livingnightmare Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 For those who dont know my story! in brief! I am 30 and have just come out of a relationship with the mother of my child, 6 weeks and 5 days ago with plenty of of false hopes and promises of councilling and plans to work things out, It has allso been 2 weeks and 3 days since I found out that my ex has picked some one up from a club just for a f**k! and rubbed it in my face ( cnt think of a reason she would rub it in my face exspecially as we hav a child 2gether) The reason my title for this thread "Is this Possible" is I have been questioning if I love her or not but am now thinking am I blocking things out and fooling myself to feel like this as after all 6 yrs and my first relationship is a long time exspecially as we lived together for over 3 1/2 yrs I feel like s**t when i think about it but am doing good at blocking deep thinking out. If it is a case that I am blocking things out, is it possible to do that? Is that healthy? Could I still be in shock? as im not no where as bad as felt the previous few weeks but just have this feeling my true feelings havent hit me yet? exspecially being as im on anti d's and been diagnosed with major depression! Is it possible this is my way of coping? or am I healing? Or could it maybe that what she has done has woken me up 2 reality and it is somthing I dont want or can ever forgive? thus making it easier to move on and accept things? Can anyone shed me some wisdom on this as this is very early days yet! and I am thinking maybe my real pain has still to come out! after all I have never slept with anyone else and she was my first so called love?
Author livingnightmare Posted September 23, 2009 Author Posted September 23, 2009 Have to say I have my own bench and fitness equipment but the room they are in is in a mess full of stuff from the relationship everytime I feel strong enough to sort the room out! I go in there and it hits me like a ton of bricks and cant do it! I know I need to train for my looks, self esteem and to rid this deppresion but its a killer going in there and have nowhere else to put the stuff! Damn this is tough, so confused with my emotions! Guess I just need some sort of clarity in my mind so I can understand these emotions more! What a mess!
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