In the middle of an EA with ex-bf

[JRALove]

I started chatting online with my ex-boyfriend about a month ago. At first, it was just to catch up, but things have progressed into what I think is an emotional affair. I have been with my husband for 5 years and married almost 2 years. My ex-boyfriend was my first love, first just about everything. We lived together and I thought we would end up married. He ended it 8 years ago (wasn't ready for a bigger commitment) and I have never stopped loving him but tried to move on with my life. I have always considered him to be "the one." I love my husband, but not in the same way. After the pain of losing my ex, I was never able to open myself up again the same way I did with him. My husband is a wonderful man who does not deserve anything but the best from me. I have always felt awful about having these feelings for my ex, but I figured I had to move on with my life and needed to stop waiting on my ex.

 

Up until a month ago, we haven't had any contact in the past 3 years. Before that, we would chat/email on and off. He contacted me around the time that I moved in with my husband (bf at the time) wanting to know if I still thought of him, but I couldn't handle that discussion at that time. Then, I contacted him just before getting engaged, just to find out he was getting married THE NEXT DAY! It seems like we have always "checked" on each other before making big moves in our lives.

 

When we started chatting, it started off as just catching up on the past few years. Now, we both admit to missing each other horribly. Our conversations have turned sexual, but also very intimate. We have talked about what the "end game" is in this situation, but don't have any answers. He now lives across the country from me, so there is very little chance of physical contact unless one of us makes a major trip. Part of me thinks that this will have to just fizzle out after a little while and the other part of me wonders if this is the opportunity I prayed for for so many years.

 

I do honestly still love him and I have wished for many years that I didn't. It feels so good to know that he still has feelings for me as well. We are both married to good people and have good lives. This is completely out of character for me, as I have never cheated on anyone in my life. I would never do any of this with anyone other than him. He is feeling as conflicted as I am. I just wonder if he is ultimately the person I am suppose to be with. The thought of that just makes me want to cry for everyone involved.

[ladydesigner]

Thank god there is such a distance or you would be heavily involved in a PA. You were heartbroken once over him, I'm sure you do not want to be again which is the most likely scenario. Although my situation is much different than yours, being in love with someone who is not available is the similarity we share. Save yourself from the pain of an EA or PA. It is absolutely the most painful experience I have ever had to endure in my life. Go NC and don't look back. To keep in contact is keeping the A alive with no resolution in sight. Do you really want to live your life this way? I'm sure it does not feel good.

 

Please take care of yourself and find a way to end it before you are too caught up. God if someone could have saved me from the pain:(

[lkjh]

You really have two options, one is cut all contact with him. This means never speak to him again. You have to remove him from your life, otherwise you will always believe he is the one for you(which isn't true). The other option is to divorce your H and let him find someone that can love him.

 

Just so you know, your ex is looking for an affair and he knows he can count on you. When a guy that is in a relationship starts wanting action on the side, he goes for the women he knows he get. Thats why he looked you up. Trust me, he never wanted to catch up. Also, if you two get discovered he will toss you under the bus and make it seem like it was all you

[HUFI]

Please, on bended knee I implore you to reconsider this EA affair before you, he your husband or his wife or all of you, get their hearts handed to them on a platter.

 

Trust me; I know what the hell I am talking about. I had an EA affair last year with my XGF from 30 years ago and the dust is still settling from the fallout of it all.

 

Yes, I know the feelings of a overwelming feelings from a rekindled love affair. I know that somehow, for some strange reasons that I still can’t phantom, it took only 5 emails for me to throw away my marriage to someone who was married too!

 

]From the Lost Lovers site, I want you to read this quote.

 

“Buckle up ‘cause the ride is about to get a bit wild. You won’t believe the emotions you will experience. I know that you already feel it...through the phone...through e-mail....you already know you had it from before....unfortunately—not only does that chemistry NOT die, in morphs into something 10 times what it was before when you were both young. Or 100 times. All I know is.....its powerful stuff, whether your eyes are wide open or not.”

 

But the simple truth is that nothing has come of the true love, the destiny, and the star-crossed lovers feelings and declarations of love that we exchanged over the months

 

You feel he won’t find out? Well, trust me, they always do, always! It’s a karma thing from God you know. After my wife found out, she gave me a simple ultimatum, choose now or walk. I am now fighting to save my marriage and trust me, it’s not easy

 

You know what I read in the emails that I get now from my wife?

 

August 1 - I have taken off my wedding rings as a first step to letting you go!

 

August 14 - Your affair is always here in my mind. It’s my last thought before I fall asleep at night and the first when I wake in the morning. It’s always there, a nightmare I can’t seem to wake up from

 

Sept 08 - I believed that your love for me was as strong and deep as mine was for you, I believed that we reached a new level of intimacy. I was amazed that I would feel butterflies the same as if this was a new love, a new romance. I wanted to be physically close to you, touched by you and in your arms because when there I would have this awesome feeling of contentment; I felt loved and safe. Now when I’m in your arms I don’t feel safe anymore. How could I? After all, within a matter of days reconnecting with her and while you realized that what you were doing was a betrayal of your vows to me, you went ahead with the affair. Now, when I look at you, I question your love for me. I see the words that you have written to her and question your motives for wanting to work on our marriage. I wonder how it is that you can now say that you love me? I wonder how it is that I could have been so wrong about your love for me and wonder why you couldn’t love me as much as I loved you? Why couldn’t you forget about her? Will I ever feel safe in your arms again? Will I ever be able to trust you again? What is a lie and what is the truth? What are you keeping from me? How do I know anything anymore?

 

According to Dr. Kalish from the Lostlovers.com site, repairing trust in a marriage is hard enough after an old fashioned fling but bouncing back from a lost-love affair is far more complicated. “My husband has begged me to stay,” a victim of rekindling wrote on an Internet message board, after her spouse’s attempt to reconnect with a lost love failed. “I know that he still has feelings for her,” she says. “The pain is so great sometimes I can barely breathe.”

 

Don’t want to listen to that no-name posting from some stranger that is unknown to you?

 

Well, this is from my wife’s email from two days ago and even as I post it here, my tears are running down my face. It hurts to read it but I want to share it with you because I don’t want you to end up in my place in the future

 

Sept 21 - Honey; I was and still am totally devastated and the pain, the pain was like something I had never felt. It was emotional but it was also physical and the need to cut or hurt myself was almost too strong to resist. One of the hardest parts has been to deal with the fact that I was so close to ending it all. How could I have even come to that point? How much do you have to hate yourself to want to end it all? I loved you so much that my world revolved around you, loving you, being with you, supporting you and making you happy... so much so that life without you just didn’t seem possible. I had to gather all my strength and it was while I was writing about Juilette (new granddaughter) that I realized that ending it all wasn’t the answer.

Then, that first time I read what you wrote about wishing me dead, I thought why the **** not? It would fix everyone’s problem. I wouldn’t feel any more hurt and you wouldn’t have me standing in your way of your happiness with the OP.

 

Luckily, I remembered I wasn’t the only person I should consider in making this decision. I guess the boys would get over it but Jess, that would totally destroy her and I couldn’t do that to her. She’s so young and has a long life ahead of her. It should be full of happiness and not **** like this to deal with. So, I have to believe I can move forward, whether that is with or without you and that no matter what, I will be happy.

 

How can this illusionary love with your XBF compete with the pain that your husband will feel when he discovers the EA? How do you balance the “giddy feelings” against the fact that your spouse might end up considering suicide to ease the pain that they feel. How can you?

 

If you really want to do the right thing for you, for your XBF and your husband, then walk away.

 

Institute NC now and work on your marriage.

 

Boundary One – No Contact ever again. No chats, no txting, no calls, no nothing.

 

Boundary two – Talk and Talk with your husband to rebuild your marriage.

 

Boundary three – Persevere with the Process – it will cost your tears but have courage.

 

Boundary four – Accept the Blame – the affair was/is your choice. How to handle the fallout from your affair is your husband’s decision.

 

Boundary five – No Destructive Behaviours – no drinking, no drugs, no anger rants

 

Boundary six - Stand Firm in your commitment.

 

I know that this is not “feel good” posting and I am not making judgement calls on your behaviour. All I know is that the vast majority of all “rekindling of old romances” does not work out like a fairy tale.

 

I guess if you can look your husband in the eyes tonight and calmly tell him that you are going to rip his happy little life apart into a zillon peices, then you can do this with a clear consceicne, but I suspect and hope that you can't and won't do that.

 

I posted this earlier today to another hurting WS on the SurvivingInfidelity site to provide a bit of courage and strengh, heaven knows I am looking for some on my bad days too. I hope it makes sense.

 

Wisdom from Dobler33 - People have affairs for myriad and varying reasons. Some are far sleazier than others, but the consequences are always the same - hurt, confusion, emotional trauma, the blowing apart of the foundations of your life

 

This is the reality of the world that you have woken up in today. It’s not a nice world. If you want out of this world, all of the members of SI are here to help. Listen to their words and respect them because each of us was once or perhaps even still is in the same place that you find yourself in today.

 

A pearl from Gamine - Make a decision and discipline yourself not to waver. Don’t be someone who stands for nothing. Stand for what you decide and back it with the full force of your character and conviction. Decide. Choose. Commit. Period.[/

 

This must be your new world. One in which you have the courage and commitment to your SO. No matter how much pain you will feel in this journey, be glad that’s it’s only a fraction of the pain that he felt over your affair.

 

A mantra from HUFI - Be Strong. Be Lion Strong. Roaar!

 

JRALove, if you are seriously looking for advice and guideance, then at the very least, listen to the first post on this thread. Treat it as a sign from God if you have to.

 

Same as Ladydesigner said, Save yourself from the pain of an EA or PA. It is absolutely the most painful experience I have ever had to endure in my life.

 

HUFI

[Bryanp]

How would you feel if your husband was doing to you behind your back what you are doing to him?

[JumpinJimmy]

Wow, thanks to HUFI for bleeding those tears all over us here. Dang, you have me sniffling, and I'm a heartless prick. With that said JRALove, what more do you need to know?

[FreezorBurn]

You have no Idea how much damage you are doing. You may not admit it, but your EA with this man is like a Siphon taking enery out of your marriage.

 

There is no dought you should end you EA and never ever talk to that man again.

 

PS people who leave there marriage for somone they had a EA with. Over 80% of those relationships fail. Look it up.

[Dark-Farmer]

From my experience your feelings are just lingering left over feelings. I strongly suspect that if you two did somehow get back together you would both realize it was a mistake.

 

From what you said and my interpritation is he broke up with you, with little reason (or a reason you did agree with or understand). This probably always left you wondering why or what if. In time even the person that did the breaking up might feel this way too.

 

But if you got together you would realize you are both probably very different people that what you "memory" still loves.

 

A tricky matter to which i have been on both ends.

[Dark-Farmer]

Unfortunately both times for me it had to run it's course for those realizations to click.

[JRALove]

Thank you everyone for you words of wisdom (especially HUFI...you brought tears to my eyes and I am so sorry you are going through so much). I obviously know that what I have been doing is a bad idea and I realized it before it even started. We had long conversations the first week we started chatting about rules and limits b/c we both knew where our conversations eventually would lead...all of which we threw out the window in a few short days. I absolutely hate that I am not rational when it comes to this man. I shouldn't even have the slightest twinge of a feeling for him after everything he put me through during our relationship, but no matter how hard I have tried those feelings never go away. I really wish I could see him again, just go to lunch so that I can see in person how much of this is actually real and how much is just in my head. I don't think that will ever happen though.

 

I know that we aren't going to be together. I know that I could never trust him. I want him to be a better man, which includes not leaving his family. I know that I have a good life, a good husband, a beautiful home, a good career...I really have everything I always wanted. I am not about to give up everything for him again. I think about what my life would have been like with him and it wouldn't have been half as good as what I have.

 

I do enjoy talking to him and I enjoy that he still desires me. I have resigned to the fact that I will always love him. I realize that my feelings for him probably stem from the fact that he was my first love, first sexual encounter, and he dumped me. It was a brutal break-up and I never truly got over it. I will not allow him to ruin my marriage and my life. I am going to stop chatting with him. It will be interesting to see how he reacts.

 

Thank you again, everyone, for helping me get my head on straight before this turned into a bigger problem.

[HUFI]

Thank you everyone for you words of wisdom (especially HUFI...you brought tears to my eyes and I am so sorry you are going through so much). I obviously know that what I have been doing is a bad idea and I realized it before it even started. We had long conversations the first week we started chatting about rules and limits b/c we both knew where our conversations eventually would lead...all of which we threw out the window in a few short days. I absolutely hate that I am not rational when it comes to this man. I shouldn't even have the slightest twinge of a feeling for him after everything he put me through during our relationship, but no matter how hard I have tried those feelings never go away. I really wish I could see him again, just go to lunch so that I can see in person how much of this is actually real and how much is just in my head. I don't think that will ever happen though.

 

I know that we aren't going to be together. I know that I could never trust him. I want him to be a better man, which includes not leaving his family. I know that I have a good life, a good husband, a beautiful home, a good career...I really have everything I always wanted. I am not about to give up everything for him again. I think about what my life would have been like with him and it wouldn't have been half as good as what I have.

 

I do enjoy talking to him and I enjoy that he still desires me. I have resigned to the fact that I will always love him. I realize that my feelings for him probably stem from the fact that he was my first love, first sexual encounter, and he dumped me. It was a brutal break-up and I never truly got over it. I will not allow him to ruin my marriage and my life. I am going to stop chatting with him. It will be interesting to see how he reacts.

 

Thank you again, everyone, for helping me get my head on straight before this turned into a bigger problem.

 

JRALove; I hope that you have the strength and conviction to follow through with your intentions.

 

I am a bit worried when I read “I really wish I could see him again” and “I enjoy that he still desires me” and the interesting remark of “It will be interesting to see how he reacts”.

 

I want to share a piece of advice I got sent to me after I joined.

 

Quote - HUFI, you're not totally accountable yet because you're still calling your cheating partner your "lost love." It is nauseating, quite honestly, that you're still romanticizing your OP. Perhaps you can get a little more on course by calling the OW what she is: the other woman. There's nothing romantic or special about cheating. The more you can do to de-romanticize it, the more quickly you'll reach indifference. Until then, you're still in the A in your head, and you will not be able to fully recover - End Quote

 

Well, I think that you are also romanticizing your old relationship. You’re also doing the old “what if” in your head and that’s bad because in our subconscious, our dreams usually turn out great because there are no such things as husbands, jobs, careers interfering with our fantasies.

 

You have to remind yourself that your XBF was a jerk back then and he is already prepared to have an emotional affair on his wife with you. He has already turned you into a cheater too. I know that you haven’t done anything yet but trust me; your husband is not going to see the fine distinction. . Remind yourself that love doesn't lie or deceive. Write this stuff down and read it a hundred times a day if you have to.

 

Fallen continued to tell me that he had a couple of little tricks to help me take my mind off the OP. You wear a rubber band around the wrist and snap it- hard- when your thoughts wander to the OP. (Your wrist might hurt a lot at first!) You can also visualize a stop sign when you get into one of those pining times. Finally, try shifting your focus from the XBF to how his wife and your husband will feel if this becomes a full blown affair. Make a purposeful shift of your mental focus to your husband and your marriage. If you find that you are still having feelings, you can try IC to see about dealing with those issues.

 

I hope that you can put him behind you and move on to building a stronger marriage with your husband.

 

Decide. Commit. Strength.

 

HUFI

[seibert253]

Thank you everyone for you words of wisdom (especially HUFI...you brought tears to my eyes and I am so sorry you are going through so much). I obviously know that what I have been doing is a bad idea and I realized it before it even started. We had long conversations the first week we started chatting about rules and limits b/c we both knew where our conversations eventually would lead...all of which we threw out the window in a few short days. I absolutely hate that I am not rational when it comes to this man. I shouldn't even have the slightest twinge of a feeling for him after everything he put me through during our relationship, but no matter how hard I have tried those feelings never go away. I really wish I could see him again, just go to lunch so that I can see in person how much of this is actually real and how much is just in my head. I don't think that will ever happen though.

 

I know that we aren't going to be together. I know that I could never trust him. I want him to be a better man, which includes not leaving his family. I know that I have a good life, a good husband, a beautiful home, a good career...I really have everything I always wanted. I am not about to give up everything for him again. I think about what my life would have been like with him and it wouldn't have been half as good as what I have.

 

I do enjoy talking to him and I enjoy that he still desires me. I have resigned to the fact that I will always love him. I realize that my feelings for him probably stem from the fact that he was my first love, first sexual encounter, and he dumped me. It was a brutal break-up and I never truly got over it. I will not allow him to ruin my marriage and my life. I am going to stop chatting with him. It will be interesting to see how he reacts.

 

Thank you again, everyone, for helping me get my head on straight before this turned into a bigger problem.

 

Send him a NC email. Simple; what we've been doing is wrong and I can no longer engage in this. Please do not contact me again, as I will not contact you.

 

If you just don't reply to his emails/IM's, he will continue to bother you and he may escalate his contact attempts.

[stillafool]

I started chatting online with my ex-boyfriend about a month ago. At first, it was just to catch up, but things have progressed into what I think is an emotional affair. I have been with my husband for 5 years and married almost 2 years. My ex-boyfriend was my first love, first just about everything. We lived together and I thought we would end up married. He ended it 8 years ago (wasn't ready for a bigger commitment) and I have never stopped loving him but tried to move on with my life. I have always considered him to be "the one." I love my husband, but not in the same way. After the pain of losing my ex, I was never able to open myself up again the same way I did with him. My husband is a wonderful man who does not deserve anything but the best from me. I have always felt awful about having these feelings for my ex, but I figured I had to move on with my life and needed to stop waiting on my ex.

 

Up until a month ago, we haven't had any contact in the past 3 years. Before that, we would chat/email on and off. He contacted me around the time that I moved in with my husband (bf at the time) wanting to know if I still thought of him, but I couldn't handle that discussion at that time. Then, I contacted him just before getting engaged, just to find out he was getting married THE NEXT DAY! It seems like we have always "checked" on each other before making big moves in our lives.

 

When we started chatting, it started off as just catching up on the past few years. Now, we both admit to missing each other horribly. Our conversations have turned sexual, but also very intimate. We have talked about what the "end game" is in this situation, but don't have any answers. He now lives across the country from me, so there is very little chance of physical contact unless one of us makes a major trip. Part of me thinks that this will have to just fizzle out after a little while and the other part of me wonders if this is the opportunity I prayed for for so many years.

 

I do honestly still love him and I have wished for many years that I didn't. It feels so good to know that he still has feelings for me as well. We are both married to good people and have good lives. This is completely out of character for me, as I have never cheated on anyone in my life. I would never do any of this with anyone other than him. He is feeling as conflicted as I am. I just wonder if he is ultimately the person I am suppose to be with. The thought of that just makes me want to cry for everyone involved.

 

 

No or you would be with him now. Your chance with him has passed and anything you do with him now is just fantasy. I have been where you are and take my advice - stop contact with him immediately. The more you talk the more obsessed with the "what could have beens" that are never going to be. It is not going to be easy to forget him but you must end contact with him in order to preserve what sweet memories you have now and in the past. If you continue as you are going you will end up losing his respect, more importantly the love and respect of your husband and you ex WILL NOT LEAVE HIS WIFE or life after the s--t hits the fan. You may think you don't love your h the way you love your ex but you will be surprised how much you do love him if he finds out you are betraying him. Let the past stay where it belongs - in the past.

[2.50 a gallon]

Please take the advice of a former player, you are being played.

 

Yep I was the first love of a couple of young women and I USED that attachment for years afterwards.

 

"Not ready for the big committment", I also used, "As soon as I get my degree", "If we're going to have kids, I am going to need a good permanent job" and a few more. These weren't totally lies at the time, as I did feel something and it was fun to reride the infatuation high.

 

Realisticly, I just wanted to re-establish my territory. I didn't want another guy playing with my boobs. As soon as the competition was driven off I would use one of the above excuses and move on.

 

His committment is the same as before. If he is serious and wants to commit then he will file for divorcem until that happens he is playing you again.

 

He has already hurt you several times, when are you going to learn.

[Meaplus3]

I started chatting online with my ex-boyfriend about a month ago. At first, it was just to catch up, but things have progressed into what I think is an emotional affair. I have been with my husband for 5 years and married almost 2 years. My ex-boyfriend was my first love, first just about everything. We lived together and I thought we would end up married. He ended it 8 years ago (wasn't ready for a bigger commitment) and I have never stopped loving him but tried to move on with my life. I have always considered him to be "the one." I love my husband, but not in the same way. After the pain of losing my ex, I was never able to open myself up again the same way I did with him. My husband is a wonderful man who does not deserve anything but the best from me. I have always felt awful about having these feelings for my ex, but I figured I had to move on with my life and needed to stop waiting on my ex.

 

Up until a month ago, we haven't had any contact in the past 3 years. Before that, we would chat/email on and off. He contacted me around the time that I moved in with my husband (bf at the time) wanting to know if I still thought of him, but I couldn't handle that discussion at that time. Then, I contacted him just before getting engaged, just to find out he was getting married THE NEXT DAY! It seems like we have always "checked" on each other before making big moves in our lives.

 

When we started chatting, it started off as just catching up on the past few years. Now, we both admit to missing each other horribly. Our conversations have turned sexual, but also very intimate. We have talked about what the "end game" is in this situation, but don't have any answers. He now lives across the country from me, so there is very little chance of physical contact unless one of us makes a major trip. Part of me thinks that this will have to just fizzle out after a little while and the other part of me wonders if this is the opportunity I prayed for for so many years.

 

I do honestly still love him and I have wished for many years that I didn't. It feels so good to know that he still has feelings for me as well. We are both married to good people and have good lives. This is completely out of character for me, as I have never cheated on anyone in my life. I would never do any of this with anyone other than him. He is feeling as conflicted as I am. I just wonder if he is ultimately the person I am suppose to be with. The thought of that just makes me want to cry for everyone involved.

 

Ok. Now seriously you need to end this ea and fast. As someone who had a very long ea with a MM I can tell you the sooner you end it the better off you will be. An EA can be just a stepping stone away from a full blown PA. Now do you want that? If your having issue's with your H, now is the time to get to the root of those issues. Cast this OM aside by going into NC mode. Your marriage comes first. So, OM= NC and H = communication. Do you follow this equation?

 

Mea:)

[jmargel]

I know that we aren't going to be together. I know that I could never trust him. I want him to be a better man, which includes not leaving his family. I know that I have a good life, a good husband, a beautiful home, a good career...I really have everything I always wanted. I am not about to give up everything for him again. I think about what my life would have been like with him and it wouldn't have been half as good as what I have.

 

and I have never stopped loving him but tried to move on with my life. I have always considered him to be "the one." I love my husband, but not in the same way. After the pain of losing my ex, I was never able to open myself up again the same way I did with him. My husband is a wonderful man who does not deserve anything but the best from me. I have always felt awful about having these feelings for my ex, but I figured I had to move on with my life and needed to stop waiting on my ex.

 

Selfish!! You take another person's life (your husbands) and continue to use and abuse him for your own selfish needs. You stay with your husband out of convience. You took another guy and settled with him, putting him under the idea that you truly love and adore him.

 

Twist it anyway you want, but this is the reality of it all. Then on top of that you cheat on him by having an affair (An emotional affair is just as bad, if not worse than a physical one). It's not that you don't want to get back with your ex, just right now is not the right time. It'll happen and it will also fail. You will then be regretting what you did.

 

I do enjoy talking to him and I enjoy that he still desires me. I have resigned to the fact that I will always love him. I realize that my feelings for him probably stem from the fact that he was my first love, first sexual encounter, and he dumped me. It was a brutal break-up and I never truly got over it. I will not allow him to ruin my marriage and my life. I am going to stop chatting with him. It will be interesting to see how he reacts

 

Again selfish. My ex-fiancee was my first love, my first sexual experience. I still talk to her, however my wife knows. I also know that I look at her in a totally different way now. She is a different person and I have no attraction or love for her. I don't hate her and wish her the best, but my heart has moved on. Living in the past denies you from having a great future.

 

Your husband DESERVES to know the truth. Right now he is living a lie and by you not telling him what happened, is not giving him the opportunity to make the choices he deserves to make. He deserves to be with someone who will love and treat him with dignity and respect. I can't think of anything worse to do to a spouse.

 

You didn't honor your vows, you betrayed them.

[Mz. Pixie]

I agree with J.

 

Thread jack- Hey JMargel- long time no "see"

[jmargel]

hi sweetie.. yep i know. just been busy, glad to be back.

[JB1]

Hey JRA,

 

You have to be mentally stronger than your emotions and I gather that you are taking big steps. Honestly though, if I were your husband and I found out, and I would find out, there would be hell-to-pay.

 

Just my $.02.

[HUFI]

JRALove;

 

Its been 6 days since your last post. I think we're all sitting around here with bated breath waiting for you to respond and give us the good news about going NC and recommitting to your marriage.

 

Come on gyrrl .. you can do it. Decide. Choose. Commit. Period.

[1Angel]

You really have two options, one is cut all contact with him. This means never speak to him again. You have to remove him from your life, otherwise you will always believe he is the one for you(which isn't true). The other option is to divorce your H and let him find someone that can love him.

 

Just so you know, your ex is looking for an affair and he knows he can count on you. When a guy that is in a relationship starts wanting action on the side, he goes for the women he knows he get. Thats why he looked you up. Trust me, he never wanted to catch up. Also, if you two get discovered he will toss you under the bus and make it seem like it was all you

 

PLEASE listen to this wise advice. You won't regret it.