there was a distinct possibility that he was staring at me!!! a girl can dream, can't i? i feel like i'm back in high school. listen to us!!! and like you, i do enjoy it. I don't know how to feel about this. The part that I bolded is that part that would hurt me. It's natural to look at others and sometimes fantasize about others. It is natural to point out attractive people. For me, calling that attractive person your boyfriend/girlfriend crosses a line. Especially since she sees him on a regular basis. I would feel my marriage was bieng disrespected a bit. I think it's harmless in the sense that I don't think your wife is looking for an affair. She's having fun and fun is fine as long as no lines are bieng crossed.
JB1 Posted September 28, 2009 Posted September 28, 2009 I concur with the others. However, I would guilt her into dirty sex. Who's the man now? I have flirted with two women in the past eleven years- my wife and the girl that cut my hair last week. I swear, had there not been four other people there, I may have been molested. And she was a hot little cajun thing. After what I've been through this year, it is GREAT to know that I've still got it. How about you?
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