EarthGirl Posted September 23, 2009 Posted September 23, 2009 A few question.s...I am very tired and haven't been sleeping well so I will just get to it and not make this all eloquent... Has anybody ever been in a situation where they were perpetually made to feel like the "other woman". I ask this..well my situation is a little unusual and believe me it would take me pages to explain it and I don't intend to it's personal, I will keep some things to myself...But nevertheless I have found myself continually being pegged as the other woman in regards to men in general, and also a particular man over and over again who tells ME that I am the only one for him, his soulmate, and the only girl he has ever truly loved. It is long distance right now, actually has been for quite a while, it's a long story and at this point I don't know if there is much hope for that to change again unfortunately. But I ask also because my sister has had "normal" dating relationships in that they were not online, but in person, and she attempted to date guys that did seem to be quite taken with her, but every time she seemed to end up the "other woman"...To the point that we are in our official "late" twenties now but she has never had a serious relationship, not because she has not fallen for anyone, and they have not fallen for her but because no guy has ever cared to make it "official"....Is it just timing? Like my sis happens to meet guys that she happens to have a chemistry with just at a moment in their lives when they are currently in another relationship already? She has also been the victim of what I believe is emotional abuse by one particular guy who has probably broken her heart the most and they have known eachother for years and he has been in and out of relationships, and yet even though he seemed by all accounts (he is a part of a circle of friends of our family) that he was/is crazy about her, he had every single time chosen another woman over her (while of course always getting back in touch with her periodically). Me personally I have seen the way he looks at her and also accidentally happened upon some love letters he wrote her in her drawer (it WAS an accident I swear, I was looking for something totally different to borrow, and only scanned them and put them back where I found them cause I knew it was wrong to read them but just a glance was enough to know that there were some serious feelings layed out there)... And I really feel in my gut that he does love her but he keeps her in "the other woman" position to keep power over her and downplay the power she actually has over him. It's harder however to think of my own situation that way because for one, it's more complicated than that, and for another, it's hard I guess for me to have the self esteem to think he might feel the same way but has some weird male emotional distance issues causing him to treat me the way he does. I never bought into the whole "he's just not that into you thing" life is so much more complicated than that, but when I think of my own situation I think I must just be rationalizing...It's hard to see our own stuff as clearly as others I think...but maybe I am seeing clear. Certainly not many people would stick around as long as I have and put up with so much. But the one thing that is really getting me is with my own stuff...That it has been quite a while (several years) that we have been apart physically and attempting on and off to keep a LDR with hopes of reuniting again when life circumstances permit (it seemed we have finally had our chance coming up this year for good hopefully but now I am so pissed at him that I think i am just done and never want to see him again)...And part of it wasn't just life circumstances though that has delayed us, but that he has hurt me numerous times (emotionally abusive, calling me names, etc. yes...abuse over the internet..and phone, it can be done) ...so I would shut down and cut him out...stop talking...just for him to come back begging later for forgiveness. And the worst thing is that he has kind of ganged up on me with his "real life girls" to humiliate me and they (yes, more than one, not at the same time) have harrassed me with emails and obviously he has told them a completely different story than what is actual reality. It has even gone so far that he has spread horrible untrue rumors about me to some of our mutual friends that I DO see occasionally in the real world in person....Fortunately when I explained my side, they believed me over him. I don't generally fight back because I feel that if he really loved me, HE would stand up for me. I don't do catfights. I have told him that a million times. I have professed my love for him in so many ways, stayed up so many nights talking to him when he was stressed or worried, even to the point of my own exhaustion, and shown him how far I am willing to go to have a real live physical relationship again. In my mind that should be enough. I don't do catfights, I won't fight to the death with some girl to show who is really bold enough for him and who really cares enough to get all bloody for him. It's completely humiliating. The worst thing of all is just that so much of what he has told people about our relationship is so twisted, that it's almost pure fiction. I have made a lot of mistakes too, I admit, but I have tried my best. But he just doesn't care about the truth he only cares about the story he can weave and how he can use it to his advantage. Ok, well that's enough of a saga for one night. One more kind of anecdotal question though... Do you think it means anything if a guy IS dating two girls and one of the girls is liked by all his guy friends and the other is hated and badmouthed by them, but the girl friends love her and adore her and get along with her? What I mean by girl friends is friends that are girls, not past ex's or even friends that are girls that are secret crushes (let's just say all of those hate the second girl as well but possibly actually kind of get along with the first)..but perhaps wives or girlfriends of his guy friends or old friends that he calls "sisters" that there is no romantic energy with, or perhaps actual blood related sisters. Let's just say it's pretty evenly boys versus girls (except for the ex's). I won't say which girl I am, I just think it's an interesting phenomenom. I'm not looking for validation of which is probably "right" for him. . but as a humorous thing wondering if the same thing has ever happened to anyone else.
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