Skyofstrife Posted September 22, 2009 Posted September 22, 2009 I'm devestated. My expartner and I have been broken up for almost 2 months. We keep talking. She wants to be friends...I DO TOO. But im the only one still in love with her..she says she loves me...more than her friends but isnt in love.She said if she was inlove with me that she wouldn't have left me. We share an apartment together. I'm a very jealous person. I didn't allow her to have friends because i was insecure. She would still talk to some either way ( good thing on her end im glad she did) I fear that I was so scared of losing her that i kept her in a box and ended up pushing her away! We both have issues..im jealous and controlling she gets mad and gives me silent treatments..etc...she moved away from her family to be with me, didn't like how I was and broke up with me. Im still paying rent there but i moved back to my parents....I just informed her that I would be breaking the lease. ( I cant stand knowing shes there chatting and talking to everyone else but me while its on my dime....) She says she wants me happy. I'm not happy right now and I agree. I ask her if we will get back together she always says : dont know: or " well see.." this confuses me I feel its HOPE for me. like maybe ONE day.....we were together for almost 2 years...long distance for most of it too. We only lasted about 4 months in person/living together...I'm always looking her up on myspace, facebook, twitter. It kills me. I always feel like shes talking to others with wrong intentions..and i know it shouldnt and isnt my business but i cant help it. ive been going to counseling for the past two weeks now. I can't handle it. I miss work a lot....i just graduated and finished my bachelors im scared. I dont want to lose great opportunities career wise because of this...i feel i dont have the strength to move forward. I have no support system. I need someone to talk to. I need guidance. I feel im losing it. We ended up sleeping together on Saturday. It felt nice just cuddling, hearing that she misses me, that she needed me. But when it comes down to it i hurt her too much. She still said she loves me but isnt in love with me...the next day I went back to the apt. and she was pissed because i didnt tell her i was coming over. She said im supposed to go away and get better and to heal. How do i heal? When i feel shes like a drug..addictive...yet the comedown is so horrible. Im' 22 and have a lot of issues for my age. I dont want to end up alone. I also dont want to one day feel like I messed up my chances with her forever..We had planned a life together. It was settled. Moving in together was the last step to our new life and we ruined it. Someoone please advice me....
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